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i said sth insightful tonight! LOL! when qi who's helping me with gen bio asked me abt my answer to the first qn...i said:
i think ahz qi...u know..it's like u walk onto Mars somehow then u see stuff....u dun exactly noe e name of e stuff u see....
so i just named tt 'stuff' sth from e textbk that appears to be of the correct colour lahz! LOL!! i kinda feel like that during gen bio lects/labs...it's like walking onto Mars...some guy (TA/lecturer) shows me random slides/microscopic stuff then i'm like 'woah'. but those stuff are so foreign..like they're from Mars. LOL!!!!! but i kinda like e 'woah' feeling enuf to not complain i guess.
so today..i'm back on my own geogie planet. doing my proj. LOL!! not as enjoyable as i thought. dunno y do until abit headachish. maybe coz i've been so stuck on zj kinda projects tt it feels funny writing a more social/cultural paper now. suddenly things look iffy. feeeeels funny. i think i am suffering from a lack of geog mods this sem! -_-. okie..time to get back to my report! =D
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some days are just funnier than other days! i realized tt my days with changing LS are always uber funny.
well...e previous tut...my bag strap broke, e tutor called my name to remind me to leave e class early for my presentation and i threw my txtbk onto the floor by mistake! 'nuff said. LOL!!! well today...still funny. i went for class...minded my own biz. then e tutor called my name once more and asked me where's james. aka my best fren. LOL!! super funny coz everyone looked stunned that a tutor would address a specific student to ask abt another specific student. but!!!!! silly old me didn't bring my phone to sch today!! *gasp*. so i had no idea. so i said back 'no idea!!' then finally best fren came and he wanted to join my grp for discussion then me and e tutor said no to him at e same time. HAH! LOL! but in e end...e tutor was nice lahz and said tt okie he can join us if it makes him happy. LOL!!! tut was so fun!!! coz it was a debate kinda thing and i was full of geogie concepts. LOL! and i talked ALOT during today's tut which was amazing. it was like a dialogue betwn me and best fren. LOL!! very amusing. and i got qi to talk too!! she's usually so quiet and i think tut participation is 12%. =). i love my two best frens!! 1 fake and 1 real of coz. and of coz qi is e real one!! and!! i got to tease qi. LOL!! i kept asking her what's in e paper bag she had. coz i knew that it's my present ahz! so obvious. then she just smiles and refuses to tell me. LOL!! but i noe!!!!!!! okie...i'm crazy today! LOL!!
then after tut...after speaking ALOT....me and my 2 best frens went for lunch and i tot of many things tt qi can say to justify her wanting to do her hyp on sth rather unrelated to her comp bio course. she wants to do on hps! LOL!!! lunch was super crappy actually. LOL. and i got a stunner at 1pm! when i realized tt....e essay that i thought i finished 25hrs beforehand was short of a conclusion!!!! no conclusion!! and all my grp members didn't notice that there was no conclusion!!! LOL!! so i wrote a rushed one while james best fren decided to go to sleep. LOL!!! k ahz. my grp member went to sleep. damn funny!! but really really very happy coz i like e adrenaline rush. but now technically..i only finished my proj 3 hrs before it was due. -_-. LOL!!!
why else am i happy? i dunno also. just happy ahz. even e clouds look happy today! maybe coz i finally finished my report!!!! maybe coz i finally engaged in DISCUSSION during a tutorial. LOL!!! nonetheless, just insanely happy! =). maybe coz....my bday wish on tuesday came true!!! =D.
counting down to my bday.
and can't wait to start on writing my changing LS proj!
i love geogie! i love studying! i love myself! i love my frens!!
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haven't blogged in awhile...coz recently realized that there's nth much to say bahz. coz suddenly i seem alot more focussed on what i want and i'm just pursuing it. dunno what caused the change also. but i'm suddenly less slack in terms of deadlines. like...i finished my report 24 hrs before it's due! tt's amazing for me at least.
kinda feel abit sianz of sch. but i ask myself if my effort is worth it and of coz it's worth it coz it's only once in ur life when u can make a difference to a piece of paper that follows u ard for life. funny coz i felt stress e other day. quite an alien feeling for me i guess. seems like there's so much to do. mountain of stuff. yet, somehow egoistic me will believe that i need to do them and not delegate them out since ppl will ask me lots of qns anyway. might as well do it myself. less trouble. at least one report is done!
now i'm looking fwd to starting my changing LS proj. somehow...feel that e topic is much more fun, much more creative...and much more thinking rather than integrating the thoughts of academics. -_-. LOL! and i'm thinking abt my test next wk too..since i have like 60 slides per lect, 10 lects and e slides kinda fall into the following pattern:
Name of Scientist (Years he lived)
Life Story
Invention no. 1
Invention no. 2
multiple that by 60 then 10. yah...now u can guess how i feel. LOL!! what an impossible mod.
finally...have to confess that e busier i am, more tied up i am...e less i think that relationships matter. more cold-blooded! LOL!! suddenly...for once....i dun care abt who likes me. i don't have feelings for anyone. and i can't be bothered to put in effort to get to know anyone!!! LOL!!!!!!!
funny that i didn't talk to T for 1 whole wk and when he msn-ed me last night asking me out on my bday. i told him 'need to do proj.' LOL!!! anyway i guess that he thinks i'm avoiding him coz after much persuasion and him asking e rest of e 'family'. i said yes. so he asked y i said such a firm no to him. -_-.
Last of all..i still can't stop thinking abt what uncle said when he counselled e youths e other day over the break-up. just sth that i dunno whether to agree with...
1. that someone isn't responsible for how he turns out. i guess that everyone must be responsible to some extent. at least i'll like to think that. maybe 5% to 10% is coz of that person? but it's also true that we are who we are..i.e. even how we react and cope with things is coz of how we're brought up. dunno!!
Then i pondered over other stuff he said.
1. if someone loves another person more than e other person loves him back...it's a problem. yah...i think it's a big problem too. but isn't that normal?
2. thinking abt youths in general. how sometimes they can be irresponsible...and how it's part of growing up bahz.
okie....enough rambling on for today i guess.
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recently...it seems that i am confronted with many many many many questions.
1. elitism
i don't think someone who does very well in things is elitist. That person can be an elite but not elitist. and i cannot stand it when ppl are elitist. funny that i am confronted with such issues recently. what sparked if off was of coz e roundtable on leadership...today as i was speaking to my mom abt edu issues...i suddenly got a pretty agitated thinking tt through uni results...students are selected for various opportunities like internships, mentorships and the like. just bcoz a student is in dean's list doesn't mean that he has e skills to serve a company well. but it seems that being in e dean's list when u're in yr 2 or sth means tt u are set to be headhunted. then i wondered abt reports of undergrads finding it hard to get jobs. perhaps ppl dun realize tt there are yr 2s, yr 1s who are already headhunted into the positions tt ppl study so hard, interview so hard for. just rather disturbed. then i felt relieved that i am not in either e headhunted nor the trying so hard to land a job just coz my results nvr exceeded a certain mark grp. but...i realized tt i'm in e scholar grp which isn't exactly any less elitist. -_-. but i guess tt if i'm not in e scholar grp..i'm not in e uni sys simply coz my parents won't want to fund me. soooo..no choice!!! everyone is stuck in this sys. not that it's better to be outside it. coz even if u're outside e uni sys. you're still stuck in the societal sys. disturbed.
then today i was disturbed further...coz i went out with this youth, called J. we were happily walking along e pavement and singing 'shuo ai ni' (dun ask me y i was singing in public!). but anyway...2 gals approached us to do a survey. no offence to christians...i think most are fine...but tt 2 gals aren't. at least one of them wasn't. LOL!! the convo went sth like this:
*me and J filling up forms*
*J asking me what 'comments', 'impression' etc meant*
*i translated them into chi for her*
anyone with eyes can tell tt J is super young..in fact...she looks pri 4 though she's in sec 2.
gal: wah...why you so zai? (referring to my ability to translate eng to chi
me: coz i'm old
gal: how are the two of you related?
*me busy translating stuff*
gal: are you sisters?
me: no
gal: cousins?
me: no
gal: i noe!!! you kidnapped her
me: yah (already a lil pissed coz i was obviously trying very hard to ensure tt J can finish her survey whilst she and her fren didn't bother to explain e terms to J)
gal: really?!
*silence*
when all seemed well...
gal: why u so zai?!
me: coz i am old lahz!!! (increasingly angry. coz being able to translate 'propaganda' into chi isn't exactly zai)
gal: then why she what also dunno?
me: *incensed* coz she's YOUNG!!!
gal: why she so lousy??
me (greatly angered by the word 'lousy') gives a -_- face. coz she's young lahz!!!
gal: how old is she?
J: sec 2
gal: But i also sec 2 lehz!!!!!!!! why you dunno the words?! *totally stunned face*
i was damn pissed. but J was there so i held my tongue. wanted to ask if she only lives in her express stream world. i mean..even if u do...you still have to be sensitive to the fact tt not all living beings noe what 'comment' means. -_-.
anyway after tt...there was silence. awkward silence. then at e end...she insisted on us writing our contact numbers so tt she can tell us abt future church events. -_-. obviously we didn't. and i just told her curtly 'just email us.' and we walked off. insensitive idiot. how wld she like it if someone her age told her tt she's lousy? -_-.
perhaps singaporeans are less understanding of differences these days. maybe we shld follow e concept of eugenics and store e genes of nobel prize winners to make sure that everyone wld at least now e meaning of the word 'comments' by e age 14...or better still...'propaganda'.
okie lahz...very agitated! LOL!!!!! but i had a very interesting day though it was really draining esp mentally as i tried to understand what goes thru e mind of J...esp when she has 2 bfs (one in msia and 1 in sg). and she wants to break with e sg one but is doing it thru a guy whom she's rumoured to be ai mei with and they're going to act as a couple then e guy will tell her bf tt she wants to break. LOL!!! logic's quite baffling. i understand tt e guy may wanted to help her coz he likes her. but she's more than willing to accept e help. really interesting. and she doesn't mind if both guys get their gangs together and start a fight. i certainly need a few days to digest this!! before i make time to go down for e prog on tues to observe e ongoings and defuse e bombs if necessary. life is nvr boring when u work with youths!!! LOL!! too bad i can't put tt into my very empty clem publicity blog!!!
and i spoke so much abt e first issue that i give up talking abt e others for tonite at least! LOL!!!
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thinking thinking...abt many many things first of all...i thought above all about how i'm like as a person..it's strange tt i learn sth new about myself everyday.
yest...i learnt tt i can be so schizo. can argue both sides to the same issue but i dunno y after i randomly decide on one side...i can still argue so seriously for it. tt's totally weird since i can easily argue for the other side as well!! and whichever side i argue for...i dun care....i just want to win e argument. gosh!! luckily i dun argue with myself. if not i can just make myself cry by being intimidating to myself. LOL!!!! makes me wonder if really my principles and beliefs are that strong...since i can easily argue against them and still win. perhaps i acquired this (i would call it a flaw) from my training in arts bahz.
e other thing was tt i was on e bus today....and i was sitting behind this auntie who was talking to herself or perhaps God. but anyway she was speaking to no physical being about her life. and i heard some snippets of it and felt really sad after tt....she was saying that she wld like to have a job...any job will do. and she said sth about her children resenting her and her husband having an affair and having brought the woman home. and she got off at e nus interchange...looking really lost. i wanted to go ask her where she wanted to go to but she got onto e bus again and e driver drove e bus over to e counter. somehow....looking at her...i felt overwhelmed with sadness coz it's so much easier to reach out to someone who's physically lacking than someone who's emotionally lacking and as much as i wished to help her...i have no idea how to approach her. if i see someone hungry, i can buy that person lunch. there are projects for them...in fact most special projs in comserv give these ppl things. then for reg volunteering, we work with children, elderly, youths, id, terminally ill..but there are ppl out there who don't fall neatly into these categories who really need a listening ear but have no idea where to go to. just felt so sad watching her. so much so tt i went to tutorial abit depressed.
but e funniest and cockiest thing happened!!! as i placed my bag on e table...e strap of my bag broke. -_-. how many ppl have a broken bag in sch. -_-. but instead of making me sad....i kept laughing coz it's soooo cock! and i had to hide my bag in e tut rm cupboard to collect later during e gs event. lucky it's a geog tut!!!! and there's an event after tt. then i carried random stuff ard from arts to sci and back again. and so malu! coz i was paisei to leave tut early and e tutor called me by my shortened name and not my full name and asked in front of e whole class 'dun u need to leave early? u want to leave now??' LOL!!!! so malu!!!!!!!!! then everyone noes tt my bag strap broke. and they know my name too! -_-. then i had to drop my txtbk due to my armful of things. LOL!!!!!!!!!!
i cannot stand. tooooo funny! LOL! cracked me up.
then i had a wonderful presentation which left my grp members in awe. i dunno how i managed to speak like tt either. i just stood in front of e lect grp which had lil ppl since most ppl ponned and talk lorz. and i can't believe tt e ppl responded to my presentation e.g. put up hands and stuff when i asked qns like whether they read e daily horoscope. LOL!!!! so funny. but fun...felt like a teacher! >_<!
and lect with zj was fun coz hf fell asleep and finally stopped interrupting e tut. and he made a super lame joke tt zj kept thinking was an impt pt. e qn was 'why do we study cities' then hf said 'coz we dun study e ctryside.' LOL!!!! then zj tot it must have been a highly enlightening pt and kept trying to tease sth out. LOL!!!!!
then finally i followed val dear to her grp meeting which left me totally speechless...val din tell me tt her grp had like 6 or 7 ppl or sth. anyway i went ard getting/zapping/borrowing bks and all. and finally C who's totally nice helped me bring my bag over to e gs room and i put my bag into an environmental bag...which is this green thing tt tells us to save our Earth. and i carried tt ard inviting stares...but i realized tt i'm damn weird...i din mind e attention! LOL!!!!!! sth wrong with me.
argh...i cannot stand my day!! too funny!!!!
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today...i went for e leadership roundtable thing...which got me thinking. got me to stop proceeding on with my life and take stock.
think i've done not too shabby so far. LOL. after all...i winded up in uni with a scholarship. which means tt i'm set for some leadership track at least. then i started thinking what kinda leader i want to be in future. i realized tt i want to try different different things...take on many many challenges. i want to have a different day at work everyday. =). and i realize tt i dun want minor differences...i want big differences.
then i thought abt hunger. of coz we all want things...but wat we want is perhaps less impt than how much we want it. i can want to be e president of e world...but if i dun want it enuf to do sth abt it...it'll nvr come to be mahz. thought thru alot of stuff...hopefully my life henceforth will be better planned since i noe wat i want...and i noe tt i want it quite badly since it's hard to stay in a job otherwise...LOL!! i'm going to have to position myself such tt i seem capable enuf to be placed in endless challenging environments bahz! jiayou!!
and...i loveeeeeee geog. LOL!! i just finished editing a fren's proj. it feel so wonderful writing geog. so wonderful tt i added concepts and went thru some old readings for his proj. LOL!! oops. over-enthu...but...i love geog. love it so much tt it's 3+am now and i'm still awake doing someone else's proj..LOL!! and i'm really awake and exciting at spreading my love and knowledge of geog.