firstly i am happy. happy by choice. by decision. i choose to be happy so i am. when i am slightly happy i feel happy tt i am slightly happy and tt makes me happier...so my happiness snowballs...lol....madness huh.

okie. BIG qn. will i get attached to someone who makes me happy...hmmmm..gd qn too. i have no idea. i wonder if i will. so far ppl i like only make me unhappy coz i guess tt i put in too much into e r/s and i just feel e burn out. having realised a pattern, i have decided tt ppl i like nvr like me (and i mean nvr) perhaps there is something fundamentally wrong with e way i like a person. just tt perhaps i protray a not very attractive side towards ppl i fall for. hence, i must think abt wat i protray. lol...how abt a nosy gal who likes to sms them?? and keep saying tt she wishes for their happiness?? wat's wrong with tt?? lol...but maybe there is something wrong with tt so i shld change it. generally in e education sys...we call wat i am presently doing error analysis.

so y do ppl i'm ok frens with happen to fall for me?? let me find something in common with these ppl. 1. we talk online before we actually noe how e other person is like in real life. (i guess tt means i'm rather nice online?? coz they usu just see me in real life for less than 1 month before announcing they like me) 2. we're not exactly close frens but we talk online almost every nite coz we're just ppl who go online often (means oh no. i have a tendency to attract webchat addicts hohoho) 3.they are guys who dun bother asking me out on dates but just ask if i will be their gf (okie. impatient ppl....not gd) 4. i treat them generally as ppl i like crapping with and we really crap abt all kinda rubbish (maybe i'm attractive when i crap...hohoho)

tt's abt it. in conclusion...i shld crap more with ppl i like and talk less abt life and love and telling them to find their happiness and i will always support them. fine! weird world. and i miss rubin and qi and ting. though i see ting in sch all e time...so near yet so far. tt sounds like i have a crush on ting...lol...but really lahz...in sch there is just this distance there...cannot explain y...but when i go out with ting...e dist is gone...really weird. maybe it started when i became vp for our cca. maybe it has continued when i become e teacher. oh well. =) nvm. just get out of sch then.

and i'm really really blur. i planned stuff on fri and was so looking fwd to it...then i realised damnit...i'm giving tuition tt day...supposed to go watch constantine with ter somemore....i guess it's a movie date?? =) but aiyah cancelled...and supposed to meet up with teng suz kai lene von...visit lao shi's place to bai nian...wah liew.....also must cancel...hope they go on sat too...i so want to meet up with them..but can't cancel tuition...i cancel 2 sessions le..damn.....instincts tell me tt if i cancel again i can forget abt tt student...forever. lol. and must work harder make more money ahz. dunno if i can get a scholarship really. and i dun want to take my cousin's money and have her nag abt y pj was a bad choice for me. no way. even if i take on 5 students and spend most of my free time giving tuition...i still dun want a cent from her. stubborn. lol...always am always will be. have my principles i guess. no money from someone who will insult my sch. *proud pioneer* =) i noe pj is e best sch for me. cannot imagine wat will happen to me if i went to one of e so called branded schs...prob will be miserable and doing badly. i lurrrve pj. =)

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