kit's realm

2 main things to say bahz...

1. abit sianz sianz today coz i realized tt ethe and pah meetings clash again. like sigh. waiting for e agendas to come out bahz. words cannot express my sianzness so i shall cut it off here.

2. interesting news. coz all my tuts this sem (incl. power) is in e geog dept rms...so i realized tt i've been speaking up a lil more...coz it feels like i'm talking in a meeting. LOL. then today during wpp's tut...when i suddenly spoke uninhabited...i din feel as if it's lessons but as if i'm voicing my tots on some cca thing. sense of place i guess. familarity. and hai~ my assignment for T dev is due in 31days.

why clash!!!!!!!!! sigh. i guess tt at this stage...my attendance for PAH more impt coz i'm quite backstage for ethe...but if i keep going pah like so pian xin. hai~. Life is complicated by e fact tt there are other ppl in it. LOL. tmr got T dev lect...shall talk to F abt e meetings clash thing bahz.

and general sianzness coz V'day is approaching. no choice. 

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fruitful day today~

i woke up at 730...nua ard abit...ate everton bao tt taste so nice then packed a small bag for sch since i have no hardcopy ppt...e day started off super usual and normal...as usu i met ritch at linkway, as usu i'm early, as usual we take e same route, as usual we reach early and as usu they start late. but! there's also e unusual!! LOL.

1. ritch drove against e direction arrows in carpark

2. i met my twin!! LOL!! e guy with e same name as me!! his surname is gue. coolz.

3. met my new sister with e same surname!! same chi surname too!!  rare find!

4. did booth duty and i knew how to set up e booth boards not like e guys at e booth. LOL! saikang gives u e potential to do more saikang really.

5. got an okie amt of donations i guess...realized tt i noe alot of ppl in arts. and i got nice profs...esp vedi...LOL!! who donated!! and he rem my face i guess coz he smiled when he passed and in fact he passed many times

6. usual power lect...LOL! but talked to prof after tt and he allowed me to choose my own proj grp!! yea!! this is called yin huo de fu..coz actually it's pre-alloc one...but e guy i'm supposed to do with changed tut slot..so i'm suddenly alone and i deh-ed e prof and he smiled and let me choose!! yea!!!!!!!!

7. after like so much booth duty..my voice almost died and towards e end really not much ppl..LOL...then luke decided to help me find targets...and we help me find all e yang guang nan hai kind...sunshine sunshine one...but nearer to e end..no sunshine guys also...then luke still say coz sun setting le..LOL!!

8. in e end..we had nowhere for meeting so PAH meeting so we went to earth lab..LOL!! coz nvr book mahz...so i went at 6 to open e door and stay inside till meeting time. just so tt they can come in...then initially abit sad sad de...coz bugbug was smsing me tt he happened to be at somewhere where we went e other time and how he rem tt i wore my cute shoes which were a size too small for me but which i loved so much i had to wear them though it hurt..hai~ talk until no wei kou to eat...

9. but PAH made me happier! LOL. e whacko was just..LOL!! no comments. =P. nvr been a whacko fan. then we had cell meeting...guess wat made me happier was tt my cell got such sweet gals!! LOL. kinda can talk to them bahz..so not so lonely in PAH. =D. and stupid ritch made me laugh by sabo-ing me! but i will not be beaten..i sabo him back le. muahahahahaha. coz he made me come up with games and i am using him as e prize. coz e winner gets to make him do a forfeit. then okie bahz...quite fun thinking of fundraising ideas! =D and PAH got ppl to suan and ppl who suan me..makes life more interesting i guess. and we're playing angel-mortal game...it's a weird turn of events coz when i initially faced troubles with bugbug..i rem my JC days when me and gord played angel and mortal and i was his angel and we were always there for each other thru-out and after e game and he nvr failed to call me 'ex-angel'...back then when i had probs initially i really wanted to find a mortal/angel tt i can write to abt everything i guess. but of coz..me and gord had no prob doing that coz first 3 mths and both of us entered e class with a clean slate so we cld reveal anything and e other party cannot guess who mahz..but now so easy to guess..then noe who le then not fun le. LOL. i wonder who's my angel. but no worries my mortal...i'll try my best! =).

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so much to say...yet no where to say it. so many feelings surrounding me...but no idea how to express it. dun even noe who to say it to or if it's appropiate to say it at this juncture. time will reveal a route....say/nvr say also no diff i guess.

anyway i'm trying to catch up with readings...deserve a clap on this at least...i'm on my last wk3 reading...LOL. i must jiayou!!! hopefully i can finish all my wk4 readings by tues. then i can do wk 5. no choice...intending to do a gd job in mkting for gc. and i realized!! (doing a count) tt i'll be doing 4 cca projs at once..tt is assuming tt dinner and dance only starts work in May after GC...LOL. if not it'll be 5. but nonetheless...last yr i also did 4 projs at once just tt during tt period GC was damn slack (some of u will noe y) and FOC was just OTOT for me since i was PD...LOL. this yr is just cool. if i survive..LOL. but looking on e bright side..it'll just become funny if i die.

and hmmmmm..i have absolutely no idea how to start on forensic. >_<. e term paper and e test. coz i mean....i feel like i learnt some random nonsense...LOL. but...........it's like nuggets of info everywhere. it's like...e theme is fruits and i learnt: apple is red, orange is a sphere, pears grow on trees. if u get wat i mean. LOL!!! forensic is like a competition of happening to noe more random info from everywhere compared to everyone else for e test at least. for e term paper.......like argh. no idea how to start coz i can't crap abt it and it's my most viable survival skill. LOL.

okie~ gtg le...meeting someone who's selling me sth..=D. wheeee...shopping once again. but i seriously think i'll be really broke this sem. coz i doubt i'm giving tuition until e hols. which means i need to survive till May. it's kinda like Feb now so it means 3mths. not tt bad actually. but must watch myself. =)

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i asked myself...wat is love. afterall, i have loved deeply, been loved deeply...then i realized tt love is a great many things...perhaps more of all, love is like flying a kite. u have to know when to tug at ur kite and reel it in and when to let out for string...i guess tt tt's e hardest part and tt was e part tt me and bug nvr learnt. he just kept pulling e string in and i nvr cld fly high and perhaps i gave it too much slack till e pt when it seemed as if i didn't care...

i guess tt in e past few days...i have been either studying/doing cca stuff/having meetings and haven't really been feeling e blunt of e ordeal. but anyway...i have to say tt if i used to be efficient...LOL. i'm now unbelievable. anyway today val dear was amazed at e speed thru which i do my readings...i mean...no choice!! ppl have 5 free hrs a day and i have like 2?? so i need to read twice as fast at least...i've been getting thru my days with my speed, gan cheong adrenaline i guess...but i feel a flu coming up..and i've been eating 'Hit' biscuits for dinner for 2 days...i'm turning into workaholic-kit.

anyway something proud tt i have done. i bought highlighter refill!! and managed to refill my highlight...it's like super cool! like some sci experiment coz u get to squeeze e thing which is like a pipette (if i rem correctly)...and it's more environmentally frenly and saves money. just tt i squirted e wall a lil..but i wiped it away..it's really not obvious at all =D (i hope) anyway e refills come in three per pack..but u only need to use one per refill....hence!! this means tt i must highlight more!! if not e refill ink may dry/die/disintegrate/evap orate. now sure of e scientific term of describe it's eventual disappearance but wth..LOL. just use faster in conclusion.

looking fwd to all my cca projects...it's worth my hit biscuits dinners, blocked nose and my latest 10mins-per-reading criteria for uni survival...

i do not even want to think abt how i will survive when e term papers/projects hit me. like argh! 

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01) What is the phone brand?
* samsung

02) What are the last 3 digits of your
mobile number?
* 080

03) What does the 2nd message in your
inbox say?
Hey sorry be there at 420? sorry sorry [by e late xiong who needed to count money in gs rm..LOL]

04) Who is the first person who comes
up under the letter M?
wow...Mac delivery...LOL!!! next person is maggie jew (some bazaar contact)

05) Who was the last person you rang?
serene gs..LOL

06) Who was your last missed call from?
tiong~

07) Who was the 2nd person who comes up
under D?
* darul ihsan...LOL!! boys home ahz...(like oops...i realized tt i got weird contacts)

08) What does the oldest message in
your inbox say?

[it's a quote tt i like from rubz]: oh ya. haha. i got a quote for u. 'to know someone here or there...with whom you can feel there is understanding in spite of distance or thoughts unexpressed..that can make this life a garden' -goethe.


09)Who comes up under J?
janicia

10) Go to your Sent Items - what does
the 10th message say?
* no sent items

11) Who is the 4th person who comes up
under S?
samsung salesman! it's tt freaky guy who asked if we can be frens lahz..i saved his number so tt i won't pick up his calls/reply his smses

12) Who is your network provider?
starhub

13) How many messages are currently in
your inbox?
136

14) What do you have as your
background?
pepsi twist in my pooh bottle

15) Who is the 2nd person who comes up
under R?
rachel ltc

16) Who do you have on speed dial 3?
nobody

17) If you are on Pay as you Go, how
much credit do you have?
dunno

18) Who is the first person who comes
up under C?
car rental!!! LOL.

19) How many bars of signal do you
currently have?
1...how saddening

20) What do you have as your main
ringtone?
zhi dui ni shou by JJ

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you noe...sometimes u watch a tv drama and u think to urself tt e plot is just impossible. you look at e female protagonist and you wonder what she has/has done that qualifies her for e attention that she is getting from e male protagonist(s). and it's also this reason that makes shows featuring e gal next door so popular e.g. e meteor garden's san cai and e princess hrs gal. it gives hope bcoz it seems to say tt all ordinary gals can find men who love them above everything else regardless of whether they love e guy.

i simply dun deserve to live out such a plot in real life. i have done nth to deserve such. all these yrs, i have been given so much tt i cannot complain tt God forgot about me...but really...what's there abt me tt is so worth loving. dunno y i feel so sad...but i guess i just feel guilty coz i dun deserve it...and sad coz i let u go...things ended up in such a state yet u want to be there for me.

maybe things have simply become a habit. i just feel so bad...tt things have ended up this way.

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okie....let me start abt my day yest~ =D.

i woke up like at 9+ and felt sleepy but nonetheless i tried to do my reading...then i play computer blah blah e usual...then i decided to take a nap...coz i'm only leaving e house at 440 mahz...and it was 3 so i tot i cld nap for an hr then get ready. after tossing and turning and finally being asleep for like 5mins...ritch called me and asked me to meet in sch! but he said it's okie! meet at 5. mathematically in my drowsy state, i tot tt would buy me 15 extra mins...but!! maths fail. coz e 445 meeting time set earlier was at e bus stop...so *groans* i lose 30 mins. and after a yr of driving, mr ritch dunno how to drive from NUS to ACS. LOL! but i was mean coz i asked him to qiu me...and he said pls...>_<.

afterwhich i woke myself up and checked out streetdirectory.com just to make sure tt i get e route right in case i direct him to some ulu place/fail to direct him and my going to sch serve no purpose/ppl ask y i got such superior knowledge of sg roads tt i had to be arrowed to go just to direct him....i decided to ensure tt i did had superior knowledge of sg roads! LOL. then i made my way with my small gold bag down to vivo wanting to buy choc cars as a small gesture to give ritch for his one yr since he's been driving me ard...but e lousy candy empire there din have it...so i got transportation biscuits from giant instead...at least got e pic of cars..LOL!!

then i went to sch and it was pouring cats and dogs lahz...and e route from e expressway bus stop to e sci bus stop is like flooded. so i hopped/jumped/tiptoed all e way to e busstop...and accidentally called my dad!!!! LOL. coz ritch said he's there le then i wanted to call and say tt i dun see him then i just pressed e last dailed/recieved call number then i just said 'ay...i dun see u lehz'...then my dad went huh. LOL!! anyway my dad was super intrigued. anyway...ended up i am tricked again!! coz ritch came and i put on e seat beat then he said 'put for wat?? we're in sch'...then i was like 'but driving out mahz' then he said 'er...actually i'm still doing stuff in clubroom...want to help??' LOL!!!!! so i did some yishun stuff and marvelled at y they so much pattern one...first session do so much stuff...but kids ahz...need to have special stuff to keep them interested. my clementi sessions are all repetitive...LOL!!

anyway after tt me, ritch and hs went down to matt's. but woah! we're still not e latest though we're like over an hr late..LOL. and i had a piece of nice choc eclair..happy!! but e toilet is freaking far so lazy to eat more coz must wash hands. and with my gd geographical imagination i found e toilet (yea rite...yes...i confess tt i saw e sign..LOL!!). e dinner food wasn't half bad esp e dessert...LOL. can consider if it's cheap enuf for future gs catering. e dessert had like brownies and cheesecake but er zi was damn gross when he flattened e food and stuck them out of his mouth..like ewww...really zhang bu da. and me and kris had alot of fun taking photos of everyone with ritch's camera though e quality not very gd!! LOL. either flash to bright or too dark. no choice. nvr been gd at photography...then i tot of someone new to matchmake grace dear to! so happy and today ritch gave me another suggestion..so now got TWO! LOL. grace dear so lucky. anyway then we had cell by cell debrief which took like forever..LOL. but e top 3 were really nice to make us some photo thingie though my pixie tail kinda chopped off due to the curse put upon it. LOL!! coz ritch was jealous tt it's so beautiful whilst his is short fat and ugly like him. bleahz. LOL.

and i had fun trying to make my hand, mouth coordination better..LOL. i simply can't play tt game lahz..but of coz e ppl are nice! LOL...and they were really accommodating and encouraging..no choice ahz..it's e club. felt so retarded at first though but slowly i picked it up. =D. then i felt so nua i din want to move...then watched them play god is watching, pepsi cola and some body bashing thing tt they invented..LOL. if e floor wasn't dirty cld have fallen asleep there. somemore i was looking at e ppl ard me...cher and ritch were so nua too like one grp of nua ppl=increased nua-ness. then during e cell post-mortem it was quite normal lorz...but i did realize tt i got to noe so many ppl from e proj and i got to tell denis tt she's a very diff PD. =) it's really a great exp watching her and learning.

anyway e whole thing dragged till like 11+..and e final post-mortem was abit woohoo...LOL. some huo yao wei...think things got a lil sensitive...but oh well...i u/s where both ppl were coming from. sometimes things are just like tt...and finally we disbanded coz if not no buses le...poor cher was so scared she won't have a bus home. and finally i got home like at midnight..LOL. no choice. =) 

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yepz...yest was indeed quite fun and i have perfected e art of counting coins. and i did my forensic posting...like wow...tons of ks ppl ard saying rather 'k ahz' stuff like 'yea i agree'...LOL! and i have exposed my criminalistic mind of how to better a crime in my responses. if i ever become a suspect they can dig tt up and study my psych profile. and e conclusion will prob be tt i am a well-planned criminal. but anyway!! so far...2nd wk of sch le..*groans* coz tt means tt tuts are starting. nvr quite liked them. sigh. but no choice. at least i finally realized tt i got all e tut slots tt i wanted!! (retarded happiness by like 5 days or sth)..but! i had a mountain of readings waiting for me...tt's e hai~ part! and also!! i have an icky forensic term paper topic tt i noe absolutely nth abt.

but oh well..we win some we lose some. at least e mod's interesting.

and i just have to blog this..LOL!! i met e most gan cheong PD in my life in F. LOL. from him organizing GP to SLP to camp...he bugs ppl at least 1 month before he needs them. like everyday!!! LOL. he's been bugging me to join e com since eons ago and he finally gave up but since last sat...7 days ago!! everyday he's been asking me to be a councillor!! and this morn early early he smsed me to tell me he's stressed and asked when's A-camp!! like hello!!! LOL!!! type A personality. think F gonna get high blood soon. and wah...he just replied and changed his mind again. now he wants me to be councillor i/c. argh. been rejecting all his offered positions from clementi to MC to SP to everything and he keeps offering. but must thank him coz he so kan zhong me. offered me e hottest position tt everyone's vying for somemore. to take or not to take...i will consider. i noe tt everyone says it's hard working with F...like duh. but he's a perfectionist....alot to learn from him. whether i take e position will prob also indicate whether i wish to play a more active role in e club next yr coz if i do take it up...at e end of e day...i will noe like most of e more enthu volunteers. why didn't F join GS ahz?!! wah liew. he geog major. *shakes head* shall tell him abt GC everyday. if he takes over next yr..e pres can just fall asleep. GC will be ready by feb. LOL!!!

timeline. timeline. timeline.

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yest was a nice day actually. i got to sch early and finally exchanged my wrong cartridges for money back. then i was like so freaking early i din noe wat to do...so i decided to go zap a reading...so i went up to e library and saw chong mama...it was so sweet of mommy coz she saw me and asked if i'm feeling okie and tt i lost my chirpiness but aiyah! where got ppl alone look chirpy one?!! LOL. crazy mommy think too much. but anyway i was quite sianz also coz i wanted to zap e reading but i din bring e name of e bk...zap wat?? LOL.

then of coz i saw james-bro as well. tt one was even more gan dong. but he very clever. he stopped me in e mod of e AS1 corridor coz he was doing his booth duty for some AClub thing then he suddenly asked if i'm okie. then i was like 'ok ahz' coz i din noe tt bugbug told him mahz. then he was like 'are u sure??' and stared into my eyes with concern then i felt abit weird..like diaoz. y is he insistent tt i'm not alright. then he asked 'need me to tell him anything??' then i realized wat he's driving at. LOL. then he look so concerned tt i felt so sad and gan dong..so i ended up jumping up and down so i dun cry then he was like 'okie okie!!' stupid james-bro. feel like asking if he's still my kor after all this coz after all...he started off as bugbug's brother. so technically...he's not exactly my bro but a bro-in-law. but no choice. i have snatched e property rights. wanted to ask for a hug actually coz he made me so sad and surprisingly after so long...he's e one who has e most concerned expression on his face bahz. LOL. and we're not close somemore. but it's really very nice tt he didn't ask me wat happened nor judge or advise on wat i shld do but simply offer unconditional consoling and help. tt's y so gan dong...LOL. but i think i will freak him out by being emo. once in a while james-bro just reminds me of someone bahz..LOL. someone.

anyway...after e rather emo scenes...me val and ferdi were crapping at mac and talking abt e issue too...hottest topic in 2007 so far i guess. e world is made up of archetypal characters i realize...LOL. playing out e same storyline albeit slightly diff. like how me and bugbug seem to be replaying val and jelly. but oh well. anyway after 2 hrs of crapping we made our way back for meeting.

as usual...my meeting is freaking short but this time round extended by A's many many comments..LOL. thanks xiong for saying all e gd stuff abt e poster and putting down A and his commenting after e meeting..it kinda voiced my tots a few days back with regards to other ppl..but actually i pretty much liked A's comments coz they were really constructive and i believe tt e new version will look even nicer!!! since A commented e most...i guess he has joined our 'poster orgy' which is no surprise at all given tt *ahem* TCC is inside...LOL. i'm sure A will love e idea after pointing out how freudian e poster is. anyway it was really entertaining having A ard and i'm glad tt he joined e com. his experience (sometimes act smart) is remarkable. but he acts smart in a smart way..so helpful too!! LOL. and quite glad also tt our coms are more firmed back. i'll just need to remind ppl in feb and march later on to keep their days free!! LOL. yea!!!!

anyway most amazingly!!! matt bought us (me, bug, xiong, val, ferdi) dinner!!!! at munchie somemore. super! shld have eaten more than an italian choc cake..LOL. anyway....no choice ahz...he got dean's list..*cough cough* and i nvr get!!!!! YEA!! LOL!! though supposedly some of e yr 1s with 4.5 got in. but who cares!!! i didn't! LOL. tt's e impt thing. doesn't matter if i sorta met e mark. but i'm not yr 1!! muahahahaha. just dun want to get in. i want to do well..but i dun want to get in. hope i improve next sem and e dean's list results sorting server or watever server tt generates it crashes. LOL. coz i still want to improve..no choice. anyway!! e food and company was gd..it was really fun. for once (coz bugbug is ard) we weren't talking abt depressing thing like my horrible love life and instead talking abt matt and his potential love life..LOL. given tt he has graduated from asking gals for 40cents back to giving a 40 dollars treat or sth..LOL!! and we suggested e nicest and more compatible ppl...like smart, intellectual J-anne (who is very much like matt), also smart but slightly less smart but nonetheless intellectual and a lil blur Serene and of coz e also very smart, extremely intellectual, reads 20 full, out of e reading list bks for each module, who is also extremely gay - A. But of this 3 splendid ppl...matt said tt he ahem ahem ahem. i promised not to reveal e next part...LOL!!! -shhhhhh- but it was just funny in conclusion. laugh until matt was choking on phlegm.

anyway after tt....i went to e clubrm feeling happy from all e laughing and did i mention tt i got a further 16bucks back from reimbursement which made me even happier. then i sat there and crapped with zen and yz. feel abit like i went there to collect work to do..LOL!! but well..i'm happy doing it and glad to be of help lahz..esp when xq needed help with forum booking info etc. coz it happens to be sth i noe mahz. and glad tt i helped fred find out e A-camp period so tt ethe can avoid it. =). really nice when u do something tt's so simple (dun take u 5mins) and u noe tt ppl out there are benefitting coz it's impt info. =D. guardian of info! knowledge is power! LOL. anyway...after tt luke gave me not so 5-mins work but okie lahz..luke very jialat one...zm disappeared. wah liew..i will scold him soon..LOL. bribe him with choc for him to smear all over his lips. LOL. anyway...after tt nice neighbour ritch sent us all home except for e ST tt lives all e way in tampines. so no choice. LOL. and he's telling me tt i'm not gd at persauding him to drive to matt's place (diff matt..LOL). but aiyah...dunnit always drive mahz neighbour. we same kampong one!! cannot take advantage of u. drive, walk, skip, hop....anything! must share weal and woe..LOL. kampong spirit. no choice. and i'll be teaching neighbour how to be late on sat (LC1101E - latecoming 1101E). offering e mod...LOL! i think e bid pt 1 pt can get le...everyone except him noes how to be late...no competition for e mod...LOL!!!

anyway in conclusion!! i had a great day...looking forward to another wonderful day!! =D 

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intending to blog abt happy things:

1. my mom gave me pierre cardin pens from her work place..i got red, grey and black i love e grey coz it's a silverish grey...totally love them!! =D =D =D

2. i did like 2 or 3 readings today..i thought i din understand one of them...but turned out tt i do despite me thinking tt i dun

3. i got e cartridge issue solved will exchange them for my money back. idiotic 'value-added' service

4. i dun feel so sick anymore..but i have a painful ulcer. but only happy things..

think tt's it for today. 

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i wonder how it is possible tt everynite e same person makes me cry be it for some relationship prob or cca discussion. sometimes i dun u/s y he cannot u/s simple things like changing e font doesn't matter coz it's noe e font and it's size range but e amt of space we have on a poster? y he cannot u/s tt we dunnit a booth to publicize to new undergrads abt an event targetted at sec sch kids which e schs provide. sometimes i keep explaining until i puke blood. sometimes i scold him and he just says lol. sometimes i tell him tt he is hanging my pc (i dunno y but only he hangs my pc) and he can tell me it's coz i'm too anxious to reply which makes me even more pissed off. sometimes i wonder y he doesn't just get e hint when i say 'whatever' 'wat' 'say' 'k' or even just '.' a fullstop. a dot. and he just keeps rambling on happily abt sth tt irates me somehow.

i wonder y i am driven into this corner when i cannot u/s y he is e way he is, i cannot love e way he is, cannot accept e way he is. i dun understand y i have to drive myself into this corner when suddenly he doesn't understand me. and i have stopped trying to understand him.

it's at this corner where i'm alone. essentially alone. with few ppl to thank for today. but still must thank grace zq and viv for their CONSTRUCTIVE feedback. at least when viv thinks sth can be made better she offered to do it unlike some ppl and i dun just mean bug. and thanks ritch for helping me with e poster and ur family for e dinner...e soup was nice. i'm sure at least u will u/s e poster and y we cldn't have done certain things. at least that makes me feel slightly less alone.

maybe e moral of e story is to only ask gals to give feedback.

i'll attempt to remember tt in future.

i guess tt it's just sad tt we once spoke of facing e world together...yet now i'm facing u and all i can say is whatever. u dun understand and i've stopped trying to.

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i forgot to blog a few things!! one of which is wat bugbug wants to noe...

1. my dreams last nite...given tt i slept for 13 hrs...it's no surprise tt i had dreams..but..i had 6!! but i only rem 1 clearly and abit of 2..let me start with my fav one..also my first dream of e nite. i dreamt of my dream guy!! LOL. k ahz. it's so perfect tt he bought me a very very very nice ring..can still rem how it looked like and it's like a fairytale coz he presented it to me and put it on for me..and it fits! LOL. as in it fits whatever finger it was slipped into (and he put onto quite a few fingers). LOL! must have been a magic ring!! anyway it was so nice leaning on him and we were talking and laughing..so perfect. LOL!! perfectly sweet, innocent. just e way i like things.

then my 3rd or 4th dream was like e anti-thesis of it reminding me tt i dun live in dreamland..sigh. somemore it's e dream tt i rem most clearly!!! prob coz it was traumatising. anyway in e dream i was doing part time work at cold storage...general display e items kinda thing. then i was displaying watermelons...LOL!! but e bad part comes in here..apparently e guy who recommended me e job came over and told me tt i am one of e best part-timers they have and then he started to touch me..like ewww...spare e details and move on to e next dream.

my last dream..LOL!! all i rem from it is tt we were supposed to send the elderly and disabled off...so we had volunteers that brought them up e bus but for some reason all e wheelchairs etc had to be kept in e nussuvan. so me and a few others (unknown faces in dream) has to load them onto e van. we were all going to m'sia. it was essentially a nightmare coz after loading...e bus in front drove off!! and e nussuvan started driving. imagine taking tt rickety van with tons of wheelchairs all e way to m'sia and u will noe y it was a nightmare..i was like screaming in my dream for e bus to stop..LOL!!

end of dreams!! 2nd thing i left out was e psychotic side tt i have tt i realized 2 nites ago or sth.

2. whenever i board e lift with a stranger (male/female) i will be in a defensive/attack position such as how i hold my umbrella. very tensed up and ready to strike kinda thing. and even when i am alone...i will be ready to lash out if some burglar/thief tries to enter from e 2nd to 10th floor. hence, given tt me jj and yun nu-er were talking during cscday and them being psych majors..i asked wat was wrong with my psyche...nu er being so smart (inherited e genes from me) asked if i've ever had a bad exp with shady characters at e lift and she said 'if not bu ke neng hui ze yang lorz' my smart nu er..so proud of her. in fact i've had one...tt time when i wanted to go home....i was walking towards e lobby and saw a man standing there looking around holding a rolled back newspaper. when our eyes connected..he pressed e lift button. i just felt weird coz 1. he press e button when i', approaching 2. he was holding a rolled up piece of newspaper at 11pm or sth?? so i pretended to check my letterbox etc and spied at him from behind e pillar. then e lift came...and he walked away from e lobby. like woah. and he walked to e foyer lahz...but he's not one of e usu foyer talk-cock-everynite uncles.

yepz nu er so smart...A+. we are indeed shaped by past experiences even if we dun consciously rem them. 

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LOL..haven't blogged in awhile...

thurs kbox outing:

it was a brilliant decision skipping tourism dev..LOL!! they went thru how to use IVLE, google scholar, factiva..like k ahz. lvl 3k mod lahz! but maybe i left out sth impt...can't find one of e readings but nahz...prob i can't find coz poh poh nvr update his reading list in e last 10 yrs and e e-journal has taken tt volume off e net..it was from like 1993 lahz.

anyway kbox was okie i guess..started with me, qi, luke, dennis. thanks to mr robz for ponning...if not me and him sing SHE got SHrEk mahz...he's R and i'm K. but oh  well..no choice. he's pangsei king. luke and qi had to leave early somemore so me and dennis left so we sang alot of wu yin liang pin..LOL..and we were observing pin guan's specs. maybe there is some feng shui thing to it. he changed to light brown specs and e band disbanded. when he wanted to make a comeback, he had transparent rim specs but his album didn't sell!! until he got his black specs back and sang wu ke jiu yao..LOL. fengshui.

anyway after tt, dennis went home and me, sockling, jj had dinner..LOL. really nice chatting with such nice ppl...time passes fast~ =).sockling is just super blur and cute...LOL. after tt i went home and met neighbour ritch..LOL. his hair was flat then lahz..super funny. flat hair. no more ice kacang...muahahahhaa. anyway had to meet him to get this geogsoc thing from lj...muahahaha..cannot reveal wat. then got lj's cca card too. tt lj damn cute lahz..din ask J to sign it back then during her term. anyway ritch suggested a sheltered way home coz it was raining...but i din noe where to exit and exited on e round side and hance made an even bigger round getting home and got drenched. no choice. LOL..i think i need a mod titled: the geographies of cantonment close.

Friday:

had LRT (tourism) with TC. TC damn funny lahz...arrowed us to do saikang by giving out notes..was super embarrassed when i went down to help and he said 'thanks kit' like argh and he said it twice!!! oh well. after tt i had a 5hrs break manz!! LOL. had munchies with val, matt, mel and we scandalized gs ppl..LOL. was fun. after lunch, me and val simply nua-ed until we were extremely sleepy at 6+. then came forensic..although it ended really late...it was pretty nice. =). interesting...abit like watching a comedy show..LOL!!! coz e lecturer said tt e victim turned into charcoal (i.e. burnt in a fire). and amazingly!! i saw derek. LOL. so tt means i'm seeing him for 2 lectures. totally unplanned and a pleasant surprise.

Sat:

CSCday. LOL. was rather apprehensive at first when i dl-ed my com list...got lx inside lahz...and she's like e prez?? really weird to have her as a member of my grp esp when i'm like e most inexp grp leader alongside all my qian bei like merv, uncle km, zip etc. i'm like young and green. LOL. anyway along e way suddenly my reg volunteers nvr come then i gained even more power ppl in my grp like ritch..LOL. no choice ritch. fated u cannot run away from my green grp. muahahahaha. u want join other grp also no use. anyway yah lorz....my role so simple...just check if e next station ready and move e ppl...LOL. but we must have moved very well coz we finished quite fast!! and zenv was so surprised..LOL. anyway...e kids were really naughty but so cute...boundless energy. seems like it's only thru sch events tt i see such naughty kids though..LOL.

Then i got home and was so sick at nite tt i slept at 930...first time since i was in sec sch (and was sick) tt i slept at 930 i think. LOL. been a while...and i woke up at 11.30 e next morning..like wow. 13 hrs...tt's like 2 or 3 days worth of sleep in one day. power pack.

Sun:

k ahz..nth much...i went to return a long overdue lib bk then checked out photoshop software at funan..but dunno which to buy also...then met shanthy get my pay for last yr's tuition..LOL. she went abroad..no choice. and sigh...think i taught her too well. she used to fail lahz..after 2 yrs of tuition..she top e lvl then now her dad says she's doing well in e subj dunnit tuition le...so hai~ then just now she asked if i'll take her back if she needs help again. contradicting i guess..i noe tt she's a very innocent gal and she deserves e help esp since she's in sec 4 now..but also e issue of pride..like so hui zi ze lai kinda thing...want then i go, dun want then i'm left in e cold. so i told her see how lorz.

but i need tuition. LOL!! feeling broke and miss e times when i see a three digit number on cheques. sigh. and i really must rant abt this. y aren't there ever proper pub ppl in gs?!! since J's batch liddat le..J only had za and vin and vin really cldn't and didn't do much and za did everything.  this yr ahz!! i got 4 ppl..but still so weak...now i have one MIA and one quit coz she's going on exchange soon. like wth. feel like learning pub so tt i can do also. where are all e decent pub ppl?!! and i asked dan to print shirts and i asked him to come up with e font for embiodery...and he asked me 'wat's embiodery'...like argh. pub dunno wat is embiodery and he dun even noe tt polo tees can have words sewn on them..had to search for pics to show him. sigh. and before i went told daw wat i need him to do for e rest of his term..he told me how busy he is as a yr 3 le..like hint hint...sianz!! hope to pull some ppl in to help ad-hoc esp yj and his amazing web-design skills and of coz ritch with his amazing adobe stunts...sigh. time for me to learn too.

think by e end of my term, i wld have completed all of e following jobs: PD, pres, secretary/treasurer, mkting, communications n liaison, pub, vm...and of coz done more specialized things like wish. wat i have left will be log...LOL. which was my initial saikang warrior wish. but think i'm alot weaker now physically ahz. can't even carry a bag of shirts. hmph. but!! i really thnk if i hug i can!!! oh well..tt's another story.

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LOL...realized tt huiteng read my blog...hihi!! no time no see gal..and lucky u! in atlanta...=).
anyway...really have to say tt yest was a truly happy day for me...it's like seeing e rainbow after a
storm...LOL. why was it so happy?? coz i did alot of gs stuff, nussu also offered opps for advertising,
i sign up for PAH and got a job tt i really love aka selling things to ppl, and was made grp leader for
cscday...LOL...and i hope tt i'll be able to do a gd job~ =). first time leading a grp of such varied
residents...last yr i was e station i/c lorz! LOL.

and..... 

i got my module and it's also something tt i really like...it's like wat i originally wanted lahz. totally
weird..i want sc of power...but coz i have to do more lit mods...i decided to do sg lit...then i was
outbidded and decided to do tragedy which died a tragic death too...then i decided to try cosmetics
and perfume...like LOL and was accused of being a bimbo by e arts bimbo! then e bid pts just
soared for it after i decided on it. LOL. so i had to drop it...and so qiao i was msning with derek
asking if he's coming for kbox...and he said he is..then talk abit more...i asked wat soci mods he's
doing and asked if he's doing power. then bingo! he is....thus i bidded for power..and got it for 1pt!!
yea!!!!!!!!! but i think it's gonna be a tough mod...another soci lvl 3k...LOL. brain will be fried by end
of this sem...so much to study lahz...all very content-based. but i will study! and do readings quick
quick! coz i have so much cca to do too..LOL!!

it feels so nice being myself. no one nagging at me to drop cca stuff to make time for him...but dun
worry dears!! i will make time for my frens (and dears)..LOL!

argh...damn. i was abt to cheer tt i'm going kbox tmr...but i got lect from 2 to 4!!!! and it's geog.
damn. totally din realize coz tourismdev replaced geog of dev mahz. sianz.....to pon or not to pon!
i think i better appear even if i'm late...or papabird will kill me. wonder if we can do a half half
package...papa leaving at 5 mahz...i can come at 5..LOL! or we make exactly half lahz..430. my
gut feeling tells me tt tourismdev is gonna be BORING.

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i see before me, yet another depressing day...sigh. woke up at 8 but forced myself to go back to
sleep. when finally i woke up again i tried calling all e MC ppl who are not in GC. but sadly i guess
they are all still sleeping. then i smsed my mkting ppl and i smsed e wrong john. idiot. then tt idiot
wrong john replied something abt him not being in mkting but in PD cell and said tt i shld have
given them dates to choose from...whatever. so i replied tt i smsed e wrong person lahz and tt i did
cite dates as 'first wk of sch' which means first wk of NUS lahz..i mean, no insult intended at all wat.
then he had to reply tt i must be from a diff generation coz he doesn't understand e lingo. so wth.
so obviously, i replied tt it's okie and that he'll u/s when he enters NUS. bcoz e last i spoke to him
he was deciding betwn NUS and NTU-NIE mahz. then he freaking had to reply tt he can't u/s coz he's
studying in germany and told me a string of german. wtf. such a idiotic guy. anyway i changed his
display name so he's after e gs john. damn it lahz. idiot.

sigh.

Of all the skills there are in e world, blissful ignorance is e hardest to acquire.

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in life...we can pretend many things. we can pretend to be happy, we can pretend to be sad, we can
pretend to be helpless, we can pretend to have the ultimate amount of self-confidence. but for me,
there is one thing tt i can nvr fake...and that is my relationship with others. how i feel about them.
perhaps i could have pretended that everything is fine until they are. perhaps i could have
pretended for another month oro so. perhaps in the last 2 months, i could at least have pretended
that nothing is wrong. but i speak my mind. i speak my heart.

i guess tt i didn't noe what was wrong with me. why i was suddenly so irritated by even the little
things. no one is perfect. i cld have accepted. but i guess i was that irritated coz i no longer love ur
flaws as i used to. our relationship became a scoring sys in which i decide what i like or dislike.
things weren't like that. but now that they are, we have to say our time-outs.

i cannot guarantee that after this, we will be like how we were in our first 6mths...i cannot guarantee
that i will love u then. i cannot guarantee anything and things do seem bleak. but i dun want to
slowly torture u nor do i want to suffocate.

the lesser of two evils...
is still evil.

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thanks to rubz matt and ritch..LOL...haven't felt so happy in awhile..looking for matt's neopet
cure..LOL. talking to rubin abt ghost marshmallows and neopian inflation..she so mean! got matt's
ghost marshmallows for 25np and mine for 7np. =(. LOL!! but i guessed tt she got him ghost
marshmallows..=). having a super random conversation with ritch...talked abt bug, abt penguins, abt
horoscopes, abt food. life truly is blessed with my wonderful frens. granted tt i totally want to bbq luke
coz after he made me ask ritch do e adobe thingie he say he maybe cannot send dajie off..LOL. wth.
but i am too happy and busy laughing tonite to kill luke yet. ur life has just been prolonged. LOL

late at nite, frens by my side. wonderful.

heartily laughing. what a wonderful night. it's been awhile since this madness. since this randomness.

=D. save matt's pet! 

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