tt's quite a jump..hmmmm...tt can only mean one thing..someone tried to hack me..LOL...da's online...i certainly hope tt person is him...i wish tt he wld hack me..LOL...he's like in his quiet mood tonite..i wonder if he's busy or just being quiet..and he got quite a nice new display pic..one tt looks cheerful at least..LOL..maybe i show too much initiative in conversations but i seem to be doing 80% of e talking...sigh...scorpios *shakes head* tt's y nicer to talk to von..heez........

i realised tt i can imagine a future with him....can even imagine myself a mother..LOL...just feels great...i can imagine him weeping drunk in e nite and me hugging him quietly asking not to noe y but asking if i can just stay there to comfort him.....gentleness has nvr been my forte...not in this lifetime at least...but for him...i feel tt sense of wanting to just be there for him and with him...i just did another gentle thing...i smsed him gdnite coz i was afraid i wld disrupt wat he's doing on his com if i said nitez on msn...it's weird...but i nvr knew tt part of me existed...i chose not to crack a joke coz i was afraid tt it wld upset him and i held my tongue...i have always been afraid..coz e person who can hurt u e most is e person who is e closest to u...coz they noe where it hurts...i knew where it wld hurt him today and i held my tongue...i wanted to much to say e joke..to ask him abt tt gal...but i din...coz i knew tt it might upset him...i guess tt it's just diff......i wish tt God wld take away his money and give him e same amt of happiness...i just tt in e end..i just want him to be happy...and i just hope tt one day be it joy or sorrow we can share it together...

tt day cw asked me whether i am ready for a r.s...at tt pt in time when he asked i wanted to say yes but something held me back...uncertainty...fear?? i din noe at tt time...but now..thinking back...i realised tt if cw asked e same qn today i will ans yes, i'm ready....hmmmm...i'm ready coz i can envision a future..and i am ready coz i am ready to work for tt future...i want something simple...and i guess tt he wants something simple...something tt will involve pocket money tt is actually liquid...something tt will involve parks and picnics and walking along orchard in e evenings...something tt will involve driving down e sts at nite with wound down windows and blasting music...=) sounds nice huh...i wonder if he's willing to work towards tt future with me....'A's are coming..after tt...i guess tt i can ask him anything..tell him anything..i'm waiting to hear how he got attached to his last ex...perhaps.............tt will give me an idea of a line of action...at least tt was his most amicable break....did u noe tt von...who knew him since sec sch didn't even noe he had 3 exs?? well.........=) i noe him better then. somehow. someway. somehope. somefuture?

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