...
one paper down.
highly traumatic...LOL. but well..life is abt accumulating experiences and i'm still glad tt i have accumulate such a bad exam experience. LOL. i can be so weird. think i'm going crazy.
i realize tt i border on extremes. typical of an aries i guess. we love extremes. i realized tt i love being alone...sitting in e gsrm alone, going for walks alone (given that no one whom i noe sees me). i dun like being spotted alone. LOL!! except when i'm in e rm lahz. but on e other extreme...i love being in grps too but i like it when i have enough attention in a grp. dun like being in a grp w/o ppl paying much attention to me. LOL. i thrive on extremes.
recently...been sitting in e clubrm and well...cockroach was really nice and told me gossip. following which, i smsed e person involved i.e. b.han. then he told me not to tell other ppl lorz. so i told cockroach not to spread le. but.....oh well. dunno. really quite a touchy issue now given tt ppl are angry with him for getting attached. and well...i nvr knew that he broke not long ago. but oh well oh well. at e very least...he only knew e gal after he broke so that rules out something more sinister. so in a way....i was kinda not too upset that he pulled out from ethe...since...things may be more complicated if he comes since e new gal will also be there.
due to e complex issue, me, mich and jan concluded that it's tautology to call a guy a jerk since all guys are jerks. LOL!! wat a wonderful conclusion really. so instead of saying 'that's a cute guy!!'...we can just say 'tt's a cute jerk!'. following which, mich showed jan photos of cute jerks and jan tagged along whilst mich met a cute jerk...-_-. LOL!!
i realized...that i am still better suited to be 'zui' than to 'zui' bahz. it's really quite tiring to zui/think abt someone e whole time. it's like after u sms someone...u wait and wait. there's no reply and u wonder if ur phone has some prob connecting to his and e msg died along e way (like wat happens to me and rubz). then u wonder if he's still alive. wonder if he's purposely avoiding u to send u e msg that u shld stop showing ur concern. then u wonder if it's coz he's too depressed/busy to reply. if his phone died. then finally..he replies. when it's some unmeaningful reply...u think tt e whole biz is a waste of time, yet u reply again and repeat e process. when he replies something meaningful...u are happy for awhile. but u noe that e process will repeat itself. i guess that i've been savaging for lil clues for too long. tired from holding on. from trying.
funny but whenever i need comfort...i just think of ter. everything's gd...but it just felt too ordinary bahz. maybe coz we nvr exactly went to class/cca or watever tgt. i dun like ordinary things...i guess that i believe that a love shld be full of ups and downs. rough patches. too smooth....there's no ke ku ming xin element.