lalala
10.12.04 (12:24 pm) [edit]
feeling happier ahz...cw told me some chim theory abt how my happiness cld just be a normal happy or it's a since i can do nothing abt it happy..LOL...dunno...dun really care also..listening to budak pantai's 'my cherie amour' now..happy song...i guess tt e songs i listen to influence my moods as well..
well...typical sianz nite..so i did some music reviews for cw...and da mentioned something abt a blog!! i bet it's filled with sadness..sigh...dunno wat to say abt him also...me and cw were talking abt scorpios tt day...a grp of ppl who think too much..somemore da labels me as tt..bleahz...i sent him 'blind painter'...all he does is keep saying it's nice..LOL..i just knew tt he wld like it...and he mentioned tt my fav word seems to be 'melancholic'...tt's true...coz lit essays cannot write sad mahz..so i keep writing melancholic lorz...i think it's a musical word...LOL...
suddenly i tot of charlene...in sec 4...once she told me tt when i'm sad i still laff and smile...when i'm sad i shld just express it and cry or something...tt's like a deficiency in my char i guess...totally diff from da...when i'm sad...i'll just carry on with life as if nothing is wrong..but da will just sit at some corner and be sad and do nothing else except feel sorry for himself...he's like my oppo which might explain y i fell for him..LOL...talking abt tt with him now...how i wld laff and smile in e presence of ppl then feel sad when i'm alone..tt's y i hate to be alone.....and i feel like da's opening up now...he's saying tt he likes to act happy and stuff coz it gives him a nice special feeling although it hurts...we're also oppos coz i act happy more than him..but he likes acting more than me...we're oppos coz i dun want to get used to things tt i dun like..like all these acting happy and having e hangover effect thing...but he just accepts things as usual and doesn't want to change them...i realised tt talking to da helps me get to noe myself more than i get to noe him...i told him tt i'm like running a race against sadness..when i'm alone..sadness catches up.........
amazing..i nvr knew so much abt myself until i talk to him..weird..it's almost like he's a mirror for me...but he is a diff..yet he reflects a inner me tt i somehow neglect...maybe i spend too much of my time running..running for success in cca stuff running to keep up with work...running towards happiness...so much so tt i allow e sadness to run behind me and nvr confronts it...when i stop to rest at nite..i see it more sharply than i would if i confront it while i walk thru life instead of run...maybe tt's y i had tt stupid slowdown campaign in class tt day...i wanted to walk slowly for one day..LOL..and i failed...LOL..coz still walk fast...habit bahz...i also dunno how to help myself....maybe da's rite...get used to it lorz...maybe everyone has a 'personality defect'...at least me and da lahz...i told him tt he's my mirror...and he said tt he's a broken mirror...and i told him tt even if he's a broken mirror, he reflects me (like how many ppl can do tt??) i told him tt tmr i'll prob go back to being crazy...and he says tt it's a gd habit...seems like a bad habit to me...i guess tt things are a matter of perception...=p...and da doesn't like ppl to read and understand him?? LOL...i wish tt ppl will just understand me and tell me things i dunno abt myself...total oppo..i think our chars need a switch rite now...
hmmm...things are weird..talking to da and cw and justin now...justin sounds like some lil boy like 5 or 6 trying to skip napfa..cw sounds like a teen..and da sounds like e most mature...LOL...weird world...oh yah..JE!! u ignoring me tonite izzit?? i knew u were playing daidee...but u told me u were watching tv and then ignored me!! sigh...okie lahz..i very not ke ai one...i won't pretend to not noe wat i noe...and da just said tt my char is not favourable to his life..LOL!! and he gtg le...next time then tell me in more details which aspects of my char are not favourable if he has them...LOL...he's just different...he's like e only guy i noe who actually wld tell me something like tt..everyone else will just say tt i'm nice or sweet or helpful or cute or something...he says tt some aspects of my char are not favourable as his in his life!! LOL!!!!!! no choice. but speaking to him does make me feel better abt myself and understand myself more........is this true communication?? we dun crap much..but our conversations are usu deep...is this TRUE communication????? but i still feel like i can't really communicate with him..and he thinks he's too readable..LOL......okie! now scenes of e way he looks like me with those puppy eyes flash into my mind...at fish&co and e canteen......fish&co still can understand coz he wanted to go clubbing and no one wld go with him so he tried to beg me with those eyes..LOL..canteen.......i dun understand...maybe he was just trying to act cute..dunno...must adopt e da approach then..'dunno. dun care' approach....=) and i guessed it..his 'rar! choir' was not a happy rar but a wth rar...=) getting to noe him more...but he doesn't want to be readable...yet he wishes for someone to understand him...weird conflicting char...like me!! no choice.
well...typical sianz nite..so i did some music reviews for cw...and da mentioned something abt a blog!! i bet it's filled with sadness..sigh...dunno wat to say abt him also...me and cw were talking abt scorpios tt day...a grp of ppl who think too much..somemore da labels me as tt..bleahz...i sent him 'blind painter'...all he does is keep saying it's nice..LOL..i just knew tt he wld like it...and he mentioned tt my fav word seems to be 'melancholic'...tt's true...coz lit essays cannot write sad mahz..so i keep writing melancholic lorz...i think it's a musical word...LOL...
suddenly i tot of charlene...in sec 4...once she told me tt when i'm sad i still laff and smile...when i'm sad i shld just express it and cry or something...tt's like a deficiency in my char i guess...totally diff from da...when i'm sad...i'll just carry on with life as if nothing is wrong..but da will just sit at some corner and be sad and do nothing else except feel sorry for himself...he's like my oppo which might explain y i fell for him..LOL...talking abt tt with him now...how i wld laff and smile in e presence of ppl then feel sad when i'm alone..tt's y i hate to be alone.....and i feel like da's opening up now...he's saying tt he likes to act happy and stuff coz it gives him a nice special feeling although it hurts...we're also oppos coz i act happy more than him..but he likes acting more than me...we're oppos coz i dun want to get used to things tt i dun like..like all these acting happy and having e hangover effect thing...but he just accepts things as usual and doesn't want to change them...i realised tt talking to da helps me get to noe myself more than i get to noe him...i told him tt i'm like running a race against sadness..when i'm alone..sadness catches up.........
amazing..i nvr knew so much abt myself until i talk to him..weird..it's almost like he's a mirror for me...but he is a diff..yet he reflects a inner me tt i somehow neglect...maybe i spend too much of my time running..running for success in cca stuff running to keep up with work...running towards happiness...so much so tt i allow e sadness to run behind me and nvr confronts it...when i stop to rest at nite..i see it more sharply than i would if i confront it while i walk thru life instead of run...maybe tt's y i had tt stupid slowdown campaign in class tt day...i wanted to walk slowly for one day..LOL..and i failed...LOL..coz still walk fast...habit bahz...i also dunno how to help myself....maybe da's rite...get used to it lorz...maybe everyone has a 'personality defect'...at least me and da lahz...i told him tt he's my mirror...and he said tt he's a broken mirror...and i told him tt even if he's a broken mirror, he reflects me (like how many ppl can do tt??) i told him tt tmr i'll prob go back to being crazy...and he says tt it's a gd habit...seems like a bad habit to me...i guess tt things are a matter of perception...=p...and da doesn't like ppl to read and understand him?? LOL...i wish tt ppl will just understand me and tell me things i dunno abt myself...total oppo..i think our chars need a switch rite now...
hmmm...things are weird..talking to da and cw and justin now...justin sounds like some lil boy like 5 or 6 trying to skip napfa..cw sounds like a teen..and da sounds like e most mature...LOL...weird world...oh yah..JE!! u ignoring me tonite izzit?? i knew u were playing daidee...but u told me u were watching tv and then ignored me!! sigh...okie lahz..i very not ke ai one...i won't pretend to not noe wat i noe...and da just said tt my char is not favourable to his life..LOL!! and he gtg le...next time then tell me in more details which aspects of my char are not favourable if he has them...LOL...he's just different...he's like e only guy i noe who actually wld tell me something like tt..everyone else will just say tt i'm nice or sweet or helpful or cute or something...he says tt some aspects of my char are not favourable as his in his life!! LOL!!!!!! no choice. but speaking to him does make me feel better abt myself and understand myself more........is this true communication?? we dun crap much..but our conversations are usu deep...is this TRUE communication????? but i still feel like i can't really communicate with him..and he thinks he's too readable..LOL......okie! now scenes of e way he looks like me with those puppy eyes flash into my mind...at fish&co and e canteen......fish&co still can understand coz he wanted to go clubbing and no one wld go with him so he tried to beg me with those eyes..LOL..canteen.......i dun understand...maybe he was just trying to act cute..dunno...must adopt e da approach then..'dunno. dun care' approach....=) and i guessed it..his 'rar! choir' was not a happy rar but a wth rar...=) getting to noe him more...but he doesn't want to be readable...yet he wishes for someone to understand him...weird conflicting char...like me!! no choice.