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chongz was telling me today tt he is very sure tt H likes me coz of how he acted during f*****, esp e part when he walked off after i told him abt e sponsor and told me to go off with him. chongz says tt guys only do weird things like tt when they are erally jealous and peeved. imagine if H came up to me and i said tt someone i dun like is really cool coz she is so gd at something. i wld have told him something along e same line bahz 'since she is so zai...u go off with her lorz'.
suddenly...i dunno wat to do with regards to him. i said i wanted to give up, yet i realise tt perhaps as chongz had said his flirting with G and his being so nice to her is in a bid to make me jealous such that i will talk to him more and give him more attention. and perhaps finally on e 18th he realised tt it doesn't work and perhaps he saw how close i am to S...tt he started being nice to me...only to be met by my sms asking for S's number. how....irritating, bitchy, inconsiderate, insensitive can i be?
i dunno wat to do now..coz i dun want to end up a 'two-timer'....i was totally confused abt wat to do today and my phone was totally weird. it dailed S's number (prob coz i pressed e wrong button when viewing S's sms) i din realise it until 2 secs later when e call connected. then i had no choice! i put my mouth to e phone and said 'huh??? did i call u or did u call me?' then S said 'i think u called me' then we laff and laff and laff then i said 'okie ahz! i think my phone somehow called u' then we laff somemore...then we said bye. funny but e whole conversation was very comfy. as if it is super normal tt my phone shld decide to call him. as if it was expected. as if he was just waiting for it and i was just waiting for it. it's like.....water tt flows. it is easy for water to flow i guess..
for fire to burn...energy is required...and me and H, are sapping each other of energy
for water to flow....i feel a tranquility and peace tt i haven't felt for so long...
wat if in e end...i end up hurting one or both of them? but i do noe for one tt in e end...i will end up hurting myself..