on e way hm just now...i finally realised y i'm so tired after work...coz i'm not e kit i noe at work...suddenly i'm a nobody...suddenly my efforts do not seem to pay off coz in e eyes of e boss i'm just a student on vacation and tt will remain unchanged. i dun like that. i'm used to being e best...i'm used to being termed essential to the operating of things...my working 3 days a wk shows how dispensible i am...when peiyi or angela goes for lunch...they will ask e other to 'ding' first...somehow...my role is not impt enuf to warrant me saying tt...coz i am e student on vacation...of all e ppl working there i will do anything, serve customer, check stock, replenish stock, check incoming stock, fix e toys tt e customers take apart accidentally, offer sweets to e kids, be a cashier, take out e rubbish, get e water, iron e clothes, wrap e presents...everything...i can do wat they do...yet i am e student and tt equates me to being less...i dun like tt....i take e shortest breaks, take e least breaks dun even go to e toilet when it's not my break. i used my hard work to compensate for my lack of experience. and yes, i am on par with peiyi and angela in many areas although they have 4, 5 yrs exp...yet i am less coz i am e student.

i dun like tt. i shld get a job i love and do it. i need to feel impt. i need to feel part of operations. i need to have ppl compliment me for being e best. and i am used to being e best. since pri 1, i am taught tt i am the best.....i hated sec 1 and 2 just as i dislike my job now...coz i'm not recognized...wat's worse is tt in sec 1 and 2, i din try hard enuf....now i do, yet i am nothing. i wonder how ppl exist under gender and racial discrimination in other ctrys...i bet this is how e blacks felt in america...

i am nothing. yet bear me up a little longer....

dunno lahz...so sad....shld i still go work tmr??

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