hmmm
07.30.04 (6:38 pm) [edit]
i believe. that. love will find a way.
choir. went out yesterday for concert..rox..i love my choir..tt's y i found e way to stay with these pple.. obstacles are e horrible things u see when u take ur eyes off e target..but this obstacle tt i glimpse is too big. e complications too coplex..yet i am trudging in that direction. let it stop.....and it fills my heart with sorrow..let it continue and is still fills my heart with sorrow. but tt's trivial compared to e probs others are facing.. i realised tt while i was writing rubber duckie today..i realise tt i can deal with it..simply coz i am me.. decisive even to e pt of cruelty. abt self mutilation..pple do it to their hands..arms..whereever (veed to his hair)..but i do worse..i do it to my heart. my heart hurts with my stabs...incomplete. incoherent. and finally a protective layer is formed over it..a shell that is shown to e world so tt they may not see my battered heart inside..to rubin...by geog terms...due to erosion processes..a layer of sort rock is formed covered e structure to help prevent future erosion..but often this layer of soft rock has vulnerabilities as well...like when it rain comes..it may become mud flow?? sorry if concepts are wrong..i tried k...maybe too hard..as usu.. too hard..
i keep telling veed that he tries too hard. but dun i?? i try much too hard too and i do get hurt when things fail to...then i stab myself. in e heart. but i wld pick myself up and remind myself of wat gd i have done in e past and this is a small failure at some minute of my life..tt is nothingness in e infinity of e time e world has. and y am i so grossly out of pt when i wants to talk abt choir? okie..maybe i just have other things on my mind too..this is going to be a damn long entry man e way i'm rambling..but eddie will say tt this reflects e incoherent and rambling tots i have..btw..i think eddie likes me more now..phew~~
okie. choir. veed called me at like 6.20?? when we were supposed to meet 7.15..his voice was damn low..so means he's pissed..so yupz...e florist was damn slow...and he and ys will be late..so i told him i'll help..we have a complicated conversation due to bad reception...and i turned up at 6.45 at raffles place...then searched everywhere for pple..none..i left e station to look for VCH..and wow...e sight that greeted me as heavenly..shophouses..river..vch..glowing sunset..u get e idea...soooo romantic and beautiful..then okie...i went back in and found BC...so we wait somemore..until almost 20 pple..then left..me and john on very normal talking terms again. okie...then everyone met le..veed and ys were damn late...according to ys..veed is okie..but i dun think so..one look and i noe he's not..i guess i was rite..after concert (which was great!!)...took photos...then veed was lagging behind..taking photos of fullerton..we walked across my fav bridge! coz i insisted..LOL..e romantic tcs8 drama break up bridge..but yah...walked across there..veed was walking so slow...sure not alright..so i walked with him from vch to near OUB there..yah..cross e bridge too..love tt bridge..okie...so yah...told him a joke..then decided tt joking with him will just make him HAVE to act happy..so yah lorz..just walk quietly with him..but nice feeling bah..silence can speak a thousand words..tt quiet comforting...comfortable silence..walking slowly as if e walk shld nvr end..e acting silly and taking photos..i guess tt's nite time for me...e quiet, philo me revealed.. then great feeling just being alone..walking thru e nite..found a pt of serenity in me...just watching those monkeys in front of me..acting crazy..just makes me smile....so i spent my nite quietly..smiling at e pple?? LOL...yah..basically tt..then went lao pa sat...talked more to bb, yy, F, ys, gn bahz...i hope bb likes me more now..i dun regret not being near veed..i dun like to watch him act..coz i noe tt inside..he's just not happy and e effort is paining him..plus it was a chance to talk to bb and say bye to yy...i cannot give up my choir for anything......e walk is enuf for me...my choir......e choir i love...filled with pple i love...tears come into my eyes as i gaze into my inner vulnerability..inner fears..and a future inner regret..for watever i choose...e aftermath will be regret...time to lock up this diary...
choir. went out yesterday for concert..rox..i love my choir..tt's y i found e way to stay with these pple.. obstacles are e horrible things u see when u take ur eyes off e target..but this obstacle tt i glimpse is too big. e complications too coplex..yet i am trudging in that direction. let it stop.....and it fills my heart with sorrow..let it continue and is still fills my heart with sorrow. but tt's trivial compared to e probs others are facing.. i realised tt while i was writing rubber duckie today..i realise tt i can deal with it..simply coz i am me.. decisive even to e pt of cruelty. abt self mutilation..pple do it to their hands..arms..whereever (veed to his hair)..but i do worse..i do it to my heart. my heart hurts with my stabs...incomplete. incoherent. and finally a protective layer is formed over it..a shell that is shown to e world so tt they may not see my battered heart inside..to rubin...by geog terms...due to erosion processes..a layer of sort rock is formed covered e structure to help prevent future erosion..but often this layer of soft rock has vulnerabilities as well...like when it rain comes..it may become mud flow?? sorry if concepts are wrong..i tried k...maybe too hard..as usu.. too hard..
i keep telling veed that he tries too hard. but dun i?? i try much too hard too and i do get hurt when things fail to...then i stab myself. in e heart. but i wld pick myself up and remind myself of wat gd i have done in e past and this is a small failure at some minute of my life..tt is nothingness in e infinity of e time e world has. and y am i so grossly out of pt when i wants to talk abt choir? okie..maybe i just have other things on my mind too..this is going to be a damn long entry man e way i'm rambling..but eddie will say tt this reflects e incoherent and rambling tots i have..btw..i think eddie likes me more now..phew~~
okie. choir. veed called me at like 6.20?? when we were supposed to meet 7.15..his voice was damn low..so means he's pissed..so yupz...e florist was damn slow...and he and ys will be late..so i told him i'll help..we have a complicated conversation due to bad reception...and i turned up at 6.45 at raffles place...then searched everywhere for pple..none..i left e station to look for VCH..and wow...e sight that greeted me as heavenly..shophouses..river..vch..glowing sunset..u get e idea...soooo romantic and beautiful..then okie...i went back in and found BC...so we wait somemore..until almost 20 pple..then left..me and john on very normal talking terms again. okie...then everyone met le..veed and ys were damn late...according to ys..veed is okie..but i dun think so..one look and i noe he's not..i guess i was rite..after concert (which was great!!)...took photos...then veed was lagging behind..taking photos of fullerton..we walked across my fav bridge! coz i insisted..LOL..e romantic tcs8 drama break up bridge..but yah...walked across there..veed was walking so slow...sure not alright..so i walked with him from vch to near OUB there..yah..cross e bridge too..love tt bridge..okie...so yah...told him a joke..then decided tt joking with him will just make him HAVE to act happy..so yah lorz..just walk quietly with him..but nice feeling bah..silence can speak a thousand words..tt quiet comforting...comfortable silence..walking slowly as if e walk shld nvr end..e acting silly and taking photos..i guess tt's nite time for me...e quiet, philo me revealed.. then great feeling just being alone..walking thru e nite..found a pt of serenity in me...just watching those monkeys in front of me..acting crazy..just makes me smile....so i spent my nite quietly..smiling at e pple?? LOL...yah..basically tt..then went lao pa sat...talked more to bb, yy, F, ys, gn bahz...i hope bb likes me more now..i dun regret not being near veed..i dun like to watch him act..coz i noe tt inside..he's just not happy and e effort is paining him..plus it was a chance to talk to bb and say bye to yy...i cannot give up my choir for anything......e walk is enuf for me...my choir......e choir i love...filled with pple i love...tears come into my eyes as i gaze into my inner vulnerability..inner fears..and a future inner regret..for watever i choose...e aftermath will be regret...time to lock up this diary...