...
*bounce bounce* *boing boing*
*1, 2, 3, 4, 5*
i wanna take things a step at a time.
happy day today coz i gave tuition and me and my kid were looking at stationery after tuition. LOL. she promised to help me buy highlighters and post-it tags kinda thing. i LOVE stationery. so my day was off to a great start.
then i met ting and shan for dinner and shopping. i finally satisfied my desire to eat e 'romeo and juliet' thing at NYDC!!! YEAH. and me and ting agreed to go for a bi ye lu xing (graduation trip) which will be shan's '1 yr of work' lu xing to either taiwan or hk. i promised them some forest bashing thing is i do any fieldstudies thingie for geog. =D. i asked if they wanted to build toilets in cambodia. but...........shan only wanted disneyland. -_-. LOL!!!!
then....we went shopping and i bought a dress tt i really really really like!!! for DnD. =D. totally love it. will wear it after DnD as well. was rather expensive but!! i decided tt i loved it enuf and i'll wear it after e event. better than buying a dress tt cost less but i only wear once. yah? LOL.
then, me ting and shan bought bubble tea and sat outside DFS...talking abt e recent developments in ting and qi's love lives. we then realized tt qi has such a stable, normal, smooth-sailing 3+yrs with her bf...that e recent small setback really upsets her. though me and ting cldn't really fully understand y when she talked to us abt it. coz it was just tt her bf tells her less abt his feelings now. sth that can be solved bahz. coz after all...so long le...quite understandable tt he wld think tt she noes tt he loves her w/o him having to keep saying it bahz. it's like how we treat our parents mahz. we dun tell them tt we love them everyday anyway.
but shan felt that it was a big issue too. LOL. which made me and ting realize tt we go thru alot of nonsense in our love lives. just tt ting's always in a rough relationship, drags it for a yr plus then break whereas i'm just...weird. LOL. and okie lahz..i'm older le...i promise to be less quick in rejecting the next one and to be less persistent in liking the next one. maybe then i'll strike some balance somehow. ANYWAY!!! ting told shan e stories of her ex and i listened to them once more. but i'm still amazed tt ting took so long to break..ooops. and ting pointed out tt of all of us i'm always e most shuang kuai in everything be it studies or cca or relationship stuff. oh well. anyway until now...whenever i hear abt tt guy..still abit indignant and i told ting tt when she broke...she shld have gotten some childcare registration form and told him tt she wants a break so he'll need e form. really lahz. which guy needs a gal to buy meals for him everuday, jobseek for him, pay for his cigarettes and clubbing and for e gal to go down to e area near where he lives all e time??
oh well. anyway....really happy for shan. coz she said tt she has high expectations of a guy. so we asked if bk fits e expectations and she said tt he fits it perfectly. i guess tt tt means tt she sculpted it after him mahz..LOL!! -_-. so i'm glad tt he's perfect in her eyes! =D. so xin fu wor.
we missed qi. =)
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funny but i'm feeling exceptionally happy and lighthearted now (maybe i'm on drugs or i'm so depressed that i've gone mad)...LOL. i realized sth very very amazing abt myself. i must be very very tanned. coz i keep looking on e bright side. i realized tt watever happens....my days are usually sunny. maybe abit too sunny...pretty freaky really. and no one can understand y i'm so happy now. but oh well.
i think...i am just crazy really. i'm happier out of love than in love. yes everyone...i'm okie...very okie. i was sad when i wrote e letter. but i said my piece. =D. and i'm happy ever after. gosh. LOL
...
Funny when you find yourself
Looking from the outside
I'm standing here but all I want
Is to be over there
Why did I let myself believe
Miracles could happen
Cause now I have to pretend
That I don't really care
I thought you were my fairytale
A dream when I'm not sleeping
A wish upon a star
Thats coming true
But everybody else could tell
That I confused my feelings with the truth
When there was me and you
I swore I knew the melody
That I heard you singing
And when you smiled
You made me feel
Like I could sing along
But then you went and changed the words
Now my heart is empty
I'm only left with used-to-be's
Once upon a song
Now I know your not a fairytale
And dreams were meant for sleeping
And wishes on a star
Just don't come true
Cause now even I tell
That I confused my feelings with the truth
Cause I liked the view
When there was me and you
I can't believe that
I could be so blind
It's like you were floating
While I was falling
And I didn't mind
Cause I liked the view
Thought you felt it too
When there was me and you
...
i honestly thought tt i wouldn't be sad. or at least not that sad. i honestly, wholeheartedly believed it. then the countdown began...and i crumbled. i've nvr been much of a crybaby honestly. i went thru so many ups and downs in what can be called a love-life. but it's funny..coz i've nvr been so sad coz of a single person before. i rem e occassional tear...but nvr this overwhelming desire to cry.
i thought tt i wouldn't need to noe the answer. coz i thought that i'm practical enough to know that even if i got a 'yes', it makes no diff coz of what stands between us. then i realized tt i can't do that. coz i always thought that i could coz that was the rules of e game. then i realized tt it's not e rule of the game at all. it's ur own rule for ur game which i chose to play. nvr my rule to begin with. little wonder tt i can't be that practical.
then i thought tt i can't possibly go for one yr like this. even if we both like each other...e possibility that one yr later...i still like u and u still like me is close to zero coz u have ur work and i will meet others or that feelings fade. then i realized tt as silly as it sounds.....as inpractical as it sounds...tt one yr wld just turn out to be a yr of me avoiding the issue like i did, me ignoring my feelings as blatant as they may be. perhaps e year will feel like an eternity..perhaps the year will pass with me not being myself.
actually..i'm very very very scared.
i'm afraid tt u nvr liked me
i'm afraid of what will happen if you do
i'm afraid that either of us will disappoint the other eventually
and most of all, i'm afraid that i will have to regret this.
i guess tt cca is easy...u make mistakes, u make amendments. if i make a mistake in this.......i doubt i can make amendments.
...
feeling crazy.
okie..had lects for 4 mods so far. not as boring as i thought bahz. though nature & soc is honestly *snores* can't believe tt even microbes can be more fun. LOL. or perhaps it was fun coz i had to copy 55 slides of stuff plus his elaboration on them. medicine is indeed a shiong fac to be in. and surprisingly! i ran into laogong who's thinking of bidding for microbes! so me, nu-er and laogong ended up sitting tgt with e other hons ppl of coz. which felt so funny...whole row of ge ppl except nu-er. =D. and e last hons person aka xr showed up late and sat in some corner but later joined us too...think we're emiting ge vibes right at e back of e LT.
anyway....me and matt got sick of e canteen and went to munchies. realized tt i really do feel less attached to comservice le..dunno y. and e very perceptive papabird believed me when i said tt i'm feeling more shy these days. he believed me. LOL. i can't really explain it either. i guess it's sth tt u have to feel. i feel a strange mix of both madness and a desire to be alone bahz.
a little tired
a little withdrawn
don't feel like running for any more positions le. i feel like sitting alone at a crowded party...waiting for the special someone to invite me for a dance bahz.
so what have i been doing in e meantime? feeling so empty coz out of 5 mods..only 2 modules have uploaded stuff for me to read. one of e 2 only uploaded lect 1 readings somemore. and only 2 readings per lect!!! this explains y 3 days into sch and i'm doing wk 3 readings for one of my mods. somemore it's for e most boring mod. nature & soc. -_-.
it seems that an amazing reading speed ensues if u used to surf net, play neopets, answer emails, plan gs/comservice stuff, do readings and msn at e same time...but end up only having msn and readings after retiring.
...
my sch so far has been...k ahz!! LOL. i spent most of my first two days fooling ard in e gs-rm. =D. swallowing swords, watching val and rubz bid for mods, listening to C's jokes, looking at e amt of work a typical sci student aka ferdi has, making noise when stac came to visit, when dan x, bug dropped by. life felt great...like....u belong somewhere where u can return to...i'll miss e gs-rm soo sooooo much!!!!!!!!!!!!
and my misfortunes continue. i very nicely walked into a bench in e unlit faculty at 9pm. -_-. and i had a phone dropped on my foot! coolz huh. -_-. LOL. but!! on e bright side...i got to eat my hershey's pie though e canteen seems forever crowded these days. and e yr 1s are clogging up e library. i suddenly miss eating/da-baoing from engine. LOL.
lastly...since e post is already rather nostalgic...i'll just say sth which i dunno if u'll read coz i dunno if u're still reading my blog:
it wasn't that i wanted to let go
it wasn't that i loved little.
it wasn't all an illusion.
it wasn't all play on my part.
what it was all along was the understanding that for now, and perhaps for forever
you can only belong...elsewhere.
...
random stuff really:
i want to watch e jay chou movie!! e bu neng shou de mi mi (Secret). LOL!! and 881. any interested ppl???
i'm also saving money coz yah lorz..silly m0e can only gimmi my money early sept. feeling poor...
quite bored these days...but somehow i cannot get myself to feel enthusiastic abt the new sem...e fact tt it's starting seems so surreal. can't really generate much interest in e modules...not exactly excited abt e new canteen (esp since e main highlight for me is BK with e hershey's pie and i'm quite broke). and i guess e only gd thing abt the new sem is tt i'm in clementi so it's earlier to drag my butt down to clementi even if i feel lazy esp coz i am smart as usual and have a 4 to 6 lect on tues so i dun die of boredom waiting for 7pm to roll along. and of coz tt qi is nearer now since she moved to e law building. i expect to see qi for lunch so much more often. and i'll prob see chong-mama hanging ard arts with his 'bu-qing-bu-chu' more often. though i'm not sure if tt's a gd thing. but definitely i can embarrass him more by shouting 'mommy!!' and having him respond. =D
and to poor poor tiong who really very jialat...can only eat pork and meh meh. =(. i pity e meh meh!! LOL. no lahz...tiong must take care =). and yah...fri i bring u go see doc. LOL!! ur mama/xi-fu bring u. (realized i dunno my relationship to tiong..LOL!)
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alot to blog abt leh...but no time...so some random stuff:
i believe tt i'm healing. =) dun think will have scar rite...this kinda small thing...but thanks grace dear and beni anyway...LOL!! *noscarnoscarnoscar*
i met my long-lost twin (so say i)..or rather long-lost cousin (so says he). LOL!! my new social worker is just quirky. he's like my male replica but 10+yrs older. we even do things in e same way and make e same decisions. papabird's trying to make me run for chair to groom ter. i said i won't. but honestly i'll think abt it. will be so fun working with my twin. prob can do alot of mind-reading. and for once my general intuition is right...his bday really is super duper near mine..like 4 days away. which prob explains e twin-ness. maybe can make him a god-bro. but he's a very xin fu god-bro wor. he seems to have a very supportive gf who supports his madness. e.g. quiting a job to chase the dream of owning a cafe. so sweet lahz!! *brobrobro*
speaking of bro...justin bro called me to talk cock..i so miss justin bro. LOL!!! who else calls a hp number and says 'may i speak to ____ pls?' only bro lahz!! upbringing too gd. LOL!
settling gs agm stuff...progress seems gd. =D. 3 gals vying for pres in the next term. WOW. and i already have a list of 12 ppl confirm running. elections have nvr been so exciting before for gs. LOL!!! i'm glad tt there are ppl who want to run so badly. indeed long-term, gradual psychoing is great. powers of me and C combined...LOL!!
many many changes need to be made to clementi next sem coz of all e time-tabling thing. we're like losing 4 befrienders and they're regulars who always come (only like 8 who goes often mahz..tt's half e team). and worse...papabird cannot come. sigh. jj also may not be able to come. gd thing is tt if ter has no tuts..can sub him in le...then he can have a smoother route to being in e comm
i realized tt i'm a person of extremes. very very extreme really.
i realized tt i'm a bundle of energy and tt energy is wat binds ppl to me bahz.
lastly...someone very quirky said something very weird to me yest nite. u can start feeling guilty!! anyway...as a result...i cldn't really sleep coz i was traumatised. LOL!!! okie lahz...i tot that after so much ridiculous things tt happened along my love life...i will get used to weirdness. looks like i dun. but really it's okie lahz..quite funny actually...oops.
last thing..very impt one...i love my befrenders and grace dear who spent national day with me doing silly things!! =D. it was indeed a very exciting national day with me having my meatballs and shopping with grace dear and realizing tt e same pair of size 5 shoes tt fit me at queensway doesn't fit me at vivo (same brand, design...everything). and fun messing ard with e befrenders esp my twin, jj who was driven crazy by me and kai who gamely walked home with me. =D. and of coz thanks in a weird way to beni for ur silly msn convo tt ended off national day with a dunno wat to call it. LOL. traumatising experience? LOL...joking lahz. or is it e truth??? LOL!!!
...
thanks reader (u noe who u are) for your comment. =D.
anyway first let me complain....LOL!! i happily went ecp with grace dear and her family for a sunday family outing kinda thing. was so cool!! coz i nvr had family outings except on qing ming when i was younger. oops. LOL. my parents dun like going out unneccessarily so they dun end up going out together with me bahz. when i was younger at least me and my dad would go to chinatown for food and me and my mom wld go grocery shopping...but now..no more. =(. so i was happy to join grace and family since i haven't been to ecp for recreation since like jc? only go there to recce e place for events/do e actual events. -_-
then..i was happily cycling with grace dear and grace dear's bro named malc when some china guy who was at e extreme left of e lane when i was at e extreme right...almost in betwn e two lanes. then he decided to come nearer to me and buang into me...-_-. and somemore his handle bar came like in betwn me and my handlebar. serious buang. then i fell off lorz. slight abrasion on my knee and elbow and my part of my palm got scrapped...e skin was hanging there lahz..but i tore it off in front of malc. LOL!!! who looked quite stunned by e blood but pretended tt he's cool and all (as typical of a 17 yr old) and said 'u want to go to e toilet? where is it?' then he started looking up and down e rd...how did i noe he was stressed by e situation? coz e ecp signboard was in front of us and it indicated toilet to e left. LOL!! i started laughing coz e situation was so funny. i was injured with stuck with grace's bro whom i barely noe who can't see e signboard in front of him. finally he concluded tt i shld go right but i just said tt i think e one at e left is nearer. LOL!!
anyway my palm got quite bad today but it's better now coz i got myself a gauze...yea! actually i got my pack of gauze back from ritch.thanks thanks!!
anyway...yepz. optimistic abt e future of my wound thanks to e gauze. yea!
anyway i have to say tt really time's a great medicine..feeling less now! LOL.
and me and rubz are playing a brilliant game!! called alphabetical likes and dislikes...i like questionaires but i nvr make them up..first one!! LOL
A: like - apple juice
dislike - avacardo (yucks)
B: like - blog!
dislike - boredom
C: like - cup corn/chicken rice
dislike - capsicum
D: like - dots [note: rubz likes dustbins!]
dislike - dingy places
E: like - elegant shoes
dislike - eggplants
F: like - friends and fragances (though i dun put)
dislike - fried mutton
G: like - girl-frens
dislike - grilled mutton (okie..i just dun eat meh-mehs)
H: like - high-fives
okie...i give up!!! lalalalalala~
...
here's a msg to tt someone reading my blog! u noe who u are!! (yah...e same person tt my fish burger msg was meant for):
another story...
one day, a papaya went to the market and met an apple. the papaya was of coz very happy to see the apple as they're gd frens...however...while they were drinking teh-bing at e coffeeshop, the papaya boasted that it's bigger, has more flesh and even has more seeds than e apple. the apple being a hardcore frenetic was of coz upset. there was thus a fight and they ended up as papaya-apple milkshake. who was the victim? of coz it was e milk.
to rubz...a story for u..
one day...rubz was selling fish at e market (yes...it is the same mkt as the one above). kit noticed her and simply said 'never fwd!!'. end of story.
to grape:
one day...a grape was bouncing along a dusty road...it still smelled of fish.
...
another dream:
k ahz...now i have another weird dream. really really weird. there's like 2 parts to it. first part i can't exactly rem wat happened...but it was abt me and ter and him writing a note to me saying tt he regretted not having tried harder in e past. oh well. weirdness.
second part was even funnier..it was me and my cousin shopping at (of all places) this fashion! LOL. i saw a pretty dress and wanted to try it on but she tried it on before me...and it looked too short on her so i told her no. LOL!! then i went in search of my size. oops. but u nvr noe mahz!! maybe long enuf for me. i nvr bluff her...really too short for her. then i saw grace's cousin!! e deliveryman guy who was e party bouncer. anyway he was a salesperson. but in my dream he wasn't grace's cousin but my pri sch classmate named benjamin. -_-. which is totally off. LOL!! anyway...he said sth very interesting to me...he said tt i'm destined for great things and tt in future he wld have to pour beer for me. BEER! LOL. k ahz. absolutely nonsensical.
anyway....yest on my way home from JE...i realized tt i have a number of cravings:
1. ikea meatballs
2. seah im chicken rice
3. JE chicken rice and popiah
~realized tt my cravings are rather specific. LOL!!!!
...
i woke up from a very lazy sleep at 1pm...feeling a lil annoyed. LOL!! no idea y...maybe coz i had a super weird dream. been awhile since i spoke abt corn but i told beni abt him last nite...then i had a dream abt his wedding but it's slightly diff..coz i was at his wedding dinner!! and i had to pick a top to go with my berms...and i did. it was an absolutely weird top which i tot looked beautiful in my dream. LOL!! some white and black thing tt resembled a zebra...and e weirdest part was tt it had a big vertical slit at e back...which mean tt there was a big hole tt exposed like 50% of my back? LOL!!! super weird.
anyway i woke up at 1pm...realized tt e mod i wanted had no vacancies so i opted for 2nd choice which i heard is super xiong coz i need to do presentations every single tutorial. and it's grp work. *gawks* but wat to do. can't think of any other better mod to do.
then sotong ball kept changing e time tt i was supposed to meet her...from 6 to 5 to 415 to 5. -_-. so i took e 45mins bus ride down once i got her sms saying tt she'll be early. -_- -_-. after being on e bus for 45mins....she told me tt she'll be at e foot of e escalator landing but she wasn't so i called to ask where she was. and finally i found her and she said tt i din look too happy. LOL. of coz lahz. but anyway...after taking over her work...i went for a lil walk in NTUC...and e atm card thingie at e counter died. and i had just enuf cash for my purchases. scrapped thru. gosh. so i took an even longer bus ride home given tt it's e rush hr.
like yest....i had this feeling tt i wld run into someone...and like yest! i did!! LOL. gosh. and of all ppl...i ran into!! *drumroll* sock!! yes..it's e crez sock, pj first 3mths sock and e comservice sock! LOL. everyone reading this blog prob noes her. LOL!!!! except prob xr. LOL!! anyway it was so weird. i was walking home when i was passing e block next to mine...saw someone who looked familiar. stopped in my tracks..tt figure stopped too! and coz she looks so small...i tot she's my student or sth but...it was sock!!!!!!!! LOL!! who's giving tuition at my estate. like how qiao when she lives like in e hougang area or sth. so we had a nice lil chat...but it felt a lil weird...it's as if justin bro or rather e absence of justin bro sat betwn us like a ghost. whenever i see sock...i just think of justin bro and how useless he was in their whole relationship (or e lack of it).
it made me miss justin bro..LOL!!
and to my dearest ting!!!! congrats on finding someone new!!! =D. somemore this new someone sounds pretty decent! =D =D. and okie..we're back to e ting-qi-shan attached equilibrim. oops. LOL!!
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3rd post tt i'm writing today. LOL!!! happening day mahz...this is a reflective post btw.
recently sth happened tt turned my family life topsy turvy. something very minute. like u noe..e butterfly flapping, causing turbulence in some far-off place kinda thing.
my mom's has a grp of ard 12 frens whom she studied hairstyling with decades ago. one of them has a daughter who very recently got married..like 3 or 4 days ago. tt auntie invited my mom and their other frens (not inclusive of my neighbourhood hairstylist auntie...she was ostracized so ritch dun let her noe abt e wedding dinner). anyway!!!! so ard 10 of them went..to e Hyatt. -_-. LOL!!! so being very innocent, i asked my mom...'wah!! her mom's frens from so long ago she also qing ahz???? liddat i also must qing them izzit?' and my mom said 'of coz' which gave me a heart attack. still rem me and rubz were thinking of how small her wedding dinner reception will be given tt she doesn't have much proj partners. acquaintances kinda thing whereas i noe like so many ppl. my mom nicely just told me another grp to include -_-. and tt doesn't include her current colleagues (hope she doesn't remain chummy with them after she retires..LOL!!!!!)
then i realized tt if my mom can ask her frens....my dad wld want to ask all his frens too. -_-. this is a sign!!! i shall marry someone with no relatives. LOL!! save money. no relatives, no frens. marry some hermit crab.
...
having psycho-ed ter (previous entry)..i began a happy day! LOL!! falalalala.
so i went off to JEC to meet grace dear coz i had to meet xiong to pass him e gs key so tt he can do accts..anyway scandal for everyone!! grace thinks tt xiong is cute. AIK! LOL...okie...i admit tt he is lahz which was y i showed him to grace dear. =D. anyway...can try matchmaking..LOL!!!!
okie..then we went to Street again to eat. the ee fu mee is seriously nice and it had mushrooms!!! yum yum!!!!!!!! i love mushrooms!! okie..and e crysanthemum tea was so nice too!! yea!!!!
okie...then we went shopping and i got myself a pair of skinnies...happens tt grace dear has e same pair..LOL! oops...but jeans...same pair also cannot tell! but this means tt me and grace have e same top (in diff colour), same bag (in diff colour) and now we have e same jeans (same colour..LOL!) YEA! been wanting long jeans for awhile...lalala. then we went to e tikam machine! and i played it for e first time in my life!!! and surprisingly we got e same tinkerbell accessory. really really very qiao. tikam until so qiao!! LOL!!!
after tt...grace convinced me to take bus with her to cck then go home from there. -_-. sth possessed me to go along with e idea (think we call tt cameraderie and frenship)...so from JE where i can take a 30mins bus ride home...i ended up at cck with a 1hr 15 mins bus ride home!! LOL!!!!!! but it turned out to be a wonderful thing. coz i managed to borrow 4 books from e library and amazingly 2 of them are in chi!!!!!!! *gasp* pleased with e other 2 as well..neil gaiman and margaret atwood. LOL!! YEA! surprisingly cck lib has quite abit of bestsellers. and i got for myself a pair of denim berms!! gosh..been wanting tt for awhile too..LOL!! and it was on a sale!!!! LOL!!!!! so i very happily left cck.
my bus went on and on and on...then i decided tt i was thristy...and no! i din stop at orchard to get a can of atas coke. i stopped at chinatown. LOL!! at ck dept store...and walked pass lucky chinatown, ended up at chinatown pt and got for myself ice lemon tea from e macs. ritch will noe how stupid tt is. coz lucky chinatown has mac too. LOL!!! but well..sometimes u need to do nonsensical things in life on an urge. my urge was a good one!! coz i saw a very very nice hp accessory at $2. it's some sch uniform looking thing tt's red. SO nice!!!!!!!! LOL. so i got tt. oops! then my decision proved even more amazing when i decided to not walk home and take bus 197 instead. lo and behold!! i ran into yh!!!!! LOL!!! after not seeing her for 1.5 yrs. (oopz). i heard tt familiar voice calling my full name at e bus stop at my place. first tot was...'is it ritch?' nop..voice too high and my full name was called. next tot..was it shan? nop..voice too low. was it jing? nop she's in aust! and.....it was *drumroll* yh!!!!!!!! cld have hugged her there and then. LOL!!! anyway really must meet her to catch up soon. i even forgot tt she lived in my estate, in e same blk as kai and shan. i suddenly tot tt she lived in everton -_- and i asked her wat's her blk number. LOL!!!!
anyway...yepz!! very fruitful day. saw yh...bought alot of nice stuff tt i've wanted for awhile...had a mushroom filled lunch, played tikam machine for e first time in my life!! YEA!!!!!!!!!