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08.03.05 (4:13 pm) [edit]
i can see myself standing above a stone at e beach...overlooking e sea. e wind whipping my hair...i will smile serenely...coz i noe i am comfortable with my own solitude...so much so tt it has ceased to be loneliness and is now a form of sanctuary from e noisy ongoings around me.
i nvr knew tt anyone cld chase anyone else tt hard. asking me 10 times a day if i cld 'give u permission' to ask me stuff...if we can eventually reach a certain stage...i dun think my ans will change with e amt of times u ask e same qn. somehow...i feel that deep down inside...we are very diff yet so similar...
i realised tt u have ur dreams...ur aspirations...ur wanting to give 100% to everything...and i believe u....becoz u embody ur motto- to live everyday to e fullest..u told me...tt u give ur 100% in everything whether it is for me..studies..volunteering...leadership...everything...
i wish i had e courage then to tell u tt i dunno wat is called 100% in a r/s...coz i have only loved someone 100% once...and nvr again. ur life is dominated by a million things...yet u say u will always make time for me. my life can be as empty as i want..yet i doubt i will ever make e time for u...
Frankly, in terms of 'requirements'...alvin reaches almost everything. Yet...i just dun feel like getting attached to him. maybe coz he is too serious...now i'm making myself sound like a playgal..but he's too serious i guess...
I THINK. something is wrong with me.
maybe i am just used to being unattached.
perhaps...u're just pushing me too hard...so hard tt i just want to run away..hide my face...
will talk more abt orient. tmr...need to go eat lunch at 10.30 after you tiao + duo jiang at 8.30..lol...coz i prob have to skip both lunch and dinner today..sigh.
i nvr knew tt anyone cld chase anyone else tt hard. asking me 10 times a day if i cld 'give u permission' to ask me stuff...if we can eventually reach a certain stage...i dun think my ans will change with e amt of times u ask e same qn. somehow...i feel that deep down inside...we are very diff yet so similar...
i realised tt u have ur dreams...ur aspirations...ur wanting to give 100% to everything...and i believe u....becoz u embody ur motto- to live everyday to e fullest..u told me...tt u give ur 100% in everything whether it is for me..studies..volunteering...leadership...everything...
i wish i had e courage then to tell u tt i dunno wat is called 100% in a r/s...coz i have only loved someone 100% once...and nvr again. ur life is dominated by a million things...yet u say u will always make time for me. my life can be as empty as i want..yet i doubt i will ever make e time for u...
Frankly, in terms of 'requirements'...alvin reaches almost everything. Yet...i just dun feel like getting attached to him. maybe coz he is too serious...now i'm making myself sound like a playgal..but he's too serious i guess...
I THINK. something is wrong with me.
maybe i am just used to being unattached.
perhaps...u're just pushing me too hard...so hard tt i just want to run away..hide my face...
will talk more abt orient. tmr...need to go eat lunch at 10.30 after you tiao + duo jiang at 8.30..lol...coz i prob have to skip both lunch and dinner today..sigh.