kit's realm

LOL...i'm compiling e list of ppl that we're rejecting now. nvr knew tt volunteerg is so hot in NUS. LOL. i'm not like even half way done and i have like 170 ppl on my list of rejections. and i'm waiting for e stupid permit thing to be approved for gc...worried. y's e police so slow!!!!

anyway i had another cool day yest. i woke up at 630am though i wrote tt i wanted to wake at 6...my dad woke up and nua-ed ard! and din wake me. then i tot of ponning coz i was seriously tired and sleepy and wanted to hibernate. so i smsed nu-er le...but i cldn't get back to sleep. just have a naggy feeling abt things. so i cabbed down. like how rare lahz! okie...so i reached and we all waited for sh who was like 1hr+ late!!!! and he still had e cheek to laugh when we announced that our new policy for latecoming is to wait for everyone to reach before starting. and indeed my instincts are right. e station i/cs were so new and joh was so new...then when it started to drizzle no one did anything and chris was playing. -_-. and i had to give joh and e i/cs instructions. irritating. in fact joh irritated me again yest. but oh well...u get used to daily occurances. LOL. anyway...so i was in sch from 8am till 10+pm. gosh. my days are like spent in such ways. BUT!! today is sorta my free day. LOL.

anyway i have to say sth. it's actually quite hard to get angry in an amused way at someone. and i'm amused and glad that u are. =D.

with renewed energy...i continue to pursue my work. 

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another hectic day...key happenings..

1. made sure that i wld be on time for route recce. i was but no one else was. *grumbles* but the recce was fine...somemore this yr our routes seem more equitable though we were a bunch of gals throwing out the names of places to insert in to the routes. *applause*

2. i realized tt i'm quite gd at finding places. bus instinct. =). and i do love bus journeys alone. feels like u have all e world to urself to think abt things, to appreciate things. coz on buses, u dun feel obliged to do sth productive.

3. was wondering how i wld settle my lunch alone...then i tot of ritch! YEA! so we had lunch at our neighbourhood kopitiam then we bus-ed down to bugis while he kept insisting that i'm cheating by skipping vivo. realized tt it doesn't matter wat u eat or e mode of transport. it's e person you're with. or at least i think so. lunch at e kopitiam was fun while we discussed all kinda stuff like 'whatever', eth etc. he was laughing so happily at our misfortune. LOL. then on e bus...we ran into MT!! who was sleeping and who finally woke up to wave hi. it was totally fun discussing the route with ritch..LOL. simple things can be so amazing. and yes yes...i cheated. hit my finger lorz! =P

4. completed e route!!! the last leg was e worst part coz i finally fell asleep on 33. almost cldn't wake up. but C kept calling me to confirm their location...zzzzzzzz. didn't noe tt i'm tt shagged and tired coz i was on a high most of e day until e last leg which just killed me off. debrief rolled along and finally i left for clementi for my usual sessions

5. i waited half a hr for liy and got worried. coz she told me at 6:10 that she'll reach at 6:30 lahz. since she sounded so sure i was certain she would turn up. she didn't. i left at 7. finally her mom called me back coz i was calling her to ask abt liy's whereabouts and liy smsed me using her fren's phone tt she'll reach at 7:10. i told her tt i'm off to sch. coz really....i dun see y i shld accommodate her so much. in this world, no one wld do e same. u make a promise, u keep it. she cld at least have smsed me earlier but no. discipline needs to be enforced sometimes really.

6. so i got to sch for my grp7meeting. it wasn't too bad...=). esp coz i had kfc meltz during e meeting and we got to laugh at T's english...=D. esp coz he pronounces bond as porn. like...'we can porn the councilors' zzzzzzz. LOL. then me and T has a nice chat on our way home and yepz...we realized tt u can be really gd frens with someone yet have nothing to talk abt on e bus home coz he was thinking abt himself and chri...which surprised me. i guess.....tt e only one who wld nvr have this prob with anyone wld be crappy ching. i felt e same way with xr in e morning lorz. LOL

i simply hope....tt you feel the same magic as i do.

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i wld advise ritch to not read on...unless u want to hear abt politics.

as i speak over msn tonite to my dearest grp7....i realized some things that somehow tugged my heartstrings...when laogong disagreed with e slpover thing...i just felt my heart sink. coz i know him to well to noe that he wld impose his will on e others. we discussed as grp7, we voted, we trashed things out...but really...every PD has diff styles. and his is an authoritarian style. i dun discount that perhaps he noes best with his wealth of exp...but a proj is abt everyone taking ownership too. if all decisions are made by one person..there's no need for a comm but for a grp of lackeys mahz. i just felt sad tt T is living under his shadow and trying to effect his decisions when he himself doesn't agree fully with them. acting-pd dun mean acting as e pd himself mahz. but acting e role. sigh. and being unable to escape from laogong's shadow...i have no idea y T ask me wat i wld do for every situation tt arose, every issue that needed to be resolved and i realized tt in some warped way...he's been acting out wat i wld do. and he told laogong tt he dunno wat he cld have done/wld do coz i admitted that if i was in chr's position...i wld have agreed to e slpover too. and T reluctantly agreed coz i wholeheartedly agreed. just a tugging feeling...coz i feel tt T can be capable of so much more if he has his own style, his own voice...

then i felt sadder when i see my dearest er zi struggling to get his tots heard...he has idealistic tots of a utopia tt T and laogong cannot appreciate. he felt e need to air them and it made me sad to noe tt actually er zi is really very capable. yet, e role of acting PD was not passed to him coz he's still young and ppl won't listen to him. i agree tt there will be ppl who dun cooperate coz really...he gives too much autonomy to individualism, to freedom of choice, trust that everyone's adults with brains. but...it's sad that things are like this. my struggling er zi. 

i rem wat yf asked me e other time...abt who i think is a better catch, ritch or er zi...and i said tt er  zi is too playful and childish...not stable enuf, not mature enuf....i definitely was wrong abt e not stable and not mature enuf thing. and i'm proud that er zi chu dao into e club partly from my encouragement. and yepz..chong mama's personality test is very accurate. me and er zi are really twin souls with very similar ideas, tots, maturity, madness etc. from our coconut dances to our discussions over the autonomy that members shld have.

tugs at my heartstings to noe that such a fine talent is buried somewhere in e politics...sigh 

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now for e 2nd part. LOL.

after gc...taking C's advice i took bus to bishan and i'm proud to say that i found e way! LOL. changed bus a total of 3 times to get to e home though. but i'm on concession in prep for e route recce on tues. wheee...quite fast though. he's right...takes abt same time as taking bus to mrt station then mrt-ing down then taking bus again. =D.

anyway by e time i reached..most of e things were done and i simply helped to prep the things we need then looked at e PA system, try to rem oldies that we can sing etc. can't really rem wat i did coz i was so sei then. told myself not to sleep on e bus though i almost fell asleep which is rare for me. not a bus-sleeper. anyway...i was amazed tt i made a meaningful comment during e debrief despire my sei-ness and me not being ard for e stuff they're debriefing abt. LOL.

after all tt sei-ness...finally we got into e car and i was wondering y ritch din ask everyone if they wanted to have dinner..but it didn't matter coz my after-pah-activities schedule is just to follow ritch and e car. so i got on and tried to fall asleep. and after a short while, dinner was mentioned. LOL. and we went to ECP!! for seafood!!! at that long stretch of shops place. forgot e name of e stretch. but i realized tt i am quite timid sometimes. LOL. coz first time there and first time seeing such aggressive waiters/waitresses trying to get us into their shops. it's like i din dare to look at them. LOL!! then stupid ritch told me to find a shuai ge then we can enter. LOL. i wanted to say sth back to him but i didn't of coz. LOL. =P. so we walked ard quite abit coz i can't find a shuai ge when i'm afraid of looking into their faces. finally he gave up and told us to choose betwn his two fists which represent diff eateries so i randomly hit one of it then we went over...and gosh. he's seriously a chinatown boy. LOL. coz he was in a singlet and chewing his gum...then he asked if they have discounts for any credit cards..they said no...then he motioned for us to walk off.. LOL.it was e way he did it. LOL. like a chinatown ah seng. not bad...cluedo shld recruit ppl like this. hidden talent. and he had a green worm tattoo too! (from e paint). then i realized tt i felt abit scared of him...but e funniest part was that i was scared of him but wanted to hide behind him coz i'm scared of him? must be e lack of sleep. LOL.

anyway...after some ah-senging at diff eateries...we settled for jumbo where he didn't even ask if there's discount coz he liked e place. -_-. LOL. so we had zi cha...nice nice..e food was fantastic..and e scenery was really nice (oops! i can't rem if we cld see e sea/pond) but can see e sky. and as of the day before....the same surreal thing happened..ppl talking abt me in front of me. LOL. this time it wasn't joh trying to scandalize us but ed trying to scandalize me and ritch coz he wanted water...zzzz. and he asked if ritch wanted 'wan' and ritch said tt he wanted 'one'. which was absurd. LOL!! coz he wanted water and not one mahz. LOL. illogical arguments...think we all very sei. anyway e conclusion was tt i'm not 'wan' in e first place. then i said tt i feel like i'm full of rice (like a wan/bowl)

then we played zhong ji mi ma to finish e food though there were many ppl waiting. then e waitresses kept wanting to clear our food but we refused to let them clear..coz we playing mahz!! and e front part was super funny. coz ed and hm kept eating and me and ritch were on a winning streak. then of coz...luck ran out. and i ate quite alot of rice lahz....coz e other thing left was like capsicum and onions. -_-.

anyway it was fun and we took many many photos esp me and hm..LOL!! quite fun. and oh yah!!! can watch ppl do e cable-windsurfing thing and laugh. LOL. but it's really cool. too bad i can't swim for nuts.nice watching e 'fatties' fall and e 'terrorist' with his stunts. they were so evil lahz. esp when this guy did a thumbs-up to his gf. then they said he show off..then in e next round he really fell. LOL! then they were so happy. LOL. goodness. great way to disstress..got nice wind too. anyway we did that before dinner. and we had a stroll around e rather big pond after dinner with a few PRCs commenting that e 'hai (sea) very nice' or sth. then i said tt i shld teach them abt scale. very geographical then finally ritch was nice!! and we drove hm home. =). then we were driving in e general direction of home when he decided tt he wanted durians. then he asked if we wanted. as usual i'm okie with anything with regards to food while ed say 'okie lorz....' then ritch said 'so mian qiang then forget it lorz'...then drive somemore then he said 'so..want not want not??!!' LOL! and tt was how we ended up in chinatown with durians. yumz. LOL.

tt's generally my summary of e day. and i realized tt it was a very sei day coz my gs ppl were all abit sei..and my pah ppl were even more sei. LOL. oh yah. ritch's fav line when he's sei is to ask me to drive us home. so finally...i made him a promise tt i'll learn driving within the next 5 yrs and drive him. promise. LOL. but still...will prob have no car then. but promise le. 

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i looked at my results yest..and k ahz. i lost my sem-to-sem upward trend. gosh. but it was totally expected and i am grateful that overall...my CAP still improved. though it's by 0.01. i'm quite baffled by one of my mods though. tut participation was 10% (i won't blame e tutor for failing me for that i guess...though i dun think he failed me since i had MC for one and went for make-up tut for e other one tt i missed] but still..e CA was 30%..i got A+ and i got a B overall. hmmmm. thinking whether to do a review.assuming that i got 0 for tut participation...to get from a A+ to a B (esp when most ppl din do well for e term paper) would mean...then i got like only 58 marks for e exam??? i didn't think it was that bad bahz....thinking. but still....it's mafan and i'm just...........not a slicker for grades. *shrugs* not that ppl who do reviews are lahz. just that i rather spend e thing doing that admin on other stuff like doing my MOU for example (also admin but i feel as if i get money. though i dun keep it..LOL!!)

anyway...it was fun checking results together..every yr i check my sem 2 results with e gc ppl. and we flashed it on e big LT projector screen this yr. more exciting with more ppl checking together. LOL. anyway i was pleased with my tourism mods. indeed a gd strategy to do them tgt. ;).

gc went on fine. hosting wasn't that hard. though i felt a lil like a flower vase yest. but well...it feels gd to look extra nice once in awhile. =). e kids were interesting and had quite a few funny qns. though many were valid. looking at e kids made me think abt my attachment. hope i get nice kids for attachment too. but perhaps e kids will kill me during attachment. i realized that i have a weird habit. i will ask a qn and expect everyone to answer en masse. like 'are we ready?' then i will wait for a 'yes'. LOL!! hope i get responsive students in future. i dun want to talk to myself manz.

anyway prior to gc (2 days before)...i must say tt i was super pissed. coz we were supposed to have a briefing e day before e event as well as a dry run. no one knew wat time we were supposed to meet lahz!!! no coordination at all. and in fact...i got so pissed that i decided to imprison everyone in e clubrm prior to the event which explained e sleepover and resultant popsicle-ization. LOL!! all of us woke up the next day with a slight cold. but i must say that it was really fun. for me...it was e first time i slept over in sch for a gs event. it just feels diff when u sleep over before an event. seriously feel a sense of ownership. e more u pia for sth..u more u feel for it mahz. applies to all things in life. but my anger had dissipated after having a chat with S over e phone before we met in sch le. so i went over as crazy as before. it's really freaky when someone who's usu not angry gets angry. if i'm in SAF...there will prob be many emergency mobilization exercises. LOL. i just called/smsed everyone at at 2am telling them to bring sleeping bag, change of clothes and toiletries lahz. emergency mobilization...they had like 12 hrs to pack (assuming they dun sleep) tt kinda thing. i'm mad.

anyway...e day before gc (sleepover day) was off to a bad start when S smsed everyone a diff set of instructions from me. -_-. but it didn't make a diff..LOL. coz all who cld meet just met at e time i told them. which was damn sad. but it's a blessing in disguise coz we met at 1...did e log stuff, setting up etc till 9pm. imagine if we met at 5 which S set...we wld set up till 1am!!! in LTs with aircons tt off after 12. and i wldn't have had my 3hr meeting. can't imagine how i had a 3hr meeting when there was only 2 msgs to convey. but of coz they were impt enuf msgs for everyone to end up sleeping over. but somehow...i conveyed them with no hard feelings and we took photos with e LT clock that showed 00:54 (can't wait to put tt pic on msn)...LOL!!! val dear commented that it's the latest meeting she had ever had excluding FOC meetings. (but FOC meetings were also conducted by me last yr mahz!! no choice. val dear....u're stuck with me at nite for meetings...muahahahah).

then yepz...we proceeded to clubrm to sleep and say C and J. J as usual was a gentleman to everyone...and as usual...all my frens who see him will ask me abt him and his English gentlemanliness. LOL. as we discovered that val has some flair for telling if two ppl are attached. coz typically if u walk into a rm at 1+am...and see 2 ppl watching a movie on e sofa and they're going to be sleeping over..just 2 of them...u wld think they're tgt mahz. so i tot i shld clarify for them and when i told e rest...val said tt she cld tell. like WOW!!!

anyway...after e popsicle-ization...i had 2 tau sa paus for breakfast!! papabird has made paus worth mentioning. then we had our event. YEA!!!

one part down..two parts more to go. more flower-vasing in due time.

on a side note...2 interesting things happened:

1. joh trying to scandalize us to J but i absolutely ignored him and continued g-chatting with rubz even when he leant really close. LOL. so he failed. anyway J doesn't carry tales. but joh was super zzz saying things like he joined eth and gs only coz of me and stuff like he'll follow me anywhere....kinda thing....it was just a laugh coz he tried scandalizing someone who doesn't care wat he says to someone who wldn't care wat he said either..super funny!!

2. xr was funny too. coz he came to sch at 5.30...thinking we had to meet at 5 and he was pissed coz he called zq who gave him e msg who din ans...then he called S who din answer either. then finally he called me and i told him tt briefing's at nite and that we're setting up now and he was angry (rubz's right..we'll be too if we're in his shoes....but oh well!!). and he scolded me!! LOL. then i just said sorry that he got e wrong msg and kept apologizing lorz. then we put down e phone. then he smsed me sorry and he's super apologetic he did that and everything and he said tt he shld have scolded S and not me. then i just ignored him sms lorz. LOL!! then he smsed S to scold her!!!! and e funniest part was that right after tt sms...he sent another to apologize. totally bizarre. but S ignored him too..LOL!!! then finally he called rubz today (aik!!) and asked if i cried. LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he asked if i hid in a corner to cry. super funny. i totally forgot that he scolded me e moment we hang up lahz...rubz was so amused that she had to call me str after e call to tell me tt xr was wondering if i cried.

my tears are reserved for special ppl.

anyway...i told rubz that he shld have told him tt i cried just to make him feel guilty. then we decided tt i prob had fled to e toilet for super long and re-entered the room with a red face and that i was pensive and quiet e whole nite. that wld conform to expectations. LOL!!

updates on pah on e next post 

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yest i got to watch a vcd...that i bought a yr ago. LOL. it was indeed interesting. didn't really watch it coz i didn't like gore in movies and it's some boxing thing. LOL. but!! i bought it coz richie ren's in it (now i feel weird typing that name) anyway yea! i love richie ren (e artiste). LOL. he's just super cute. nice hair, nice tan, nice smile. *dreamy* anyway...miraculously...it wasn't a bloody movie. though it's not exactly nice except for e fact that richie looks nice in it (feels damn weird typing this..surreal feeling) anyway. yah!! richie ren. LOL. but he really looks very nice in e movie (repeating myself not coz i'm crazy abt him but coz it feels surreal and i want to make sure of i dunno wat). argh!! i think i lack sleep. but u get e idea. he just looks nice in e movie. his hair and smile were e perfect combi. but despite e lacklustre movie which was slightly redeemed by his brilliant smile, e movie was just weird. surreal! keyword for today. coz at e end of it...i listened to e song that accompanied e credits (i usu do that for vcds. no peer pressure to leave). and wow...at e end........there were MTVs!!! like wth. LOL...and e funniest thing is that e songs were by nice artistes like rene liu (liu ruo ying) but they were obscure songs that sounded horrible!! like utterly tuneless. LOL. madness. then finally e last MV as a song by richie ren. in fact he was a co-director of e movie that he starred at which included an MV that he recorded for his song???? super weird vcd. and it's bought from HMV for goodness sake!! LOL! but his song sounded even nicer after 3 tuneless nonsense before that. LOL!!!!!!! i realized tt he has a nice sincere voice.

anyway. today. LOL. did log. wouldn't want to bore with details but i am getting better at reading e street directory!!!! yea!! i was nice though. got doughnuts!! and lucky ritch, zq and mabs benefitted. LOL. oh yah...me and my mom too. yea! tasted good and e best thing was that i saw my junior selling them. it's really been awhile and she looks even prettier now. can still rem e poor gal and her heartbreak over e jerk. LOL!! no choice. i am just prejudiced against that guy..esp since i noe like 3 ppl who were so upset over him.

anyway!!! yea!! funnies:

1. ritch told us that we were supposed to walk into this entrance thing at e newat*r plant. and we believed him though that place looked really really weird and did not resemble any entrance and was empty. having walked like 10 steps into it..we discovered an overwhelming stench. and escaped!!! LOL. then we looked to our left...and saw e office. -_-. thanks ritch for e nice tour to demostrate e stinkiness of e plant and making us walk into a 'shithole'. LOL!!!! we....hor-lanned (got lost) on foot. once again...thanks to ritch. LOL!!!

2. okie...this isn't really funny...but i realized that e best way to stack things is to layer them in a criss-cross manner!!! wonderful! since we're on such 'things learnt'/debrief/post-mort em stuff...i also learnt that it's not useful to buy doughnuts to eat on e road coz ritch is busy driving and i'm busy reading e map. how to eat??

3. e last funny isn't funny. =(, maybe i shld stop classifying this section as funnies. they aren't funny anyway. shld just call it 'random nonsense'. anyway...this guy called me...cldn't understand wat he was saying so i hung up. and he called again lahz!! unknown number mahz..so had to answer e call. he asked for 'fourteen cans' or so i heard. which was surreal. reminded me of e green tea tt we got for free today coz of our purchases. anyway i told him tt i dun sell stuff and hung up thinking that he's just some weird guy trying to place orders for something while may explain his weird slang. then he smsed me!!!!!!!!!!!! and he typed what i tot was fourteen cans as 'fu*king can?'  super super zzz. so i replied (great..i'm talking to a pervert) and asked how he got my number! and he said he saw it from a toilet door and he's from m'sia (wonderful. an overseas pervert) then he started asking me like where i'm from etc and i ignored him. LOL. super weirdo.

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i was thinking today....tt it really boils down to wat kinda life i want. a peaceful ride or one with bumps and slopes tt go up and down. most ppl who noe me prob noe wat kinda rides i like...but maybe nowadays...i'm on e road more...i realize tt nice peaceful rides are nice too..though ritch calls it automat-dunno wat. LOL. of coz i would opt for e bumps. but tiring. really really tired. more tiring than standing ard with shoes tt bite me. speaking of tt..really proud of myself. i think i bought e correct set of thingies for my wound. LOL. din get plaster coz wound too big!! and i got gauze and e brown tape thing. looked pretty neat. prob was tt i din wash my wound before sticking e things on. LOL!!!! but well..better than nth...

i felt the distance. feeling very luan. u make me wonder. you make me doubt.

it's like i'm in a bubble tt can burst anytime...and i'll simply drop into an abyss and i wouldn't even noe wat lies beneath. e distance is suffocating. i cannot express how much i wld wish to reach out and care for u. yet everytime, i fear to only touch emptiness.

it's true tt u cherish above all else e things u lose. i nvr thought that sth so small can be significant to me until today when i felt so lost without you. realized tt you're right..i'm dependent. but i believe tt i am brave coz of u as well. all depends on e scenario.

i wonder y i keep having to go thru this all-too-familiar cycle of love and loss and then new love. 

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realized tt i can type chi on my pc!! thanks to C who has been corresponding with e taiwanese students in chi!! so finally i can express some of my tots in chi. not tt i'm cheena...but i've always felt that chi is an emotive language...and beautiful language and can convey certain feelings better than eng. always felt that chi is e lang for sadness and eng e lang for anger.

so all i want to say it:

我愿意等待。但我� ��到了尽头。。。� �能还是一无所有。

那么得没把握。。� ��。。却又不肯放� �，不肯灰心。

多希望你有一样的� ��觉。 我祈祷，你的生命� ��终究能有一个我� �

anyway...on a less depressing note...i bought:

2 pairs of shoes

1 shirt

1 necklace

1 jacket

4 hairties

1 hello kitty cushion.

no time to shop mahz..one time buy everything. had great fun. thanks grace dear!! 

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very amazed, very gan dong and very xin tong.

all at e same thing. really can't believe tt ritch got home after driving from 9am to 8pm and managed to type that insanely long email. really a very gd PD lorz...too gd maybe. but everything is running smoothly coz of his constant surveillance bahz..every minute detail. really gan dong tt i have a PD who feels so strongly for a proj and who's so willing to sacrifice sleep, sanity and health. and very xin tong too.

it was indeed a fun and crazy day. went to HM's place and picked up tons of newspaper (felt so garang guni). after much carrying..i realized tt i haven't sweated like tt in a long while. and 3 of us were like dripping sweat after tt lahz. LOL! but a worthwhile experience. then we picked up more supplies then went to sch then went to e home. =D.

e funny part was that i was supposed to read e street directory and e route thing. i was okie for e first and second stop. LOL!! e third was just mind-boggling. e stupid bedok reservoir rd stretches for eternity lahz. had zilch idea which part we were on all of e time. LOL! and e online guide mentioned an exit tt we did not even see. but of coz we survived by e miracle of well-linked expressways in sg. 

and of coz it was heartwarming tt when we were moving things at clubrm...JK woke up to help us...yz too!! despite their lack of sleep...see!! they are nice. well everyone agrees tt JK is nice. nicest gentleman on earth. shakes hands with u everytime u sees u and says 'good day/good afternoon/good evening' to every single person!! esp nice to all gals. LOL! and yz is nice too!! hint to ritch.

anyway...during e moving..i realized a few things...comserviceclub guys very nice..like to snatch things from me to carry. and also tt e gals are strong!! LOL. and i realized sth else!! tt ritch can run faster than me and carry heavier stuff than me. i see this as a physiological disadvantage. unfair. but although he pants after climbing stairs and i dun...when he really is commited and passionate abt sth (moving log). he won't pant!! and he can sprint up stairs. and i run slower than him up e stairs. -_-. but it was fun..like an action movie...we grabbed our last things. yz came to help...we chiong down. ritch was at e bus stop...and i shouted 'go get e van!!' then he ran to get e van and we all loaded our stuff. like action movie!! okie..i'm easily amused.

but today..really xin ku HM le...coz she sat with e log at e back...*bows* and sorry to ritch for making u hor-lan and for blowing e straw paper thing at u when u're so seh. but din noe tt u're tt seh till after i blew it and saw ur face..like oops. *bows*

really really thankful tt i can help e ID
really really thankful tt i got to noe so many ppl better esp my fellow siao char bohs, HM, my fellow lye aka sister, JL aka da bao and of coz ritch.
and of coz i'm most thankful for e fact tt i'm in e proj

fate works in such a weird way tt sometimes...it's not e time tt matters as well. u can u/s someone so deeply w/o noeing e person long. maybe e more u noe someone...e more irreplacable e person becomes. i'm really quite lousy. LOL. i think i noe u well...yet i can nvr be sure tt wat i think is correct. dense? a lack of confidence? instinctively noe tt i am biased in my view of things?

but i guess tt all tt matters now is that we're happy and most imptly that u're happy. really. =D 

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i wonder if i expect too much from ppl. maybe i take things too personally. everyone who works with me/work under me/works above me...i treat each and everyone as my child, sister, brother...i cheer everytime u all take a step forward, overcome a difficulty. but whenever u ppl make a mistake, give up...u ppl walk off noeing tt e mess will be cleared up. everytime i watch u ppl do sth like tt, my heart bleeds a lil.

every fatal mistake makes me wonder if it's a lack of aptitude or a sign that u dun care enuf. every white flag makes me wonder if i'm not doing a gd job motivating each and every one of u.

i hated it when S din turn up for meeting when she's e PD.
i hated it when dan said he wanted to drop out of FOC coz he has cheerleading
what made me snap was when J told me tt he can't call 83 schs coz he has other commitments. esp frustrating when J's other commitment is ethe. and i'm in both and more. why cldn't he understand tt being in more than one proj doesn't mean sharing ur efforts into some 50%-50% formula? but a 100%-100% total 200% formula? i can frankly say tt i'm putting in at least 90% per proj. heartbreaking tt ppl dun even try putting in all they can but just claim that they cannot do anymore than 50%.

really really heartbreaking. mamaleong was rite...i treat my ccas as if they are my babies...and most than tt...i treat everyone in my ccas as my dearest children. i cannot take it when one gives up trying to walk and say tt he's contented with crawling for e rest of his life.

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feel like 'bao-ing'...i.e. exploding. sigh. it's always e same person and e same proj tt's giving me problems. cannot understand y S will tell me tt she done checking e letter and ask if i can send it out today. when i replied tt i'll send at 2pm...she din reply.

at 2pm...i realized tt she din send me my letter back so i dunno if she edited it. so i called her, no response..i smsed. and waited for 2 hrs. then she gave me her email acct password. zzzzzz. i dun u/s y some ppl can tell u to do sth yet not foresee that u are unable to do it coz tt person has not given u e item. it's like...telling u to pare an apple when tt person nvr give u e apple. zzzz. and u can't buy e apple from anywhere else either. really confounding.

anyway...finally i settled more GC stuff since i'm in sch and i compiled my pah list with e details from e others...abit worrying tt abt 10 ppl dropped out from e 9th on P's list. must really plug in e gaps. came to sch with e intention to call volunteers lahz. but problems. sigh.

okie...next up...time to read my ethe program proposal to prep to comment on papabird's program later.

it's times like this..when i feel overworked tt i just want to find a field somewhere with a nice breeze...lie down and not think abt anything except for e cool wind against my face. i shall not look at my calender to select a day. it seems rather impossible.

for now...i just want to be a simple gal. 

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so busy tt i am forgetting my name, my earrings, my tv shows..even forgetting tt it's time to sleep. but i haven't forgotten u. =). i smiled. LOL. hope tt's e right reaction.

anyway...yah..busy. i dun understand how anyone can end up with so much work...but really really really have to thank 3 impt ppl...

1. e most impt one..is my nu-er. for being ever so willing to 'snatch' my ethe work from me. thanks so much nu-er...i noe tt when we started we agreed tt i'll do more during term time and u'll do more during e hols coz u want to study. but still...paisei abt u doing say...70% of e work. =X. and i noe tt u're free-ing me up so tt i can advise kris more for her duties. but still paisei. coz advising isn't as shiong as admin mahz. though u will argue tt u noe less abt programmes. but still..nu-er..i love u!! LOL. really mei you sheng cuo ni.

2. JL and ed for offering to help with PAH stuff  and even offering to take some of my part. especially thankful to JL rather than my gals coz afterall they're not in my cell mahz. esp coz JL called 60 ppl. LOL. and amazingly he finished. okie lahz..i'm not bad too k...i called slightly over 60 le..just tt my list has 200 ppl mahz. LOL!!!! and really..i realize tt e ppl who have indicated dates more enthu. quite a few ppl from my 60+ are working/interning.

3. ritch for giving such clear deadlines and for settling some of our games for us..from conceptualization to e log. feels weird to have e PD do stuff for me then ask for our comments. and i commented tt he shld change part of e thing. LOL!!!!!!!! but thanks really.

my worries now are endless...

1. ethe w/o a PD. realization that there is a need to babysit. and realizing that somehow e task fell upon my lap since i'm e only one who has ever PD-ed a camp in e com. and tt somehow i can think of programme-related issues. i'll jiayou. 

2. gc. dept breathing down on me...S feels so inexperienced, slow....she can't even make a timeline. sigh. and she still hasn't emailed everyone e timeline despite telling her so. crawling crawling crawling. i'll have to remind everyone tt we start 26th. it's now e 14th in case no one has noticed. more babysitting.

3. clashes. coz of gc's timeline changing drastically coz of funding issues and dept intervention..now. both of e dates of gc clashes with PAH.  

i'm kinda sick of babysitting. i've nvr liked to babysit. i used to tell ppl back in JC tt i can lead..but at any time of e day. i wld much rather facilitate/advise. i believe tt ppl have e ability to learn on their own lehz. but sometimes........e learning route is too long. and we got no time i.e. gc, ethe. i used to give S alot of autonomy and authority. suddenly...these days...i'm snatching things from her/telling her wat to do step by step. dun like e way things are like.

life's fun though esp in e clubrm. LOL. stupid scandal creating. e scandals are so stupid tt i have fun laughing.  they have stupid things like us doing banana split?? watever tt is also no one noes. LOL. they just laugh at wat they dun understand. LOL. then there's stuff like how i tie up ritch's hair?? which i cannot imagine anyway.anyway e funniest part was tt laogong kept saying tt he's sad to leave coz my scandal is so happening now. -_-. in fact he invented all e stories with tiong lahz. two of them invented a basket of stories and editted existing stories...from 'i just had my meeting at ritch's place lorz...then so fun!! me YT and P played volleyball with his cushion!!' to --> 'i went to ritch's house. so fun! we played volleyball with his cushion'. zzzzzzzzzz. no mention of meeting, change of e ppl i played volleyball with.

anyway...yepz...tt's it. 

few things i've been pondering over:

1. cca...it's not e number of ppl in e comm that matters but e willingness, drive of each of them. [comparing gc to pah]. and it's not just e willingness and e drive...but sometimes..it's e ability and e experience too. [thinking of ethe]

2. love. recently i realized tt most love is selfish [with regards to ting's case. it's usu a 'but i need u coz of this', 'i'm happy with u']. i realized tt i am loving w/o agenda. which freaks me out. i dunno y but i dun care if i'm happy...if i'm doing things in vain...if i'm thinking too much. i only care tt i am respecting ur decision, ur choices, ur actions. even if they contradict...i dun qn. that's really freaky to me. when u do/say things tt make me happy...tt happiness is magnified. but strangely...when u do things tt upset me, they become a passing cloud. coz i feel that if tt's wat u want/feel...i can respect tt coz u have ur reasons. and i dun want to force/push/stress u into anything.

haven't been upset for quite awhile actually. =D

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做你的男人
作曲:陈台证
作词:陈台证 何启弘
编曲:屠颖
演唱:张信哲

张信哲-做你的男人

东京纽约每个地点
带你去坐幸福的地� ��铁
散步逛街找电影院
累了我就帮你提高� ��鞋
塞车停电哪怕下雪
每天都要和你过情� ��节
星光音乐一杯热咖� ��
只想给你所有浪漫� ��节
让我做你的男人
24个小时不睡觉
小心翼翼的保持
这种热情不退烧
不管世界多纷挠
我们俩紧紧的拥抱
隐隐约约我感觉有� ��笑
藏在你嘴角
让胆小的你在黑夜� ��
也会有个依靠
就算有一天爱会变� ��
人会变老
就算没告诉过你也� ��道
下辈子还要和你遇� ��