..
still rather sick. i miss H. but i dare not sms him to tell him i'm sick lest he dun reply. then i will be sad...which will make my condition worse. i just checked out his blog. someone insulted him. poor thing. thinks he gets insulted once in a while bahz..he din even respond to e insult. immune le bahz. e thing i hate most abt flu is tt i keep tearing. it's as if i keep crying. and it makes me feel sad somemore tt i'm tearing. =(.
I'm not really sure of the words to say
If only you knew that I feel this way
I wanna give my heart to you
Show me the way that you want me to
I know for sure there's a place for us
I'm counting the days till I feel your touch
You come to me when I dream at night
When I'm with you it will be so right
If you could see the love in my eyes
You should know that I'm on your side
Ohh ohh ohh
I'd be yours
You'd be mine
Ohh what will I do
Ohh what will I do
Ohh what will I do
Ohh what will I do
One of his fav songs...one of mine too.
..
sigh...i've fallen sick. think i am allegric to mugging. mug for 3 hrs then fall sick le. quoting rubz 'weak ahz!'...but no choice...really not feeling well...but i think soon i must leave my place to go give tuition. coz her SS paper is on wed. can go tmr also lahz. but after all i have quite a reputation as e pang sei queen le..i always cancel/postpone tuition one. e fact tt i am still employed must mean either:
1. tuition agencies in sg are deemed to be ineffecient and ineffective and hence families hope to minimize contact with them
OR
2. i'm gd
obviously i hope tt i am the latter. however of coz, i do not rule out e poss tt with SH i cld be e former given tt i've really spent very lil time with her. it's like almost may now. tt's like 4 months has passed since e beginning of this yr...i have seen her 10 times! 30 x 4 = 120. so on avg, i see her once in 1.5 wks. LOL. which is like..............i see her 1/3 less than e amt i shld be. not tt i am shortchanging her in terms of money's worth. but i noe tt i am shortchanging her in terms of her tuition experiencce. so yah lorz...sigh. but i really quite sick, dun want to shortchange her of her exam exp as well by passing my illness to her. plus i can't really talk. and e worst thing is tt i keep tearing. yest after e paper damn funny...ppl were looking excitedly ard while e scripts were being collated. then coz i was tearing and a tissue for my running nose, this guy turned ard looked at me..and looked abit uncomfy...then he tried to give me a weak smile. think he thinks tt i'm crying!!
but anyway. obviously i wasn't lahz.
it's weird how guys can be so serious abt soccer. H is accusing CS (e team) of 'buying' the winning trophy from his fav MU. wat form of 'buying' he didn't mention. and he's devastated. LOL! he said he hasn't been this upset for months. anyway S is a CS fan. LOL. he must be damn happy now. prob he hasn't been this happy since 10 yrs ago or something noeing him.
anyway, i realise 10 things abt H tt i find weird/cannot stand
1. his political babbling (really!!!!! cannot stand...i mean it's still okie if he talks abt sg politics or something....at least i learn/understand something. but he's babbling abt 1000 yr old political theories!!!)
2. his soccer craze (well...i dun mind if a guy sits in front of a tv screen and screams GOAL! at every possible goal. but!!!!!! to become devastated by it...i really dunno wat to do for him)
3. his weird actions with regards to gals. (only happens when i am ard)
H: wah!! Y, long time no see
Y: huh? we just saw like yest?? (looks totally confused)
H: HAHAHA. no lahz
Y: yes?
H: i meant i haven't seen this pair of shorts for a long time
Y walks away, not bothering to continue e conversation
LOL!!!
4. H's need to tell everyone abt his readings. i dun go ard telling ppl abt geostrophic winds do i? zzz.
k ahz. can only think of 4 rite now. when i think of e rest...then i'll say...maybe 5 can be
5. blogs in a way tt has multiple meanings and obscures all e impt parts. so much so tt his love life involves a lion, a cub, a peacock, a gargoyle, dragons, pheonixes and wat not. zzz.
hahahaha...tt's all. =)
k~ tuition time!
...
okie...here's how i act/give in a r/s
The Five Love Languages
My primary love language is probablyActs of Service
with a secondary love language being
Receiving Gifts.
Complete set of results
| Acts of Service: | 8 | |
| Receiving Gifts: | 7 | |
| Physical Touch: | 5 | |
| Quality Time: | 5 | |
| Words of Affirmation: | 5 |
Information
Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.Take the quiz
quite accurate i think..i do tend to help ppl i like do stuff. and i like giving them things..LOL.see..told u ppl can do it e other way round. but abit mind-boggling..LOL!
...
ARGH. 2225 is super irritating. everything is either rubbish or confusing.taking a break from trying to u/s it right now. thinking whether to go for LTC given tt on e 6th (first day) is corn's church wedding. he invited me. really want to see him walk down tt aisle. can imagine it. in my mind, e gal must be super pretty, super gentle, super demure, super nice. =D i'm painting a happily ever after for him. =).
anyway i had a weird dream last nite. took place in my home. with e kids from befrening, mamaleong and random gs ppl (dun rem who...just noe they are gs ppl). so in my dream, i was teaching 3 befrenees abt JS!!!!! telling them how to write a gd JS essay. i gave like super gd tips in e dream manz. then mama was commenting tt she really shld write it down too. LOL. after tt we had to do gs recce for camp. so it was me, mama and gs ppl and befrendees. we were at e canal behind pj thinking how to get across. LOL. then i woke up. damn random dream.
and u noe wat. i realised tt if i do e personality quiz thing on r/s e other way...as in what i wld prefer to give! i will realise wat kinda ppl i am compatible with. just find out who has e same 'wat u want from a r/s' ranking as ur 'wat do i want to give in a r/s' ranking, i so smart rite!!!!!!!! val and rubz can try. i can too i guess..given tt H has done it already. (i leeched from his blog..LOL)
..
How You Are In Love |
You take a while to fall in love with someone. Trust takes time. You give completely and unconditionally in relationships. You tend to get very attached when you're with someone. You want to see your love all the time. You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change. You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard. |
...
saw H today. he's funny as usual. wat can i say. by some strange twist of fate, i finished my exam an hr early, decided to be slack and walk off. saw J who finished an hr early too! and my dad happens to not have food at hm so i offered to da bao from arts. we were walking to arts. at a most opportunate time, J felt giddy. even more coincidentally, the lift arrived and SL walked out. and even more coincidentally H was in e c-rm. which was how i ended up seeing him again, talking to him again. i dunno y, but i can't help being nice to him. somehow i can't stop being nice to him..
my greatest failing has perhaps always been my falling for e wrong person.
slowly, his laughter, his cold jokes, his concern for ppl, his moodiness even. entered my heart again. and i realised tt he nvr did leave after all.
which kinda brings me back to square one. obviously, however with the passing of time...there are more characters now.
..
The Five Love Languages
My primary love language is probablyPhysical Touch
with a secondary love language being
Quality Time.
Complete set of results
| Physical Touch: | 8 | |
| Quality Time: | 7 | |
| Acts of Service: | 6 | |
| Words of Affirmation: | 6 | |
| Receiving Gifts: | 3 |
Information
Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.Take the quiz
...
i bought my cd!!! LOL. *i think i love u....cause i miss u. i'm falling for you~ now i need u* (singing along). anyway tt's like e few eng lines of e song...it's korean..but so nice!! no regrets buying it. i realised tt i went shopping today and blew 50bucks...but choice. those are things i really wanted. okie i din exactly WANT e 2 esprit tops. but they were cheap! LOL. got discount. no choice. just buy. it was erm..an expensive trip to e toilet. coz i was at holland v after lunch with my OG ppl...and i needed e toilet badly!! so i just went great world to use e toilet!! LOL! but my short erm..toilet trip turned into abit of a shopping spree. though i must say tt i am proud tt i went shopping alone. independent wor (achievement for me. hate being out w/o frens. but i quite enjoyed being alone shopping today. =D) and now e cd is like playing H's fav song. Long vacation theme. =).
oh yah...today i was just standing ard with kai, xin after e paper ended. and we were talking rubbish. before i talk abt my OG outing...let me tell u ppl wat happened. damn funny. A turned up and i said hi to him after which he proceeded to want to talk to me...but MD (yah..gs one) came and talk to me...MD talk SOOOO much sia. LOL. anyway A was like trying to get my attention but failed coz MD and me were talking abt camp. so he started talking to kai, traumatising her. their conversation went somewhat like this:
A: wat qns did u do?
kai: family and deviance
A: oh..u noe qn 6? talking abt how many classes there are? how can anyone ans tt qn..according to blah blah theory/blah blah person there are blah blah number of classes da da da...(he went on for a few minutes...)
kai (says tentatively): okie..........
A: and qn 4...females dun want gender equality! they want gender distinction...it's very diff...gender equality is yada yada yada. distinction is yada yada yada. According to blah blah theorist...blah blah blah blah blah
u get e idea. kai was traumatised!!! LOL. but i informed her tt A has a slightly lower CAP than me. LOL!! perhaps sometimes noeing too much makes u miss e whole pt altogether (though of coz it makes ur argument sound totally intimidating rather than my usual crapping, reader-frenly answers. =D
k...talking abt lunch. it was fun eating with YL (or as he is affectionately called, dick), nanny (a guy...albeit abit short and super cute will always rem his sentosa exp), ame and jan. okie..note tt i haven't seen this ppl for some time and haven't went out since 0wk. LOL!!! so like almost 9 mths later we went lunch. k ahz...it was funny listening to their anecdotes. and nice talking to jan abt our 3.5 (she also on m03ta.) and nice catching up with ame and laffing at e guys. really think jan shld teach pri sch. so funny..we went shopping at F.O.S and she was finding clothes of nanny and she was totally acting like his mom. like 'u just try e size first!' 'u can match this with blah blah colour!' 'no...u need more clothes'...and she, dick and nanny are like a big family when she found a shirt for dick too and said 'this material is very gd' then dick whispered to me 'looks like my dad's shirt' LOL!!!! but anyway i realised with a shock tt dick and jan are attached. LOL!!! din noe. think i am getting out of touch with e happenings of my grp le. then dick kept saying..die die..i'll be henpecked and i kept laffing at them. it was a funny exp lahz.
but of coz my own shopping rox more. k ahz! going to study JS later. i got hm from shopping and promptly went to bed and woke up to watch TV. and i read S's blog. funny..both of us tot deeply abt religion today. me for my exam and him for his blog entry. LOL. wah liew. y nvr blog earlier then i can use his pts for my exam mahz!!!! but yepz. his blog super acad abt religion..think he revising for some soci of religion thing bahz.
i miss S. and i regret just one thing abt me and S. not continuing e duet which he sang a line of...'wo zhen de you yi dian dong xin, que pai pa kan ni de yan jing, you na mei yi dian dian dong xin, you yi dian chi yi, bu gan xiang xin wo de qing bu zhi jing'...while we were walking back to e rm at e end of e day...y i nvr continue! next time when i'm ard him..i'll just sing e next line out...just for e heck of it. LOL. see if he rems.
...
i really really really dun feel like studying. and k ahz..i have my social life paper. it was...hmmm..funny. tt's all i have to say abt it. so funny tt i smiled to myself at e crap which i have effectively generated. and i nearly burst out laffing when i***came and sat next to me for e paper..coz i sat down feeling dead. like wah liew..nvr study. then mr dota-king came and sat next to me...LOL..comforting. anyway he did his paper quite seriously (expected him to leave halfway) and stayed for e whole duration. anyway it's just weird tt we dun say hi and dun talk to each other. except during 0wk and also e one 'bye' tt we have uttered. coz i was making funny faces at b.goh at e end of e paper and i*** tot i made e funny face at him..and semi-responded. which reiterates my pt tt it's weird when u're not used to saying hi to someone u see almost everyday.
anyway..soci tmr. wonder if i can scrap it too. given tt we need to write on 4 concepts. concepts cannot really crap as much ahz. but oh well. noe wat. it'll be over soon. watever grade i get..muahahahaha. and i have such nice frens...sms me to wish me luck for exams. =D. and of coz i noe idiots. shall try not to bother abt ppl who act differently everyday. just weird. and itchy! got mosquito bites everywhere. dunno y.
anyway ppl..ask me to demo my 'ghost' idea for fright night when u ppl see me ard..LOL. it's a lil psychotic though. so be warned.
...
so sianz...so i went to frenster. 2 ppl wanted to add me as frens. alvin from my pri sch and serene from sec sch. damn funny tt alvin adding me. i only rem him as a skinny lil boy...but not skinny anymore..and looks quite big size in e photo. ppl always said tt EM1 and EM3 ppl nvr mix...and there is a dicotomy in e edu sys. not true! LOL..me and alvin chong (call him chong lahz..sounds more normal). me and chong from same kindergarten mahz. then went pri sch..though we din speak after pri 1...fate has it tt in pri 5...when there was this peer reading prog (when EM1 ppl are supposed to help EM3 ppl with reading) i was matched with him. still rem it was damn funny. i used to bribe him...like after u read 3 pgs...u can drink one sip of water from ur water bottle...and he used to strive to drink e water from his bottle. when i'm feeling generous...i'll say read 5 pgs and i let u go water cooler and toilet break. LOL. we were damn happy back then. he was happy coz got erm...water?? and i was happy coz i felt tt i was helping him. he got e most improved student in pri 6!!! managed to get into normal acad or exp i think..for a EM3 from my pri sch..it was an achievement bahz. i was damn happy then..still rem. and his mother gave me mother free eggs (they sold eggs at e mkt). i was so proud of myself. he was so proud of himself. and our respective mothers were proud of us. LOL!!
then i went look at david's frenster just for fun..since so free...he has like 41 photos..LOL. still as cute as ever of coz. da is always cute, funny and sweet. =). miss him suddenly. not in a romantic way...but in a frens way. always wanted to be able to sit next to him and tell him everything at e tennis court near his/my cousin's place. just talk and look at stars. think soon we can manage tt. it'll be a wonderful feeling. suddenly very weird. when i think of da...i tot of his shirt sleeves...think i intend to make him a pillow! LOL. miss da. shall meet him soon. and i smsed da tt i miss him and tt maybe we'll talk soon. feels nice to just say tt i miss him. coz i do. LOL.
i realise tt i miss alot of ppl suddenly like da, shan, edi, xm, yun, jy....esp miss my choir bahz. our meals together...mentoring them. just miss those days when i wld visit them before/after performances. esp when we talk photos after performances. i miss these ppl. dunno...really want da to tell me 'ni xin ku le, wei qi le....suan le ba?' or him telling me 'ni ke yi de! yao du shu! jiayou!!'
wo zhen de xin ku le...this sem esp. hao xin ku. but it's ending le. hopefully next sem will be better. =)
LOL...slacking now...before my paper. no choice. i really cannot study le. guess i simply lack mugger-potential. diedie..my social life is dead. and i think 2225 will die too. sigh. it's at times like this when i envy ppl who can mug. at least they won't regret not studying hard enuf.
yepz..i noe i am capable...but i want to study. not for e grades...but to prove that i CAN study if i want to. just hope tt next sem will be better bahz. hopefully i'll be more consistent with work next sem. yepz. and i've kinda decided wat mods to take next sem le. pop, nat resources, mkting/mngment (shall find out exam format first), horror of e other (hopefully it's offered) and depending on my CAP, i may either do another lit mod (film n cultural text or my SS in SG lit) or i may decide to try to pull it up by doing both mkt and mngment. so next sem confirm declaring biz minor...and putting shared major (geog and lit).
sigh. dunno lahz. i just hope i can maintain my CAP. prob abit hard. LOL!!! i really really must jiayou. oh yah. i realised how crazy me and yuan are. i've done 5 ge mods so far (which is like crazy). he did 5 so far too! and so qiao. just as i do 2225 and social, he did pop and econ. LOL!!! we'll like nvr see each other again ever. (may nat resources) just hope he dun go do migration! LOL!!!! tt will be damn funny.
okie ahz...let me end off by saying tt i like typing with this font size. so if u think my words are gigantic. too bad for u! LOL. and quoting sock:
if you give up studying, cannot say give up okie. must tell urself that u are well-prepared.
So erm....i am well prepared (as if!)...LOL
waiting for exams to end.
i realised tt i no longer can't stand being alone. beginning to see that it can be a nice feeling...how did i realise it? maybe from reading S blog, maybe coz i am alone quite often doing AC saikang, maybe coz i am older and realise tt being alone can be natural. maybe coz e top is lonely.
used to it ahz...but dun make me wait for u ppl alone! muahahaha. chaletchaletchalet. can't wait.
....
har! i'm bored. i must rem to buy my dad some choc soon. he seems to like looking thru my choc...but he dare not take it. =X i offered him e choc le...he says he cut e choc into bits for us to eat. so sweet. LOL! sometimes i think tt not being rich is a gd thing. $2 choc...we cut into small small bits. LOL. so sweet lahz. it's sweet in a sad, sweet way. but as we all noe...i like sad sweet stuff.
sigh. i miss someone. wait. i miss 2 ppl. sigh. and i'm trying super hard to study...but i can't stop thinking abt S's blog entry abt his family. as i share choc now...i kinda feel sad for S. perhaps i have a bit of a messiah complex. but i wish tt right now...i am not reading social life but rather tt i am there for him. helping him bridge e gap betwn him and his dad and sis. wish i was there re-assuring him. tt he can build an identity he wants...coz frankly he is still pretty much a blank piece of paper to me (given tt he is so contradictory tt i have to keep erasing out e penciled marks of my perceptions and ppl's perceptions of him).
and i'm also waiting for rubz to come online i guess...and ask her how's things going. and not bad..improving..got 2 smses today le.
shan: her internet explorer not working but her msn working...LOL! so she decided to sms me since i said hi on msn
J: funny. she was looking at her schedule and realised tt camp starts on tues. she has always tot it starts on mon. so she smsed me to tell me tt she just realised tt it starts on tues! LOL!!!! think she study too much. tell me for wat...noe can le lahz! LOL.
PS: super worried abt AC camp prog. y din jj contact me??? nvr ask me to do anything lehz. super super super worried. she better not scold me later on since if she needed my input she cld have asked me. damn. at least i noe wat mkting is doing now. and my jobscope. wth. jj...y nvr contact me!!!!
PSS: i realised thru e blog stats thing tt there have been random ppl trying to visit my blog and they got over from a link on tblog itself. i'm like ranked 72 on some most popular and active blogger thing. wth. LOL. i wish to remain relatively unknown. it's not like i lead e life of some homosexual psychopath...if u're in US, visit my blog for wat. LOL!
PSSS: my dearest grace and shaz...ppl have been trying to get to my blog from e links on ur blogs..LOL! no choice.
PSSSS: this is e funniest. someone ran a search on yahoo with my full name and tried desperately to access my blog abt a wk+ ago. damn bo liao. coz tt person kinda tried to access all my archives one by one...plus! tried to access e same archive a few times (watever was listed in e search engine lahz). weird...if e blog webbie itself is pw-protected...obviously....whichever archive u try to access...still pw-protected wat. same site. LOL!
...
i'm waiting...
1. for exams to end
2. for my silent phone to make some noise (only got like 1 sms yest...)
3. for S to finally realise tt he can talk to me. i typed a long blog yest...but e pg failed to load..taking it was a sign tt some things are best left unsaid. anyway S is like e perfect case study for someone who's strong outside, weak inside and simply hollow. it's scary reading his blog. it's like after 24 yrs of existence...he has yet to noe himself or at least for e matter construct a self tt he is comfy with. it's weird. but sad. and it evoke e horror of e other! (yes..i want to take tt module next sem. hope it's offered). imagine being 24, ur fren whom u noe for 10 yrs comes and tell u 'u noe...i dun noe who u are really' freaky. later do an experiment soon. ask shan wat she thinks i'm like. anyway it made me wonder if i am strong outside and weak inside too...so i asked rubz. she thinks i'm happy outside and quite strong inside. =D.
4. came up with a conclusion yest, love can either make someone strong or make someone weak. it so happens that love makes me strong. yea! no choice. going thru shit makes u strong.
5. last conclusion. social life.....i only noe disability!!! LOL!!!!!!!!!! damn. die. a true test of crapping skills tmr i guess. jiayou!
...
garigarigarigari...studying now...studying jap lang...which is y i wrote garigarigarigari (it's supposed to sound like i am scribbling).
dunno lahz...dokidoki...exams coming soon le..i must jiayou and study hard really. as usu i am too slack. must study le...and i'm wondering wassup with AC. nvr asked me anything abt prog lehz. die balls. they better not blame me for not reporting. when well! they nvr asked me anything wat.
in my lil time bubble...trying to burst it to merge my two seemingly separate lives together. no rules apply in this bubble. i duno how to cont when there are no rules. it's scary perhaps. though of coz it's nice. but it's still scary. argh. wat am i saying?? i dunno also. LOL! studying's driving me crazy. juu! irairaira.
k ahz! as u can tell..my notes only have 4 exampls of mimetics. as u can also infer....this means tt i shld read my readings which i am not utilizing at present. abit stressed now le. running a race against time. against jap lang (i hate lang!). against cca. and of coz...against myself and e bell curve. really ahz! cmi.
...
i hmmmm...dunno wat to say.
things are just weird. super weird.
k ahz...no choice must study. i hmmmmmm...very briefly went thru SC. and finished it. mugging JS now. hopefully i can finish JS and social life by mon. if u ask me methods how...i will say 'dunno....27th and 28th then mug lorz. i am....how freaking dead.
i....dunno wat i'm doing really. i'm living in a time-bubble now (was trying to articulate this for a few days..finally found e word). in this time bubble...i can't quite rem wat happened before. can't quite picture e future. i can only live for e moment. for THIS moment...i want to play game!
...
2 random tots for tonite
1. a way to noe that u are a gd leader and tt u made a difference to e lives of e ppl who were under u...when u are in uni yr 1...and some J2 from ur JC cca....comes to u and ask for advice and tells u how things are going in e cca as if it's e only natural thing to do. =). i watch e times go by....taught e 87 batch so much stuff...guided e 88 batch. and now e 88 batch still ask me stuff...really comforting. when they feel that they can tell u stuff and u won't judge/scold them but wld help them think of a solution. tt's not just being a leader. tt's being a fren. =) nice feeling.
2. when one has no expectations, one is most happy. sometimes i'm peeved when ppl EXPECT me to do things. i dun have to do them. i dun have to prove anything. i rem me and Y. we were happy together, no strings attached. we cld do anything we deemed fit, study, hang ard talking, going for lunch/dinner. true...things felt weird. but we knew we cld expect nothing from each other. so we were happy, snatching e lil moments i guess. as i was telling rubz. which she feels applies to her and xr...which i think applies to everyone in any kinda r/s.
when u expect nothing...u will be happy
when u have expectations...sometimes u just end up with disappointments
let me add that e other party ends up stressed
i wldn't expect there to be a breeze when i step out of my door. but coz there is one, i would smile and enjoy it. yet if i am to expect a breeze when i step out of my door and stifling hot air greets me, inevitably i will be upset.
i rather greet life with a smile.
which explains partly y i dun bother to ans qns abt H and S anymore. becoz hot air shall be e given. and e breeze shall make me smile. rather than getting upset...i rather expect nothing.
...
k ahz! weird ppl in this world. i do realise tt this is like e most used line in my blogs or something. besides 'no choice' of coz. saw H today...he looked quite hmmmmm...not too happy and sianz. well....i realised y reading his blog. got B- for something. i got B- for something too! damn sianz. B- is e sianz grade. B is e 'k ahz..' grade. B+ is e 'hmmmmm....okie lahz~~' and anything tt starts with an A is a cause for happiness. so obviously his sianzness was much understandable. though of coz he din look too happy to see me.
then i did duty. not bad...response getting better and better!! then i studied with val and matt. was cool studying with them. saw e ISO-MAG....quite funny! esp e one on lects (okie...i like reading crap. so sue me). and e WR terms one quite funny too!! k ahz. okie bug...kudos to u...ur part sounds gd too...sounds like u talking..can hear ur voice in it. and matt says tt ur part is e only substantial part (typical of wholesome matt). and i'm sure val will like ur article...since she wants to go backpacking
k ahz! so after studying i felt e need to get choc (shit. i just realise i forgot to get cookies). so while i was confronted with e wide array of choc (just kidding...coop has a general lack of choc)..i saw yuan! LOL. so funny. it appears tt now tt i dun like him, he simply appears everywhere and stares right into my eyes as if willing me to speak to him. but of coz i nvr lahz! for wat. LOL. anyway so i stood there looking at choc. he came to e same aisle. i saw him and happened to be in e process of walking into e next aisle. so i did lahz! then i realised tt e other aisle had no choc!!!! so i had to walk back. so i did lahz. for practical reasons. then when i got back...he moved to e aisle where i was on. then he came back. like diaoz. he was erm...staring at choc too...while i grabbed choc of coz. then i was feeling abit weird given tt he was moving closer to me. then luckily val dear came back...and she came and stood at e other side of me. while yuan came rather close and stood at my other side. given tt it was rather weird. i just stared at e choc in front of me. LOL! then yuan went too...like phew.
oh yah. then when i was walking to e interchange. i passed e c-rm. i heard e door open and close from a dist in front of e rm...so i turned ard to see who stepped out. lo and behold. no one stepped out. but S was behind doing stuff on a laptop. he din see me though. he was too engrossed.
so i guess today i saw hmmmmm...quite alot of ppl! LOL. weird.
and let me end off saying tt we had a brush with e supernatural...me and val. damn funny. we went to e toilet. and val went to e 2nd cubicle...i cld choose betwn e rest. i looked into e first and decided to go to skip it. so i went to e 3rd. then val saw shadows from e 1st which was empty and heard noises from there. it was according to her, 'just spooky'. well...i always had a knack for avoiding such stuff. rubz will attest to tt...rite? ;P
...
haven't really been updating. guess i'm focussed on studying right now...maybe also coz i do abt e same thing everyday mahz...go sch. go bug's rm. go med chkup. go back bug's rm. try to date qiqi for dinner. it will inevitably rain making qiqi sianz. then i will try to persuade her tt e rain has stopped and we can go for dinner. yest i succeeded!! though i failed on mon. LOL!!
okie lahz...short update.
Monday: went sch to study with bug...he fetched me from sci park bus stop so we got there...and he promptly plonked himself down on his bed and went to sleep. how nice. given tt i am a stranger in a weird place aka PGP. with nothing better to do. not going to venture out of e rm lest i get lost on e guy's floor (feels weird when u walk out...it's like u are e 'Other'..LOL!!) and his laptop was off. his rm has nothing except some photos on e wall, a fridge, a cupboard with minimal clothing, a laundry basket, a floorball stick and tons of notes. i resigned myself to studying. so i studied for 2 hrs...and finished 7 SC lects balls!! LOL. guess anything is poss in this world. nvr tot i cld go so fast. and hey if u ppl think i did crap...i wrote notes tt combined my txtbk, lect notes and readings and flagged e impt readings k!! wah liew. madness. then i went for lunch then chkup..SE forgot all abt it!!! wah liew..cannot make it...i was so sad...tot she pang sei me and off her phone...turned out tt she just forgot lahz. so me and chian did it. but coz it's raining and it's 4pm...not much ppl. in fact we got no one on our list! CMI. so i decided wah liew...might as well go off early so we did. then i went back to bug's rm....studied a lil. ate nutella bread for dinner (his rm really like tt of a army person. has nothing except food and water. he has like 10 botles of water of varying sizes and i asked him y...and he said in case got water rationing exercise. like WTH. u're staying in PGP! not warzone!!) anyway...damn funny lahz. after tt we watched funny video clips. a lil erm...porn. LOL! no choice. but it was fun and of coz funny anyway. great way to study. thanks bug for letting me use ur rm so tt i won't have to go to sch for e chkup and go home.
Tues: went for chkup...and have a fantastic lunch with STA (wah sei...y so many ppl's name start with S)...and SE (who rem e chkup and turned up yest.) SE tot i was angry with her...coz she smsed me to apologize for forgetting and asked if she can make up another day so i said something like 'hmmmm...it's okie, tues 11 to 1 can?' then she tot i was angry coz there's no =) or LOL. like...LOL!!!!! must i laff in every sms?? no choice. weird ppl. weird life. weird me. so yepz...we managed to get quite a few ppl to give us their contacts so....this shall motivate my med chkup ppl who are reading this blog. okie ahz! then we had lunch...talking abt guys and how weird they are....so here are some concluding remarks:
1. i told STA and STA feels e same: she's too independent so a r/s is not suited for her. serious. she doesn't want to see a guy more than twice a wk unless there is a purpose e.g. project.
2. SE wants a bf! coz she wants to get married. have dual income and retire by 37. tt is how....unromantic!! LOL. but given tt she kept saying over lunch 'i want my second income earner!!', me and STA decided tt we cld try matchmaking her. running thru e list of names of ppl in GS....we eliminated ppl...sorry ahz matt..SE dun want u. finally there is one she is okie with. named....YC!! LOL!! so i agreed to try to put them together during camp prep. no choice! SE can help with log...LOL!!!! gonna be fun(ny)
3. we concluded tt there is some bad blood betwn GS and AC last yr....due to S doing something disasterously evil tt STA does not noe alot abt. she didn't want to comment too much on it...coz K was e one affected by it...and K hated, abhorred, wanted to kill S. no choice. weird world. shall not ask S to come be councillor at camp then. or he would run in with K (hmmmmm....maybe)
4. we shld join a cca we really like even if it means leaving GS. but of coz we need a pres *hinthint*
5. STA has a theory tt guys tend to have an ego so they aim for a gal better than them (in terms of tier. ask STA how she defines e tiers..i dunno..LOL). whereas a gal will usu ask a guy who's a tier down out for dates. (i din agree)...LOL! just a theory to muse abt.
k ahz...something like tt...running late so shld blog faster. k ahz...so i finished lunch..got back to bug's rm...studied a lil...and then met qiqi for dinner. fun meeting qiqi...and of coz fun studying wtih bug. life's fun. life rox. i lovve my break!!!!! muahahahaha...no choice ahz. after exams must chiong cca.
final note: all things can wait till my break ends. i'm living on an island now. i dun wish to bother abt anything on mainland. though sometimes of coz e things visit me. like how i saw H yest. so qiao. he was just erm...walking randomly ard YIH. said hi. he contorted his face and i asked him abt some impt official biz. tt's it.
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...dunno. i dun even think i need to think abt it. coz he has e answer but he's not giving it to me. so just see wat happens lorz. as chian says. until e last episode, we nvr noe who wins. H, S or someone else. we nvr noe. stay tuned! LOL!!!
sigh k ahz. schtime!! doing duty with zal later. definitely cool to get to noe her better.
...
i always knew tt i do stupid things. LOL. my daily stupid thing is to sms H. i think i'm crazy. read his blog which was funny. kinda copied my ideas a lil when he said tt he's romantic. LOL. so obvious tt it's copied with e 'blue rose' thing. copycat. anyway...i had to go crazy. coz he said tt if he doesn't like e gal...he won't give her a ride even if she said martians were coming to sch kinda thing..he'll just say he doesn't have a spare helmet. i had to be a crazy gal and sms him tt martians are coming to sch and asked if he has a spare helmet. LOL. madness..he haven't reply yet. =X. maybe subconsciously i dun want to sleep tonite..want to study whole nite?
sigh. given tt e charity show is now on..i bet u'll be watching and not looking at ur phone..or watching soccer..or working or something. prob will have to wait for 10 yrs!
1yr
2yr
3yr
4yr
5yr
6yr
7yr
8yr
9yr
10yr.
okie ahz! i tried to speed e yrs up..but no reply yet.
anyway today i went qing ming...dunno...totally smoky place...maybe i dun feel that much for my great-grandfather or grandfather..after all i've nvr known them in my life. finally my grandma..maybe i just din see much purpose in such an activity..go to a smoky place, burn paper and try to communicate ur tots of the dead. i just ended up saying in my heart tt i hope to noe who i love and tt tt person loves me too..and i hope to do well in e upcoming exams. no meaningful dialogue, no tots. it's just me making silly wishes.
Somes tots are best said in solitude. said in ur heart. or perhaps simply left unsaid.
1. when i was young, my mother had to work and my dad's always out with his frens drinking. so i was home with my mom till she needed to go to work..everytime my mom will have to call my grandma at like 5pm coz she works at 6pm to 10pm to ask where my grandma is..coz i was too young to be left alone at home. my grandma will always tell my mom not to go to work. which will make my mom very sad and sometimes my mom will swallow her tears and bring me to work (which i thoroughly enjoyed)
2. my grandma when left alone with me...will feel bored at home. hence she either rots at home or brings me with her to e gambling den...e latter will result in my dad and mom scolding her like hell. i still rem e den...quite boring there.
3. gd things of coz include our love for soup. we can just eat rice and soup and soy sauce. one big bowl. LOL. we both like playing blackjack. used to keep playing on her bed. she'll shield me when my dad beats me. dunno...with all her failings as a grandma...she loved me bahz. just tt she din have e ability to love me e way i wld have wanted her to...coz she loved gambling more. i can't say tt i miss her either. since i won't noe wat to do/say to her shld she return.
as i've always said: the most beautiful love is one that exist only in memory.
maybe tt's y i love her more than than when she's alive. i used to see her failings. they were so stark that when my dad quarrelled with her everyday and sent her to an old folks hm coz i had sch, mom had work and dad just din want to stay home to look after her.....i din utter a word. when my parents kept telling me to visit her...i din coz i wldn't noe wat to say to her. she loved me yet i did nothing to get her out of the home. i was afraid of seeing her for wat she is..but mostly for wat i am.
when she passed away i was in chiangmai. when my dad broke e news...i din feel sad. i kinda felt as if i knew it all along. as if somehow we're linked so i just noe. so i din cry much..i teared a lil in e bathrm but tt's all. my dad scolded me saying tt i'm hard-hearted. i noe tt at tt time i just din miss her enuf. i just din forgive her for not loving me e way i believed she shld have. i was angry with how she brought up my dad, how he scolded her yet she meekly cldn't do anything to discipline her own son. causing her son to turn out e way he did. so many reasons y i din cry openly. i just din see a need to. wat's e pt.
then one nite...finally i cried. coz tt nite i was sleeping...i felt as if grandma came back to visit me...i felt a cold on my legs (i still feel it sometimes nowadays...tt's how grandma usu touches me when she was alive)...e cold spread all e way up my body tt nite...until i felt as if i cldn't speak. at tt pt in time..there was so much i wanted to say. but i cldn't speak.i started crying tt nite..coz there was so much i wanted to say but i cldn't speak. finally when e cold started to subside...i cld only muster one word which as sorry. after e cold was gone...all i said was 'i'll miss u'.
...
some ppl in this world are just selfish..tt's a foregone conclusion.
maybe i am getting older and more mature...or maybe i am just loving less now. coz it's easier to put ppl out of my mind now. i dun u/s H and i dunno how to go abt it. so wat can i do but shelf e whole thing?
Maybe H is too deep. but he is only deep bcoz he is covering up his tracks. i dunno how to ask him to explain stuff...and i'm not sure if he wants to/is able to explain them anyway. funny tt after a day of enthu hi-byes we simply stopped e next day. i dun understand and maybe right now..i dun have that time and energy to try.
i have to study for exams. but i have limited time. i have tons of undone readings. i dun have time for this shit. whether i love u or u love me...even if we both love each other. i dun care now. i am fighting a war here.
anyway had fun yest...highlights include:
1. weijie looking like a chicken..albeit a green one..he looks stunned in photos somemore. a chicken so stunned he turned green
2. pool. think my pool-playing has more focus now. thanks to S and his pia-ness in games. makes me more motivated to play well rather than just whack.
3. went grace's place...played ludo aka tiao fei ji..so fun!! though they said tt i'm psychotic when i play ludo..keep saying 'i'm coming to kick u!' 'i'm going to eat u up!' 'muahahahha..behind u'. so i kept quiet in e last round. but i kept losing!! freaking bad luck
4. went bankrupt in hotelier too. bad luck as i have emphasized earlier..and for hotelier i lack strategy bahz...not like some AC ppl *cough cough* S who got strategy in everything.
5. finally i won at scrabble. no choice ahz. tt requires e least luck.
a fun day. =). i need to study!!!! ARGH
..
it's weird how our minds work. i guess tt for me, it has always been a case of heart ruling over the head. always has been. no matter how cool my mind is. e irrational voice of my heart always triumphs. i noe more than i let out sometimes.
hohoho..after writing tt para above.. damn funny. grandson gave me a blog url. i checked it out and it's R's blog like wth. he was just talking abt his blog today. telling H tt he slammed H in one of his posts. LOL. and now here i am reading it. i have to say this. this is more coincidental than striking 4D. LOL!!! there i was hearing abt it and here i am reading it. it's full of random comments somehow linked to H. and it's funny tt he says tt H is a porn mag! wth. LOL.
anyway i told him to load a clip of him acting psychotic (which is prob his forte)...so shall he load it and tell me..i'll keep everyone updated..LOL.
anyway yepz. ET was fun. 3 days of meaningful service to e faculty. =) seeing e smiles on ppls' faces when they take e ET pack is fulfilling. no other saikang can offer such self-satisfaction. H is right...when u noe tt ur efforts create a visible improvement to e fac...it's all worthwhile and S is right too...i tot he was making a random comment a few days ago. but now i do believe wholeheartedly tt welfare cell is most impt. guess this applies to other ccas too bahz. sometimes i wish GS could reach out more too all majors with a more welfare oriented approach. know what is needed and to serve rather than to simply lead. S is right. welfare's impt. kinda inspired right now to do more welfare for AC next yr. to even run for MC. but!!! e rest of e saikang will be unavoidable. so dun want. so MC position for me. LOL!!
yepz. it's like when this grp of gals came and looked so happy when they got e pack..when today all e hyper ppl were absent and i had to be e hyper one (my true self revealed maybe)..and e gals wanted to take photo with me and of me presenting e packs to them...i was just a moment of bliss lahz. it's like in some small way...by just putting together a pack and presenting it and talking to them and wishing them luck etc...i helped create a ripple that could start off a wave tt makes a diff. when i told one of e receivers of e pack tt AC loves her 'AC loves u!' i felt a pride tt i nvr felt before for AC, for e fac.
it was a gd experience. a gd day. i will remember this.
luckily, i followed my instincts to help out today. seriously...i was needed. =). and it was fun crapping with bit, R andGJJ today...not to forget some guy whom i din ask for his name. LOL.
PS to e ppl who think tt me and vin both wearing red and running into each other is symbolic....i saw S today. he was in red too!! muahahahaha.
PSS wat's with H not saying hi or bye anymore?? and S's weirdly shaped smiles.
a weird weird world. but still most satisfying tt i can make a diff. =). i dun ask for much.
...
going off to sch soon..so let me just say a few things before i leave my house.
1. JS is going to be done soon! tt's like super gd news...i can't wait...=).
2. my studying is mad...can't even find all my notes...tt's super cmi. i think this sem i'm dead. no two way abt it..somemore still have to do e freshie recruitment for GS and comserviceclub. my goodness. tt means tt my reading wk will be much eroded. plus must give tuition since leslie CA is next wk. this wkend i have tuition and qing ming...seriously i wonder where i will find e time to study!!! die......
3. i am seriously addicted to H, S and bridge. all 3 lead me to the same place. but no!!!! i shldn't! shld study.
4. i can't wait for exams to be over now..coz there's shaz's chalet! though of coz with e end of exams i'm sure everyone will come down hard on me, i will come down hard on myself...and of coz i will come down hard on ppl. tt's when stress runs high..ppl get strained and of coz AC will do their arrowing...seriously...we must all jiayou le.
jiayou! jiayou!! ppl...let's study!!!!
...
wah...crazy day. okie...i dressed nicely today for sch. LOL. coz i knew i would see both of them. how i noe?? coz i helping out today mahz. and they noe when i will be helping out. so yah..muahahaha..and true enuf they were there. in e end...S went off, H finished his essay and went to sleep. i played 3 hrs of bridge and ended up having a headache. strategy game man! have to keep trying to guess wat e other players are thinking. esp since they are quite hmmmm...gd at strategies i got quite mind-boggled. lucky S not playing...still rem yest...him and his 100% winning streak. cmi. i think i wld have just died. well..okie lahz..i admit tt i am nice and sweet. coz H was sleeping..everyone else was kinda sleeping except JH and i was looking rather erm..blatantly at him..but JH was too busy dl-ing music to notice anyway. e others were sleeping. i was supposed to be too..but uncomfy..cannot put up my legs coz wearing skirt. anyway...so he was sleeping...clutching his phone (busy ppl are like tt)...then he dropped his phone. i picked it up and placed it next to his body. who noes..maybe he really waiting for impt call?? or he has his alarm on it..wldn't want him waking up cursing himself for dropping his phone.
somehow..when i drop my phone i dun feel a thing..but when he dropped his phone..i went ouch.
LOL. i think i am just crazy. to feel for his phone. and i wonder if he's still sleeping now...and i must say tt today my fault..din say hi nor bye to him. dunno wat's wrong with me. but i like saying hi and bye to S..LOL. yepz. i think chian is right..until e last episode..i won't noe whom i love more and i won't noe wat is to happen.
k ahz. no choice. time to do JS. may i see H and S tmr. =)
..
printing my notes now..sadly i am printing erm..lect 5 rite and lect 7 of soci. ta-dum...this means, tt i lost my notes. LOL! haven't even print JS yet..think i lost like 3 or 4 JS. not to mention e 2224 which i have skipped and e 2225 which are missing and which i dun quite u/s (all e maths parts) and i have no idea where's my 2219 water notes (only have e last lect's one)...goodness! what a GOOD sem i am having. getting abit stressed le..given tt i have so much missing stuff..gapping holes everywhere which i am frantically plugging before i embark on my revision (that is if it starts).
it's lil wonder tt S goes to sch with nothing with money and a cap and plays bridge and dota all day long..then goes home. LOL!! skips all his lessons. when someone asked 'wah..u all so free ahz?' one of e bridge gang said 'no choice, we are escaping from reality'. it'll be sad when one by one they wake up..then dun have enuf ppl to play bridge anymore..LOL. i wonder wat they will do then.
i had a funny dream last nite:
i was in e nu**u van but it was erm a double decker and e we were all seated on e 2nd lvl coz that's where e driver drives. so S was driving i was next to him and kaiting was there with us (not tt kaiting noes S). so we were driving ard...then S disappeared!!!! so no one was driving!!!! then coz i was next to e pedal i wanted to brake..but i dunno how to brake! S was walking in front of e van-bus and he was walking really slowly and i saw his backview with his orange jersey.i tried very hard to brake..somehow i pressed e accelerator! and finally i found e brake...but somehow e bus-van just slowed down but din stop....i tried calling S...but some female voice answered e phone. i continued trying to stop e bus-van and i dunno when but rubz appeared in e van-bus and kaiting and rubin (they dunno each other either) were telling me to turn in to e bus stop (WTH)...so i did...but still nvr stop...then continued liddat till e next bus stop..when i stepped damn hard on e brake. and we stopped. then me kaiting and rubin went to makan...ate za cai fan...but after i bought my food and we were sitting at a place tt looks like e outside of e Cage thingie i told them no choice...must meet qi and ting go jurong pt to eat.
weird dream.
no choice.
k....going sch soon le...to help AC with stuff =) at least...i love this proj. i believe in it. wat more can i ask for. partaking in it is gd enuf for me. i just hope tt H will jiayou for his report and S will wake up and study given tt his CAP is 3.51 and he wants to do hons. 3.51 is simply.....hazardous. a 0.02 even will make a hell lot of diff. and i noe tt now tt H has decided to do hons too..he's chionging like mad. has like 20 books surrounding him. H is amazing. he nvr gives substandard work. peifu. he rather dun sleep for a few days. for all our similarities (3 of us) this is e diff. i will do wat i can then okie ahz! S will not do it and appeal and H will chiong all e way. S is crazy. he intends not to do any breadths and appeal for cert after his hons. like how......zzzz. scarli he retain one sem. then i will laff at him. wat kinda attitude is tt. S really lives in his own world with his own value sys, own beliefs and own actions. totally mad.
i can't wait for thank you dinner. seriously...i can't wait. =) not tt i expect a medal or watever. but coz on tt day..i can wear nice nice and H and S will wear nice nice and we can take photos. i can't wait. definitely have to shop for a dress after my exams in anticipation for it. (if this yr no thank you dinner then no choice. next yr lorz. sure got event.) can't wait!!
i am happy at this moment! (I wish i am happy now. I AM NOT HAPPY AT ALL!!!!!!!!)
tt's from S's blog..kinda strong. and i realised tt he can't whistle. i can't either. and he talks in his sleep...i do tt sometimes too. and he misses someone now
k..so i went sch today. figured out finally how to print multiple pgs on adobe on e sch computer...it's just complicated in sch. then i went to e rm. saw H and we saw each other at e same time. he said hi. i said hi back..i went find bit then i sat down next to GJJ since he was on e sofa. and i seriously din realise tt S was right in front of me. he turned ard and said 'hi k**' after me and GJJ said hi and i din say hi to S (since i din noe it was him wat). given tt as usual he said hi k** damn loud, i said hi back feeling slightly embarassed. so i watch them play cards and realised tt S seems to like turning ard alil to look at me. then H quite nice given tt he asked bit over and they were talking...both kept looking at me at e same time..then bit said tt we shldn't wait for e latecomers and start e meeting le. =) so we did. and H said bye to me before i left e rm
and it's funny tt H and S kept walking in and out of e rm today. and S gave a most loud bye. but at e end of e day when i asked H if he wanted me to get dinner for him. he just replied 'it's ok. thanks' such a short reply. but then he's busy doing his essay i think. given tt he was studying when i walked in, stopped studying while i was inside and kept talking to ppl and stoning, then kept walking in and out looking at e banner then they celeb m's bday. so yepz definitely alot of catching up to do.
seriously i dun dare to think abt who he likes nor do i dare to even think if S likes me. dunnodunnodunno.
...
i noe tt i keep blogging..e reason being tt i keep reading their two blogs...given tt they nvr blog, and i am seized by ennui and a need to have some blog thing..i blog myself. LOL. no wonder val dear says tt i am mildly insane.
indeed i am. bit called me and i think he is insane too..coz he asked y so late i nvr sleep so i said i usu sleep quite late and he laughed and laughed and said sometimes he dun sleep. like wth. LOL. madness, call me at 1am to tell me this?
everything makes me miss S i realise:
wind (esp wind)
saikang
vans
subway
sch
milo
AC
GS (coz we talked abt him rem-ing or rather his inability to rem kelvin)
CSC (coz k rems him)
tons more stuff i guess...
and funny tt talking abt u makes u smile..coz u are most disillusioned. e most ego, proud person i noe and u think u are humble and u BOAST of ur humility. LOL. tt's how crazy. D is right...maybe all ACPs become weird...comes with e position. u simply are crazier coz u were in e position longer...perhaps. LOL.
and thinking back..weird tt bit called me to ask me do thingie...maybe he is rite..i am now AC best fren/AC best affiliate. i dun mind. coz i noe tt i may see u..and u. and of coz benefit all in e fac. at least i believe in this event.
...
feel sane tonite. maybe coz i have been too crazy this past month esp. esp when it comes to S. everyday new pattern. everyday i adapt to u and watever ur style is tt day. it's tiring, irritating, emotional upheavals. dunno..and AC takes so long to give me contacts for shirt companies tt i am irritated too. so irritated tt i purposely refused to pick up bit's call just now. dunno y. just sick of e club. so decided tt i shall MIA for like 1 nite or perhaps for tmr too. and thanks to jy for being so helpful. and h for bothering.
when u are rushing ur 8000word essay...it's amazing tt u rem my sms from e afternoon abt t-shirt contacts. amazing tt u replied to it with a long list of who i can ask since u dunno and even more amazing tt after u send e sms, u can rethink abt it and send me another one minutes later amending that tt e ppl whom u have listed as 'getting contacts for u' are in fact 'printing shirts for u' though i do think tt e first is more accurate. but still. u went thru e sms again in ur mind while doing up a 8000word essay.
and oops...appears tt C sent me e quotation at 5pm but i din check my nus acct...oops...like sorry manz. sigh.
anyway yah...in conclusion...i dun see how i can proceed, dunno how to proceed. coz indeed i dun have a firm idea of who i love. how much i love him. how wld i find out. it's during times like this when i hope tt something bad happens to me such tt i can see how they respond. but i noe tt's silly. and unfair to all of us.
and D asked me if i wld even be affected if he acts weird like how S is doing. i can only have one ans...i would be but to a much lesser extent since i am constantly thinking abt S but not D. i do not doubt tt i am mean...but at least i have 2 categories...ppl i love like hell and ppl i dun love like hell. just tt within e grps...i dunno how to place ppl...
...
sigh...i understand y kids do wrong things to get e attention of their parents now. kids may steal, make noise, kick up a fuss just for e attention which they desire and lack. i understand why now. suddenly when u screw up u get undivided attention. imagine u sms someone for 12 days no reply. e minute u screw up...he replies. like wth. but no worries...not going to spend my life screwing up AC stuff..LOL.i was still quite upset abt e tv thing...so i felt tt i have to tell S or i would just continue in anguish. so i told him abt it. he gave me some advice and comforted me. so yepz. better now. and S told me to inform H abt it. which i did and H was really nice abt it. continuing his really nice tradition which was slightly disrupted on thurs when we were in in e room.
i realise tt everytime someone ask me who i love more, H or S i will reply with e disclaimer of 'at the moment'. perhaps i feel more for S now...but it's funny how fate works...so i'll nvr noe. i read H's blog. he says he's been constantly thinking of someone but he doesn't noe how to tell e person how he feels and it's as if there's this wall ard him. and coz of past hurt..he would think abt e same thing 1000 times before he puts in his feelings. but if u're thinking abt e person 1000 times...aren't ur feelings in already?? weird guy. LOL. i won't even begin to think who e person is...coz tt'll be opening a can of worms. i dunno wat i will find inside and i won't noe wat to do with e answer. he says tt maybe e time just isn't right yet and only time will reveal e answer...
i'm trusting time to give me an answer too. after e exams will be a fine time.
meanwhile let me tear my hair out thinking abt my hp bill..need to settle it (hope there's been a screw-up) given tt i pay my bills! now tt reminds me of 2 ppl...H and S...paying bills...muahahaha. e weight of e world upon our shoulders.
...
wheeeeeeeeeee!! finished ONE proj! muahahaha..left with one. think this is a gd sem for projects...efficient manz! and still can read novels this sem..and do so much cca stuff..fruitful sem. i wonder if my grades will sux this sem due to my skipping of lects and my mind wandering thru most of e lects anyway esp from feb onwards. i still rem wat i told A05 back then. i said tt there are many things in my life i noe...but i am unwilling to give up on anything for my A lvls.
my attitude has not wavered.
okie..on my way to sch for GS stuff...may i be lucky today!!
ppl..if u ppl see me ard..tell me to drink more water...coz i think i am drinking too lil and my throat hurts once in a while and yah..i need water..plain water.
...
i noe tt i am crazy.
fact of life..muahahahaha. editing my written report now. i'm so glad tt S is alive again. can't wait to talk cock to him again. so much tt i want to talk abt tt i dunno how to say. i want to see him in real life...dunno how to talk to him via other mediums..weird weird de. tt's like how i am like with my close frens whom i've known for like years.. like ting, qi and shan. ting and qi are like almost a decade old frens and shan is like more than a decade le..LOL. i am making myself sound ancient. but e pt remains tt it's weird
if you love me,
come closer.
if you miss me,
tell me.
if you are interested
don't say blog abt me
open ur mouth u idiot.
LOL! okie fine..he did open his mouth and asked me how i'm doing. wah liew..talk more lahz! but i was e one who went off to jas. oops! k ahz...my fault. no choice. okie..new writing then.
if i love u,
y can't i go closer?
if i miss you,
y can't i just tell you?
if i am interested
y am i just blogging this rubbish
i am an idiot. shld just open my mouth.
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wonderful subverted piece..din mean it when i started blogging though..i noe tt u would love this rubz. =P.
i'm such an idiot!!! but i still love myself and my idiotic nature..muahahahahahaha.
...
was a bad day today. e tvguy called me up and scolded me. totally crazy. me and jas think tt perhaps he din show it and so he is threaten us into giving up. cmi. lucky e sponsor seems to have a bad impression of him anyway..so blame can push abit bahz...after all he kept confirming tt it would be on and we have evidence of tt. just bad mood lahz...so so much work and he pang sei. still say want complain abt us.scared...tt H will scold me when e dean scolds him..LOL. but i doubt tvguy is complaining. coz he dunno who to complain to anyway.
and freaking angry lahz. he says tt e feature was on...but we watched it and it's not. then wth. circular argument lahz. he will keep saying he put it on..we'll keep saying it's not on any recording. like wtf.after another long day of dabbling in this nonsense i went with jas to e rm to call e sponsor and try to explain to them. after i walked in, S walked in, and then H. both S and H ignored me...then H left. then GJJ gave me a gift?!! a book somemore.it's definitely more than $10. y wld someone i only noe for less than a month give me a book?!! so being stunned...i was slowly walking out while jas kept saying tt GJJ looks like he has something to say and kept asking him to say it. e fact tt jas doesn't seem surprised by e gift adds to e mystery.
so i walked out and e mystery continues. S shouted 'Hi K**!!!!!' e minute i stepped out and started talking. e fact tt he was so loud made everyone's head turn and i felt as if i'm in e spotlight. S always has tt spotlight effect on me tt makes me open my mouth, words flowing out yet i dun rem or noe wat i said. so there. somehow i told me tt i got scolded. and made a face then he asked who scolded me...but before our conversation cld continue jas wanted to talk to me. so i talked to her...said bye to GJJ as courtesy demands it and left e rm. then i erm...sat outside with chong and qi in order to talk to S. which i failed to do. nothing to say. when he walked out then in again all i managed to do was to shout his name. lousy.
lousy.
u lousy too.
chong keep asking me to call S and tell him y i was upset today since he asked and i din answer it. but so weird. i just can't do it.
...
no choice! in JS lect now...LOL!! and i realised tt hmmmm..xr noes my blog add and pw..LOL! rubz just can't live w/o having someone read my blogs to her..damn funny. but of well..no choice. no wonder my blog counter jumping quite a lil...given tt not many ppl have e pw....no choice! but okie lahz...still better than S..jump by few hundred hits in 3 days. muahahhahaha...i gave quite a few ppl his add..but oh well..as if he will notice e excess jumps!
k ahz...must say this:
HAPPY BDAY VAL!!!
LOL!! k ahz..and they complain that e happy bday is too big...ppl in e LT can see..no choice! must be big coz it's for my dear dear...=)
k ahz...this fri and sat will be GC le....after tt think can slack from cca for a while....can't wait to slack. after exams though it'll be hell. can i withdraw from AC?? LOL! dunno lahz...hope qiqi will want to join prog with me...then at least i will nvr be alone! muaahahhaa...it'll be fun...though i do understand tt i shld try to integrate mself more into e club. but! oh well..can talk, can crap, can play can le...i think these ppl will nvr become my best frens! so no choice...i dun want to go there, feel sad and have no one to talk to! LOL. not close enuf bahz...or maybe too work oriented le....dun really feel like telling them too much private stuff.....so at least will have qiqi...who'll prob be damn 'left out' but nvm! she got me too!!!! we can be happy together..muahahhaha...meeting qi later must try to convince her..no choice!
oh yah!! and shan is getting laptop this wkend le....hmmmm..shld i tag along and try to give some noob advice?? LOL...i think shan will need some help in choosing....esp since she noes next to nothing abt pcs...sigh. met shan on e bus yest...was fun talking to her again...kinda miss her since haven't really spoken to her since maybe feb or jan?? bbq not counted lahz..coz nvr really sit down and talk. this wkend will be booked!! LOL. no choice...
grace dear dear...are we meeting for soup???
...
he blogged...a whole para on me. e longest para of e blog. a bit hmmmm..gushing. LOL. warning..e para below is going to sound alot like me...dun believe i type u wat kitty wld have said abt e same issue:
'OH!! and then...i met this guy, his name is rrr. rrr is like freaking funny lahz!! but he's really nice...we were doing ppp and he said: 'athaogiaghaio' to me...LOL! damn lame!!!! like wth lahz. but i din say anything of coz..then finally i commented 'aiotuaoitua' then he said 'atataiota' LOL!! he's just super funny!!'
NOW! let me show u e S-version:
Oh! There is this girl kkk, was helping us with the logs. She damn funny can. She apparently dunno who i was back then. She only know that i am logs personel. Then she exclaimed once, when we finished moving the logs, "woah! You very good at logs hor? You last time everytime do logs one ah?"... Ahahhahahahaha... I find it quite funny, cause it was like the opposite? I always make people do logs for me. Ahahaha... But anyway, i thought that it wasnt very nice and might sound a bit too full of myself if i were to tell her that i was the president back then, so i told her, "no la, I usually get people to do logs for me instead." Which is true. Then she replied, "AH!!! So you always logs i/c la???" Ahahhahahaa... I didnt know what to react... I laugh like mad can? ahaha... Quite funny... In the end, i guess someone told her who i am, then she tell me, no wonder i look familar to her... She seen me in 0-wk before. But still, i think she's like very funny....
like wth...y wld someone rem wat i said word for word like 14 days after e event...esp after ignoring me for 10 days??? if i am so funny and interesting...i wonder y he's ignoring me. btw..his acct is super inaccurate!!!!!!!!
1. i din not noe tt he was pres. in fact i said 'u last time everytime do log BEFORE U BECAME PRES ahz?' zzzzz..he left out e 4 most impt words.
2. he guess someone told me???? imposs lahz! i din even meet any other AC person since i asked him abt log. till e time i told him i rem him from 0wk.
3. y........does he sound quite.....hmmmm..not tt uninterested. dunno lahz.
i noe this is a rather oxymoronic statement..but...sadly, i am happy.
no choice!
...
it's val dear's bday tmr....wheeeeeeee...happy bday to my dear dear...20 may be a challenging age. but i noe tt we'll all rise up to e occasion. and i hope val dear dear will like e gifts...wheeeeeeeeeee...
anyway...it feels gd caring less abt H....maybe it's just very difficult thinking abt him all day long. it feels gd to not think much abt S consciously. =). recent nites though..been dreaming of them..LOL. weird dreams, but still e occurance doesn't really bother me (since i can't rem much when i wake up anyway).
and it was fun today again! having fun days..totally rox.
1. went town with rubz and shaz. fun! had mushroom soup, half a sandwich tt's gigantic and ice tea...yumz. i got myself a lil something! =)
2. matt's nice today and not mean. LOL. coz he offered to buy me a drink...muahahahaha. and waited for me after toilet. WOW matt...becoming less mean le! gd start!
3. so touching...clar, matt and val think i can be given e status as grp leader in peer assessment...so awwwwwwwww...nothing like nicety and appreciation to make my head swell...LOL!! hence, i must be a better grp leader! muahahahaha
only 1 bad thing today:
1. sponsor crap tt continues. sianz. and we're not on e tape. serious ahz....angry with tt guy le, cute or not cute, host or not host i dun care!!! must really talk to him tmr.
...
i'm sick of taking e initiative in our interactions. time to slack...muaahahahaha.
befrening was fun today..though as usu my befrendee pon. today i kinda attached myself to merv. ck and merv's befrendee..quite fun ppl..we did a cloze passage. i did most of it and we kept joking ard tt merv dunno how to teach properly..nvr explain e difficult words one..but yepz...but really see tt e sg edu sys has some flaws of its own...like when norm acad ppl meet a word tt they dunno, they will just say 'wah liew..i'm in norm acad lorz..won't noe this word one' instead of trying to get to know e word, they just bypass it as if it is a once-in-a-lifetime occurance. and so funny...i told merv to explain e words..so e befrendee took e initiative and asked wat's philosophy...then ck asked me..so i said tt philosophy is a way of thinking. then ck asked if it means theory..then i said tt theory is like an apple. philo is like a basket full of apples...(come to think of it now...it shld be full of fruits since besides theories, i would qualify models, concepts etc as part of philo...so got erm..pears and starfruit too)....shld tell them tt when i next see them (after exams). anyway...then merv comment tt i teach english like go market mai cai...zzzz.
then we played frisbee at e void deck and erm.....one of e befrendees accidentally threw e frisbee onto a passerby...lucky she din complain...just told us tt it's very painful and asked us to go somewhere else to play. PHEW. then hmmmmm..we played win lose or draw...i was in charge of coming up with e words...but they said it's not 'secondary sch' enuf...zzzzzzzzzzzz...so! ck took over and gave words like teletubbies, government...WTH. LOL. how to draw govt sia. then ahz....when it was my turn, i got like robber, cheerleader and forgot wat...i drew total rubbish but somehow they guessed...LOL. tt's e amazing thing abt win lose or draw...u wonder how u figure out stuff and how ppl fig out ur stuff. anyway it was even more funny when e befrendee i was hanging out with went and help think of words. he used his word of e day tt his teacher just taught them. 'flabbergasted'. all i can say is tt we were flabbergasted at the gall of him to even suggest drawing e word..LOL!!!!!!!!! as expected e one supposed to draw it was completely flabbergasted at his own inability to conceptualize the word into an image tt would be telling enuf!!!! LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
we ended e session with a bang. this befrendee, sher used my phone and took 16 multishot photo of L. then we showed everyone. when i showed luke he tried to grab my phone..in e end..he grabbed me! totally cmi. L is always gan cheong and violent. then really ahz..e befrendees all kept shouting rape. damn funny..then me and L kept struggling. then i slid under e table to hide and he was still trying to pry e phone out of my hands..then zm came under e table too..to save me. then ppl were ard laffing, cheering then sher though a small boy tickled L or hugged him or watever and got L out. me and zm saved my phone and our wonderful L photos. muahahahahaha.
fun day.
...
sleepy..no choice..having lect with sleeping pill now...er..she just started stoning...not saying a word..LOL!! it's 1535. she's stoning. LOL!! stoned for like 30 secs lahz! nvr say anything. anyway yah...no choice. and i realised tt e mod has readings sia!!!!!! wow. die. LOL. anyway she is such a strong and effective pill tt i fell asleep once she walked in! of coz after commenting abt her disasterous haircut. LOL!! no choice!!!! anyway okie lahz..not really her fault really (maybe 50% her fault)...before lect, i had to go meet jas to get this tape from her such tt i can convert e format and pass it to e sponsor....then! i went into e rm and saw S whom i ignored and he ignored me too...wonder y things have come to this...makes me super sianz diaoz..so i sleep lorz! LOL.
anyway after sleeping feel better le...still quite sianz diaoz though...but no choice. maybe we simply were nvr frens thus we dunno how to revert back to something we nvr were. either tt or no more saikang dunnit to be frens. dun noe...
okie ahz..no choice, waiting for next lect...sleeping pill again!! LOL. no choice. time to get some coke soon before i like die or something..overdose ahz..will die one.
yah....and okie lahz.. H is feeling better le...hmmmmm..he's not very warm today either...busy maybe. he and S seem to like to make each other busy...sigh. and i am supposed to be busy.still totally slacking...somehow ahz. dunno how also..LOL. JS tut was funny...din prep for presentation until e first grp presented then prep while they present..cmi.
anyway i was telling val...tt on my bday, e day after..i felt like i am 20. dunno y..maybe all along i've been ready to step into the role although i may not have thought much abt it/known it. think i would be a better 20+ person than a 10+ person maybe. guess since young i've been quite responsible in stuff (exluding doing hw during sec and jc)...quite mature in my thinking and dunno....20+ seems fine though of coz there is e stress from getting a job (got one)...paying e bills (paying some)...getting married (nowhere near, but not difficult to achieve either). LOL!!! so kinda hmmmmmm..k ahz! val is afraid of her parents turning into senior citizens..mine are! LOL...no wonder!!! she's scared to turn 20 but i think it's normal if not a not-bad thing. val has to pay income tax soon ahz! i dun care!
no choice!!!
...
Secondly, with inflation climbing higher every day, we needed to find a way of stabilizing the economy. Before the NeoCharge system, Neopoints entered the Neopian economy at a rate that was approximately 400% greater than the rate at which they left the economy! Any economist will tell you that's not a very good thing. Not only does it greatly unbalance the economy, it causes mass inflation and severely rising prices (among other things). With the NeoCharge system, we can steadily remove Neopoints from the economy at a rate roughly equivalent to the rate of Neopoints entering. This means less inflation, lower prices, and a happier Neopets experience for everyone!
my point...is tt neopets is intellectual! no wonder my econs not bad..muahahahaha. my secret weapon is...neopets! muahahaha..
...
i love my frens. thanks for all e wonderful gifts... e pillow, e bracelet, e bag, e wallet, all e tops, cardcaptor stuff, cards, soft toy, bookmarks...okie..here are e funnies:
1. i got 2 of e exact same present. aka wire-bent 'K' alphabet bookmarks, metallic pink in colour...LOL!!!!!!!!
2. vin turned up and spoiled my mood for oarty =X. but oh well..after he left i was happier...LOL! and he still asked me y i dun seem happy at my party. and he refused to eat stuff until i seemed visibly angry since he refused to eat and xr kept chiding me for not offering him food. i wanted to stuff e food down his throat..vin's throat i mean. okie. then he was simply irritating by making wierd jokes, sitting alone and not mixing ard and 'scolding' me playfully. i was quite zzz and kept escaping to bug who seems more willing to rescue me...LOL. vin was soooo scary he wanted to call S or H and make them wish me happy bday. and vin is simply a touchy, physical kinda person...weird to have him hug me...LOL
3. talking abt vin and his desire to call S..i saw S on my bday. he was sleeping in e rm when i went in...i din realise it's him though i glanced at e sleeping figure then i spoke to guanjiejie...i went like 'hey guanjiejie, erm....can i put this in e fridge?? i asked H already' then S suddenly woke up and sat up...VERY scary...then he said hi. LOL. then guanjiejie say can lahz..so i put my stuff...refused to even look at S then i walked out..after i walked out however...i somehow felt like seeing S again so i walked in and re-adjusted my stuff and walked out again. crazy lahz. so he's still alive. perhaps, dead as far as i am concerned...thanks for H for ousting him bit by bit from my life thru conscious or sub-conscious efforts
4. thanks esp to shiting for being so nice and grateful...until now still rem me this sensei. thanks for jas for cooking e whole nite w/o grumbling and for getting e cake...to bug who offered to share cab with me hence forfeiting his night rider (though i guess raj played a big role in his decision), thanks raj for being most entertaining as usual, thanks zm esp!!!! for e venue
5. thanks everyone for coming
6. oh yah..a super funny! i can't believe tt matt and bug both decided to buy me cardcaptor..LOL..cmi. now i have e coolest cardcaptor figurines ard...bug was so scared he got me e same thing as matt..but diff! lucky! LOL.
7. a super super funny. i think i was abit mad last nite..or shld i say i'm optimistic...jas got me a soft toy frog..erm..i kissed it (twice) to see if it would turn into a prince (no i'm not drunk!) LOL!!! had to try.
8. e pj ppl + xr + val and bf proposed a toast to me at 2332. so qiao. my birth time...=) so i got a toast exactly 20 yrs from e time i'm born. red wine taste horrible though..and bug had to try to poison me by telling me to take a small sip and letting e drink spread all over my tongue. nearly choked. LOL.
9. i brought chong's tray and zm's dispenser home..must bring back to sch again...=/
10. i kept e last for H. thanks for ur lovely sms. 'Happy birthday k**! Sorry i couldn't be there today..hope you had fun and enjoy yr birthday ya!' thanks for remembering and for bothering. coz i think if i dun like someone whom i noe loves me like hell..i wldn't sms her to lead her on. thanks. somemore e sms came right before i was going to cut my cake. it's as if somewhere far away, he felt that everyone was gathering to cut e cake with me...and he sent his well wishes. it's as if he is coming towards me as if everyone else...just tt everyone else did it on a physical level...yet his is a more psychological level. after tt...bug told me to reply tt i wish her was there with me..but i cldn't do it. it's romantic, i agree but.....i guess it holds testimony to e fact tt it's not a simple infatuation since i noe tt i wldn't have wanted him there with me even if it's my bday if he has something significant on. others may say he can postpone e dinner etc. but to me, tt's his passion. i respect it and i wldn't ever want to distract him from his passions. maybe i want to position myself as e understanding person behind him..whether or not he realises tt i am there...i just want to be there. =). i read his blog. his blog posted on my bday..he talked abt all e random things tt ran thru his mind tt day...near e end..he left a one-liner. 'i thought about you..though i hate to admit it..haha!' wonder who he's referring to. somemore he stole my line. tt's my fav line!! i'm always telling him stuff like 'i'm doing all this shit for u..though i hate to admit it'...'i'm still thinking of u..though i hate to admit it'...
11. last tot. i had already decided tt my bday wish would be tt i will always be with e loveliest frens of my life. but he smsed me like 1 min before i made my wish...and in tt min i changed e wish...i only said 3 words during my wish. or rather i repeated one word 3 times. his name. muahahaha..if u can call tt a wish. it had no sentence to it. =). it felt powerful..my wish.