hmmmm
09.16.04 (4:52 am) [edit]
welll............was feeling happy until a strange sense of jealousy creeped into me. i noe tt nothing is going on betwn u all...both of u have told me tt so many times...but i can't help feeling jealous everytime i read dee's blog....talk abt e gd things first bahz
well......i had a nice lunch with my mom..me and dad laffed at her cooking...it really looked horrendous lahz..her shun pan zi soooooooo big lahz..and i hate yam anyway~ then i ate with mom at e table..dun rem e last time i ate at e table..it was a nice warm lovey dovey feeling...family warmth~ LOL...i want to rem it for e rest of my life coz i dunno when will be e last time i get to do it...e warmth then made me think of how sad i will be when i lose it....dunno..life and death are predestined...e only thing i can do is cherish e time i have left with them
welllllll...i'm still reading e novel...real nice..think i will read it again after this first round...there's a line there tt particularly struck me...clare asked henry's dad if he will rather be really happy and then lose it or just be okie...okie! i found e pg..pg269.. "But don't you think that it's better to be extremely happy for a short while, even if u lose it than to be just okay for your whole life?" i rem myself pondering over tt qn when i was 16 and 17....now i'm 18 and still unsure of e ans......well.....when i was 16..i wld choose e short-lived happiness...coz at tt time..i felt tt nothing is as impt as love...e love i felt for corn and e love he felt for me wld suffice for my whole life even if i lose him in e end. at 17...i tot..well..i wonder if i have lost him bcoz we do talk less but somehow we still seem to be on each others' minds often (and sis spoilt my souvenir..LOL)...at 18...i realised tt e short-lived happiness becomes a ghost or a shadow tt trails u everywhere u go.....and having a shadow over u crowds out ur happiness......now...i am still thinking....e impulsive me will choose e short-lived happiness while e mature me will say tt it's like drinking alcohol and feeling high after which u sink into a period of low which is e hangover.....well.......i guess tt i will still choose e happiness in e end coz it is e temptation which i will succumb to. it's something i cannot run away from.
okie..........well..e da thing..wat else is new. and me and sis like not really talking?? sigh~ hard to maintain r/s....i have yet to tell her abt da..i think it's a logical step to take though...coz 1. she will be able to give me gd advice on da counselling him wise..getting him to open up etc 2. she's my sis..shld tell her things and i want to tell her as well but e prob lies in e fact tt i dun want to burden her already complicated love life with my already complicated love life...e collision of 2 lives is nvr easy
currently drinking pepsi twist........i asked dan e qn on happiness..he chooses to be okie his whole life...then i realised tt this shadow hanging over me is called memories...and i hope nvr to forget them. even until now.....i must still admit tt corn has a special place in my heart...i wonder how he's doing..i'll talk to him after my prelims...time to pester him abt his engagement...time he got married...rite now...i dun trust engagements...all going awry
well......i had a nice lunch with my mom..me and dad laffed at her cooking...it really looked horrendous lahz..her shun pan zi soooooooo big lahz..and i hate yam anyway~ then i ate with mom at e table..dun rem e last time i ate at e table..it was a nice warm lovey dovey feeling...family warmth~ LOL...i want to rem it for e rest of my life coz i dunno when will be e last time i get to do it...e warmth then made me think of how sad i will be when i lose it....dunno..life and death are predestined...e only thing i can do is cherish e time i have left with them
welllllll...i'm still reading e novel...real nice..think i will read it again after this first round...there's a line there tt particularly struck me...clare asked henry's dad if he will rather be really happy and then lose it or just be okie...okie! i found e pg..pg269.. "But don't you think that it's better to be extremely happy for a short while, even if u lose it than to be just okay for your whole life?" i rem myself pondering over tt qn when i was 16 and 17....now i'm 18 and still unsure of e ans......well.....when i was 16..i wld choose e short-lived happiness...coz at tt time..i felt tt nothing is as impt as love...e love i felt for corn and e love he felt for me wld suffice for my whole life even if i lose him in e end. at 17...i tot..well..i wonder if i have lost him bcoz we do talk less but somehow we still seem to be on each others' minds often (and sis spoilt my souvenir..LOL)...at 18...i realised tt e short-lived happiness becomes a ghost or a shadow tt trails u everywhere u go.....and having a shadow over u crowds out ur happiness......now...i am still thinking....e impulsive me will choose e short-lived happiness while e mature me will say tt it's like drinking alcohol and feeling high after which u sink into a period of low which is e hangover.....well.......i guess tt i will still choose e happiness in e end coz it is e temptation which i will succumb to. it's something i cannot run away from.
okie..........well..e da thing..wat else is new. and me and sis like not really talking?? sigh~ hard to maintain r/s....i have yet to tell her abt da..i think it's a logical step to take though...coz 1. she will be able to give me gd advice on da counselling him wise..getting him to open up etc 2. she's my sis..shld tell her things and i want to tell her as well but e prob lies in e fact tt i dun want to burden her already complicated love life with my already complicated love life...e collision of 2 lives is nvr easy
currently drinking pepsi twist........i asked dan e qn on happiness..he chooses to be okie his whole life...then i realised tt this shadow hanging over me is called memories...and i hope nvr to forget them. even until now.....i must still admit tt corn has a special place in my heart...i wonder how he's doing..i'll talk to him after my prelims...time to pester him abt his engagement...time he got married...rite now...i dun trust engagements...all going awry