hmmm
11.05.04 (5:35 am) [edit]
feel like i haven't updated for eons...but at most few days bahz..LOL....well..i wonder wat really is for me...my interests and abilities are so diverse i dunno wat to specialize in and this world speaks of developing on comparative advantages...wat's mine?? suddenly i feel like doing philo..must have been e quotes and e awfully philo nature of e GP exam......i considered econs and realised tt i wld be one of e throngs of econs grads.. although econs is interesting...i realised tt i am different...special in a way..just not ur conventional student..i realised tt thru my GP essay.
just now cw told me abt how he is sick of giving and not getting anything back in return...tt made me think of myself...everynite i sit by e window with e chiling nite breeze and gaze up into e sky......everynite i nvr fail to look into e sky and wonder how corn's doing. everynite. then i wld look into e sky and pray for corn's happiness and nowadays, i pray for Y's too. i pray for their happiness coz i can't give them their happiness..so i can only do wat lil i can for them...cw told me he cldn't tell v to go for khim...well....i tot of how i time and again ask corn to faster get married. not coz i secretly wished for anything for myself...but coz i wished for his happiness. then one day i stopped. coz i realised tt perhaps he won't be happy with his marriage..wat if. so all i ask of him now is tt he be happy. i'm willing to give and give and give and ask for nothing to return. and in fact, i dun expect of want anything in return..coz i dun want to burden him with having to give me anything neither do i want him to feel like he owes me. perhaps i haven't been hurt enuf.....cw, Y, da they're all so afraid to give in a way..esp Y......he can only tell me abt how he doesn't believe in getting attached anymore...abt how e gals nvr loved him. perhaps, he nvr loved them. but i nvr told him tt i think tt lahz...all his ex so far asked him to be with them...he nvr asked...he nvr loved, he merely assessed them as a judge wld and decide okie. perhaps at e end of e day they initiated e breaks coz they felt he nvr loved.
today, i mentioned tt ppl dunnit to get attached to have an exclusive and special r/s.....i tot of me and Y and me and corn when i said tt......but there's a fundamental diff...i noe tt when corn gets married i will cry..from both happiness and sadness happiness for him and sadness for e fullstop it wld signify.........but if Y get attached...i'll be genuinely happy for him coz he overcame his psychological obstacle...maybe i may feel slightly jealous and tease him abit..but i guess tt my love for him is more of a sisterly thing bahz.....
i realised tt i wld climb a mt for corn if i had to. but i wldn't climb tt same mt for anyone else. just tt e degree of feelings is diff bahz. maybe one day i will love someone just as much. waiting for tt day to come. =)
just now cw told me abt how he is sick of giving and not getting anything back in return...tt made me think of myself...everynite i sit by e window with e chiling nite breeze and gaze up into e sky......everynite i nvr fail to look into e sky and wonder how corn's doing. everynite. then i wld look into e sky and pray for corn's happiness and nowadays, i pray for Y's too. i pray for their happiness coz i can't give them their happiness..so i can only do wat lil i can for them...cw told me he cldn't tell v to go for khim...well....i tot of how i time and again ask corn to faster get married. not coz i secretly wished for anything for myself...but coz i wished for his happiness. then one day i stopped. coz i realised tt perhaps he won't be happy with his marriage..wat if. so all i ask of him now is tt he be happy. i'm willing to give and give and give and ask for nothing to return. and in fact, i dun expect of want anything in return..coz i dun want to burden him with having to give me anything neither do i want him to feel like he owes me. perhaps i haven't been hurt enuf.....cw, Y, da they're all so afraid to give in a way..esp Y......he can only tell me abt how he doesn't believe in getting attached anymore...abt how e gals nvr loved him. perhaps, he nvr loved them. but i nvr told him tt i think tt lahz...all his ex so far asked him to be with them...he nvr asked...he nvr loved, he merely assessed them as a judge wld and decide okie. perhaps at e end of e day they initiated e breaks coz they felt he nvr loved.
today, i mentioned tt ppl dunnit to get attached to have an exclusive and special r/s.....i tot of me and Y and me and corn when i said tt......but there's a fundamental diff...i noe tt when corn gets married i will cry..from both happiness and sadness happiness for him and sadness for e fullstop it wld signify.........but if Y get attached...i'll be genuinely happy for him coz he overcame his psychological obstacle...maybe i may feel slightly jealous and tease him abit..but i guess tt my love for him is more of a sisterly thing bahz.....
i realised tt i wld climb a mt for corn if i had to. but i wldn't climb tt same mt for anyone else. just tt e degree of feelings is diff bahz. maybe one day i will love someone just as much. waiting for tt day to come. =)