i realised. tt perhaps.......it really is impossible. i made myself believe tt it's poss tt anything is poss..but some things just aren't and i have to accept it. if i say tt i can accept everything abt u..i am lying. coz i am someone who believes in control over our lives. if wat u are doing is wrong...y shld u accept it?? change it! i read e mina and ji won story....very nice..but sad..reminds me of u...someone who has such a complicated life..taking things out on his rm..himself..e knife thing..e gangs thing....e disguise thing....no one can ever understand u. i accept tt.

watched e zhang wu ji show.....damn nice!! i wish tt i lived at tt time..wish tt i'm someone who noes wu gong...then i can fly ard gracefully wielding a sword...i will prob be e heroine tt gets into a misunderstanding and fights e guy....then he will win me with his sword at my throat..and we will realise tt e real bad guy is getting away and give chase.....and then he will be angry with me along e way to look for e bad guy....then i will keep apologizing and later intend to give up and walk away then after walking some dist..i will realise tt e bad guy was waiting to ambush him and run there and get stabbed by e hero's sword...then after tt he will help to heal me....then love..LOL...gd imagination rite?? wish tt i lived tt fairy tale in my past life sometime.....but then again.......i wonder if it happened.

i wish i cld go and study now.....but i can't. my mind is too full of things. i guess i can only study in sch..coz i can switch into e role of a scholar there. new look coming up. specs..tie hair.....quistis kinda look i hope if i can look as chio which is highly imposs..LOL...i'm ready to give up on u. coz our conversations changed. i can feel it. more detached..more cold..not tt there's less LOLs..just more detached. i can feel it.....i think u and ji'en inversely related izzit..suddenly me and him conversations back to norm......this is damn damn weird..and no! it's not my fault. i am exactly e same can......it's e pple who are weird..on my lap now is gothic readings. unopened. unexplored. this is all uncalled for. let me live my life where i can just learn my wu gong at any pace i want....travel ard fighting for wat i believe is right. dying for wat i believe is right. i dun want to be who i am now.......

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