deja vu...talking to lunny now..she's telling me abt this really sweet guy who likes her..LOL..happy for her..rem wat i tot of in chiangmai?? 'anyone can love u..and u can love anyone...but not anyone can give u happiness'..yes..i still believe in it..maybe coz i like running in e oppo direction after a while...wat lunny said made me think of JE..but yupz..i guess he doesn't like me in tt way anymore?? dug up many memories...kinda sweet mems tt i will always cherish and rem..thanks JE..sometimes i may not appear to pay much attention to u..just as i wldn't pay much attention to a pillar in my house...but as i look ard e house..at e sofa tt i feel so vital to me..e TV tt entertains me...e bed tt i am so convinced is my life-sustaining force..i often overlook this pillar of mine...w/o this pillar...maybe my house wld cease to exist..my dad is rite..i nvr was a grateful gal........i noe at least 10 instances whereby things betwn us wld have turned out diffly but anyway they din happen. i will always rem chiangmai though..e nice feeling of saying morning everyday to u..e really sweet thing u did to 'see stars' with me...e way u seem so appalled by dom when i noe tt u're not tt disgusted by him really. e mahjong...e turbulence when i did think of u....well...sometimes memories are like photos...u think tt they are really really impt..and u put them nicely away...and after a while..when u really want them...u dun rem where u put them...tt's abit like how i'm feeling now i guess...

my day today was great though...studied in sch and haj nad ming then grace rubin weijie. kinda crazy day. made alot of noise. keep teasing wj and yl..no basis one lorz..but damn funny. thanks frens for e lovely times tt i will keep as mental photos in my mind..my brain is e best digicam in this world..keeping memories of all u pple...all these memories do form e tapestry of my life.

i just realised something..many r/s cannot be defined. just realised tt from Y's sms...i dunno wat we are..but i am comfy with tt. true..it places me in a dilemna..it's either guilt due to H or awkwardness and guilt in revealing his number and stuff...well i......sometimes dunno where to start..how to choose. but it is a special undefined r/s and i can't say tt i mind it coz i see it as a special form of frenship rite now......very special and uniquely mine. not love. not infatuation. a special frenship =)
as for da...i wish for alot..but e same special frenship will suffice.......i just want to help..must keep reiliterating tt. me and da...an overtly defined r/s, restricting me to noeing all e rules and regulations to play e game with. i dun like tt.

i just told lunny an interesting thing abt myself..i seem to tread so precautiously in this..as if it is thin ice..hello?? i'm me lahz...is it likely tt i will get too depressed coz i fall out of love?? prob is me ditch e guy somemore..so y am i thinking so much abt everything?? i take like 3 months to think abt whether to get attached lahz..by then e person will just take it as a no..LOL...just me..think too much......cannot be helped bahz.........i dunno i dunno..dun want to think abt my retardedness..but i guess i am satisfied with my situation now...just tt hope i can help da more...but a special fren..a pillar..an ancient memory..beautiful memories involving crez...a table..smses...a bridge...a cert...YMCA...YMCA...my place of mems...has corn vege da. a tree...a rock wall...smsing somemore...4th floor at pj..benches..msn...chiangmai..breakfasts...viewing stars...turbulence...fish and co..fireworks...more msning...tt's enuf for me..i am not selfish..tt's alot of memories...........i noe tt sometimes i hurt pple...but i mean every word tt i say......and i will fulfill every promise tt i make...i promised to always be there to 3 pple in this life...corn. JE and da. i promised and i will keep my promise...i want to be a pillar to these pple...

to ting qi sis lunny Y teng kai von lene suzan rubin sam shaz..although shaz teng Y kai von lene suzan ting qi and sis dun read this..LOL.........i also promise tt if u all need me...i will always be there...

love,
kit