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12.14.05 (5:16 am) [edit]
today me qi and shan went out..ting backed out coz she was totally drained from some family issues...ting's life seems to be forever filled with probs...but is it really so or is it a matter of coping skills?? really dunno how to help ting sometimes...think she needs someone who's more well-versed in counselling and skills imparting to help her...but it's difficult to do a referral as well since i dun think she'll react well to it.
anyway...coz i was out today...i was lucky...i managed to borrow Shantaram from e lib!! LOL. that kinda combatted my rather unhappy mood from last nite...which continued from my conversation with LM..funny...but i seem to feel like telling everything to LM...some connection somehow...feel like pouring all my woes to her...telling her more than i ever told anyone..and funny...she seems to see me as a confidant as well...we've only been on each others' MSN for 2 days. but i find it quite hard to give her advice..since when i say will have a direct bearing on chian...
but anyway after speaking to LM i cldn't get to sleep till 3+am...thinking abt wat she said. she asked if it's correct to love someone for e way he loves u. and she said tt she realised tt it's hard to find such a person anyway...but i beg to differ as i told her. on tt note, i went offline since it was like close to 3am...then i asked myself once again...wat i'm doing with my life. i started listing e ppl who have in some way told me they like me...i realised tt halfway thru i lost count (coz i forgot ter)...and after some counting..reached a total of 10 with vin as e last one. of e 10, i loved e way 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ppl loved me...not bad wat..50% hit. yet, strangely i accepted no one.
which leads me to my next decision...i feel like going to tt si ma lu temple thing and qui qian...i believe it will be a xia xia qian for e yin yuan part...but i just want to noe it...it's like if i think it's fate..maybe i will feel better bahz...besides i can burn it and supposedly things will improve. As quoted from Jane Eyre: It is foolish to say that one cannot bear what fate has for one to bear.
i just want to noe if it's fate. i need fate to be e scapegoat. so that i can laugh coldly and say 'no choice..'
anyway...coz i was out today...i was lucky...i managed to borrow Shantaram from e lib!! LOL. that kinda combatted my rather unhappy mood from last nite...which continued from my conversation with LM..funny...but i seem to feel like telling everything to LM...some connection somehow...feel like pouring all my woes to her...telling her more than i ever told anyone..and funny...she seems to see me as a confidant as well...we've only been on each others' MSN for 2 days. but i find it quite hard to give her advice..since when i say will have a direct bearing on chian...
but anyway after speaking to LM i cldn't get to sleep till 3+am...thinking abt wat she said. she asked if it's correct to love someone for e way he loves u. and she said tt she realised tt it's hard to find such a person anyway...but i beg to differ as i told her. on tt note, i went offline since it was like close to 3am...then i asked myself once again...wat i'm doing with my life. i started listing e ppl who have in some way told me they like me...i realised tt halfway thru i lost count (coz i forgot ter)...and after some counting..reached a total of 10 with vin as e last one. of e 10, i loved e way 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ppl loved me...not bad wat..50% hit. yet, strangely i accepted no one.
which leads me to my next decision...i feel like going to tt si ma lu temple thing and qui qian...i believe it will be a xia xia qian for e yin yuan part...but i just want to noe it...it's like if i think it's fate..maybe i will feel better bahz...besides i can burn it and supposedly things will improve. As quoted from Jane Eyre: It is foolish to say that one cannot bear what fate has for one to bear.
i just want to noe if it's fate. i need fate to be e scapegoat. so that i can laugh coldly and say 'no choice..'