...
maybe i shld nvr have smsed him.
last nite....i accidentally dl-ed this song (it has e same file name as e song i wanted lahz! coz e name was e album name...some idiots dunno how to name their files properly). e title of e song is: ni ai wo ma.
我的手握着方向盘 眼神停在陌生的前
周未夜晚拥挤的路 我们能不能走到山 上
你就坐在我的身旁 为什么心却生活在 方
周围夜色 如此的迷乱 沉默中听见
不安的试探 你爱我吗
我可以这样问你吗 你爱我吗
你给我的温柔是寂 吗 你爱我吗
你心里还有遗憾吗 你是真的爱我吗
城市里 灯火正辉煌 我们的未来
在什么地方 周未夜晚 天空正闪亮
幸福是不是还握在 上 你就靠在我的肩膀
为什么心却沉没在 方 窗外天空
依然还温暖 叹息中发现不只是 安 你爱我吗
我可以这样问你吗 你爱我吗 你给我的温柔是寂 吗
你爱我吗 你心里还有遗憾吗
你是真的快乐吗 你爱我吗 你这样问过自已吗
你爱我吗 你给我的拥抱是习 吗
你爱我吗 你的心里还是唯一
你爱我吗 你是真的爱我吗
u nvr told me tt u loved me...neither have i ever told u tt i love u. suddenly i thought, i dun think u ever knew for sure..neither have i.
in sec 4, i smsed u....i said in e sms tt i heard from somewhere tt u liked me...back then i didn't realise wat a mean thing it was to do. no one shld ever ask someone else if someone else liked her w/o even stating her stand. u replied tt i shldn't take it to heart. tt they were prob joking. i cried then....did u cry with me coz i was so dumb to ask it in such a way? e next day, von told u who started e rumours....and e next day, i saw her run out crying from ur classrm. i asked her wat was wrong, she just said nothing and went off...i knew tt day tt i lost a fren from e way she glared at me. i wanted to tell her sorry then, but i nvr had a courage. i dun think i will ever have e courage now. i see her all e time in sch now u noe....everytime i see her, i want to apologize. but i noe she has her own life now. until now....we haven't spoken again besides e weak smiles and e 'hi's. i rem tt after von told u abt e rumours, i had no idea she spoke to u...i was walking next to u to my cca rm...when at e door, u said u wanted to speak to me. all u told me was tt u were sorry, that i was almost there but somehow, not yet there yet, abit more to go. when i went huh, u said tt my transformation (this maths topic) was almost there. but it wasn't comfortably there. and u walked off, leaving me bewildered.
i asked u before i grad whether u wld rem me a few yrs down e rd....u told me u wld rem me forever..tt u were proud of me. every yr, with any results tt i get u always told me u're proud of me, every lunch, tea, dinner that we shared, u told me tt u're proud of me. i noe u are, i am too. but last nite, i asked myself...if i had told u tt i loved u....wld things be diff? will i really have stopped loving me like i thought i might. i want to tell u tt i love u....before u get married but tt's selfish. when u walk down e aisle...i wonder how i would feel. funny how i shld rem e stories and jokes u told me in sec 3. all e songs u ever performed. yet now, u fear to see me return as ur colleague. just last yr, u were dying to get me into e sch to do relief....yet this yr, u dun wish to see me. shld i be glad? tt u really think tt i can affect ur decisions. i realised tt i have absolutely no idea how u are doing now....i want to find out. i rem how u used to tell me nothing, only asking me abt myself...everything abt myself u wanted to noe. and i always collected little gems of stories from everyone else. u didn't even tell me when u got engaged. u didn't tell anyone in e staff too. but u told char and she told me. yet, u are were always asking when i would get attached and tt i have to tell u e min i get attached.
i noe tt in e end, i wldn't tell u tt i love(d) u...coz right at e end, i love u too much to disrupt e routine u have chosen by telling u. wat's e pt anyway. i shldn't have smsed u back then.
i regret letting u go...coz i noe tt if i didn't, if i had told u back then tt i loved u....i wldn't have let u go after it....ever. in my life, never. i shld have done it when u asked me to go back to help u with mentoring. when u got out of class just to go collect my cert with me from e general office...when e admin clerk looked at us quizzingly as u grabbed my cert from her so quickly and steered me out of e rm. when u bought me high-tea at lips cafe and asked me all abt my love life, i shld have told u then. yet i didn't. u asked if there was anyone i loved or still loved and i said no. i shld have said yes. but tt was 2 yrs ago. when we peered at each other thru e window panes of e classrm and our eyes met, i shld have left e class and immed told u. when e class made me present e trophy which was our teacher's day prez for all teachers...as they 'cheered' me on in e sabo...and we posed for e photo together, both of us with very red faces, i shld have told u. there and then. but tt was 3 yrs ago. when u first cried for u though i didn't noe tt it was for u then as this gal grabbed u and cried asking to be brought home from OBS just when u were staring str at me from e front of e table and walking towards me smiling. and i just felt this wave of seasickness as u stood there on e front of e boat gazing at e island...going back to mainland. when u requested to be on e same bus back to sch from punggol as my OBS watch and u were just right in front of me. i shld have told u. but i didn't, tt was 4 yrs ago.
e most beautiful love is an unfinished love. it has no quarrels, no disputes, no fights, no break-ups.
yet.....i dun feel as if my love is very beautiful right now.