NEEDS
09.02.04 (7:09 am) [edit]
i NEED to study for prelims damn hard so tt pj will employ me and i can bk a place at SMU just for fun and i can get a nice dec job and tell my relatives my prelims results
i NEED to study for 'A's for my lifelong happiness..this i can control
i NEED is write my bk of quotes which will hopefully be published so i can earn some quick cash to support my edu and hopefully get recognised by some loser who will sponsor my uni
i NEED to work hard for my dream of AVP of some respectable company. e coporate world..is it e place for me..i dunno......but worth a shot..hard to be a diplomat lahz..to be a gd one and get e opps really need to be some scholar
i NEED to brush up my chi which i have rather forgotten..can't write so many words now...how to compete against e cheena and together with e cheena next time?? raj's chinacentric...which e correct word shld be sinocentric view is not entirely wrong...and being chi..a chi in sg who can actually converse in chi..i am at an natural adj...
i NEED to be strong for so many pple..for my frens..for my teachers..for sis. i rem wat ozzie said. if i give up...he also give up le...therefore i cannot give up...i rem wat boh said 'failure is not an option' i rem dennis and his war talk..in a war....e only option really is success...and all obstacles must be cleared away.
i NEED to forget all these...all these mess..i agree tt i dunno wat i want..tt prob means tt i dun love u enuf to noe tt i want u as certainly as i wished. i dun like being confused by pple entering thru cracks in my heart after i boot them out. i need to clear my heart. make it whole again and make it quiet once again...true. u can give me happiness. lifelong happiness..e life i want. true. i cannot refute tt. but i cannot put all my hopes and time and energy into u...coz u will prob fail me. i have all my life to wait for u. coz i dun think u will really ever find someone u find able to connect to u whom u will want to marry. i have another 10 yrs. but will i spend it on u or find someone else i dunno. i dun want to speak like this is some contract...but i have to..coz u think in contractual ways and i do too.
i NEED to do so much...so so much...and i am afraid...tt i NEED to keep u out till i noe wat to do abt u. i dunnit anyone to support me...i told my dad tt today. he doesn't like it when i come hm late..and i hate it when he compares me to shan...shan...e one who goes hm str after sch..then studies and zzz by 11..tt shan. i am not shan. i lead a life tt will be diff from her..i can imagine shan..go uni study her social work kinda thing...marry her uni classmate...have lotsa kids..housewife...i can imagine tt..a gal who won't ever come hm after midnite in her life. tt shan. i am not...in e future...i will be e one out there till after midnite...driving hm in a car with wound down windows feeling e nite breeze...turning up my stereo...reaching hm to an apartment with only myself...turning on e stereo..drowning out my loniless... switching on my laptop..grabbing some soft drink and typing out emails to biz assocs in other ctrys...sleeping only at 2 am and waking up at 7 to another hectic day...tt's e shell i choose to hide behind coz tt is e path tt is e most open to me...maybe...i will find some guy tt i love enuf to make me come hm by 11...have some homely dinner together with a few kids tt will make a lot of noise coz after all they will take abit after me...LOL...maybe. i dunno. but i guess tt all in all...e coporate world is where i will shine. maybe i'm not as simple as i seem then. maybe i'm not. starting to dislike myself abit. but all in all...i'm still an over-reacher
everyone has dreams. i dreamt of love. it failed me. but i have hope..faith and luck. i have many dreams....i want everything. love. wealth. power. and i noe tt i can get it all..coz i will try and i won't give up. i want to be out there in my shell...a warrior...and i want to come hm..to remove tt shell and be e warm kit tt i am inside.
nite. e time of e day when i am so strangely philosophical. i dun understand y i am so....maybe it's just something i will nvr understand. something in e nite air. e quietness...e serenity..it makes me think. think of life. think of love. think of u. think of e past me, present me and e future me. when u look into a mirror...wat do u see? e past u..present u or future u?? i looked in...and i saw e future me...e past something i wish to put behind and move on...e present too confusing and painful to dwell on...and e future...my shell which i will present to e world..i noe tt i will be e best out there. i just noe it...but...i dun want my nites to be filled with a white sofa..a coffee table and a me sitting on e floor typing ceaselessly into a laptop with some coffee next to me and e stereo playing jazz tunes. i noe tt e pic seems beautiful...with a darkened bckgrd......but i hope tt at least i can get married after tt period of time!! LOL..okie...crazy. let me face my reality now. i cannot run from it forever rite?? i noe tt i can solve all tt is unresolved in my heart. and i believe tt i have reached a decision..although a bit sayang..let me take a step back from da. and obviously..no Y.
i NEED to study for 'A's for my lifelong happiness..this i can control
i NEED is write my bk of quotes which will hopefully be published so i can earn some quick cash to support my edu and hopefully get recognised by some loser who will sponsor my uni
i NEED to work hard for my dream of AVP of some respectable company. e coporate world..is it e place for me..i dunno......but worth a shot..hard to be a diplomat lahz..to be a gd one and get e opps really need to be some scholar
i NEED to brush up my chi which i have rather forgotten..can't write so many words now...how to compete against e cheena and together with e cheena next time?? raj's chinacentric...which e correct word shld be sinocentric view is not entirely wrong...and being chi..a chi in sg who can actually converse in chi..i am at an natural adj...
i NEED to be strong for so many pple..for my frens..for my teachers..for sis. i rem wat ozzie said. if i give up...he also give up le...therefore i cannot give up...i rem wat boh said 'failure is not an option' i rem dennis and his war talk..in a war....e only option really is success...and all obstacles must be cleared away.
i NEED to forget all these...all these mess..i agree tt i dunno wat i want..tt prob means tt i dun love u enuf to noe tt i want u as certainly as i wished. i dun like being confused by pple entering thru cracks in my heart after i boot them out. i need to clear my heart. make it whole again and make it quiet once again...true. u can give me happiness. lifelong happiness..e life i want. true. i cannot refute tt. but i cannot put all my hopes and time and energy into u...coz u will prob fail me. i have all my life to wait for u. coz i dun think u will really ever find someone u find able to connect to u whom u will want to marry. i have another 10 yrs. but will i spend it on u or find someone else i dunno. i dun want to speak like this is some contract...but i have to..coz u think in contractual ways and i do too.
i NEED to do so much...so so much...and i am afraid...tt i NEED to keep u out till i noe wat to do abt u. i dunnit anyone to support me...i told my dad tt today. he doesn't like it when i come hm late..and i hate it when he compares me to shan...shan...e one who goes hm str after sch..then studies and zzz by 11..tt shan. i am not shan. i lead a life tt will be diff from her..i can imagine shan..go uni study her social work kinda thing...marry her uni classmate...have lotsa kids..housewife...i can imagine tt..a gal who won't ever come hm after midnite in her life. tt shan. i am not...in e future...i will be e one out there till after midnite...driving hm in a car with wound down windows feeling e nite breeze...turning up my stereo...reaching hm to an apartment with only myself...turning on e stereo..drowning out my loniless... switching on my laptop..grabbing some soft drink and typing out emails to biz assocs in other ctrys...sleeping only at 2 am and waking up at 7 to another hectic day...tt's e shell i choose to hide behind coz tt is e path tt is e most open to me...maybe...i will find some guy tt i love enuf to make me come hm by 11...have some homely dinner together with a few kids tt will make a lot of noise coz after all they will take abit after me...LOL...maybe. i dunno. but i guess tt all in all...e coporate world is where i will shine. maybe i'm not as simple as i seem then. maybe i'm not. starting to dislike myself abit. but all in all...i'm still an over-reacher
everyone has dreams. i dreamt of love. it failed me. but i have hope..faith and luck. i have many dreams....i want everything. love. wealth. power. and i noe tt i can get it all..coz i will try and i won't give up. i want to be out there in my shell...a warrior...and i want to come hm..to remove tt shell and be e warm kit tt i am inside.
nite. e time of e day when i am so strangely philosophical. i dun understand y i am so....maybe it's just something i will nvr understand. something in e nite air. e quietness...e serenity..it makes me think. think of life. think of love. think of u. think of e past me, present me and e future me. when u look into a mirror...wat do u see? e past u..present u or future u?? i looked in...and i saw e future me...e past something i wish to put behind and move on...e present too confusing and painful to dwell on...and e future...my shell which i will present to e world..i noe tt i will be e best out there. i just noe it...but...i dun want my nites to be filled with a white sofa..a coffee table and a me sitting on e floor typing ceaselessly into a laptop with some coffee next to me and e stereo playing jazz tunes. i noe tt e pic seems beautiful...with a darkened bckgrd......but i hope tt at least i can get married after tt period of time!! LOL..okie...crazy. let me face my reality now. i cannot run from it forever rite?? i noe tt i can solve all tt is unresolved in my heart. and i believe tt i have reached a decision..although a bit sayang..let me take a step back from da. and obviously..no Y.