so many interviews...how to work like this. yet i dun want to quit...like this job..yet i won't sacrifice interviews for it. it's afterall my future. totally conflicting. a trade-off must be made. i'll hate it if tt day comes. cannot really conc on work now...all this interview stuff weighing on my mind. awkwrd to ask for leave.


i really love u so much i won't believe it if u say u dunno. yet, do i have e courage to tell u in ur face? e trepidation of rejection is an odd mix with e anxiety to let u noe..to let u see to let u understand. so many scenes to make me think u feel something. yet so many to let me thnk u dun. Well u idiot....i hate to say this. but perhaps i said e truth during e SMU interview. i said i noe exactly wat i want in life. i doubt any amt of essays and interviews will allow me to pass ur test.


sometimes i just feel like crying...coz i feel tt i am undeserving of u...and i noe tt u feel undeserving of anyone. i asked u out to see stars again and again yet u say no. how i wish i cld make a wish on a shooting star while we are together at tt instant tt we may be together forever. Yet...i am too denied of tt chance. u wld take things from anyone except me...i am always ur last resort. u bought me a can of coke just to pay me off for my prez?? wat am i to u?? just an acct tt spews things on u tt u dun want but can't reject so u just credit tt acct back?


i want to speak to u. but i won't be able to find e words. my voice will catch in my throat and for once in my life, i lose my eloquence. I just stare at u and such a powerful emotion cluthes me tt i can't do any goddamn thing. i miss u. haven't seen u online since monday. it's been 4 days. i wonder if u ever noe how much u affect me...just by doing nothing...yet to me...ur doing nothing is my everything. once..u told me tt if u like a gal...u will tell her when e time is ripe. well..........i dunno. but i doubt u like me. and i want to find out. shall i entrust this task upon someone?? e.g. e only person who noes both of us and noes this (besides ting of coz)....


e resurfacing of mr photographer is not a gd sign i must say. i wld hate a triangle amongst ppl who noe this other and this will cause u great displeasure and stress....i wish not for it.


am i asking for too much?? so many ppl i have rejected...maybe it is heaven's will tt i will go thru e agony, e torture, e rejection and grow from it.

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