...
haven't blogged anything substantial in awhile...
1. exams over. been an interesting period in my life esp when i had only 5 hrs to study for entire modules. LOL. i'm relatively unscathed as of now. but the real thing only kicks in when e results are released.
2. new tuition kid. just met her just now. quite pretty. LOL. but a quiet gal...i dun like giving tuition to quiet ppl somehow. when they dun respond i get worried abt whether i'm going too fast. and she's from crez!!!! LOL. and she noes who's my niece. amazingly small world. i haven't asked if she noes corn though.
3. met ting and qi e other day to get a gift for shan. ended up not getting e gift coz shan wanted something specific and will inform us of e location when she's decided. we ended up having dinner. LOL. imagine ting...coming down from boon lay to orchard..for dinner. LOL. we went to sakura at far east for sze cha. had a craving for e non-fastfood since i had burger king earlier in e day with val and matt to mark e last day of my papers. so we went to sakura which they were not convinced existed in far east (somemore ting worked at far east lahz) and i was there 2 yrs back. but amazingly we arrived at e entrance and it was indeed there!! and i remembered my meal there 2 yrs back with Y who was so excited over hor fun. coz he claimed tt it was exotic since he doesn't eat it. hard to find halal hor fun i guess. but anyway..me and e gals had fun!! afterwhich, they took my suggestion and shang yue with me along orchard while we talk cock...it was fun!!
4. today i was supposed to meet ritch at e kopitiam for a drink. then robz nicely asked me out for dim sum with him xh and papabird. LOL..which tempted me. then i tried to change e time with ritch who cancelled it. LOL. then blur me was supposed to meet them at 1120 but i tot it was 1020 when i woke up!! so i smsed robz after i left my house at 1015 and told him i'll be 10 mins late...then he replied telling me it's 1120. -_-. realizing my mistake. i decided to go to sch first and grab e faxes for gc....so i boarded 97....two bus stops from SRC...i realized...tt i din bring my gsrm/mailbox key. like damn. so i took 97 back to vivo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
conclusion? my brain doesn't work w/o breakfast. in fact...i felt slightly faint. gosh. as i sat at e bus stop oppo SRC and felt faint...mr robz was nice enuf to sms and say tt he'll come down earlier to pei me...so finally i reached vivo. and he wasn't there yet. like....so early. LOL. and he arrived on time. LOL!!! but i guess tt it's really early by his standards...then we decided to go eat first...and he smsed papabird and xh tt 'we go eat first' then papabird called him asking who is 'we' coz i was e surprise!! then anyway since robz eng usu got prob.. papabird din ask too much. then papabird appeared and he was so surprised to see me!!! *proud of myself*
finally xh came. LOL..so late lahz. but it was fun getting to noe xh. she's a really nice gal and i attached e correct face to my imagination of her. anyway we had a truckload of food...during which robz confessed tt they were going for e skyride and luge. -_- and he made me go along. zzzzzzzzzzz. i wanted to run off after dim sum then xh grabbed me and told me not to be scared. and papabird started telling me abt riding up a steep hill..which robz said was a gentle slope. then papabird said 'dun worry...u're just driving some e luge on a 30 degree hill' then robz said 'no lahz!! 10 degrees only'. LOL!!!! and papabird added 'when i went last yr with ethe grp 5...i didn't dare go on it'...like so reassuring. papabird has brilliant powers of persuasion.
finally we ended up at e base of e skyride. papabird was so freaked out but he kept saying tt he's a guy. so we got on...and i was scared...so since i'm scared i decided to express it in an entertaining way by asking for my mom and robz and xh were happily taking photos esp of me and papabird.. but after like 30secs...i wasn't scared le. LOL. coz at e beginning must anticipate e high part mahz..get ready. so i was done with feeling scared after 30 secs. but after tt initial 30 secs...robz and xh were scared for e rest of e ride!!!! LOL. which lasted like a few mins. so stupid. and they didn't dare look down then i kept taunting them by looking down and saying 'see!! i'm looking down! nice car!!' kinda thing. was super stupid. and e funniest was tt papabird gripped e safety bar really tightly thru-out. gripped my part of e bar somemore. -_-. LOL!!!
then we luged down!! and me, e drive-sure-buang gal...didn't buang!! and i drove fastest too!! LOL. was gd manz. but finally at e end...my luge was touching e side of e narrow lane thingie...and whenever it stalled, robz had to bump me to e front...so stupid. LOL!!! but overall really quite fun. i'll give it a 9 out of 10. unique experience in sg. and i got to wave to strangers today and tell them 'welcome to sg!!' and we walked along e beach, soaked in e sun...took many photos!! =D. worked out e dim sum manz.
shld do this more often. =D
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got this off joanne's facebk..=)
The Quiet World
-- by Jeffrey McDaniel
In an effort to get people to look
into each other’s eyes more,
and also to appease the mutes,
the government has decided
to allot each person exactly one hundred
and sixty-seven words, per day.
When the phone rings, I put it to my ear
without saying hello. In the restaurant
I point at chicken noodle soup.
I am adjusting well to the new way.
Late at night, I call my long distance lover,
proudly say I only used fifty-nine today.
I saved the rest for you.
When she doesn’t respond,
I know she’s used up all her words,
so I slowly whisper I love you
thirty-two and a third times.
After that, we just sit on the line
and listen to each other breathe.
Jeffrey McDaniel, “The Quiet World” from The Forgiveness Parade. Copyright © 1998 by Jeffrey McDaniel. Source: PoetryFoundation.org
..
countdown to my 2nd last paper. e one that sends shivers down my spine. in view of the situation. being at lect 2 when my exam is 5hrs away...i found my new fav song. it's cantonese somemore!! has a nice soothing tune. and it's really sentimental and nice. touching song. =D if kbox has it...i sing for u ppl one day~ =D. really like e lyrics too...gosh. k ahz...must study!!
没有月亮的日子
合上眼睛心醉了
没相拥教相拥美妙
明月中摇摇
比那灯泡更闪
但记忆偏偏为何沉 了
若我心在笑
问你会否都在笑
像一起听呼吸对调
何日你回来
给我即使太少
但爱得多深较多较 要
听见你到临
如月色都渐暗
漆黑的森林没有出 不要紧
看过你眼神
谁害怕天地暂隐
漆黑中等到是谁曾 走近
独个走路远
让我两腿总乱酸
未担心我竟去错遇
人月两团圆
虽旧风声更短
但你的祝福却一生 暖
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whoever thinks that i dun exercise must be joking!
having completed my forensic paper after like half an hr...i proceeded to carefully shade in the answers, do e qns all over again to make sure that i still believe in wat i have chosen, then checked once again to make sure that i shaded e correct circles. then finally e first person left!! so i left. LOL!! i just dun want to be e first. then i decided to have mac breakfast..like yum. so i walked from SRC...past e clubrm and tot to myself. shall i eat here?? there wasn't anyone inside so i tot...not too bad! but i was afraid that when i start studying, ppl will start coming in and disturbing me. so i decided to eat in geogsoc rm. so i lugged my laptop, file with notes and a plastic case of notes and ventured onwards...which happened to be upwards since i was going up stairs. -_-. then after a long long walk..i reached engine mac. got my breakfast and since it was still raining..i walked e long, sheltered way back to arts...gsrm. LOL!!!
and yepz..tt's my exercise of e wk. wheeeee~
now~ it is time for poh's paper. almost ending, almost ending. i foresee that i'll be really slack after 7pm tonite. but....i must remind myself that i have not touched LRT at all. 27th will be a long nite and 28th, a beautiful day..=D
...
01) What is the phone brand?
samsung
02) What are the last 3 digits of your mobile number?
080
03) What does the 2nd message in your inbox say?
'Ok try harder den :) ha ha' which was ter's reply to me having alot more to study.
04) Who's the first person who comes up under the letter M?
mabel. LOL!!
05) Who's the last person you rang?
my dad
06) Who was your last missed call from?
john...but it was really long ago on 9th apr. i dun miss calls de lorz.
07) Who's the 2nd person who comes up under D?
dan foo
08) What does the last message in your inbox say?
from rubin sent long long ago with a quote for me...'to know someone here or there...with whom you can feel there is understanding in spite of distances of thoughts unexpressed...that can make this life a garden' -goethe.
09) Who comes up under J?
tons of ppl?? jade aunt, janicia, jason uberpass, jack, jackson, james, janice choir, jan, jaslin, jasmine eth, jasmine futsal, jasmine OH, jason low, jason ng, jason owk, jayne, jean sis, jeffrey moeta, jenny eth, jeremy cs*, jessamyn, jessica owk admin, jian cheng, jianming, jianyin, jiehui, jimmy milo, jingheng, jingjun arts, jingyi, ji'en, jieshi, jiewei, joo chuan, joyce cs*, joanne geog, joanne hm, john cs* camp, john khoo, joleen, joseph tay gs, ju ann, justin tay, juat teng, junjie gs, junhui, junjie befren, junli, justin, justin new, justina
~i hope they dun ask such qns again. e gal tt i copied from only had 2 lines and i tot it would be easy to ans lahz!!
this is a sign that u shldn't call ur child jasmine, jason, john, junjie.
and~ jade aunt is my ah yu auntie...LOL. and jimmy milo is e guy in charge of e milo truck. ;). needed it for my mkting last time...not coz i want to drink milo k~
10) Go to your Sent Items - what does the 10th message say?
dun save msgs~
11) Who's the 4th person who comes up under S?
sam class.
12) Who's your network provider?
starhub
13) How many messages are currently in your inbox?
137
14) What do you have as your background?
pepsi twist in my pooh water bottle
15) Who's the 2nd person who comes up under R?
rachel ltc
16) Who do you have on speed dial 3?
dont use speed dial
17) If you're on Pay as you Go, how much credit do you have?
NA
18) Who's the first person who comes up under C?
car rental.
19) How many bars of signal do you currently have?
full
20) What do you have as your main ringtone?
liang zi liang ren.
...
...
happy coz i found a new person to matchmake to grace dear~ my god-bro (who calls me bro). realized tt he looks abit like wuzun in his display pic..but real life not that much lahz. but still quite cute. my fren had a crush on him for 3.5yrs lahz! LOL!! smart guy...got into local unis but choosing to go overseas to study (some ppl just have too much money). has 5 cars sitting in his home garage...when only 5 ppl (excluding e maid) lives in e house. LOL. and in fact his maid drives...LOL!!!! decided tt he's great for grace dear..since i can still rem asking him to walk to PS from CK Tangs and he asked if we can take a cab..-_-. in e end. i forced him to walk. muahahahahahahaha. i'm just evil.
and i'm thinking. coz ter just messed up my tots. by asking wat i wanted him to write for my frenster testimonial...he asked if i'm expecting him to write tt he loves me. which pretty much shocked me. like.............k ahz! really weird. can still rem y i rejected him back then though e reason was really stupid. but really...everything's sweet. but not ke ku ming xin. maybe if he slapped me...and i kicked him back...things will be more possible. LOL!!! dunno manz. i rem rejecting him back then coz i was too troubled over e Y thing to give him a chance. but i must say tt he stuck by me...in a very bland but stable way. dunno wat i want.
and grace dear wants me to plan her bday party for her...LOL. and she wants sad songs. LOL!! cannot lahz dear....u won't want 80+ ppl listening to sad songs on ur bday party. we shld have happy songs. and sabo grace sessions. i ask my bro. ;)
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one paper down.
highly traumatic...LOL. but well..life is abt accumulating experiences and i'm still glad tt i have accumulate such a bad exam experience. LOL. i can be so weird. think i'm going crazy.
i realize tt i border on extremes. typical of an aries i guess. we love extremes. i realized tt i love being alone...sitting in e gsrm alone, going for walks alone (given that no one whom i noe sees me). i dun like being spotted alone. LOL!! except when i'm in e rm lahz. but on e other extreme...i love being in grps too but i like it when i have enough attention in a grp. dun like being in a grp w/o ppl paying much attention to me. LOL. i thrive on extremes.
recently...been sitting in e clubrm and well...cockroach was really nice and told me gossip. following which, i smsed e person involved i.e. b.han. then he told me not to tell other ppl lorz. so i told cockroach not to spread le. but.....oh well. dunno. really quite a touchy issue now given tt ppl are angry with him for getting attached. and well...i nvr knew that he broke not long ago. but oh well oh well. at e very least...he only knew e gal after he broke so that rules out something more sinister. so in a way....i was kinda not too upset that he pulled out from ethe...since...things may be more complicated if he comes since e new gal will also be there.
due to e complex issue, me, mich and jan concluded that it's tautology to call a guy a jerk since all guys are jerks. LOL!! wat a wonderful conclusion really. so instead of saying 'that's a cute guy!!'...we can just say 'tt's a cute jerk!'. following which, mich showed jan photos of cute jerks and jan tagged along whilst mich met a cute jerk...-_-. LOL!!
i realized...that i am still better suited to be 'zui' than to 'zui' bahz. it's really quite tiring to zui/think abt someone e whole time. it's like after u sms someone...u wait and wait. there's no reply and u wonder if ur phone has some prob connecting to his and e msg died along e way (like wat happens to me and rubz). then u wonder if he's still alive. wonder if he's purposely avoiding u to send u e msg that u shld stop showing ur concern. then u wonder if it's coz he's too depressed/busy to reply. if his phone died. then finally..he replies. when it's some unmeaningful reply...u think tt e whole biz is a waste of time, yet u reply again and repeat e process. when he replies something meaningful...u are happy for awhile. but u noe that e process will repeat itself. i guess that i've been savaging for lil clues for too long. tired from holding on. from trying.
funny but whenever i need comfort...i just think of ter. everything's gd...but it just felt too ordinary bahz. maybe coz we nvr exactly went to class/cca or watever tgt. i dun like ordinary things...i guess that i believe that a love shld be full of ups and downs. rough patches. too smooth....there's no ke ku ming xin element.
i realized...tt QET is damn hard. esp when u're supposed to underline the mistake. e whole sentence looks like a mistake to me. e.g. We are daily bombard with megabytes of spam and other useless communications. supposed to underline one word. LOL!! i think e sentence structure is just wrong. and funny...but all his sentences have a mistake in them at least. but supposedly...there is only one mistake in e whole para. horror!! i would have underlined e whole passage. LOL. really ahz....LOL.
anyway...i had fun today playing hearts. i must have gone crazy from exam stress..but me, my twin sister (who also has e same surname as me..like how rare), papabird and mr cocky played hearts. LOL. have to call him mr cocky manz. see his face and u noe tt he's an egoistic person. guess that of all e ppl reading this..only ritch noes him. ritch can guess who. anyway...so we played like 3 rounds of hearts which took some time. but worth e time. e funniest as when i threw my Queen of spades as a mistake (coz i had other cards). and i ended up taking it. =X. have absolutely no idea y i did it. and none of e other 3 had any idea either. but due to my extremely stupid move...i ended up killing off mr cocky who had all e hearts and wanted to shoot e moon. hence e game ended coz instead of us all getting 26pts...he got like 10 or sth...and exceeded 100. then i was congratulated by e other 2 on a job well done though i cldn't stop laughing for 15mins given e amazing situation. and mr cocky complained to everyone tt my hearts sux. LOL!!! and guess wat...papabird won!! the next game was one of hostility with me and mr cocky being 'so nice' to each other. LOL. and guess wat.....at e last min...papabird won again. really ahz...yu weng de li. LOL!!
and quite scary...coz laogong cried today while we were playing cards. then i realized tt my way of coping with a crying guy who has a fren with him is to ignore him and make alot of noise. coz dunno...due to e social construction of gender...i think tt it'll be malu for a guy if ppl noe tt he's crying. so i just make noise to cover e sound of him crying?? sigh. poor laogong. geog really quite stressful bahz. when i finally went over to take a look..he was still crying (after 1 hr lehz) and yz shoo-ed me away. jialat.
i guess tt diff ppl relieve their stress differently. hope laogong will be okie tmr. =D.
i realized tt i have drawn many squares and i'm waiting for ppl to fill them up. sigh..
...
LOL...just a simple update...
1. been doing my ethe duty. and i realized tt my last duty is on 20th..and my first paper is 21st. *gasp* shocked coz i always tot tt my first paper was on 24th. well...at least i din find out too late.
2. i summarize my CA (or how i think my CA is like) as follows: B, B, B, A-, A. LOL. not that bad given tt one of e B is for forensic which i s/u-ed. LOL!!! so it's B, B, A-, A. got hope. given tt i usu avg B- all e way except for last sem. jiayou jiayou!! and i'm happy this sem coz e mods tt i wanted to do...i.e LRT and power. i got my A- and A respectively. (funny tt my best term paper is a lvl 3k UE..LOL!! change major). but anyway...tt's a gd change. coz usu i do worst for e papers tt i most want to do well in coz i think it's relevant for my future work i.e. edu, phy geog. why i think power is relevant for my future work is a secret. LOL!!
3. i am having fun studying at e clubrm. coz really, xq is right. there's forever someone to suan. LOL!! we suaned from wb and sw to jan and papabird to e usu yf and flor. LOL!! and of coz everyone is so nice coz they volunteer to make hot drinks for u. and there's a nvr-ending supply of biscuits and mentos. and old chang kee, subway, munchies really new. and cheers of coz. but it's stressful studying inside too. coz i realized tt my family all so high-flyer as laogong mentions. there's first-class hons laogong, dunnit to study at all, just suan ppl whole day in clubrm er zi who got 4.0 for his first sem, my nu-er who gets slightly above/below 4.0 most of e time. wah....really ahz. then laogong likes to claim tt two of us are high-flyers. stressed. it's one thing to brag abt urself and fall flat on ur face, another to have ppl brag abt u. zzzzzz.
4. did personality test thingie tt chong mama suggested yest. hmmmm...rather interesting results. like my description of coffee. and how my true love is in reality...qi!! LOL. then chong mommy was traumatised..coz first time someone din get an accurate ans for tt. but we rationalized tt maybe it is e correct answer if i dun like anyone now. maybe i do...maybe i dun. oh well. i've done all his tests before just tt i dun rem e results thingie de. but for once....my ans of 'e one u will nvr forget' has changed. which means tt there are not 2 ppl tt i will nvr forget. k ahz.
5. let me do well this sem....luck luck luck
PS: i got myself free ben and jerry's ice cream today with nu-er and her bf. LOL. yumz.
...
i noe everyone's really stressed over e impending exams...all i have to say is smell e flowers and rem to refill ur ammunition.
happy today coz i finally started really studying for a mod i.e. not doing readings but rather summarizing.and i did it with ting. =D. and it's for my ambiguous power mod tt has no CA results. but how gd can my class participation be?? LOL!! definitely bad. so yah lorz.
and i'm happy coz i changed e ink for 2 pens. one tt i finished and 1 that i dropped previously then e nip died. but anyway! feel happy tt i'm full of ammunition. LOL.
e psychological state matters in exams bahz. rather a happy soldier than a stressed soldier yah?
~beginning to see hope for my exams
~ting...dun be so nice to him. he's trying to make use of u to buy him contact lens solution!!
~jiayou jiayou. jiayou in studying if u're not. jiayou in being a happy student if u are studying now.
and matt!! get well soon!!!!!!!! =D
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why am i blogging at 3am in e morning? let me start with e weirdest thing tt happened today.
some of u will noe tt my hp has a 'weirdo' contact which i constantly renew when there are new weirdos. LOL. i think it started in JC when some stupid clubber kept calling me asking me to meet him whilst i kept telling him tt i'm married with 2 lil boys as an excuse. then it went on to e guy at e hp shop tt zapped my personal details and hp number and contacted me. then today!! i had to edit my hp phonebk once again as there is a new weirdo. some guy called me at like 11+ in e morning asking if he can meet me and tt a fren gave him my number and it will make him really happy if i can meet him. which kinda freaked me out. coz y wld i want to make him really happy?? *shudders*. and he refused to reveal his name. and he said tt he only wanted a yes or no answer. but given e freakiness of the situation, i said......wrong number. LOL!!!! nice of me rite? of coz i promptly saved his number after tt to avoid answering his calls again. sigh.
okie...now e reason y i can't really sleep.
today i went back to e rm after lect and studied with C and his 2 frens. so i made 2 new frens once again. i'm beginning to noe alot of econs majors thanks to C and his utilization of e rm. anyway...it is really nice noeing them esp coz e gal's from pj and i kinda recognize her and her bf. which made them all conclude tt i'm really kpo to go ard noticing ppl i dunno. anyway...e guy's really interesting too esp coz he sprints so much faster than me lahz. i lost by a huge margin which i have a ready excuse for. i was carrying my laptop, a thick brown ring file and a blue transparent case thing (u noe tt kind tt store paper). he offered to help me carry but nice old me said dunnit. think commando can carry stuff tt i cannot carry izzit!! LOL. but really commando run very fast. usu i run faster than/on par with guys lahz. damn. i lost. but i think i lost fair and square.
anyway. yah...i can't get to sleep not coz i made new frens whom i've noticed since JC...and she was so shocked tt i rem her. LOL. and not coz i lost in e sprint for e bus and not coz i heard horrible NS-torture stories abt stomped on sponge cakes..but coz e gal...MH and i were discussing who i noe from her class and i listed Y. and she immediately said 'he's so cute rite??' then i had to agree. then she asked e even more sensitive qn of 'how did u noe him??' coz in truth...he is quite reclusive esp towards non-malays. and to tt i din noe how to answer and said tt it's a long story...and tt starting me thinking abt e past bahz. finally i just told MH tt we were in e opening ceremony tgt and saw each other...then he needed help with singing a chi duet and asked if i wld sing with him...following which i taught him e song but decided not to sing with him instead.
i looked betwn e lines and e parts tt i missed became even more obvious to me. i got to see him in e opening ceremony yes. how i got to noe him? coz he approached me and asked for my number and msn. i realized tt i was shocked tt MH din recognize me coz of Y and all his talk abt how he's been looking at me for a yr while i smiled and laughed and how he wanted to get to noe me. and i rem his chi duet which he wanted to do coz he wanted to show tt lang was not a barrier. i rem e first time he walked in and sat right next to me to e amazement of e malay gals in my class tt this dream guy just walked into their classrm. i entertained endless qns of how i got to know him and ceaseless stares everytime we studied tgt and how e gals loved coming over to see if there were seats. perhaps it was coz of him tt i actually studied for my 'A's. really...it was thanks to him and samm.
then i remembered how he said tt he's sure tt we u/s each other w/o e need for words.
yet.....at e end, he nvr understood y i had to say no when he so absurdly asked if i would marry him one day. it was so apparent to him then tt i liked him. and he was so confident. i crushed him when i said no and he didn't noe y. yet, he didn't give up. tt was in JC2. in yr 1, he still tried to meet me whenever i studied for my exams. yet in yr 2, i told this guy who claims tt we need no words a single word as to why things turned out like this. and tt word was religion.
yet really...it's a very sweet bit of my life which i will rem. =). bitter-sweet i guess.
nonetheless, i keep it in a treasure chest.
it's much better than weirdos who call and dun introduce themselves. totally.
...
happy coz...
...i had dim sum for breakfast yest. despite all intentions to for not-too-expensive dim sum...e shops at chinatown were all closed and we settled for yum cha. which was okie at e end. coz it wasn't as exp as we tot..LOL!! then we went and i got new specs. coz i got voucher mahz. might as well. but now i regret not getting transitional lens. seem so coolz. maybe next time..LOL!! and still thinking abt contacts. dunno. and after tt we went for dessert at ji de chi!! LOL. kinda liked it from e outing...wanted to get e mango one for some time coz i had a spoon of mayi's back then and it was so nice. but too much of a nice thing isn't very nice bahz. LOL. coz i got quite sick of it at e end. oh well. and i can't rem wat i ate e other time i went but i liked it. damn.
...i went and grace dear and rubz! LOL. e company makes e day so much more fun.
...i had a nice scandalizing session yest with my family and some other...;). and my dearest laogong was nice enuf to buy us drinks and even e scandal queen lx decided tt me and laogong are so not worth spreading coz we announce it so loudly that there can't poss be a scandal. LOL. which make e scandalization even more fun coz e target was yf as usual. who of coz loved e attention..yea!
...coz i met a new neighbour!! who stays at blk 4...which is really near too!! just behind ritch's blk i think. ran into her at e bus stop to sch..*gasp* and we were like 'u live here?!' then e bus appeared and we had so much fun chatting on e way to sch...and she's a really nice gal who's doing 'power' with me. coolz rite? my tut mate somemore. we were so shocked to see each other. and in fact she is thinking abt e gs taipei trip!! LOL! i love gals like tt. LOL!! supportive of gs events. LOL!! and we decided tt we shld meet up for meals some time. looking fwd to it. =D. lucky lucky.
...i'm in a clubrm with nice food...and with jm who is mugging maths. makes me happy tt i need not do maths..LOL!!
...
ripped this off frenster..LOL. L has tons of such nonsense. great for distracting myself from my reading. i'm almost done with lect 8 of all my mods. this is my last lect 8 reading. *cheers*
Today Did You-
-------------------
1. Talk to a boy/girl you like ?
>> nop
2. Learn anything new?
>> yah...learnt abt eco-tourism, TNCs, labour.
3.Talked to an ex?
>> nop
4.Miss someone?
>> only a lil. too busy reading and sleeping.
-Last Person Who-
------------------------
5.Laid in your bed?
>> me of coz. no one else has ever lain on my bed ever.
6. Made you cry?
>> hmmmmm...teared abit coz of ting. but din cry. for 'cry' just read e entry sometime back.
7. You went to the movies with?
>> can't rem man!! where got time?! think it was with the click?
8. Went to the mall with you?
>> er....think it's ting, qi, shan as we hunted for my gift
9. You showered with?
>> LOL..myself?
10. Made you laugh?
>> e DJ wu xu ma li. coz she reported on e mr bean thing. LOL
11. Hugged you?
>> val dear during her bday celeb!! LOL. damn. i wanted to hug ting but forgot.
-General stuff-
-------------------
16. Favorite location?
>> gsrm!! LOL. coz i can study/eat/slack inside.
17.Tattoo?
>> dun have?? LOL.
18. What are you most scared of this
second ?
>> readings springing up on me. LOL. exams. coz i'm so ill-prepared.
19. Where do you want to get married?
>> where?? LOL. dunno.
21. Does anyone like you?
>> dunno?
22. Do you like being around people?
>> most of the time
23.Have you ever cried?
>> er...yah?
24. Are you lonely right now?
>> nop~ =D
25. Song stuck in your head?
>> none..listening to radio..LOL
26. Been on radio/TV?
>> yepz..tv. was some stupid gameshow tt i went on with siew mei. LOL. back in sec sch i think..lower sec..some dunno wat thing with chong qing as e host. some chi words show somemore. *pengz* anyway we din win. but i think e 2nd prize (at least din get 3rd which is last) had alot of milk powder...hmmmmm..
28. Ever liked someone who treated you
like crap?
>> nop. dun think so...LOL. i got gd taste wat.
30. what color shirt are you wearing
right now?
>> white
31. Name three things that you do every
day?
>> brush teeth? shower? watch tv? surf net?
32. How much cash do you have on you
right now?
>> $O lahz. sitting on my chair at home...y wld i be holding on to money?
33. Are you bored?
>> nop..LOL. reading's not tt bad. talking to 3 ppl..doing this questionaire thing, got radio. cool enuf.
35. Who got you to join Myspace?
>> dont have .
38. What web site do you visit the
most?
>> gmail. LOL!! i read like once in 5mins when i'm online. yah...every 5 mins at least got 1 new mail. damn. followed by NUS mail. followed by blogs.
39. Do you have plants in your room?
>> nop. unless u consider e gaw wish slips e.g. 5-petal flower, sunflower and e folded roses from my ex-students when i did relief teaching or e soft toy roses from bug and my 'family'.
41. Who was the last person to hug you?
>> er...say le lahz. this questionaire creator lacks creativity/memory skills
-26 SECRETS-
---------------------
1.WHAT IS YOUR DISPLAY NAME ABOUT?
>> er...just random thingie tt represents my name? and a smiley face to represent a usually happy me
2. WHERE WAS YOUR DEFAULT PICTURE
TAKEN?
>> swensens at PS
4.WHAT'S YOUR CURRENT RELATIONSHIP
STATUS?
>> single! wheeee
5. HONESTLY, IF SOMEONE WERE TO TELL
YOU HOW THEY FELT, WOULD YOU LISTEN?
>> yah?
6. WHATS YOUR CURRENT MOOD?
>> thinking tt maybe i drank my pepsi twist down too quickly? a lil sleepy. thinking how to study
7. WHATS YOUR MOST VALUED POSSESSION?
>> hp. LOL. all my contacts inside lahz
8. HOW ARE THINGS IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP?
>> wat r/s?? *looks ard* dun have.
10. IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, AND
CHANGE SOMETHING WOULD YOU?
>> nop...i believe that so far..i have always done wat's best.
11. IF YOU MUST BE AN ANIMAL FOR ONE
DAY- WHAT WOULD YOU BE?
>> lil bird..then can fly ard..wheee
12. EVER HAD A NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCE?
>> nop. not exactly
16. NAME SOMEONE WITH THE SAME B-DAY
AS YOU?
>> dun have. e nearest i noe are corn and ck on 1st april.
17. HAVE YOU EVER SANG IN FRONT OF A
LARGE AUDIENCE?
>> of coz!
18. WHAT'S THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE
ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX ?
>> eyes i think? hair? overall?
19. WHAT DO YOU USUALLY ORDER FROM
STARBUCKS?
>> can't rem. think some mocha frap thing?
20. HAVE YOU EVER HAD A DRUNKEN WEEK?
>> no lahz!! LOL. so free to stay drunk mehz?
21. DO YOU STILL WATCH KIDDY MOVIES OR
TV SHOWS?
>> tv shows sometime. i missed my happy feet though. =(
23. NAME SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED TO YOU
TODAY?
>> woke up at 11 and slept again from 1 to 5?? LOL!!
24. DO YOU SPEAK ANY OTHER LANGUAGE?
>> chi, canton, hokkein. muahahahaha.
25. IS THERE SOMEONE ON YOUR MIND NOW?
>> hmmmmmm...not exactly.
26. WHAT HURTS YOU AT THE MOMENT?
>> nth. maybe i'm still abit upset tt my fren is going thru such shit from some useless guy.
REPOST THIS AS...
41 facts, 26 secrets about me
...
came up with a theory while counselling ting...
seed theory:
Once upon a time, a merchant went into e rural village and approached a farmer with 'miracle seeds'. he told e farmer...just plant them and your yield will double. the famer was pleased and believed him. The entire fortune of the farmer was then exchanged for the seeds. The famer immediately planted the seeds with great love and care - afterall, they cost him his entire life savings. he waited. day after day. he carefully watered the seeds, he gently ploughed the soil. after a week, his children began crying with hunger. they begged him to leave for work in the town for food. his neighbours offered some of their own normal seeds. but the farmer would have none of it. he merely wanted his own miracle seeds to grow. he put in his everything and what if they grow after he leaves but wilts from neglect? Weeks went by, then months...with time...the family died. in a barren field.
moral of e story?
1. e farmer felt that after giving his everything, the plants must grow. often in love, we believe that we have sunk in too much to simply leave. we wait, afraid that we miss our chance. but we seldom realize tt staying on need not mean that anything will come out of it.
2. we tend to ignore our other needs i.e. the children. they are no less important..just that the single-minded pursuit blinds us to our need to live life in its other aspects.
3. why the seeds do not grow:
(a) maybe the seeds were spoilt in the first place - when we start out, we may not know the other person well enough to determine if he/she is really the one for us. we then believe falsely that things will improved based on our expectations of that person or of love. but perhaps our expectations are unfounded.
(b) perhaps the conditions e.g. weather were not suitable - a case of incompatibility. the other person could be the nicest in the world. but can that person grow with you and what do you bring out of the person? we cld provoke the most fiery temper of someone whilst someone may tame the same someone. perhaps the time is not ripe yet, the person is not ready yet. many conditions can play a role
(c)maybe u need to put in extra inputs which u cannot afford/dun have - often we blame fate for making things so difficult when perhaps...the other party had simply wanted something which we simply cannot give e.g. more time, greater understanding and tolerance, perhaps an intimacy which you do not want to give. this then results in disappointments. perhaps we need to assess an alignment what each other expects and what each other wants or see as important.
as i was telling ting..maybe one day i'll write a bk with all these little thoughts that seem so simple but which we often forget. bestseller okie. i'll autograph for all my frens. =D
...
tired. and unfortunately...it's not coz i studied too much. LOL.
ting's been going thru a rough patch with D. and yah lorz...we used a war metaphor for it coz he's simply hitting on every other gal and she's been trying to combat e problem a gal at a time. which i think....is really a waste of time and effort. coz if he wants someone else so desperately..just forget it. but she's been so upset coz she fang bu xia that i decided to help her thinking that there is only this one other gal. and i became her strategist and obviously we won!! LOL. realized tt i can be so scheming. but anyway...tt's beside e pt. after this mini-victory, e next day...she told me that history is going to repeat itself coz now he's talking to this other gal whom he asked for her number.
really...maybe i shldn't have helped ting...or maybe i shld have sabo-ed her instead of helping her. she wld be so much better off single/with someone else. and it's not like she's going to be left on e shelf really. LOL. i have e prettiest sec sch clique manz.
anyway...yah...so just tired lorz. though life is fun. =D. i went out with ting, qi, shan on sat to bugis and we had nice food. =D. e gals were horrid though. they din buy me a gift!!! then they were thinking whether i was waiting for it. LOL. then finally they asked me if we can choose not to go for supper (coz i wanted to intro them to ji de chi since bugis has a branch) and instead go to bugis. junction. then i was like diaoz...i wanted to treat them somemore coz they bought me dinner. then they said no choice. must buy present. -_-||. anyway...so we went bugis at 8+pm and i was have nvr been a more gan cheong shopper. LOL!! in e end. i got a wallet. thanks gals! afterwhich we went to a nice place for a drink. being my nice innocent sec sch frens, shan and qi obviously ordered non-alcoholic so i was taking my cue from ting who got cold choc. so i gave up my champagne+rum+fruit juice mix and went for mango milkshake. big mistake. LOL!! it was just super sweet. anyway...it was quite funny...i asked e waiter to take a photo for us but this other customer offered to do it..so he took e photo. afterwhich, shan e psychologist-to-be told us loud enuf for quite alot of ppl to hear including tt guy...'i dun trust him'. LOL!!!!!
then i went home...and settled ting's thing with her...till 5am. first time in my life when i'm not in a camp that i sleep at 5am lahz. but it's worth it. ting's my new darling anyway~ lesb with me also better than being with tt guy really. and i made myself wake up at 10am on sun coz i din want to morph into a pig. which explains y i'm still so tired. sleep deficit. i really need like 6 or 7hrs a day. i can live w/o. but i will hibernate after say a few days. which i can't afford to now. LOL!
yepz. that's abt it for now. i will jiayou!! glad that gc is well underway. and tt med chkup is proceeding smoothly despite the low number of freshies tt have signed up during e morning slot today. *yawns* i'm going off now for tut. =D
...
had a great time today at val's bday party. i managed to find e place..=D. and i realized tt i'm e only one who went full-heartedly into e environmental theme, bringing my own plate, fork and cup. though everyone thinks tt my plate looks like it's stolen from e arts canteen, and it's bright orange and i had a big red mug tt looked like e ones tt ppl use in jail. e kind tt usu have an orange on top of it. =D
and we got to make a poster kinda thing for val...=D. and i folded a sweet for it!! so i shun bian did one of my angel. can collect from e clubrm soon!! LOL. prob after monday if i rem to put on monday. horz?
anyway...after e great fun with taboo, boggle and uno attack, i came home expecting peace and quiet..but got into a grp chat with yf, jm, ching and laogong. potent mixture. e.g. yf, ching, me. we so yi chang yi he...as we invented yf/flor scandals. super fun. esp when he started drawing baskets when i asked him wat's sialan in its usage as a verb. he said tt it's 'to blind a basket'. but thankfully my very coolz, streetwise, vulgarity-savvy laogong enlightened us all. and after like 2 hrs..yf has become a pimp and yf loves jm and started kissing him. and how yf is a very skinny chicken coz jm says tt he ji bu ze shi and ching says tt he cannot fold into 10. and yf has agreed to french flor..but wld french everyone else first. so everyone..watch out. LOL!! family life is really very xin fu. =D. i wonder wat i'll do w/o my frens and family to colour my life.
...
points to self...to ask ting abt:
1. at present, is he wat u want
2. do u want him as part of ur future
3. are u happy with e mode of interaction/e dynamics of e relationship
i think these are impt qns. got a heart attack today when ting called me at 11+...asked if i'm free then proceeded to cry for 2mins str. heartwrenching sobs w/o e ability to articulate her thoughts, merely her emotions. i thought tt perhaps she broke up and was happy for her for awhile. but she didn't, e guy merely ignored her while she drowned herself in alcohol whilst he played games with his frens. maybe i am prejudiced...but i genuinely believe tt:
1. a guy who does not love and appreciate his family can nvr appreciate his gf coz e gal will become family and he doesn't noe how to deal with his zui qing de ren. patterns of interacting are hard to learn/unlearn. (i dun have to be a psych major to think this)
2. a guy's environment determines to a large extent his worldview. for someone like ting's bf...his world consists of first and foremost his xiong di/brothers. followed by colleagues whom he can nua ard with after a hard day's work. a gf will be just an adornment, a trophy...a sign that he has achieved something. there will be e initial daily polishing of e trophy...but with time, e trophy will just tarnish. i tot that when they got together and time just proved me right. there's no point in showing off a competition that u have won 2 yrs ago. u crave a new achievement. i admit tt ting makes a brilliant trophy choice for someone like D, a pretty gal, a smart gal who can get into uni (any uni is an achievement to him..HAR!), a gal who is caring, a gal who was attached but he 'saved' her from her heartbreak when she broke up.
of coz...i dun contest e existence of love...but as i have told grace dear...in JC 1...i wrote e following thoughts into my first GP paper...'when a couple is in love, they tend to believe that love can overcome all obstacles. However, it is often after marriage when they realize that these same obstacles, more likely than not; kills the love which they shared.'
there are many diff kinds of obstacles. some are once-off ones...those are okie coz u just solve/avoid it...either way...it fades/disappears. but some issues/obstacles can nvr be resolved and they are perpetuate and repeat themselves. after u hit a dead-end at every attempt to solve e same prob...u realize tt u get tired..and u realize tt each time, u love e person a lil less. still rem tt e GP teacher then wrote tt it's a really gd pt. and i rem wondering if she has e same thoughts with regards to her marriage.
there's no love w/o obstacles...e qn is whether u can resolve it. if u noe tt u can't ever resolve it in ur either life..these is no pt dousing a fire tt can nvr be extinguished
but ting..u are right to say tt i'm really quite wise. LOL. i'm 21!! adult le. but i would think tt i am really similar to e family-fren archetypal character. that gives e teenagers e kinda 'u noe hor!! u must pick ahz! tt kind of boy that............' (which is what this neighbour keeps telling me whenever she sees me..but she goes by e facial structure e.g. cheek bones/chin...i'm not tt power yet. let me live for another 40 yrs).
i like being wise. and i like being silly. i'm both. muahahahaha.
and ting...remember...as i always tell u...watever happens i'm here for u. and it's really no trouble. coz i treat all ur lil requests as testimony to our strong frenship and ur faith in me. same to u qi. i'm glad that for so many years...like...8 yrs?? every time u gals need a listening yr/a shoulder to cry on/advice...i'm always e first to be contacted. i'm glad that u gals value me so much...and i really love u gals too. totally. and thanks grace dear...for saying tt everytime u have probs...i'm also first on ur mind. =).
everyone experiences love differently..i experience love by giving. i'm touched beyond words that i have e opportunity to give to those whom i love and in the process...make things better for them simply coz i'm here for them. =).
...
i realized tt i can be so weird...but nu-er can prob explain it with psychology...if i ever tell her e whole story which i wldn't.
bug spent time telling me he's sorry...
i didn't cry much.
bug spent time accusing me of things...
i didn't even tear coz i wasn't guilty.
bug tried to do things for me
i didn't tear.
finally...3mths later, bug mentions the magic word..PGP. and i cry like crazy.
a sign tt i am made a geographer. i can even quote massey on this. can't rem e yr though. e concept of sense of place. u can feel attachment to a place, u can reject a place as somewhere where u dun belong or u can feel indifferent to a place.
i was indifferent, then i grew attached, then i rejected e place but i cld nvr run away. i simply rejected and hated it more. finally i was free and put e place out of my mind.
surprisingly...i realized tt i dun blame myself/bug for e breakup. i realized tt i blame e geographical entity. and i realized tt i told myself tt i won't step foot into that place ever again. not in my nus life. not in my entire life. i just hope that they pull down e darn thing. i won't even step foot into e demolished rubble/cleared land. maybe psychologically...i just want to achieve wat i cldn't back then which was to have nth to do with that place at all.
but as massey wld correct me...tt's not possible coz all feelings attached to a place...including e deepest of hatred wld mean tt there is a connection. and i have sth to do with that place.
geog is so useful in everyday life really. Place matters.
...
i had a stupid idea today...called e FSDU. it's e current one with e F in front to denote: forced.
it's an amazing unconventional idea tt can work given e soft power of our unique political situation combined with possible hard power of legitimate state violence in e cases of e police, military and possibly even ISA. LOL. applying my concepts k.
generally...all graduates are members as per normal. but each member must go for 5 events per yr at least. failure to comply will result in a $1000 fine per event short. this money can go towards funding the events so state subsidy can be reduced (muahahahhaa). but of coz...as with most laws...there must be an exemption clause for e ppl in power to exempt themselves on a case-by-case basis.
anyway...each event must be made as horrible as possible. such that they are all torturous experiences. u either torture urself there/torture ur pocket with e fine. hence...in future...rather than e alleged practicality with which singaporeans view marriage e.g. 'i think it's time we buy a HDB'....e new way to propose it 'would u like to stop coming for FSDU events?'
of coz...it will be hoped that e girl nods and there will be a hug before the curtain drops. =D
...
why C is a tokyo beggar:
as inspired by our stay in e rm:
1. he's learning jap soon
2. he pins up his hair which is too long for him
3. he finishes his coke...puts it standing upside down...and then uncaps it to drink e lil drops remaining
4. he asked if he can have some of my coke and he poured a small amt into a bottle of water...to get some coke mix.
5. he likes jap songs
6. his wallet is peeling
7. he has a garang guni bag and a garang guni rm (damn. i share e same rm and call it my office)
8. he is unshaven (he protests saying he shaves once every 3 or 4 days)
Why he insist that i'm a beggar too:
1. i have e same rm
2. we ate e same fishball+coke lunch. we shared one coke. LOL!
3. tokyo beggar had to pay for my meal
4. i was tired and sick and slept in e rm on 3 chairs
nth le! yea!!
...
given tt i am sleepy and cannot concentrate but wish to stay up with grace dear and rubz longer from our solidarity...i've decided to do this thingie tt grace dear tagged me long ago:
Rule of the game: each player of this game starts off with 10 weird things or habits or little known facts about yourself. People who get tagged must write in a blog of their own 10 weird things or habits or little known facts as well as state this rule clearly. At the end you must choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. No tagbacks!
1. i am crazy..LOL!
2. i dun like choc with nuts. no nuts at all. bleahz. which is y i like dark/choc with mint inside.
3. i love collecting pens, lipbalms, lipglosses, post-its, files, highlighters.
4. i love colourful things. best if they are kinda simple at e same time
5. i can read super fast when i am feeling awake. =D
6. i choose wat to wear every morning based one weather. so i usu wear skirts when it's hot and i noe i'll be in e sun quite abit. shun bian suntan mahz!
7. i'm efficient coz i do things fast. but i often have a strong inertia. just tt i make up for e inertia time by working really fast and finishing before others.
8. i like writing. scribbling down stuff/writing nicely. i just like e feeling of moving my pen over e paper.
9. i like all things with honey. anything with honey can't be half bad
10. i often make freudian slips. with no intentions of it at all.
11. to make up for no. 1, i'll just say tt i love rings and i believe that they give me power...diff kinds of power depending on e finger. thumb gives me efficiency, 2nd finger gives me a combi incl. efficiency, charisma, comand, control, making things happen, miracles even. 3rd finger gives me e power of patience and understanding, 4th finger is just too marriage-y...and it makes me meek. but meekness can be a form of power in a r/s as well. last finger...i nvr put before so i dunno. LOL.
i've been wearing my ring on my 2nd (soon i'll be wearing my ringS on my 2nd on diff days of coz). when i was a child...i believed tt i'm a princess with e power to save my ppl from an evil force tt will destroy them. and my ring contains e power. in fact..i rem how my rings all look like from e time i'm a child. LOL. i rem all my rings. so when i'm unhappy/want to show off my power/got nth better to do...i will point e gem/top of my ring to e object to be eliminated. LOL. and i believed tt with it's certain destruction (given my powers)...i have saved more of my ppl. LOL!!
even now...when i leave home having forgotten to wear my ring...i feel insecure for awhile and i assure myself tt i'll be fine.....=)
...
mon:
went for e RVP retreat thing. super funny. we retreated 20 steps from clubrm to munchies. brilliant. and zm din want to go saying tt he feels i'm more worthy and tt he dunno ppl. so funny. so in e end...i assured zm tt okie lorz..i'll go. so i told nu-er tt i'm going and she got excited and decided to go. see..bs owes me one. so anyway...we sat ard and i had so much fun laughing at xq and his english and his survey qns e.g. 'do u like ur ****?' (which referred to him) so of coz i circled strongly agree. yah...his options dun go with e qn also de..u can only agree/disagree to statements and not qns like tt...but oh well..then i wrote comments saying tt of coz lahz..he's so funny. LOL. tt's e thing i love abt e meetings...got xq and his ang mo. and there was like a qn of 'any other comments abt anything in this world?' so i wrote abt global warming as a joke. LOL but of coz i topped it up with serious stuff like inter-RVP activities. volunteers-club relations etc. but e qn really was phrased in a funny way. guess it's a diff kind of leadership charisma. make ppl laugh and they like u more/enjoy ur meetings more/feel less threatened by u?
after e dinner...i journeyed home by bus with ritch!! rare. but i really dun mind and it's nice mahz...taking bus. then i got my presents from him and ed! thanks guys! =D. got choc from candy empire tt looks atas and a makansutra and a card..e sweetest thing was tt in e makansutra...there were post-its with comments on e places tt ritch had been to in his attempt to un-swa-gu-ify me. coz he decided tt i seem to only noe soup spoon. -_-. not true k...i noe long john, carls' jr, kfc. mac, canteens, ajisen, fish and co, pastamania, cafe cartel, nydc, breko. who was e one who told u wat to order at breko har! but thanks ritch..though i doubt i want to eat sharks fin omelette/$14 salads/go to a place where i need to explicitly ask for normal water so they dun charge me. LOL. not anytime soon yah? after i retire and give more regular tuition..maybe. but e thought's really nice! =).
and then i dug thru my bag...took out e medicine for ritch and dug deeper and pulled out pears!!! LOL. and he said 'so kua zhang' and cldn't stop laughing. surprises make life worth living mahz!!! u and ed surprise me with a bday gift...i surprise u with pears? ;). then i told e swa gu guy abt e diff types of pears on e mkt. so swa gu. dunno his pears. ya li and gong li also dunno.and he also din noe tt e bus doesn't turn into e bus stop near my house. swa gu! i buy u bus guide next time for ur bday and paste post-its e.g. '190 is actually quite fast coz of e expressway. great for napping in', '10 is so-so...usu e SBS buses are more dirty', '95 is okie lorz...if u need to get to a mrt station but i dun like. coz it makes me wait'. in e style of ur 'er gu tang shui...if u like sesame/almond...but i don't like coz it stains my teeth'
okie..dun make fun of u. nice gesture really. super funny though. though not as funny as pears. somemore e pears smell like C!!!! coz he sprayed his deodorant into e fridge when i told him to solve e prob of e stinky fridge. LOL!! now i dare not drink e newater in e fridge. i hope e pears stop smelling like C. LOL!!
tues:
went for tut!! finally...submitted my MC for tut 4 and explained my absence last wk. i think prof V's really nice (like my Val dear)...and he just laugh and said okie etc. and while he marked attendance...he actually rem my name. (think i've asked him for too many donations in e past wks for both SLP and PAH). anyway he suaned e other 2 guys saying 'dun u guys want to speak so that i can give u pts for participation since u're missed e past few tuts?' *gasp* lucky he nvr suan me. i also din open my mouth mahz! then there was this guy who kept talking. and prof V told him 'well..i've mentioned all these before..but i guess u weren't here for e lectures/tutorials'. talk/nvr talk also kanna shoot down. LOL!!! but really e mod is interesting but intense and heavy. maybe rubz will like it. since u've kinda finished most of ur major mods...and need other mods...can do this PS-sy soci mod. LOL. even weiting says it's quite PS but more difficult/heavier than her other PS mods. sigh...maybe i picked e wrong mod (in terms of scoring) but i still like learning from e mod. so well...trade-off i guess. =)
then after tt...
i met grace dear to unwind at lot 1 for awhile before her tuition. and wah...shopping with dear can really burn a hole in my pocket. saw a nice bracelet at $40 and she said tt i shldn't ask her! of coz i shldn't..lucky i nvr buy. but i bought a $18 hp strap. LOL. has my name on it. and nice charms dangling. makes me a happy gal. and i bought 3 rings. =D. and i even bought a popular exercise bk...LOL!!! coz for e power mod...really buang-ed. prof V expects us to rem each of our readings in detail. so he'll ask qns like 'Name, year speaks of different definitions for civil society. Summarize his ideas about each of the definitions and discuss their relevance' tt kinda thing!!!!!!!!!!!! like ARGH. how am i supposed to rem what he said?! after reading 40 readings or sth (lucky it's not a geog mod with like 5/6 readings per lect). anyway yah. stress
and i realized tt i'll be kinda forced to study (i hope) coz e med chkup...i'll prob be there from 10 to 4...from 9th to e 20th. *gasp* hai~ horrendous sem. and i realize now..tt i keep thinking tt i have 4 mods...coz i keep forgetting abt forensic..zzzz
>>> either u owe me work/i forgot to take something from u/i'm late/i'm too bo liao
WHEN i POUT MY LIPS
>>> ting/qi/shan will say tt my dustpan mouth strikes back
WHEN i KICK
>>> dun worry lahz...u won't die. not pain one. really! want to try?
WHEN i CALL U CRAZY
>>> usu means tt u said something hilarious
WHEN i AM SILENT
>>> thinking. serious..i think.
WHEN i IGNORE YOU
>>> busy.
WHEN i PULL AWAY
>>> give me some time to really be away then pull me back.
WHEN YOU SEE ME AT MY WORST
>>> just stand next to me and not say a word.
WHEN i SCREAM AT YOU
>>> pls...if i scream at u...u cry and run away le. dun expect u to do anything.
iF i DONT CALL YOU
>>> i usu dun call ppl ahz. LOL. means things are normal
WHILE i HOLD YOUR HANDS
>>> dont let go.
...
ppl tell me it's obvious beyond words
i tell them tt delusion can be a trap tt ensnares me
ppl tell me there's no doubt
i tell them that i will still have reasons to doubt.
ppl tell me ur actions speak alot
i tell them that it's not that i dun read them..i just fear reading too much.
ppl tell me it's not in character to do all these little things
i tell them that there are a hundred possibilities why you may do them.
ppl tell me to give it a shot
i tell them...i'll just get shot in e foot for trying.
ppl tell me that it's a pity
i tell them that i'm just happy that you're still here.
on one hand, i hope that things will be obvious. on e other, i notice all e lil things u do and love e light sweetness too much to risk losing them by letting u noe how important they are to me and how they have sustained me thru the trying times. i fear awkwardness, avoidance and slowly, i began to think that they will appear from the corner, catch me unaware and change my life forever. thus, i began to celebrate every single small, sweet thing that u do coz it means that my fears are still at bay. this small victories and small defeats then accompany me thru every single day of my life...magnified beyond my wildest thoughts.
~inspired by laogong to type all this. coz he suddenly asked me a very gd qn. he asked when we started. and i said tt we nvr got started wat. then i asked what he's been told. and he said tt no one told him anything just tt he tot that we're tgt from his observation. he's not e first..and he's prob not e last (i hope).
but...i live in a precarious bubble tt can burst at any moment. i'm petrified coz i was strong but u made me weak. so much so tt i dunno how to survive outside this bubble. however ambiguous and this little space is...i just wish to live in e belief tt u really wld protect me from all elements and that there really is no need for me to be strong.
...
life as a 21 yrs old so far...
i slept...LOL! from 2am last nite to 3.30pm today. yea manz..happy and satisfied. been a hectic wk with work and celebrations so i din get to sleep much mahz. no choice. and i gave tuition again. 2nd session so far only..coz i cldn't make it last wk and she showed me her test. she got zero!! for tourism somemore.zzz. feeling stressed now. teaching can be a stressful thing. i wore e watch from e click today. thanks ppl...looks nice..and i'm still gan dong-ed. so easy to gan dong me..LOL.
and i smsed corn to wish him happy bday. =). something i won't ever forget to do bahz. it's just a matter of delaying it to e middle of e day so tt he won't appear too special to me. how to forget when his bday is one day after mine? anyway as usual...so selfish! he asked me abt myself and after replying and asking him abt himself. he dun reply one. LOL. perhaps i rather he dun reply bahz...he replies with bad things tt i wld rather not hear anyway. like how he told me tt his ring doesn't matter. so unlucky to marry someone like tt..LOL!! dun really know how to put into words e kinda r/s we share. but e only thing we can ever give each other would be blessings and we have given each other an ample amt.
some events in life are not by choice. others are. thanks for teaching me to change watever i can and hold on to whatever i think is worth it in this life. =)