...
when i saw him again...i felt the world swirling ard me. i was so shocked tt i was rooted there, mind went blank for i dun even noe how many seconds. i guess tt it's not really very possible for someone else to have tt impact on me.
with a tinge of guilt, i admit tt i cld see no one except him then. i lost sight of e T who had been asking me out everyday for e past i dunno how long though he was right next to me. as we sat there...i started to wonder 3 things....
1. did i not see T coz he's on e other table or did i not see T coz i really cld only see ritch.
2. why does sw noe so much abt me?! LOL!!!
3. why do i think tt perhaps sw noes more than ritch abt me. when sw is practically a stranger.
but of coz at e top of my mind is still no. 1. i started thinking and thinking and thinking. and T started to try not to ask me abt my thoughts on lunch. until finally he gave up at e end of e day. after ALOT of thinking....i decided tt i love e memories, the experiences tt i shared with ritch. doesn't matter what it amounts to for both of us or if we think of them differently. but i dun love e ritch of e future coz things are different, the experience is different and i dun have e confidence tt we will pick up where we left off. even if we do, i dunno how he will interpret what goes on from then now. when u love memories....they shldn't decide how u live ur future coz u'll just be disappointed when things dun live up to beautified memories.
that settled, i consider my relations to T. i wonder if i'm young or simply romantic. but our ideas of love differ so greatly tt love for him is like plain water but for me...love is everything in e world thrown together. i enjoy hanging out with him in a way, enjoy the madness tt we sometimes have, enjoy the depth of convo, enjoy the understanding we share. i like e fact tt he tells me things tt his best fren doesn't know. but i guess tt deep down, i dunno if i'll compomise my ideal archetype of a prince sweeping me off my feet.
i still dun think i can manage tt. too young. too ambitious. too romantic. too much of an idealist.