hmmm
11.30.04 (4:43 am) [edit]
y i am feeling weird (poss causes):
1. maybe coz it's a post-exam sense of existential displacement?? like used to go to sch and followed a time table...now like no guidelines to life......but isn't tt gd?? opens up doors of poss.............so okie..strike 1 out.
2. coz spending too much time with shan?? lol...sounds like a weird reason..but hey!! i've been seeing her a lot more..but tt's gd too
3. thinking tt i will feel left out in choir coz i seem to be at a liminal position with regards to choir now?? maybe...plausible
4. hmmmm...maybe e most poss one...coz Y's been smsing me everyday?? like he will just sms me to make sure tt we are in touch kinda thing?? kinda feels weird in a way...like trying too hard?? like unnatural?? yet in a way...putting in too much effort sometimes makes things strained and fake in a way...like how he's being chummy with this fren so tt we can all go out together?? in a way............i dunno wat he wants as in Y....and i wonder if i want to find out. perhaps i dun, selfishly dun...coz i dun feel like explaining so much to him...i guess tt i just want us to go back to our old natural ways.....not trying too hard...going by feel...and just being contented with being special frens and thining tt things won't change.
tt brought me to realise one thing...y me and da seem closer now...coz i stopped trying...ironically yes. sometimes......when one party or both parties try too hard...often e result seems fake, arranged, unnatural and discomforting at times..........thinking back...maybe u will realise tt ur fav moments from a r/s are when 2 ppl are just so comfortable with each other...if u ask me which is e memory i rem most and cherish e most from corn...it was when we ran into each other at e staircase like almost banged into each other...and we just stood there motionless not knowing wat to do...it was like a moment of loss, no pretense no nothing...a moment of why were we stunned there by each other...when i think abt da it was e moment when he will just offer me his food or drink or something...a very comfy and cosy feeling bahz....thinking back to qi, ting, shan it was when we all just sat at e merlion area at esplanade and looked at e sea...of je e period at chiangmai...when we will just say gd morning to each other............
very simple rite?? i'm a person who goes for simple things i guess.....trying too hard just complicates things and i dun want things to be complicated bahz...i like e unassuming feeling me and Y has...it's a very comfy and cosy feeling in a way....not exactly a romantic feeling nor a frenly feeling...just a comfy feeling...a comfy feeling in a liminal zone...and i think tt rox. =) but i'm sure we'll go back to tt feeling....i'm certain.
1. maybe coz it's a post-exam sense of existential displacement?? like used to go to sch and followed a time table...now like no guidelines to life......but isn't tt gd?? opens up doors of poss.............so okie..strike 1 out.
2. coz spending too much time with shan?? lol...sounds like a weird reason..but hey!! i've been seeing her a lot more..but tt's gd too
3. thinking tt i will feel left out in choir coz i seem to be at a liminal position with regards to choir now?? maybe...plausible
4. hmmmm...maybe e most poss one...coz Y's been smsing me everyday?? like he will just sms me to make sure tt we are in touch kinda thing?? kinda feels weird in a way...like trying too hard?? like unnatural?? yet in a way...putting in too much effort sometimes makes things strained and fake in a way...like how he's being chummy with this fren so tt we can all go out together?? in a way............i dunno wat he wants as in Y....and i wonder if i want to find out. perhaps i dun, selfishly dun...coz i dun feel like explaining so much to him...i guess tt i just want us to go back to our old natural ways.....not trying too hard...going by feel...and just being contented with being special frens and thining tt things won't change.
tt brought me to realise one thing...y me and da seem closer now...coz i stopped trying...ironically yes. sometimes......when one party or both parties try too hard...often e result seems fake, arranged, unnatural and discomforting at times..........thinking back...maybe u will realise tt ur fav moments from a r/s are when 2 ppl are just so comfortable with each other...if u ask me which is e memory i rem most and cherish e most from corn...it was when we ran into each other at e staircase like almost banged into each other...and we just stood there motionless not knowing wat to do...it was like a moment of loss, no pretense no nothing...a moment of why were we stunned there by each other...when i think abt da it was e moment when he will just offer me his food or drink or something...a very comfy and cosy feeling bahz....thinking back to qi, ting, shan it was when we all just sat at e merlion area at esplanade and looked at e sea...of je e period at chiangmai...when we will just say gd morning to each other............
very simple rite?? i'm a person who goes for simple things i guess.....trying too hard just complicates things and i dun want things to be complicated bahz...i like e unassuming feeling me and Y has...it's a very comfy and cosy feeling in a way....not exactly a romantic feeling nor a frenly feeling...just a comfy feeling...a comfy feeling in a liminal zone...and i think tt rox. =) but i'm sure we'll go back to tt feeling....i'm certain.