=)
07.28.05 (6:14 am) [edit]
i met someone like corn. e same screwing one eye shut while pondering deeply over a simple qn kinda look.
Sweet.
=)
anyway..he lives totally near me...Sweeter.
he got a nicer smile though. =)
shall try to talk more to him...i very shy ahz...lol
PS: it's quite fun..=D
Sweet.
=)
anyway..he lives totally near me...Sweeter.
he got a nicer smile though. =)
shall try to talk more to him...i very shy ahz...lol
PS: it's quite fun..=D
.
07.22.05 (4:56 pm) [edit]
i feel horrible.
have no idea y...
well...2 outings screwed up badly...but tt's not e pt...now i am focusing on e screwed-up parts of it...blaming ting for having to study on sun when everyone is free coz she will forget everything if she studies today. blaming shan for having a class outing...and even more so qi for having to go cut hair today of all days and then meet luis..NUS for org e stupid registration thing today.
if i was already in a gd/better mood/normal mood:
i would have thought:
so nice of my frens...so busy yet...they will set aside 2 hrs of their day for me. but no. i am just in a bad mood already.
as usual...even as i type this with angst...e wind is coming thru my window...comforting me...
everytime i am sad...it will somehow be more breezy as if to comfort me.
PS: i realised with a start tt sch starts soon...coz next wk...mon is mat...tues and wed talks...thur onwards...8 days of orientation. (though i'm not sure sun is included)
Pray...give me patience not to scold anyone later. hmmm. bleahz
have no idea y...
well...2 outings screwed up badly...but tt's not e pt...now i am focusing on e screwed-up parts of it...blaming ting for having to study on sun when everyone is free coz she will forget everything if she studies today. blaming shan for having a class outing...and even more so qi for having to go cut hair today of all days and then meet luis..NUS for org e stupid registration thing today.
if i was already in a gd/better mood/normal mood:
i would have thought:
so nice of my frens...so busy yet...they will set aside 2 hrs of their day for me. but no. i am just in a bad mood already.
as usual...even as i type this with angst...e wind is coming thru my window...comforting me...
everytime i am sad...it will somehow be more breezy as if to comfort me.
PS: i realised with a start tt sch starts soon...coz next wk...mon is mat...tues and wed talks...thur onwards...8 days of orientation. (though i'm not sure sun is included)
Pray...give me patience not to scold anyone later. hmmm. bleahz
.
07.22.05 (7:14 am) [edit]
disappointed.
with many things...
yet i can't start explaining how and why.
weird mood.
okie...basically...key events of e day include:
1. harbourfront with grace and rubz
2. diamaru with them too...in which grace bought some bk on basic jap and tons of stationery...after which we went to e supermarket and i erm..shouted 'miso soup' in a surprised/pleased/haven't -seen-miso-soup-in-1000-y rs accent...er...rubz and grace ran away and a stranger stared at me (or so i heard)
sometimes i surprise even myself.
3. walked hm from clarke quay (took 30 mins)..many tots filled my mind...basically i was still thinking abt e LKY resources to be conc on top 5% thing...i realised tt by getting e scholaship...i am inevitablely in e top 5%...dun u think tt top 5% getting e most resources=growing upon e misery of e other 95%?? even chee din realise tt...so imagine..someone drops out of sch in pri or sec...they go to work...contribute to cpf...taxes etc...where do e reserves end up?? for e betterment of e ppl who are of e same age...and still studying...after some time...we realise tt with 16% of each cohort in a local uni with tuition grant subsidy by govt...e other 84% contributes to their uni edu. e fact tt i am getting my 10k a yr from fees and allowance mean tt i am leeching upon e ppl who may be my age...done badly and started work.
why do i feel so strongly abt this...when i was a child...i used to walk alot. which explains y i walk 20 km w/o so much as sweating.
my childhood:
when i was young...i loved sats...tt's my mom's off day...i will wait for sats...watch as she does hairdressing at home on her offday to earn tt extra money...i will wait restlessly...walking in and out of e house...looking at e drifting clouds...when she's done...she will ask 'ni yao qu na li?' sometimes...she only finished at 5pm or 6pm...on those days i will always will her to hurry up...coz after 5pm...i will always say 'bu yao jing...bu qu le' although i really wld love to go...coz i noe she must be tired and she has 6 more days of full-time work waiting.
when she finished at like 2pm...we will always wait till 3+ pm to leave e house bcoz whereever we went...we walked there...and we had to avoid e afternoon sun. usu we will go chinatown or tiong bahru plaza...both of which were 20 to 25 mins away. we nvr took bus. becoz she was using adult fare...and we wanted to save e money...at tt time...we always agreed tt if we both walk...we save $1.50. although it is not much...we just din see e pt in wasting money. so we walk...some days...we buy alot of groceries when they are cheap..then we will lug them home on foot...i will always ask for e heaviest bags...then strain myself on e way hm...sometimes my mother will take them from me...usu i refuse to let her steal my 'glory'...
when we are empty-handed on our way home...it is worse...coz tt means tt my mom will walk me home...then continue to tanjong pagar NTUC (30 mins away) or chinatown to buy watever is needed...sometimes e price diff is 20 cents...but she can walk from tiong bahru all e way there...e walk can be 50 mins...she will still walk e whole way though there are direct buses...
to me...e young me....tt was fun. it was like a kind of independence...an achievement...i nvr grumbled. tt was how my mother got to save some money every month...for tt rainy day...when she earned 700 a month...and had 4 mouths to feed.
As i walked hm today...i cried...becoz i realised wat my mother had to go thru to send me to sch...to place food on e table. She used to work oppo chinatown point...and she nvr took bus to work either...she walked. by walking and walking and walking...she managed to save $14 a wk...$56 a month...she nvr bought food from outside and even when i had my mcdonalds happy meal...all she ever ate were some of my fries...she wld rather starve herself then go home to eat. when she worked...she wld always bring along home cook food. by tt she saved at least $100 a month...tt was alot to her...when our total household income was $700 earned from her job
------------------------- ------------------------- ---------------
frankly...i nvr tot i was desitute in my own life...i spent my childhood thinking it was a challenge...like cinderella was made to wait upon her stepsisters...i was challenged to be tough and walk e fastest with e heaviest burdens.
until recently...when siew mei and i were talking...she was saying tt her one rm flat was too small so her dad moved out...so she is left with her mom...her mom gets $100+ a month from her dad and she gets $150.
for 8 months of her hols...with no access to a computer...her inability to converse properly in eng...she was jobless. for 8 months..she and her mom ate either $1.20 cai fan for every meal or they bought bread for e whole wk's meals....she spent her days going to e library to borrow bks...and watched tv till late everynite...so tt both of them need not wake up early e next day...e reason being tt they had to skip breakfast since money was tight.
------------------------- ------------------------- ----------------
THEN...i realised tt in moving upwards...i have moved from e bottom 10% or 20%....to e top 5%. and suddenly...although my mom makes $1000 a month...i make $700 by myself by simply giving 5 hrs of tuition a wk...and going to sch. my mother used to make $700 too...but she worked 6 days a wk...10 hrs a day...
so resource allocation in sg=
lowest 10%- 60hrs=700
top 5% - 5 hrs + stay in sch=700
furthermore..my mom spent 10 hrs standing up...folding clothes...moving boxes of clothes...
i spend 5 hrs sitting on a chair...simply using my mouth to talk abt e English language.
------------------------- ------------------------- ----------------
PS: despite e tear-jerking nature of e entry...i miss my childhood...when i was at my happiest trudging hm with heavy bags of foodstuff.
perhaps i kept most of tt little happy gal in me...just as much as e tough gal tt i was.
if i ever have anyone to love more than anything...to thank more than anything...it wld be my mother...if it wasn't for her...i think i wld have quit sch in sec 2.
with many things...
yet i can't start explaining how and why.
weird mood.
okie...basically...key events of e day include:
1. harbourfront with grace and rubz
2. diamaru with them too...in which grace bought some bk on basic jap and tons of stationery...after which we went to e supermarket and i erm..shouted 'miso soup' in a surprised/pleased/haven't -seen-miso-soup-in-1000-y rs accent...er...rubz and grace ran away and a stranger stared at me (or so i heard)
sometimes i surprise even myself.
3. walked hm from clarke quay (took 30 mins)..many tots filled my mind...basically i was still thinking abt e LKY resources to be conc on top 5% thing...i realised tt by getting e scholaship...i am inevitablely in e top 5%...dun u think tt top 5% getting e most resources=growing upon e misery of e other 95%?? even chee din realise tt...so imagine..someone drops out of sch in pri or sec...they go to work...contribute to cpf...taxes etc...where do e reserves end up?? for e betterment of e ppl who are of e same age...and still studying...after some time...we realise tt with 16% of each cohort in a local uni with tuition grant subsidy by govt...e other 84% contributes to their uni edu. e fact tt i am getting my 10k a yr from fees and allowance mean tt i am leeching upon e ppl who may be my age...done badly and started work.
why do i feel so strongly abt this...when i was a child...i used to walk alot. which explains y i walk 20 km w/o so much as sweating.
my childhood:
when i was young...i loved sats...tt's my mom's off day...i will wait for sats...watch as she does hairdressing at home on her offday to earn tt extra money...i will wait restlessly...walking in and out of e house...looking at e drifting clouds...when she's done...she will ask 'ni yao qu na li?' sometimes...she only finished at 5pm or 6pm...on those days i will always will her to hurry up...coz after 5pm...i will always say 'bu yao jing...bu qu le' although i really wld love to go...coz i noe she must be tired and she has 6 more days of full-time work waiting.
when she finished at like 2pm...we will always wait till 3+ pm to leave e house bcoz whereever we went...we walked there...and we had to avoid e afternoon sun. usu we will go chinatown or tiong bahru plaza...both of which were 20 to 25 mins away. we nvr took bus. becoz she was using adult fare...and we wanted to save e money...at tt time...we always agreed tt if we both walk...we save $1.50. although it is not much...we just din see e pt in wasting money. so we walk...some days...we buy alot of groceries when they are cheap..then we will lug them home on foot...i will always ask for e heaviest bags...then strain myself on e way hm...sometimes my mother will take them from me...usu i refuse to let her steal my 'glory'...
when we are empty-handed on our way home...it is worse...coz tt means tt my mom will walk me home...then continue to tanjong pagar NTUC (30 mins away) or chinatown to buy watever is needed...sometimes e price diff is 20 cents...but she can walk from tiong bahru all e way there...e walk can be 50 mins...she will still walk e whole way though there are direct buses...
to me...e young me....tt was fun. it was like a kind of independence...an achievement...i nvr grumbled. tt was how my mother got to save some money every month...for tt rainy day...when she earned 700 a month...and had 4 mouths to feed.
As i walked hm today...i cried...becoz i realised wat my mother had to go thru to send me to sch...to place food on e table. She used to work oppo chinatown point...and she nvr took bus to work either...she walked. by walking and walking and walking...she managed to save $14 a wk...$56 a month...she nvr bought food from outside and even when i had my mcdonalds happy meal...all she ever ate were some of my fries...she wld rather starve herself then go home to eat. when she worked...she wld always bring along home cook food. by tt she saved at least $100 a month...tt was alot to her...when our total household income was $700 earned from her job
------------------------- ------------------------- ---------------
frankly...i nvr tot i was desitute in my own life...i spent my childhood thinking it was a challenge...like cinderella was made to wait upon her stepsisters...i was challenged to be tough and walk e fastest with e heaviest burdens.
until recently...when siew mei and i were talking...she was saying tt her one rm flat was too small so her dad moved out...so she is left with her mom...her mom gets $100+ a month from her dad and she gets $150.
for 8 months of her hols...with no access to a computer...her inability to converse properly in eng...she was jobless. for 8 months..she and her mom ate either $1.20 cai fan for every meal or they bought bread for e whole wk's meals....she spent her days going to e library to borrow bks...and watched tv till late everynite...so tt both of them need not wake up early e next day...e reason being tt they had to skip breakfast since money was tight.
------------------------- ------------------------- ----------------
THEN...i realised tt in moving upwards...i have moved from e bottom 10% or 20%....to e top 5%. and suddenly...although my mom makes $1000 a month...i make $700 by myself by simply giving 5 hrs of tuition a wk...and going to sch. my mother used to make $700 too...but she worked 6 days a wk...10 hrs a day...
so resource allocation in sg=
lowest 10%- 60hrs=700
top 5% - 5 hrs + stay in sch=700
furthermore..my mom spent 10 hrs standing up...folding clothes...moving boxes of clothes...
i spend 5 hrs sitting on a chair...simply using my mouth to talk abt e English language.
------------------------- ------------------------- ----------------
PS: despite e tear-jerking nature of e entry...i miss my childhood...when i was at my happiest trudging hm with heavy bags of foodstuff.
perhaps i kept most of tt little happy gal in me...just as much as e tough gal tt i was.
if i ever have anyone to love more than anything...to thank more than anything...it wld be my mother...if it wasn't for her...i think i wld have quit sch in sec 2.
=)
07.21.05 (5:06 am) [edit]
happy today.
1. china currency got unpegged...now it's flexi-managed. =) see...my analysis was rite...told my mom to convert half her cash to ren ming bi...but well she din...and i din have enuf money to have a substantial turnover...Also! ringgit will get unpegged soon...=) tt's brilliant! (i told my mom to keep ringgit too coz she goes m'sia anyway...and this time she did keep some =D)
2. had subway...though it's not e steak i wanted...it's a new and enriching exp...=) like: dun get too much vege! i had like a pile...and i grudgingly shoved it into my mouth. and get cookies they're nice...and u get 2...wat a great deal!!
3. went library and took my mom's card...reactivated it on e library webbie last nite...so i borrowed 8 bks!!! WOW
4. of e 8....................1 is by chee soon juan...borrowed with my i/c (will MOE look for me?????) lol...surprising tt e lib which prob is quasi-govt will stock bks by ppl sued to e pt of bankruptcy by e govt...ironic world...lol...esp when e govt seems to ban most of his activities anyway...yet stocks his bks *muses* anyway! quite a nice read...it's quite comical really...some of his prespectives...though others are quite relevant...but oh well...take everything with a pinch of salt...from my reading...i noe one thing for certain: he makes gd arguments with sometimes inappropiate examples which SEEM right...si shi er fei...like how he compared himself to gandhi and martin luther king...like hello! one was for peace...e other for equality betwn e blacks and e whites! chee wants a permit to speak in public...looking at their goals....obviously chee's just seems frivolous with ppl dying ard or generations steeped in ghettos. okie.lol...but nice reading!!! rubin envious not?? i lend u after my dad reads it (yah...can u imagine?!! my dad ask me lend him e bk)
1. china currency got unpegged...now it's flexi-managed. =) see...my analysis was rite...told my mom to convert half her cash to ren ming bi...but well she din...and i din have enuf money to have a substantial turnover...Also! ringgit will get unpegged soon...=) tt's brilliant! (i told my mom to keep ringgit too coz she goes m'sia anyway...and this time she did keep some =D)
2. had subway...though it's not e steak i wanted...it's a new and enriching exp...=) like: dun get too much vege! i had like a pile...and i grudgingly shoved it into my mouth. and get cookies they're nice...and u get 2...wat a great deal!!
3. went library and took my mom's card...reactivated it on e library webbie last nite...so i borrowed 8 bks!!! WOW
4. of e 8....................1 is by chee soon juan...borrowed with my i/c (will MOE look for me?????) lol...surprising tt e lib which prob is quasi-govt will stock bks by ppl sued to e pt of bankruptcy by e govt...ironic world...lol...esp when e govt seems to ban most of his activities anyway...yet stocks his bks *muses* anyway! quite a nice read...it's quite comical really...some of his prespectives...though others are quite relevant...but oh well...take everything with a pinch of salt...from my reading...i noe one thing for certain: he makes gd arguments with sometimes inappropiate examples which SEEM right...si shi er fei...like how he compared himself to gandhi and martin luther king...like hello! one was for peace...e other for equality betwn e blacks and e whites! chee wants a permit to speak in public...looking at their goals....obviously chee's just seems frivolous with ppl dying ard or generations steeped in ghettos. okie.lol...but nice reading!!! rubin envious not?? i lend u after my dad reads it (yah...can u imagine?!! my dad ask me lend him e bk)
.
07.19.05 (6:21 am) [edit]
okie...i'll blog abt it now..
very xin ku...coz Y and ter so xin ku de zai try...and i so xin ku de try to keep my distance from Y...and i so xin ku running towards then away from ter.
just xin ku.
Y smses me everyday...like just ask me how am i...telling me random bits of info...da told me to give Y a chance but i can't get myself to do it. Religion as e reason may seem superficial...but if one thinks deeply...religion is fundamental...therefore our diffs are fundamental and our rift will always be there. it's not a matter of effort and i won't regret not trying.
Ter...alot harder....i dun even noe where to start describing. sigh~ i dun understand y he is trying so hard to get me to meet his relatives...to find topics, chances to talk to me...to tell me to think of him and forget da...to want to buy me a ring...to tell me he misses me...to ask if i miss him...........
when...all in all...he emphasizes tt he is not ready for any r/s in his own opinion.
tt's y...i dun even noe his stand...when i dunno his stand...i dunno mine.
i dunno my stand.
i rem weijie asked me once if i like ter...i think grace said no on my behalf or i said no...but watever was said...and whoever said it...
truth is i like ter...but i nvr once liked him enuf for effort on my part i guess.
now...i dun even noe if i like him enuf.
very xin ku...coz Y and ter so xin ku de zai try...and i so xin ku de try to keep my distance from Y...and i so xin ku running towards then away from ter.
just xin ku.
Y smses me everyday...like just ask me how am i...telling me random bits of info...da told me to give Y a chance but i can't get myself to do it. Religion as e reason may seem superficial...but if one thinks deeply...religion is fundamental...therefore our diffs are fundamental and our rift will always be there. it's not a matter of effort and i won't regret not trying.
Ter...alot harder....i dun even noe where to start describing. sigh~ i dun understand y he is trying so hard to get me to meet his relatives...to find topics, chances to talk to me...to tell me to think of him and forget da...to want to buy me a ring...to tell me he misses me...to ask if i miss him...........
when...all in all...he emphasizes tt he is not ready for any r/s in his own opinion.
tt's y...i dun even noe his stand...when i dunno his stand...i dunno mine.
i dunno my stand.
i rem weijie asked me once if i like ter...i think grace said no on my behalf or i said no...but watever was said...and whoever said it...
truth is i like ter...but i nvr once liked him enuf for effort on my part i guess.
now...i dun even noe if i like him enuf.
=S
07.18.05 (9:46 pm) [edit]
i am freaking emotional. cried from pg 723 of pdf file to pg 827..zzz...tt's like one-eight of e story...thanks ter for sending me e file manz.
anyway...my emotions are not just extreme...they are unpredictable...dun even noe wat will upset me...oh well.
been wanting to blog abt something for some time...but keep forgetting. and now in view of dumbledore's death...i can't even bring myself to type out something so trivial..lol.
maybe in bk 7...we can see some vision of him with battle advice for harry...tt won't be too bad...maybe it'll be a memory delivered to him...or some note he wrote as part of his will...or something lahz...tt makes me happier...since tt will mean an appearance after all! =)
and thanks ter!! he just reminded me tt dumbledore can still talk to harry thru e headmaster's protrait..=)
PS: i want to go buy butter waffles..but i think i no time..until maybe sat.
anyway...my emotions are not just extreme...they are unpredictable...dun even noe wat will upset me...oh well.
been wanting to blog abt something for some time...but keep forgetting. and now in view of dumbledore's death...i can't even bring myself to type out something so trivial..lol.
maybe in bk 7...we can see some vision of him with battle advice for harry...tt won't be too bad...maybe it'll be a memory delivered to him...or some note he wrote as part of his will...or something lahz...tt makes me happier...since tt will mean an appearance after all! =)
and thanks ter!! he just reminded me tt dumbledore can still talk to harry thru e headmaster's protrait..=)
PS: i want to go buy butter waffles..but i think i no time..until maybe sat.
.
07.18.05 (9:26 pm) [edit]
harry potter bk 6 is not bad at all...just abit tragic..a line in e bk just caught my eye....out of e millions of lines.
"I am not worried, Harry," said Dumbledore, his voice a little stronger despite the freezing water. "I am with you."
Tear-jerking...
'i am not worried coz i am with u'...such beauty...wonder when i can say tt to anyone ever again in my life.
Yes, Dumbledore died...practically, it is a logical step to make e series a classic. but lol...i'm still sad...read till cry sia...
i guess tt of all e bks so far...i like this one best (coz it's e most tragic probably...i just feel attracted to tragedies).
sigh~
"I am not worried, Harry," said Dumbledore, his voice a little stronger despite the freezing water. "I am with you."
Tear-jerking...
'i am not worried coz i am with u'...such beauty...wonder when i can say tt to anyone ever again in my life.
Yes, Dumbledore died...practically, it is a logical step to make e series a classic. but lol...i'm still sad...read till cry sia...
i guess tt of all e bks so far...i like this one best (coz it's e most tragic probably...i just feel attracted to tragedies).
sigh~
dream.
07.18.05 (4:20 pm) [edit]
My dream:
okie folks...another tale from my subconsciousness...ok..i was on my way to sch (pj) on a very typical day...it was e first time i will see sam for ages...so i tot to myself in e dream...cool...i will get to see her in sch...i got onto e bus at 7.20 am at cck...i was eating mee while on e bus...and there were no other students on e bus...then i freaking missed my stop and ended up one bus stop down from e sch one (however...e bus stop further from sch in my dream is totally diff from e one in real life) anyway...i therefore checked my watch...still got time...won't be late...so i just quickened my step...then lo and behold!! there was an exodus of ppl late...
however..they were all crez ppl...one block (4 rows of ppl tt stretch a long way) were crez ppl in pj uni...another 4 rows nearer to e back and not connected to e previous are all crez ppl in pj curie shirt and shorts...so me being in sch uni tot tt i shld join e first block but...e discipline mistress (a crez teacher in this case...chia chen che) told me to join e 2nd... i wanted to run away...but ard me all NS ppl with rifles...lol...so i kept running to e edge of e grp...met with rifles...walk back and run there again...then i realised tt they won't shoot me for running away coz their job is just to protect e students...so i approached a female one and tried to explain y i was late but she simply ignored me...so i walked past her and left e latecoming grp...no one even noticed...so i ran away and e air felt fresher...
i have ponned sch.
(LOL. i dreamt of ponning sch)
[b][u]INTERPRETATION[/u][ /b]
[b]Theme:[/b] To dream that you are late for something represents your[i] fear of change and your nervousness
about seizing an opportunity[/i]. You may [i]feel unready or unworthy in your current circumstances[/i]. You may also be conflicted with decisions about your future.
[b]Symbols:[/b]
-you've been going along with the crowd and need to start acting on your own decisions
-[i]you are going around in circles[/i]
-you may feel that others are leaving you behind socially or emotionally. You are having difficulty in achieving your personal goals
-you have [i]skipped something important or avoided your responsibilities[/i]
-warning to pay closer attention to your responsibilities
-you may feel outnumbered or [i]pressured and unable
to deal in a situation.[/i]
-you feel [i]pressured by a male person in your life[/i]
-You may have lost your grip on a situation or relationship.
Finally...To dream of escaping in a dream means you [u][b]need to face something that you've been avoiding.[/b][/u]
you are experiencing some instability in your waking life.
okie folks...another tale from my subconsciousness...ok..i was on my way to sch (pj) on a very typical day...it was e first time i will see sam for ages...so i tot to myself in e dream...cool...i will get to see her in sch...i got onto e bus at 7.20 am at cck...i was eating mee while on e bus...and there were no other students on e bus...then i freaking missed my stop and ended up one bus stop down from e sch one (however...e bus stop further from sch in my dream is totally diff from e one in real life) anyway...i therefore checked my watch...still got time...won't be late...so i just quickened my step...then lo and behold!! there was an exodus of ppl late...
however..they were all crez ppl...one block (4 rows of ppl tt stretch a long way) were crez ppl in pj uni...another 4 rows nearer to e back and not connected to e previous are all crez ppl in pj curie shirt and shorts...so me being in sch uni tot tt i shld join e first block but...e discipline mistress (a crez teacher in this case...chia chen che) told me to join e 2nd... i wanted to run away...but ard me all NS ppl with rifles...lol...so i kept running to e edge of e grp...met with rifles...walk back and run there again...then i realised tt they won't shoot me for running away coz their job is just to protect e students...so i approached a female one and tried to explain y i was late but she simply ignored me...so i walked past her and left e latecoming grp...no one even noticed...so i ran away and e air felt fresher...
i have ponned sch.
(LOL. i dreamt of ponning sch)
[b][u]INTERPRETATION[/u][ /b]
[b]Theme:[/b] To dream that you are late for something represents your[i] fear of change and your nervousness
about seizing an opportunity[/i]. You may [i]feel unready or unworthy in your current circumstances[/i]. You may also be conflicted with decisions about your future.
[b]Symbols:[/b]
-you've been going along with the crowd and need to start acting on your own decisions
-[i]you are going around in circles[/i]
-you may feel that others are leaving you behind socially or emotionally. You are having difficulty in achieving your personal goals
-you have [i]skipped something important or avoided your responsibilities[/i]
-warning to pay closer attention to your responsibilities
-you may feel outnumbered or [i]pressured and unable
to deal in a situation.[/i]
-you feel [i]pressured by a male person in your life[/i]
-You may have lost your grip on a situation or relationship.
Finally...To dream of escaping in a dream means you [u][b]need to face something that you've been avoiding.[/b][/u]
you are experiencing some instability in your waking life.
=)
07.17.05 (4:30 am) [edit]
Super Sunday was just hilarious...
Yest...me rubz grace and weijie went out lorz...went cartel...wah...weijie suan-ed me..lol...but oh well...after all felt quite nice...so okie lorz...
anyway...i got a new song on my favs list (okie..make it two)..
1. Better than I (it's a Christian song)
2. Ai Ni or Ke Yi Ai Ni or something by Fann Wong...quite nice...=) but i just dunno when i will get to sing it!!!! lol...since i dun seem to find myself in tt position ever.
~For u noe beter than i...u noe e way. I let go e need to noe y..i'll take wat answers u supply..for u noe better than i~
~eternal sunshine in my life~ =)
Yest...me rubz grace and weijie went out lorz...went cartel...wah...weijie suan-ed me..lol...but oh well...after all felt quite nice...so okie lorz...
anyway...i got a new song on my favs list (okie..make it two)..
1. Better than I (it's a Christian song)
2. Ai Ni or Ke Yi Ai Ni or something by Fann Wong...quite nice...=) but i just dunno when i will get to sing it!!!! lol...since i dun seem to find myself in tt position ever.
~For u noe beter than i...u noe e way. I let go e need to noe y..i'll take wat answers u supply..for u noe better than i~
~eternal sunshine in my life~ =)
wheee
07.15.05 (5:06 am) [edit]
i had a gd day...yah...it was boring...but tt made it funny...got a cough from laffing too much...these ppl are either stupid nerdy or super lamer...obviously i prefer e latter...
i found a gan jue wor...=) =) =) which explains my gd mood...=).
he's...................gan jue abit like hawick...but he dun look like hawick.
=)
okie...my mouth aching from smiling too much...let's say e whole exp during tea break n lunch break was a lil surreal...coz i just somehow end up standing near him and i think he is interesting to watch...just e way he interacts with ppl...and he seems to watch me from time to time when i laff...(guess they seldom see such crazy ppl)
=)
make frens lahz! wah liew...lol.
and tmr meeting grace rubz and weijie go town...lol...
=) [i]gan jue[/i] (sorry lahz...i dunno his name!)
i found a gan jue wor...=) =) =) which explains my gd mood...=).
he's...................gan jue abit like hawick...but he dun look like hawick.
=)
okie...my mouth aching from smiling too much...let's say e whole exp during tea break n lunch break was a lil surreal...coz i just somehow end up standing near him and i think he is interesting to watch...just e way he interacts with ppl...and he seems to watch me from time to time when i laff...(guess they seldom see such crazy ppl)
=)
make frens lahz! wah liew...lol.
and tmr meeting grace rubz and weijie go town...lol...
=) [i]gan jue[/i] (sorry lahz...i dunno his name!)
.
07.14.05 (6:32 am) [edit]
hmmm..exciting day...
1) ran into xie weicong...he not shuai in real life and wears bata shoes...then my fren say he shuai on tv...so i watch...still not shuai and still wearing bata shoes...though he looks gd on poster.lol
2) ran into boh! then we talked abt e expulsion thing and abt my future plans
3) me and qi sat outside taka bossini...see shuai ge..lol...no lahz...they are really funny...they smile at e clothes...weird...so we sit there and laff at them (though it is poss they are keep smiling coz they think me and qi look dumb sitting there and keep laffing) anyway i ate churros today...tt makes me happy.
gd combi: churros, cheese sausage with prata, snickers bar and honey milk tea with pearls for dinner...YUM! junk food galore manz
4) Qi had blisters and used up 5 plasters on her 2 feet...lol
5) recent findings indicate tt 97% of Sg women dun think they are pretty...i realised tt gals who are pretty dun think so of themselves...guys who are slightly good looking think e world of themselves like 'OH! i am so shuai'...lol
6) got my matriculation package..more admin stuff to do...sigh~
7) tmr is gonna be a long and boring day......my excitement of tmr is to decide whether to rush hm and watch tong xin yuan or go JE library...oh great~ *rolls eyes*
PS: i love my frens...thanks qi for day.
1) ran into xie weicong...he not shuai in real life and wears bata shoes...then my fren say he shuai on tv...so i watch...still not shuai and still wearing bata shoes...though he looks gd on poster.lol
2) ran into boh! then we talked abt e expulsion thing and abt my future plans
3) me and qi sat outside taka bossini...see shuai ge..lol...no lahz...they are really funny...they smile at e clothes...weird...so we sit there and laff at them (though it is poss they are keep smiling coz they think me and qi look dumb sitting there and keep laffing) anyway i ate churros today...tt makes me happy.
gd combi: churros, cheese sausage with prata, snickers bar and honey milk tea with pearls for dinner...YUM! junk food galore manz
4) Qi had blisters and used up 5 plasters on her 2 feet...lol
5) recent findings indicate tt 97% of Sg women dun think they are pretty...i realised tt gals who are pretty dun think so of themselves...guys who are slightly good looking think e world of themselves like 'OH! i am so shuai'...lol
6) got my matriculation package..more admin stuff to do...sigh~
7) tmr is gonna be a long and boring day......my excitement of tmr is to decide whether to rush hm and watch tong xin yuan or go JE library...oh great~ *rolls eyes*
PS: i love my frens...thanks qi for day.
me.
07.13.05 (7:00 am) [edit]
it feels weird....having no one to think of....
just weird.
thanks ter...for making me feel wanted...
though...i'm not sure if i want to be wanted...whilst i am not sure if i dun want to be wanted either.
sigh~
da.
Anyway...to look on e bright side...i made a fren from TEA (lol...my new abbrev for it)....=) though i dun think we click...but no choice!! i am frenless now..anyone will do.. just someone to go tea break with..lol
somehow...i can't quite express wat i am feeling now...i noe tt even if i got amnesia and only rem da...he will walk out on me after showing a sea of unknown faces who are my frens into e hospital rm...
thanks to ter for saying he will be there at e hospital if i ever get admitted...and tt he will be especially happy if i won any award....coz i told him tt i often asked myself if da will visit if i end up in hospital and if he will be especially happy if i won an award...thanks ter too for saying tt i can think of him whenever i will weird tt i have no one to think abt now tt da is gone....
but i have no confidence tt i can like a person and make it work right now...just funny.
just weird.
thanks ter...for making me feel wanted...
though...i'm not sure if i want to be wanted...whilst i am not sure if i dun want to be wanted either.
sigh~
da.
Anyway...to look on e bright side...i made a fren from TEA (lol...my new abbrev for it)....=) though i dun think we click...but no choice!! i am frenless now..anyone will do.. just someone to go tea break with..lol
somehow...i can't quite express wat i am feeling now...i noe tt even if i got amnesia and only rem da...he will walk out on me after showing a sea of unknown faces who are my frens into e hospital rm...
thanks to ter for saying he will be there at e hospital if i ever get admitted...and tt he will be especially happy if i won any award....coz i told him tt i often asked myself if da will visit if i end up in hospital and if he will be especially happy if i won an award...thanks ter too for saying tt i can think of him whenever i will weird tt i have no one to think abt now tt da is gone....
but i have no confidence tt i can like a person and make it work right now...just funny.
heez
07.12.05 (6:20 am) [edit]
i am looking for my xing fu de gan jue....like e way hawick lau and joanna peh talk in tt show...like so blissful...=)
just let me find someone i can talk to in tt way in this life~
on introspection...no...no such person from my memory...
someone witty, humorous, confident to e pt of cocky, magnetic personality, killer smile, nice deep, rumbling a but slurred voice with an accent...=) =)
lol...my new infatuation...madness...he just makes me smile...think it's partly his voice and his smile and partly e char he plays in e show...i like tt personality!
ANYWAY...i went kbox today with grace and rubz...more eng songs (most of which i only noe snatches of)...tried some new songs...i must say tt my voice is back to normal...which is gd...and then went jurong east library...it roxs (esp when u compare it to it's jurong west counterpart)...even got comics!! (which i borrowed) they have e usual straits times comics plus far side gallery...okie...i have this burning desire to read...=)
where is my xing fu de gan jue ne?????
HELLO??? its location deludes me...sigh.
just let me find someone i can talk to in tt way in this life~
on introspection...no...no such person from my memory...
someone witty, humorous, confident to e pt of cocky, magnetic personality, killer smile, nice deep, rumbling a but slurred voice with an accent...=) =)
lol...my new infatuation...madness...he just makes me smile...think it's partly his voice and his smile and partly e char he plays in e show...i like tt personality!
ANYWAY...i went kbox today with grace and rubz...more eng songs (most of which i only noe snatches of)...tried some new songs...i must say tt my voice is back to normal...which is gd...and then went jurong east library...it roxs (esp when u compare it to it's jurong west counterpart)...even got comics!! (which i borrowed) they have e usual straits times comics plus far side gallery...okie...i have this burning desire to read...=)
where is my xing fu de gan jue ne?????
HELLO??? its location deludes me...sigh.
...
07.10.05 (4:12 am) [edit]
1) Name the last four things you bought.
a long sleeve blouse for some function (it reminds me of marshmallows for some reason), stationery from popular (file+papers+plastic folder=3 items)
2) Name two things you usually drink.
pepsi twist, coke.
3) Last time you cried
yest bahz.....lol
4) What's your favourite iPod colour?
hmmmm...dun even noe got wat colours...i use my zen neeon thankew.
5) What's under your bed?
nothing at all...supposed to buy boxes and stuff my JC notes inside and under e bed. =p
6) What time did you wake up today?
9 a.m.
7) Current hair?
black lorz.
8) Current clothes?
white popeye t-shirt...with colourful prints at e back and orange shorts
9) Current desktop picture?
wallace huo jian hua...heez
10) Current worry?
worry ahz..........dun have.
11) Current hate?
my library bk due dates.
12) Favorite place to be?
hmmmmmmmmmmm....esplanade next to e sea. & kbox...tie!
13) Play any instrument(s)?
none...except recorder...and piano chorale warm-ups plus can sight-read and play melody.
14) Favourite colour(s)?
silver, white, yellow, green, orange, blue
15) How tall are you?
160 exactly i hope i dun ever shrink if not 150++ again..lol
16) What are you going to do after this?
hang out online...play neopets...talk to ppl...read my bk...sleep...next day...my nights are quite standard.
17) One person from your past you wish you could go back and talk to?
go back and talk to.......nobody...wat's passed is gone...dun wish to rake up anything
18) Favorite day(s)?
everyday.
19) Where would you like to go?
hmmmm...want to go back England...
20) Where do you want to live when you get married?
dunno...anyway...though i won't mind retiring in some place tt's not in sg
21) Favorite food?
fav food.....lots of fav food...yumz
22) Color of most clothes you own?
wat colour also have
23) Number of pillows you sleep with?
just one...lol but two cushions at e side...in case i decide to bang my head against wall or pc table.
24) What do you wear when you go to sleep?
shorts n tee lohz...
25) What were you doing yesterday?
yest...signing contract then went party world with relatives
26) What is the brand of your wallet?
dunno...got it from Fat Wallet (far east)
27) Last crush?
da
28) Last CD played?
dolphin bay OST
29) Last thing you ate?
KFC large whipped potato
30) Last person you talked to?
phone: ting
real life: dad
online: a tie betwn grace garry and dan.
a long sleeve blouse for some function (it reminds me of marshmallows for some reason), stationery from popular (file+papers+plastic folder=3 items)
2) Name two things you usually drink.
pepsi twist, coke.
3) Last time you cried
yest bahz.....lol
4) What's your favourite iPod colour?
hmmmm...dun even noe got wat colours...i use my zen neeon thankew.
5) What's under your bed?
nothing at all...supposed to buy boxes and stuff my JC notes inside and under e bed. =p
6) What time did you wake up today?
9 a.m.
7) Current hair?
black lorz.
8) Current clothes?
white popeye t-shirt...with colourful prints at e back and orange shorts
9) Current desktop picture?
wallace huo jian hua...heez
10) Current worry?
worry ahz..........dun have.
11) Current hate?
my library bk due dates.
12) Favorite place to be?
hmmmmmmmmmmm....esplanade next to e sea. & kbox...tie!
13) Play any instrument(s)?
none...except recorder...and piano chorale warm-ups plus can sight-read and play melody.
14) Favourite colour(s)?
silver, white, yellow, green, orange, blue
15) How tall are you?
160 exactly i hope i dun ever shrink if not 150++ again..lol
16) What are you going to do after this?
hang out online...play neopets...talk to ppl...read my bk...sleep...next day...my nights are quite standard.
17) One person from your past you wish you could go back and talk to?
go back and talk to.......nobody...wat's passed is gone...dun wish to rake up anything
18) Favorite day(s)?
everyday.
19) Where would you like to go?
hmmmm...want to go back England...
20) Where do you want to live when you get married?
dunno...anyway...though i won't mind retiring in some place tt's not in sg
21) Favorite food?
fav food.....lots of fav food...yumz
22) Color of most clothes you own?
wat colour also have
23) Number of pillows you sleep with?
just one...lol but two cushions at e side...in case i decide to bang my head against wall or pc table.
24) What do you wear when you go to sleep?
shorts n tee lohz...
25) What were you doing yesterday?
yest...signing contract then went party world with relatives
26) What is the brand of your wallet?
dunno...got it from Fat Wallet (far east)
27) Last crush?
da
28) Last CD played?
dolphin bay OST
29) Last thing you ate?
KFC large whipped potato
30) Last person you talked to?
phone: ting
real life: dad
online: a tie betwn grace garry and dan.
song
07.09.05 (5:35 am) [edit]
除此之外
词：阿怪 曲：陈达伟
[b]Say goodnight晚安
谢谢你陪我一整个 晚[/b]
Close your eyes,be quiet
我明白你有自己的 安
[b]很多来不及我不 看见
我只遇见你的现在[ /b]
[b]不管你接受或离 I hope to stay for a while[/b]
除此之外 要你明白 你的笑我真是喜欢
[b]于是我一次又一 等待
邱实都还算愉快[/b]
[i][u]除此之外 非常遗憾
你的心我还是打不 [/u][/i]
[i][u]And if you need somebody
我确定我会在 不会走开[/u][/i]
So Goodbye晚安 [b]舍不得看你觉得 自在[/b]
[b]It’s alright,I’m fine[/b]看起来 这故事会写不完
很多差一点你没有 现
你只认识我的现在
[i][u]不管你留下或 开
I’m gonna stay for a while[/u][/i]
除此之外 我要你明白
你的笑我真是喜欢
[b]于是我一次又一 等待
其实都还算愉快[/b]
[i][u]除此之外非常 憾 你的心我还是打不 [/u][/i]
[i][u]And if you need somebody 我确定我会在[/u][/i ]
除此之外 我还在等待
你的心将为我敞开
But if you need snomebody 你知道我会在不会 开
reading my archives...dug this song out from there...totally describes me now...
last yr aug...i was thoroughly convinced u liked me...but oh well...
词：阿怪 曲：陈达伟
[b]Say goodnight晚安
谢谢你陪我一整个 晚[/b]
Close your eyes,be quiet
我明白你有自己的 安
[b]很多来不及我不 看见
我只遇见你的现在[ /b]
[b]不管你接受或离 I hope to stay for a while[/b]
除此之外 要你明白 你的笑我真是喜欢
[b]于是我一次又一 等待
邱实都还算愉快[/b]
[i][u]除此之外 非常遗憾
你的心我还是打不 [/u][/i]
[i][u]And if you need somebody
我确定我会在 不会走开[/u][/i]
So Goodbye晚安 [b]舍不得看你觉得 自在[/b]
[b]It’s alright,I’m fine[/b]看起来 这故事会写不完
很多差一点你没有 现
你只认识我的现在
[i][u]不管你留下或 开
I’m gonna stay for a while[/u][/i]
除此之外 我要你明白
你的笑我真是喜欢
[b]于是我一次又一 等待
其实都还算愉快[/b]
[i][u]除此之外非常 憾 你的心我还是打不 [/u][/i]
[i][u]And if you need somebody 我确定我会在[/u][/i ]
除此之外 我还在等待
你的心将为我敞开
But if you need snomebody 你知道我会在不会 开
reading my archives...dug this song out from there...totally describes me now...
last yr aug...i was thoroughly convinced u liked me...but oh well...
heez
07.09.05 (4:41 am) [edit]
y am i not upset...after my mom&dad and e da thing??
reason is simple...
i got crazy frens who make me laff. =D
and on e top of e list of crazy frens is of coz ter...lol..mad guy tt one
like i re-read e stupid post on e chim word msn conversation thing...we talked abt e shiok-ness of being unattached...his family esp his mom and his original set of siblings...and today funny how a 10 min conversation made me laff till can die...i joked tt he going geylang for supper izzit...and he said he's a pimp can recommend gals/guys to me...lol!! then i asked for catalog and we talked abt FL and e rates...so dumb...
where can i find a dumber fren...lol.
where is tt qi!! supposed to discuss tmr with her...tmr i'm starting my tuition with shanthy again...she's back~ lol
PS: i've signed e agreement...lol...my future 8 yrs are more or less set. =p
reason is simple...
i got crazy frens who make me laff. =D
and on e top of e list of crazy frens is of coz ter...lol..mad guy tt one
like i re-read e stupid post on e chim word msn conversation thing...we talked abt e shiok-ness of being unattached...his family esp his mom and his original set of siblings...and today funny how a 10 min conversation made me laff till can die...i joked tt he going geylang for supper izzit...and he said he's a pimp can recommend gals/guys to me...lol!! then i asked for catalog and we talked abt FL and e rates...so dumb...
where can i find a dumber fren...lol.
where is tt qi!! supposed to discuss tmr with her...tmr i'm starting my tuition with shanthy again...she's back~ lol
PS: i've signed e agreement...lol...my future 8 yrs are more or less set. =p
kuai le bu kuai le
07.07.05 (11:17 pm) [edit]
i've found e lyrics to describe my mood....
快乐不快乐 (电影《夏日么么茶 》电影歌曲国语版)
郑秀文 Cheng, Sammi [ 档案 | 大碟 | MV | Flash | 写真 ]
Ladies First (特别版) 第 7 首
华纳唱片2000年8月
点击浏览该大碟的 它歌词
作词：郭启华 作 ：郭启华 编曲 蔡德才/人山人海
咖啡淡了 是因为 块溶了
没怎么了 淡了就 淡了
搁在桌上还要不要
不再爱了 是因为 情坏了
你怎么了 坏了就 坏了
没有什么大不了
* 我们不快乐 快乐 不再快乐
就在最后的一秒 了 吻了 哭了
快乐不快乐 没什 快不快乐
就在最后的一秒 们的关系 就这 了
天亮醒了 是因为 情好了
没怎么了 我会爱 另外的人
爱情 大概都这样
Repeat *
used to be my fav song...not in my pc anymore =(
my cousin can't imagine y i like this song..lol...oh well...nice ahz...
快乐不快乐 (电影《夏日么么茶 》电影歌曲国语版)
郑秀文 Cheng, Sammi [ 档案 | 大碟 | MV | Flash | 写真 ]
Ladies First (特别版) 第 7 首
华纳唱片2000年8月
点击浏览该大碟的 它歌词
作词：郭启华 作 ：郭启华 编曲 蔡德才/人山人海
咖啡淡了 是因为 块溶了
没怎么了 淡了就 淡了
搁在桌上还要不要
不再爱了 是因为 情坏了
你怎么了 坏了就 坏了
没有什么大不了
* 我们不快乐 快乐 不再快乐
就在最后的一秒 了 吻了 哭了
快乐不快乐 没什 快不快乐
就在最后的一秒 们的关系 就这 了
天亮醒了 是因为 情好了
没怎么了 我会爱 另外的人
爱情 大概都这样
Repeat *
used to be my fav song...not in my pc anymore =(
my cousin can't imagine y i like this song..lol...oh well...nice ahz...
crossroads
07.07.05 (7:43 pm) [edit]
i stand there...e wind whipping my hair across my face...a strange calm as i deliberate the crossroads before me...do i turn left?? turn right?? go straight or beat a hasty retreat?
too many possibilities...da told me to accept someone who likes me coz it's impossible to find someone u like who likes u...i dun believe tt...it is possible...i am an idealist.
so much on my mind now...i need to
1. get over da.
2. pack my table and shelves
3. pack my geog notes
4. go for more MOE stuff
PS: shld i go send jing off tmr?? but tt's like at 7 am...=S and i got my contract signing after tt...my dad is gonna kick up a huge fuss...not in e mood to deal with e big fuss..
anyway...ina just called me...she wants to speak to sis...but sis seems to be avoiding her...sometimes...sis is a bit...sigh~ depressed. oh well...she shld be more like me...i wonder y i am not depressed...
YEST:
1. got rejected by da
2. my mom told me some weird logic like how i cannot move out to hostel/rent a place no matter how tyrannic my dad can be coz i owe it to her since she wanted to move out when i was a child but did not coz she wants me to have a complete family..hence i shld give her e complete family she wants....crap logic...but oh well..
FUNNY, i'm not even averagely sad...only a small tinge of sadness...damn small. Y?!!! maybe i have gone into shock! too big a blow?? oh well..crap it.
i hope sis is doing fine...sigh...she appears to be on one of her disappearing schemes...of which she wishes to escape from e world.
I love myself.
coz i am brave and strong and crazy. da likes me too...just tt only likes me as a person and not romantically...tt's gd...coz i like myself as a person too..=)
[i]endless sunshine in my life~[/i]
too many possibilities...da told me to accept someone who likes me coz it's impossible to find someone u like who likes u...i dun believe tt...it is possible...i am an idealist.
so much on my mind now...i need to
1. get over da.
2. pack my table and shelves
3. pack my geog notes
4. go for more MOE stuff
PS: shld i go send jing off tmr?? but tt's like at 7 am...=S and i got my contract signing after tt...my dad is gonna kick up a huge fuss...not in e mood to deal with e big fuss..
anyway...ina just called me...she wants to speak to sis...but sis seems to be avoiding her...sometimes...sis is a bit...sigh~ depressed. oh well...she shld be more like me...i wonder y i am not depressed...
YEST:
1. got rejected by da
2. my mom told me some weird logic like how i cannot move out to hostel/rent a place no matter how tyrannic my dad can be coz i owe it to her since she wanted to move out when i was a child but did not coz she wants me to have a complete family..hence i shld give her e complete family she wants....crap logic...but oh well..
FUNNY, i'm not even averagely sad...only a small tinge of sadness...damn small. Y?!!! maybe i have gone into shock! too big a blow?? oh well..crap it.
i hope sis is doing fine...sigh...she appears to be on one of her disappearing schemes...of which she wishes to escape from e world.
I love myself.
coz i am brave and strong and crazy. da likes me too...just tt only likes me as a person and not romantically...tt's gd...coz i like myself as a person too..=)
[i]endless sunshine in my life~[/i]
cont'd
07.07.05 (6:26 am) [edit]
i asked da wat he thinks i will do from here...
he said i will be sad...but i will get up.
Once, a boxer...a very young boxer got into the ring...e inexperienced him thought...well...y not just try...for all u noe i cld beat e opponent...but he harboured little hope as the opponent was a seasoned player...he steadied himself...e gentlemanly opponent waiting for e young boxed to start...the first blow by the young boxer hit air...the opponent then dealt him a punch...e young boxer stood still...he did not fall to e ground...by now the experienced boxer had already turned his back and started off the ring saying, 'young one, you understand little of this world...u may leave now...before u get hurt further' and e experienced boxer went into recluse...wat he failed to see was that the young boxer never left the ring...that young boxer is me...e ring is da's world which is known to me...e recluse is his secrets and da is e experienced boxer...
in my checklist of time...this is an event tt is over and dealt with...an inner voice...(God? my imagination? instincts?) tells me tt my experiences with da are not over...
he said i will be sad...but i will get up.
Once, a boxer...a very young boxer got into the ring...e inexperienced him thought...well...y not just try...for all u noe i cld beat e opponent...but he harboured little hope as the opponent was a seasoned player...he steadied himself...e gentlemanly opponent waiting for e young boxed to start...the first blow by the young boxer hit air...the opponent then dealt him a punch...e young boxer stood still...he did not fall to e ground...by now the experienced boxer had already turned his back and started off the ring saying, 'young one, you understand little of this world...u may leave now...before u get hurt further' and e experienced boxer went into recluse...wat he failed to see was that the young boxer never left the ring...that young boxer is me...e ring is da's world which is known to me...e recluse is his secrets and da is e experienced boxer...
in my checklist of time...this is an event tt is over and dealt with...an inner voice...(God? my imagination? instincts?) tells me tt my experiences with da are not over...
7/7/05
07.07.05 (5:51 am) [edit]
well..there is no better day than e 7th of july...
(to get rejected)
yah. da rejected me...he said tt there are many factors to be considered...then he told me tt it's impossible to be with someone u like who likes u in return...he rejected me coz of e factors. (though he dun like me..but he will get attached to me if it wasn't for e FACTORS)
well...e most major factor to him is tt our chars clash..
second one is tt i like e him i think i noe...but not e him who he is...coz he is too disguised..
the third one is tt he once gave up on someone he likes coz he tot it's impossible and till now...e regret still lives in him...so he will not like anyone again for a ultra-long time
in a nutshell: someone who likes him dun noe him so he won't accept her...he also won't like anyone so no one he wants to be accepted by.
in an even smaller nutshell: i got rejected.
Knowing me......wat do u think i will do...tt's qn of e wk...i noe my ans...
_
(to get rejected)
yah. da rejected me...he said tt there are many factors to be considered...then he told me tt it's impossible to be with someone u like who likes u in return...he rejected me coz of e factors. (though he dun like me..but he will get attached to me if it wasn't for e FACTORS)
well...e most major factor to him is tt our chars clash..
second one is tt i like e him i think i noe...but not e him who he is...coz he is too disguised..
the third one is tt he once gave up on someone he likes coz he tot it's impossible and till now...e regret still lives in him...so he will not like anyone again for a ultra-long time
in a nutshell: someone who likes him dun noe him so he won't accept her...he also won't like anyone so no one he wants to be accepted by.
in an even smaller nutshell: i got rejected.
Knowing me......wat do u think i will do...tt's qn of e wk...i noe my ans...
_
goodness.
07.04.05 (7:36 pm) [edit]
well...i tot my post was lost 2 days ago...but it magically appeared...wth...and my archives part is fix...(thank God)
anyway...yah...just wanted to say tt i THOUGHT i was feeling more cheerful yest....until rubz mentioned something to the effect of blogging=no life...so we ended up debating abt a hell lot of crap...then i realised tt actually i'm feeling quite cock. oh well...at least i noticed it....better than dun notice it till i start crying and dunno y. then after tt i so crazy...still listen to tt jay chou song (2 post before)....then even more sad....and funny...somehow cw sensed tt i was sad and msged me from aust...and i tot only Scorpios have such intuitive powers...like how da always says tt he can sense tt i 'not as happy as before le'....
anyway...nowadays...i inspect my toes everyday after e qi thing...lol...traumatised...u noe her big toe kanna blue black...then after tt...e nail dunno wat happen and got new nail growing...so pushing e old nail along e toes as it grows....like total ouch...so i must inspect my toes everyday...paranoid! lol
they're coming back soon...and i bet tt yy has e ans i dun want to hear...but i will accept it...perhaps e time isn't right...maybe i will find someone else in future...i dunno...but i'll find out.
*shall try to be happier*
yijing going off to aust le....3 or 4 yrs manz...i'm going to miss her...shall send her off at e airport...this sat.....long day ahead manz....
anyway...yah...just wanted to say tt i THOUGHT i was feeling more cheerful yest....until rubz mentioned something to the effect of blogging=no life...so we ended up debating abt a hell lot of crap...then i realised tt actually i'm feeling quite cock. oh well...at least i noticed it....better than dun notice it till i start crying and dunno y. then after tt i so crazy...still listen to tt jay chou song (2 post before)....then even more sad....and funny...somehow cw sensed tt i was sad and msged me from aust...and i tot only Scorpios have such intuitive powers...like how da always says tt he can sense tt i 'not as happy as before le'....
anyway...nowadays...i inspect my toes everyday after e qi thing...lol...traumatised...u noe her big toe kanna blue black...then after tt...e nail dunno wat happen and got new nail growing...so pushing e old nail along e toes as it grows....like total ouch...so i must inspect my toes everyday...paranoid! lol
they're coming back soon...and i bet tt yy has e ans i dun want to hear...but i will accept it...perhaps e time isn't right...maybe i will find someone else in future...i dunno...but i'll find out.
*shall try to be happier*
yijing going off to aust le....3 or 4 yrs manz...i'm going to miss her...shall send her off at e airport...this sat.....long day ahead manz....
hmmm
07.03.05 (5:52 am) [edit]
okie...forgetting abt e da-part..i shall blog e rest first...
1. cw...ur blog still not working! i want noe abt my choir..lol
2. i think me and ting can be couple le...we saw each other on fri and sat..and today also! somemore i went her house teach her sis econs...actually her sis not as dumb as they make her out to be lahz...it's just tt prob she finds tt e topics very hard to understand coz not related to her life bahz...or at least they dun coincide with any realm of reasoning she noes...so all i needed to do was give analogies etc...and reason e theories out for her...1.5 hrs teach finish 3 topics le...so e fast~
3. ting's mom loves me...as all parents do...muahahahaha...my parents shld be careful in case i get 'stolen' =D see...astro, ting, shan, qi, siew mei, rubz....their parents all love me!!!!! muahahahahaha..lucky me!
4. i think i'm going to go mad from kbox...coz everyone is asking me to go with them...muahahhaha...i have 3 lined up...sis-alicia, bro-justin&sock as well as dan...lol...=) but i get this feeling tt my singing is getting worse...
5. realised tt i forgot to blog abt yest...well..me ting shan qi went clementi kbox...stayed for an extra hr...then e receptionist asked 'wat rm are u all??' when we were leaving...then i stunned there..tot she will scold us for staying so long...but all she did was say 'ok..can clear rm 30 now'..lol..so cool...anyway there's this promotion...if 3 ppl go...e 4th one is free...so end up..me ting qi and shan only pay $5 each after GST & service charge...COOL...$5 for delifrance tuna pie plus coke and 4 hrs of kbox...lol.......
after tt..shan left to meet bk...then me qi and ting went bugis village to buy this bag tt qi wanted...realised tt e bag tt qi and shan buy so nice...i also want!!!!!!! lol!! anyway after tt we walked to suntec...saw huge tanks...then we were like saying 'wah...so big!!' like mountain turtles...then one of e NSmen smiled at us...(bet he tot we're damn mountain turtle)...anyway after jostling with e crowd...we ate...BK (hardly surprising)...then qi left to find louis...so me and ting walked ard by ourselves then went home....
PS: louis seems less scared of me now when we ran into him...lol...
6. i will not talk abt him...=p...
NOTE: jurong west library sucks!!!!!!!! so lil bks...no Paulo Coelho at all..but they have some Alexandra McCall Smith... (which they placed in e Mac-Max section...which is wrong...but luckily i have a gd eye...muahahahaha). anyway i got tt and some Ben Elton bk...not tt he is a gd author...just tt there was nothing else available...zzz...it's like their adult fiction section is sooooooo small...if i took out all e bks and placed them in piles....tt reach from floor to ceiling...they'll only cover e space taken up by my computer table which is pathetic (or perhaps...less than tt..zzz) anyway!! i was late in meeting ting today lahz...coz so hard to find bks to borrow (i grabbed e ben elton as a last resort coz i was late and can't find anything) and also coz on my way out...this cute guy stopped me to tell me abt e new national library and gave me a cd-rom of it which i needed to fill in particulars for...not tt i want e cd-rom but i cldn't very well say 'i din want it in e first place..u can have it back'...lol...so i obliged by filling up my particulars and intend to pass e cd-rom to shaz since she worked there...she can keep it as a momento...=)
1. cw...ur blog still not working! i want noe abt my choir..lol
2. i think me and ting can be couple le...we saw each other on fri and sat..and today also! somemore i went her house teach her sis econs...actually her sis not as dumb as they make her out to be lahz...it's just tt prob she finds tt e topics very hard to understand coz not related to her life bahz...or at least they dun coincide with any realm of reasoning she noes...so all i needed to do was give analogies etc...and reason e theories out for her...1.5 hrs teach finish 3 topics le...so e fast~
3. ting's mom loves me...as all parents do...muahahahaha...my parents shld be careful in case i get 'stolen' =D see...astro, ting, shan, qi, siew mei, rubz....their parents all love me!!!!! muahahahahaha..lucky me!
4. i think i'm going to go mad from kbox...coz everyone is asking me to go with them...muahahhaha...i have 3 lined up...sis-alicia, bro-justin&sock as well as dan...lol...=) but i get this feeling tt my singing is getting worse...
5. realised tt i forgot to blog abt yest...well..me ting shan qi went clementi kbox...stayed for an extra hr...then e receptionist asked 'wat rm are u all??' when we were leaving...then i stunned there..tot she will scold us for staying so long...but all she did was say 'ok..can clear rm 30 now'..lol..so cool...anyway there's this promotion...if 3 ppl go...e 4th one is free...so end up..me ting qi and shan only pay $5 each after GST & service charge...COOL...$5 for delifrance tuna pie plus coke and 4 hrs of kbox...lol.......
after tt..shan left to meet bk...then me qi and ting went bugis village to buy this bag tt qi wanted...realised tt e bag tt qi and shan buy so nice...i also want!!!!!!! lol!! anyway after tt we walked to suntec...saw huge tanks...then we were like saying 'wah...so big!!' like mountain turtles...then one of e NSmen smiled at us...(bet he tot we're damn mountain turtle)...anyway after jostling with e crowd...we ate...BK (hardly surprising)...then qi left to find louis...so me and ting walked ard by ourselves then went home....
PS: louis seems less scared of me now when we ran into him...lol...
6. i will not talk abt him...=p...
NOTE: jurong west library sucks!!!!!!!! so lil bks...no Paulo Coelho at all..but they have some Alexandra McCall Smith... (which they placed in e Mac-Max section...which is wrong...but luckily i have a gd eye...muahahahaha). anyway i got tt and some Ben Elton bk...not tt he is a gd author...just tt there was nothing else available...zzz...it's like their adult fiction section is sooooooo small...if i took out all e bks and placed them in piles....tt reach from floor to ceiling...they'll only cover e space taken up by my computer table which is pathetic (or perhaps...less than tt..zzz) anyway!! i was late in meeting ting today lahz...coz so hard to find bks to borrow (i grabbed e ben elton as a last resort coz i was late and can't find anything) and also coz on my way out...this cute guy stopped me to tell me abt e new national library and gave me a cd-rom of it which i needed to fill in particulars for...not tt i want e cd-rom but i cldn't very well say 'i din want it in e first place..u can have it back'...lol...so i obliged by filling up my particulars and intend to pass e cd-rom to shaz since she worked there...she can keep it as a momento...=)
bleahz
07.02.05 (6:09 am) [edit]
后视镜里的世界 越来越远的道别
你转身向背 侧脸还是很美
我用眼光去追 竟听见你的泪
在车窗外面排徊 是我错失的机会
你站的方位 跟我中间隔着泪
街景一直在后退 你的崩溃在窗外零
我一路向北 离开有你的季节 你说你好累 已无法再爱上谁
风在山路吹 过往的画面全都是 不对
细数惭愧 我伤你几回
后视镜里的世界 越来越远的道别
你转身向背 侧脸还是很美
我用眼光去追 竟听见你的泪
在车窗外面排徊 是我错失的机会
你站的方位 跟我中间隔着泪
街景一直在后退 你的崩溃在窗外零
我一路向北 离开有你的季节
你说你好累 已无法再爱上谁
风在山路吹 过往的画面全都是 不对
细数惭愧 我伤你几回
我一路向北 离开有你的季节
方向盘周围 回转着我的后悔
我加速超越 却甩不掉紧紧跟随 伤悲
细数惭愧 我伤你几回
停止狼狈 就让错纯粹
Nice song rite??? think so too..lol. having a chat with ting on da...managed to put into words some of my tots tt have lingered on my mind but nvr made it out of my hands nor mouth...
1. me and da...we share our quiet moments understanding each other...happy moments chasing each other...and well...everything i do is with best intentions for him whether i am shaking him awake at swensons asking him to pick himself up and dun be so demoralised or making suggestions abt nov...and him...
2. we understand each other..i nvr tot of it this way...always tot he is unfathomable...then tonite...i realised he is not...he told me more than he does his other frens.....coz somehow i understand tt his circumstances are diff...i dun press him for more info...he tells me things. and he understands me by hearing my tone on msn...seeing my face in real life...and he can tell me after a while 'u not as happy as before le...'
3. everytime u love someone...u can no longer un-love tt person....and when u love someone there is always a place for them in ur heart...therefore there is a place for corn and da...i told ting and qi tt in sec 4...but they cldn't appreciate e truth in it...and i guess i din express it very well either...but now i noe how it works...u lock e memories in a trunk with time...sometimes...u may find a new memory lying ard and tt provokes tears but u will pick it up and shove it into e trunk...one day...when u see tt person again...u cannot not have any memories with him...so u drag e old memories out...trying to avoiding dragging e painful ones....
4. da believes tt even if he likes a gal...he won't tell her until e time is rite...of coz he may not like me or e time may nvr be right...but it's diff...with corn i felt tt i had to decide how to move my chess pieces...wat shld i do now in response to him?? wat shld i do now as a random move?? with da it's diff....i watch him move his pieces...i feel secure...comforted...coz he plays as if he is following a universal order...he noes wat he's doing...and i just feel tt he will not hurt me (not unnecessarily)...of coz tt may be wrong...but i am engulfed in e sense of security although it is perhaps a fake one. furthermore...moves i make do not make much of a diff really...like me asking him come play mahjong...go see stars...all met with not-freeness in his world order
PS: yes...i am still rather depressed over e whole da thing...cannot stop thinking abt it...and nothing i can do abt it..goes against my aries-tiger character.
hmmm
07.01.05 (5:45 am) [edit]
today went out with qi and shan...so nice to be with them again...over e past days i felt tt me and shan have drifted apart slightly...like she's no longer e same...dunno y also...
shopped ard at bugis village...shan bought so many things...qi put so many things on pending list...but i no mood to shop ahz...still thinking abt e stupid da. anyway...after tt we played pick-up-fries at burger king...like wth...my crazy idea (like who else comes up with such brilliant ideas?? :D
yupz...then we went bugis junction
then we met up with ting at jurong east to makan...ran into june..i enthusiastically said hi....then realised tt hey! i dun like her!!!! lol...so i just decided not to continue with a conversation...anyway she was queueing up at ATM so weird to shout a conversation also...so end up she talked to shan since june transferred to jj after pj and had e same mass PE slot as shan not like they ever talked at jj...
then e extremely late ting turned up...and well...dear Y decided he wanted to drop in and see me...so a conversation went like this
Y: Hi
me: Hi
Y: having dinner??
ting: if not?? breakfast??
ting, me, shan, qi: LOL
Y: bye
me: bye!!!! (too enthusiastically)
no idea wat to say. too enthu on my part...anyway...i kinda wanted to see if he seems upset...then i will apologize...if not y kick up a fuss?? maybe he din notice my tone?? BUT...he's not online...i smsed him asking wat movie he intends to watch and he nvr reply.
SIGH....shi bai...shi bai...
PS: bad mood. coz i realised i will be prob be doing my attachments at crez...which means i will be colleagues with corn..when tt time comes...
(1) will he be married finally??
(2) do i want him to be married...or do i want a second shot for both of us??
(3) are we frens? acquantances? something more?
(4) i will be forced to unlock my treasure chest shoved somewhere in e recesses of my heart...as we cannot be ppl w/o a history......
(5) wat will e principal say to me...mr TTY?? mr GT??
the qns..memories flooded my mind last nite...i slept at 4+...no choice. rather upset...but talking abt it can't help.
ting~ take care...i am ur pillar but i dunno how long i can hold u up when i am collapsing under my own weight. let us forget all these probs...tmr...at kbox...forget...wat a beautiful word...'forget'
shopped ard at bugis village...shan bought so many things...qi put so many things on pending list...but i no mood to shop ahz...still thinking abt e stupid da. anyway...after tt we played pick-up-fries at burger king...like wth...my crazy idea (like who else comes up with such brilliant ideas?? :D
yupz...then we went bugis junction
then we met up with ting at jurong east to makan...ran into june..i enthusiastically said hi....then realised tt hey! i dun like her!!!! lol...so i just decided not to continue with a conversation...anyway she was queueing up at ATM so weird to shout a conversation also...so end up she talked to shan since june transferred to jj after pj and had e same mass PE slot as shan not like they ever talked at jj...
then e extremely late ting turned up...and well...dear Y decided he wanted to drop in and see me...so a conversation went like this
Y: Hi
me: Hi
Y: having dinner??
ting: if not?? breakfast??
ting, me, shan, qi: LOL
Y: bye
me: bye!!!! (too enthusiastically)
no idea wat to say. too enthu on my part...anyway...i kinda wanted to see if he seems upset...then i will apologize...if not y kick up a fuss?? maybe he din notice my tone?? BUT...he's not online...i smsed him asking wat movie he intends to watch and he nvr reply.
SIGH....shi bai...shi bai...
PS: bad mood. coz i realised i will be prob be doing my attachments at crez...which means i will be colleagues with corn..when tt time comes...
(1) will he be married finally??
(2) do i want him to be married...or do i want a second shot for both of us??
(3) are we frens? acquantances? something more?
(4) i will be forced to unlock my treasure chest shoved somewhere in e recesses of my heart...as we cannot be ppl w/o a history......
(5) wat will e principal say to me...mr TTY?? mr GT??
the qns..memories flooded my mind last nite...i slept at 4+...no choice. rather upset...but talking abt it can't help.
ting~ take care...i am ur pillar but i dunno how long i can hold u up when i am collapsing under my own weight. let us forget all these probs...tmr...at kbox...forget...wat a beautiful word...'forget'