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i suddenly feel as if i'm on a ladder...i was happily climbing..unaware of what would happen. suddenly e top rungs vanished..and my bottom rungs decided to give in...and i am stuck floating right in e middle...it is a matter of time before i crash downwards. i always tot that it can't be that difficult being a president...to me, it was alot of coordinating, alot of admin, alot of supervision, alot of crisis-management. but i realized tt it's more than tt. it has to do with being caught in e middle. i cannot move a project ahead coz i'm not e PD. i cannot tell e dept wat to do. i'm just stuck, helpless in the middle. i noe there are others out there who want to continue...i noe it must hurt e PD to contemplate letting go..i noe it is with reluctance tt e dept wants to let go.
i want to hold on. yet, everytime i want to hold on..ppl ard me want to let go. it is times like this when i ask if i am a good leader. i choose to respect ppls' decisions coz i want them to do stuff bcoz they enjoy them and not coz i tell them to. yet, perhaps for once...i shld choose to not respect their decisions and influence them to take mine.
i see myself in a quagmire of trouble. in academia, in gc, in my love life.
but really...i won't give up wat i believe in...and i'm going to need to devote every ounce of my energy in my pursuit. i foresee a tough wk ahead when sch reopens.