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came up with a theory while counselling ting...
seed theory:
Once upon a time, a merchant went into e rural village and approached a farmer with 'miracle seeds'. he told e farmer...just plant them and your yield will double. the famer was pleased and believed him. The entire fortune of the farmer was then exchanged for the seeds. The famer immediately planted the seeds with great love and care - afterall, they cost him his entire life savings. he waited. day after day. he carefully watered the seeds, he gently ploughed the soil. after a week, his children began crying with hunger. they begged him to leave for work in the town for food. his neighbours offered some of their own normal seeds. but the farmer would have none of it. he merely wanted his own miracle seeds to grow. he put in his everything and what if they grow after he leaves but wilts from neglect? Weeks went by, then months...with time...the family died. in a barren field.
moral of e story?
1. e farmer felt that after giving his everything, the plants must grow. often in love, we believe that we have sunk in too much to simply leave. we wait, afraid that we miss our chance. but we seldom realize tt staying on need not mean that anything will come out of it.
2. we tend to ignore our other needs i.e. the children. they are no less important..just that the single-minded pursuit blinds us to our need to live life in its other aspects.
3. why the seeds do not grow:
(a) maybe the seeds were spoilt in the first place - when we start out, we may not know the other person well enough to determine if he/she is really the one for us. we then believe falsely that things will improved based on our expectations of that person or of love. but perhaps our expectations are unfounded.
(b) perhaps the conditions e.g. weather were not suitable - a case of incompatibility. the other person could be the nicest in the world. but can that person grow with you and what do you bring out of the person? we cld provoke the most fiery temper of someone whilst someone may tame the same someone. perhaps the time is not ripe yet, the person is not ready yet. many conditions can play a role
(c)maybe u need to put in extra inputs which u cannot afford/dun have - often we blame fate for making things so difficult when perhaps...the other party had simply wanted something which we simply cannot give e.g. more time, greater understanding and tolerance, perhaps an intimacy which you do not want to give. this then results in disappointments. perhaps we need to assess an alignment what each other expects and what each other wants or see as important.
as i was telling ting..maybe one day i'll write a bk with all these little thoughts that seem so simple but which we often forget. bestseller okie. i'll autograph for all my frens. =D