.
07.22.05 (7:14 am) [edit]
disappointed.
with many things...
yet i can't start explaining how and why.
weird mood.
okie...basically...key events of e day include:
1. harbourfront with grace and rubz
2. diamaru with them too...in which grace bought some bk on basic jap and tons of stationery...after which we went to e supermarket and i erm..shouted 'miso soup' in a surprised/pleased/haven't -seen-miso-soup-in-1000-y rs accent...er...rubz and grace ran away and a stranger stared at me (or so i heard)
sometimes i surprise even myself.
3. walked hm from clarke quay (took 30 mins)..many tots filled my mind...basically i was still thinking abt e LKY resources to be conc on top 5% thing...i realised tt by getting e scholaship...i am inevitablely in e top 5%...dun u think tt top 5% getting e most resources=growing upon e misery of e other 95%?? even chee din realise tt...so imagine..someone drops out of sch in pri or sec...they go to work...contribute to cpf...taxes etc...where do e reserves end up?? for e betterment of e ppl who are of e same age...and still studying...after some time...we realise tt with 16% of each cohort in a local uni with tuition grant subsidy by govt...e other 84% contributes to their uni edu. e fact tt i am getting my 10k a yr from fees and allowance mean tt i am leeching upon e ppl who may be my age...done badly and started work.
why do i feel so strongly abt this...when i was a child...i used to walk alot. which explains y i walk 20 km w/o so much as sweating.
my childhood:
when i was young...i loved sats...tt's my mom's off day...i will wait for sats...watch as she does hairdressing at home on her offday to earn tt extra money...i will wait restlessly...walking in and out of e house...looking at e drifting clouds...when she's done...she will ask 'ni yao qu na li?' sometimes...she only finished at 5pm or 6pm...on those days i will always will her to hurry up...coz after 5pm...i will always say 'bu yao jing...bu qu le' although i really wld love to go...coz i noe she must be tired and she has 6 more days of full-time work waiting.
when she finished at like 2pm...we will always wait till 3+ pm to leave e house bcoz whereever we went...we walked there...and we had to avoid e afternoon sun. usu we will go chinatown or tiong bahru plaza...both of which were 20 to 25 mins away. we nvr took bus. becoz she was using adult fare...and we wanted to save e money...at tt time...we always agreed tt if we both walk...we save $1.50. although it is not much...we just din see e pt in wasting money. so we walk...some days...we buy alot of groceries when they are cheap..then we will lug them home on foot...i will always ask for e heaviest bags...then strain myself on e way hm...sometimes my mother will take them from me...usu i refuse to let her steal my 'glory'...
when we are empty-handed on our way home...it is worse...coz tt means tt my mom will walk me home...then continue to tanjong pagar NTUC (30 mins away) or chinatown to buy watever is needed...sometimes e price diff is 20 cents...but she can walk from tiong bahru all e way there...e walk can be 50 mins...she will still walk e whole way though there are direct buses...
to me...e young me....tt was fun. it was like a kind of independence...an achievement...i nvr grumbled. tt was how my mother got to save some money every month...for tt rainy day...when she earned 700 a month...and had 4 mouths to feed.
As i walked hm today...i cried...becoz i realised wat my mother had to go thru to send me to sch...to place food on e table. She used to work oppo chinatown point...and she nvr took bus to work either...she walked. by walking and walking and walking...she managed to save $14 a wk...$56 a month...she nvr bought food from outside and even when i had my mcdonalds happy meal...all she ever ate were some of my fries...she wld rather starve herself then go home to eat. when she worked...she wld always bring along home cook food. by tt she saved at least $100 a month...tt was alot to her...when our total household income was $700 earned from her job
------------------------- ------------------------- ---------------
frankly...i nvr tot i was desitute in my own life...i spent my childhood thinking it was a challenge...like cinderella was made to wait upon her stepsisters...i was challenged to be tough and walk e fastest with e heaviest burdens.
until recently...when siew mei and i were talking...she was saying tt her one rm flat was too small so her dad moved out...so she is left with her mom...her mom gets $100+ a month from her dad and she gets $150.
for 8 months of her hols...with no access to a computer...her inability to converse properly in eng...she was jobless. for 8 months..she and her mom ate either $1.20 cai fan for every meal or they bought bread for e whole wk's meals....she spent her days going to e library to borrow bks...and watched tv till late everynite...so tt both of them need not wake up early e next day...e reason being tt they had to skip breakfast since money was tight.
------------------------- ------------------------- ----------------
THEN...i realised tt in moving upwards...i have moved from e bottom 10% or 20%....to e top 5%. and suddenly...although my mom makes $1000 a month...i make $700 by myself by simply giving 5 hrs of tuition a wk...and going to sch. my mother used to make $700 too...but she worked 6 days a wk...10 hrs a day...
so resource allocation in sg=
lowest 10%- 60hrs=700
top 5% - 5 hrs + stay in sch=700
furthermore..my mom spent 10 hrs standing up...folding clothes...moving boxes of clothes...
i spend 5 hrs sitting on a chair...simply using my mouth to talk abt e English language.
------------------------- ------------------------- ----------------
PS: despite e tear-jerking nature of e entry...i miss my childhood...when i was at my happiest trudging hm with heavy bags of foodstuff.
perhaps i kept most of tt little happy gal in me...just as much as e tough gal tt i was.
if i ever have anyone to love more than anything...to thank more than anything...it wld be my mother...if it wasn't for her...i think i wld have quit sch in sec 2.
with many things...
yet i can't start explaining how and why.
weird mood.
okie...basically...key events of e day include:
1. harbourfront with grace and rubz
2. diamaru with them too...in which grace bought some bk on basic jap and tons of stationery...after which we went to e supermarket and i erm..shouted 'miso soup' in a surprised/pleased/haven't -seen-miso-soup-in-1000-y rs accent...er...rubz and grace ran away and a stranger stared at me (or so i heard)
sometimes i surprise even myself.
3. walked hm from clarke quay (took 30 mins)..many tots filled my mind...basically i was still thinking abt e LKY resources to be conc on top 5% thing...i realised tt by getting e scholaship...i am inevitablely in e top 5%...dun u think tt top 5% getting e most resources=growing upon e misery of e other 95%?? even chee din realise tt...so imagine..someone drops out of sch in pri or sec...they go to work...contribute to cpf...taxes etc...where do e reserves end up?? for e betterment of e ppl who are of e same age...and still studying...after some time...we realise tt with 16% of each cohort in a local uni with tuition grant subsidy by govt...e other 84% contributes to their uni edu. e fact tt i am getting my 10k a yr from fees and allowance mean tt i am leeching upon e ppl who may be my age...done badly and started work.
why do i feel so strongly abt this...when i was a child...i used to walk alot. which explains y i walk 20 km w/o so much as sweating.
my childhood:
when i was young...i loved sats...tt's my mom's off day...i will wait for sats...watch as she does hairdressing at home on her offday to earn tt extra money...i will wait restlessly...walking in and out of e house...looking at e drifting clouds...when she's done...she will ask 'ni yao qu na li?' sometimes...she only finished at 5pm or 6pm...on those days i will always will her to hurry up...coz after 5pm...i will always say 'bu yao jing...bu qu le' although i really wld love to go...coz i noe she must be tired and she has 6 more days of full-time work waiting.
when she finished at like 2pm...we will always wait till 3+ pm to leave e house bcoz whereever we went...we walked there...and we had to avoid e afternoon sun. usu we will go chinatown or tiong bahru plaza...both of which were 20 to 25 mins away. we nvr took bus. becoz she was using adult fare...and we wanted to save e money...at tt time...we always agreed tt if we both walk...we save $1.50. although it is not much...we just din see e pt in wasting money. so we walk...some days...we buy alot of groceries when they are cheap..then we will lug them home on foot...i will always ask for e heaviest bags...then strain myself on e way hm...sometimes my mother will take them from me...usu i refuse to let her steal my 'glory'...
when we are empty-handed on our way home...it is worse...coz tt means tt my mom will walk me home...then continue to tanjong pagar NTUC (30 mins away) or chinatown to buy watever is needed...sometimes e price diff is 20 cents...but she can walk from tiong bahru all e way there...e walk can be 50 mins...she will still walk e whole way though there are direct buses...
to me...e young me....tt was fun. it was like a kind of independence...an achievement...i nvr grumbled. tt was how my mother got to save some money every month...for tt rainy day...when she earned 700 a month...and had 4 mouths to feed.
As i walked hm today...i cried...becoz i realised wat my mother had to go thru to send me to sch...to place food on e table. She used to work oppo chinatown point...and she nvr took bus to work either...she walked. by walking and walking and walking...she managed to save $14 a wk...$56 a month...she nvr bought food from outside and even when i had my mcdonalds happy meal...all she ever ate were some of my fries...she wld rather starve herself then go home to eat. when she worked...she wld always bring along home cook food. by tt she saved at least $100 a month...tt was alot to her...when our total household income was $700 earned from her job
------------------------- ------------------------- ---------------
frankly...i nvr tot i was desitute in my own life...i spent my childhood thinking it was a challenge...like cinderella was made to wait upon her stepsisters...i was challenged to be tough and walk e fastest with e heaviest burdens.
until recently...when siew mei and i were talking...she was saying tt her one rm flat was too small so her dad moved out...so she is left with her mom...her mom gets $100+ a month from her dad and she gets $150.
for 8 months of her hols...with no access to a computer...her inability to converse properly in eng...she was jobless. for 8 months..she and her mom ate either $1.20 cai fan for every meal or they bought bread for e whole wk's meals....she spent her days going to e library to borrow bks...and watched tv till late everynite...so tt both of them need not wake up early e next day...e reason being tt they had to skip breakfast since money was tight.
------------------------- ------------------------- ----------------
THEN...i realised tt in moving upwards...i have moved from e bottom 10% or 20%....to e top 5%. and suddenly...although my mom makes $1000 a month...i make $700 by myself by simply giving 5 hrs of tuition a wk...and going to sch. my mother used to make $700 too...but she worked 6 days a wk...10 hrs a day...
so resource allocation in sg=
lowest 10%- 60hrs=700
top 5% - 5 hrs + stay in sch=700
furthermore..my mom spent 10 hrs standing up...folding clothes...moving boxes of clothes...
i spend 5 hrs sitting on a chair...simply using my mouth to talk abt e English language.
------------------------- ------------------------- ----------------
PS: despite e tear-jerking nature of e entry...i miss my childhood...when i was at my happiest trudging hm with heavy bags of foodstuff.
perhaps i kept most of tt little happy gal in me...just as much as e tough gal tt i was.
if i ever have anyone to love more than anything...to thank more than anything...it wld be my mother...if it wasn't for her...i think i wld have quit sch in sec 2.