unbelievable
01.29.05 (1:18 am) [edit]
no doubt abt it...i feel a strong sense of attraction to 2 ppl...a d and a y...tt spells...DY die..lol...anyway even worse news tt d is not da...lol...now i'm so confused and luan and dunno wat to say also. i dun love any of them though...i'm just attracted...diff diff...
both y and d...lol...same sec sch. same jc. same bo da bo shui...lol...both of them like to sit next to me or on my table in class somemore....totally freaky.anyway...i dunno how also...i guess i shld enjoy e feeling...coz after all...all 3...yes, even da are just passerbys in my life....prob will lose touch with them after i start uni..
however, i've said alot of wrong things and done alot of wrong things during camp...
1. 1st day i called d by da's name and da by d's name...when i called da by d's name...he was already walking away and i was trying to stop him. when i shouted wrongly and changed it he shouted something i din hear...
2. da was in a bad mood...walking to e canteen from mpr3...then i said 'i borrow d for a while hor...' coz d was supposed to come for camp and we were playing monopoly so borrow abit longer lahz...won't die also...then da was mumbling something abt d loving me blah blah as he stormed into e canteen...then i felt abit diaoz...then i dunno wat to say also...and d din say anything but since i heard he shld have heard....since he nvr say anything...i told him oh no oh no oh no...da having mood swing die die die.
3. wat other wrong things i do?? da called me a molester...dunno y..also nvr touch him..zzzzz but i must admit tt i linked arms with d for this game...must admit tt e game starting is holding hands mahz...then S ask me join...then ying and d in front of me so i cut in lorz...like my fault like tt!!
4. i took e dumb record bk home...this will trouble vivienne lorz..zzz
5. i told everyone tt d is a most horrible student. totally rebellious...and yupz...his actions during e camp helped prove me rite. (but of coz there are gd pts abt him too)
6. i kept teasing d abt his diff opinions and attributing them to e fact tt he is m'sian
7. i have no idea y but on e 2nd day of camp i kept suaning da...so sarca...i said things like 'ur camp so big no first aid kit must go office take ahz' then i said 'wah...y S carry so many things back to e rm alone' then i looked at e da who's i/c of camp and eating. zzz i honestly dunno y i did it! argh
gd things...or at least fun things
1. monopoly rox...especially coz i won
2. stupid d...always makes me laff. first he say scared of balloons then he went bursting balloons..just wanted to trick me to blow e balloons for him and tie them up. zzz
3. still stupid d...he had a forfeit which is to eat a tomato...in e end...he hid it behind e cupboard...i tot he threw it away coz he left e rm...when he came back i started scolding him...then he said he had a surprise for me behind e cupboard...i went there...and oh god...tomato...i wanted to throw e tomato at him...but i cldn't find him in e rm so i went out look ard and went back in...and there he was hiding behind e curtains with his hand sticking out just holding a bball then i wth....then he said i'm blind...got bball sticking out of curtains also nvr notice
4. d told me tt e only reason y he's going to camp is for my sake...lol.....after tt sweet comment damn funny...coz he keep asking if there's any chio gal coming for camp...i said sure got...he can go search...then he said sure dun have...but come for my sake. just for me. then i said lol...i also not chio. then he said precisely tt's y!!! lol!!!!!!
5. we played stupid games...then we sabo ppl like supposed to be blindfolded and find grp members by making a certain sound...we took out a certain member...then tt grp went 'dup dup dup dup dup' for like 15 mins still cannot find...hohoho...then after tt we played this game when we join hands in any way then ppl try to ram into our circle...at first i was with d...then he said change strategy coz his other side all guys then oppo us all gals then he wanted go over...but after he got out...no one supported him so he just anyhow join somewhere. then tt da......keep saying tt i must be e weak link keep ramming into me...but he nvr got in and he's e most violent one...hohoho...i'm pro.but he bang into me till i damn pain...zzzzz...but now okie le lahz...last nite pain only. then after tt play some sticker thing...diff colour stickers paste on ur head then ppl of e same colour will find u...then rite...yy pasted one on me...da came and took it off and pasted 'another one' instead...when i opened my eyes everyone came to me and laffed at me then da shushed them then i felt damn blur then i felt my forehead...damn got 4 diff colour stickers...so i belong to ALL e grps....zzzz...so i ran after da to whack him so we ran ard and ard and ard then S say like indian movie...lol...tt's nice wat =) at least it's a romance movie...lalala...in e end i guess tt i vented all my unhappiness of tt day on running ard laffing and hitting da and preventing da from ramming into me.......
6. i told d after treasure hunt tt he's supposed to be in p's grp...then he switched grps...but he said he's supposed to be in grp 3 lahz....then i said 'fine. watever.' coz i really wasn't sure just tt p's grp only got 3 j1s including p who is sick....then he was queueing up near them during e balloon thing so i assume he's naughty and changed grps...so it may actually be my fault....but yupz...although he really thinks tt he is supposed to be in grp 3 with his only frens....he actually went over to grp 4 which is p's grp...w/o even mentioning it to me...i only noe coz i spotted it. =)...see..he ain't so rebellious after all
7. oh yah...he's surprisingly 1. religious 2. a gd pianist...not e pop songs jio gal kind somemore...he's e church kind...e guitar+piano kind...power sia...and he composes his own songs...not e pop kind either but e really instrumental kind...e titles are like 'The best of e G' lol!!! coz G major...zzzzz...madness but he has composed 3 songs...all real nice
so in conclusion both of them make me laff like hell. rox. but also fan like hell. not tt any of them will like me bahz i guess
both y and d...lol...same sec sch. same jc. same bo da bo shui...lol...both of them like to sit next to me or on my table in class somemore....totally freaky.anyway...i dunno how also...i guess i shld enjoy e feeling...coz after all...all 3...yes, even da are just passerbys in my life....prob will lose touch with them after i start uni..
however, i've said alot of wrong things and done alot of wrong things during camp...
1. 1st day i called d by da's name and da by d's name...when i called da by d's name...he was already walking away and i was trying to stop him. when i shouted wrongly and changed it he shouted something i din hear...
2. da was in a bad mood...walking to e canteen from mpr3...then i said 'i borrow d for a while hor...' coz d was supposed to come for camp and we were playing monopoly so borrow abit longer lahz...won't die also...then da was mumbling something abt d loving me blah blah as he stormed into e canteen...then i felt abit diaoz...then i dunno wat to say also...and d din say anything but since i heard he shld have heard....since he nvr say anything...i told him oh no oh no oh no...da having mood swing die die die.
3. wat other wrong things i do?? da called me a molester...dunno y..also nvr touch him..zzzzz but i must admit tt i linked arms with d for this game...must admit tt e game starting is holding hands mahz...then S ask me join...then ying and d in front of me so i cut in lorz...like my fault like tt!!
4. i took e dumb record bk home...this will trouble vivienne lorz..zzz
5. i told everyone tt d is a most horrible student. totally rebellious...and yupz...his actions during e camp helped prove me rite. (but of coz there are gd pts abt him too)
6. i kept teasing d abt his diff opinions and attributing them to e fact tt he is m'sian
7. i have no idea y but on e 2nd day of camp i kept suaning da...so sarca...i said things like 'ur camp so big no first aid kit must go office take ahz' then i said 'wah...y S carry so many things back to e rm alone' then i looked at e da who's i/c of camp and eating. zzz i honestly dunno y i did it! argh
gd things...or at least fun things
1. monopoly rox...especially coz i won
2. stupid d...always makes me laff. first he say scared of balloons then he went bursting balloons..just wanted to trick me to blow e balloons for him and tie them up. zzz
3. still stupid d...he had a forfeit which is to eat a tomato...in e end...he hid it behind e cupboard...i tot he threw it away coz he left e rm...when he came back i started scolding him...then he said he had a surprise for me behind e cupboard...i went there...and oh god...tomato...i wanted to throw e tomato at him...but i cldn't find him in e rm so i went out look ard and went back in...and there he was hiding behind e curtains with his hand sticking out just holding a bball then i wth....then he said i'm blind...got bball sticking out of curtains also nvr notice
4. d told me tt e only reason y he's going to camp is for my sake...lol.....after tt sweet comment damn funny...coz he keep asking if there's any chio gal coming for camp...i said sure got...he can go search...then he said sure dun have...but come for my sake. just for me. then i said lol...i also not chio. then he said precisely tt's y!!! lol!!!!!!
5. we played stupid games...then we sabo ppl like supposed to be blindfolded and find grp members by making a certain sound...we took out a certain member...then tt grp went 'dup dup dup dup dup' for like 15 mins still cannot find...hohoho...then after tt we played this game when we join hands in any way then ppl try to ram into our circle...at first i was with d...then he said change strategy coz his other side all guys then oppo us all gals then he wanted go over...but after he got out...no one supported him so he just anyhow join somewhere. then tt da......keep saying tt i must be e weak link keep ramming into me...but he nvr got in and he's e most violent one...hohoho...i'm pro.but he bang into me till i damn pain...zzzzz...but now okie le lahz...last nite pain only. then after tt play some sticker thing...diff colour stickers paste on ur head then ppl of e same colour will find u...then rite...yy pasted one on me...da came and took it off and pasted 'another one' instead...when i opened my eyes everyone came to me and laffed at me then da shushed them then i felt damn blur then i felt my forehead...damn got 4 diff colour stickers...so i belong to ALL e grps....zzzz...so i ran after da to whack him so we ran ard and ard and ard then S say like indian movie...lol...tt's nice wat =) at least it's a romance movie...lalala...in e end i guess tt i vented all my unhappiness of tt day on running ard laffing and hitting da and preventing da from ramming into me.......
6. i told d after treasure hunt tt he's supposed to be in p's grp...then he switched grps...but he said he's supposed to be in grp 3 lahz....then i said 'fine. watever.' coz i really wasn't sure just tt p's grp only got 3 j1s including p who is sick....then he was queueing up near them during e balloon thing so i assume he's naughty and changed grps...so it may actually be my fault....but yupz...although he really thinks tt he is supposed to be in grp 3 with his only frens....he actually went over to grp 4 which is p's grp...w/o even mentioning it to me...i only noe coz i spotted it. =)...see..he ain't so rebellious after all
7. oh yah...he's surprisingly 1. religious 2. a gd pianist...not e pop songs jio gal kind somemore...he's e church kind...e guitar+piano kind...power sia...and he composes his own songs...not e pop kind either but e really instrumental kind...e titles are like 'The best of e G' lol!!! coz G major...zzzzz...madness but he has composed 3 songs...all real nice
so in conclusion both of them make me laff like hell. rox. but also fan like hell. not tt any of them will like me bahz i guess
e 5 ppl i will meet e heaven
01.22.05 (5:59 pm) [edit]
i pondered upon this...a possible candidate is corn...but i guess not...coz i understand e significance of his existance in my life. perhaps if i meet him...he will tell me how he felt...since i nvr cld profess to understand him...just as i dun understand da. something abt me and ppl i dun understand? erhaps. yest i met up with shan and talk cock for a bit...i realised something acutely...we're all growing up...lol...gonna be 20 in abt 15 months for me. suddenly all so grown up. lol...realised tt coz i saw shan with lipstick/gloss mahz...lol...
i guess of all of them i'm still e most heck care abt e way i look...still e one with e most tao hua yun yet cannot get attached...lol...still e same old me. still e jumpy lil gal who's always laffing and smiling. Thinking back..........my maturity seems to be concealed till time of need.but i noe tt this grp of ppl shan ting qi has walked with me thru many seasons of my life. ppl walk in and out of our lives and these are e ppl whom i wish will nvr leave.
i asked myself if i want to go for e camp...and i found myself asking wat for?? so tt he an hurt me during his 'off' spells....so tt i can stand there and feel hurt and F can feel it coz he can feel tt kinda thing?? so tt daniel can read my mind and inform me of it?? wat for. but still i want to go....look at him and let him noe tt no matter wat happens....i will be ard. so yupz. anyway...i wrote a poem...a tad too early though...
Roses have faded
Violets are dead.
Valentines is over,
Yet........
i'm still missing u.
lol...sudden wave of inspiration on e 190 bus...=D
i guess of all of them i'm still e most heck care abt e way i look...still e one with e most tao hua yun yet cannot get attached...lol...still e same old me. still e jumpy lil gal who's always laffing and smiling. Thinking back..........my maturity seems to be concealed till time of need.but i noe tt this grp of ppl shan ting qi has walked with me thru many seasons of my life. ppl walk in and out of our lives and these are e ppl whom i wish will nvr leave.
i asked myself if i want to go for e camp...and i found myself asking wat for?? so tt he an hurt me during his 'off' spells....so tt i can stand there and feel hurt and F can feel it coz he can feel tt kinda thing?? so tt daniel can read my mind and inform me of it?? wat for. but still i want to go....look at him and let him noe tt no matter wat happens....i will be ard. so yupz. anyway...i wrote a poem...a tad too early though...
Roses have faded
Violets are dead.
Valentines is over,
Yet........
i'm still missing u.
lol...sudden wave of inspiration on e 190 bus...=D
blogging at ease
01.20.05 (5:21 pm) [edit]
my pc's fixed..lol!! anyway....know wat...i nvr tot i will say this...but i miss a mugger...lol...although ter damn nerd and everything he's real nice...and guess i'm really bored in e staffrm...anyway he sent me a nice sms tt's quite true....it's a fwd msg with bad eng...after editing it goes like 'I may not be e someone in ur mind nor e someone in ur heart, ur dreams or ur life but at least i am ur someone when u have no one. think 'when u needed someone' instead of 'have no one' is more apt...and gosh i think i'm too into this eng thing...zzz..i realised tt i was correcting ppl on msn somemore..like wth..madness
anyway...my students are real nice...we went dinner yest again...i noe i shldn't have favs but i think i have a fav class..hohoho...and i'm real proud of some ppl...honours roll! there's shawn..he got 3rd in his cohort...tt's wow considering he's actively involved in choir and house matters...there's stephen...he chose to retain and is now in e top 15...tt's like wow wow wow...talk abt maturity...and there's this student of mine...he's very diff from e others but he doesn't try to change to fit in and well...tt takes a fair amt of courage
anyway...i declare today 'Catching-up day' coz first i'm meeting shaz and rubs to talk cock...afterwhich i'm meeting shan at nite to talk cock....
frankly...if they ask me how i'm doing........i dunno. i think me and HIM are impossible le...i guess tt me and him have reached a ceiling...a cap to any further dev....i watch him ard me...watch him ard other ppl....i just noe tt he is not and will not be mine. i can feel it acutely. but at least...he doesn't sap my energy as much now. i have no idea wat to say. no idea...but dun care lahz! i dun like being weak. da makes me weak. although i always think of him at mealtimes...i mean...no choice rite?? i will walk away de lahz...after all i walked away from corn...although it was a long and painstakingly walk...i'll definitely survive it....so y worry. anyone new in my life?? no except my students...it's abit like adopting a child when u're single...suddenly ur world is filled with tt child's smiles and laughter and every facial exp...i guess tt yupz...i have adopted 3 classes...=) and some of them esp take up a bit part of my world.
anyway...my students are real nice...we went dinner yest again...i noe i shldn't have favs but i think i have a fav class..hohoho...and i'm real proud of some ppl...honours roll! there's shawn..he got 3rd in his cohort...tt's wow considering he's actively involved in choir and house matters...there's stephen...he chose to retain and is now in e top 15...tt's like wow wow wow...talk abt maturity...and there's this student of mine...he's very diff from e others but he doesn't try to change to fit in and well...tt takes a fair amt of courage
anyway...i declare today 'Catching-up day' coz first i'm meeting shaz and rubs to talk cock...afterwhich i'm meeting shan at nite to talk cock....
frankly...if they ask me how i'm doing........i dunno. i think me and HIM are impossible le...i guess tt me and him have reached a ceiling...a cap to any further dev....i watch him ard me...watch him ard other ppl....i just noe tt he is not and will not be mine. i can feel it acutely. but at least...he doesn't sap my energy as much now. i have no idea wat to say. no idea...but dun care lahz! i dun like being weak. da makes me weak. although i always think of him at mealtimes...i mean...no choice rite?? i will walk away de lahz...after all i walked away from corn...although it was a long and painstakingly walk...i'll definitely survive it....so y worry. anyone new in my life?? no except my students...it's abit like adopting a child when u're single...suddenly ur world is filled with tt child's smiles and laughter and every facial exp...i guess tt yupz...i have adopted 3 classes...=) and some of them esp take up a bit part of my world.
zzz
01.19.05 (9:38 pm) [edit]
someone told me today tt this student who can read everyone's mind can't read mine. tt's gd. nvr knew i was so hard to read...lol...coz apparently this bo liao teacher will ask them to guess wat he's thinking and tt particular student is always right. glad he dunno wat i'm thinking coz i dun understand him either...lol...and i can't believe this...some of my students staying in sch thru bio lect and some tutorial instead of signing out for poly open house just to have my lesson..hohoho...mad ppl. i wld nvr do tt unless it's for sis...but tt's coz she's sis. anyway...how's everyone doing?? quite boring here...pc at hm still dead...my cousin will try to fix it today...pray for e best manz...
...
01.16.05 (5:01 pm) [edit]
Currently i'm sitting in e staffroom typing this..ho ho ho...teachers talking ard me abt ppl not handing up work...lol...i guess tt tt's e life of a typical teacher. kinda bored now...i only have lessons at 11...so currently slacking...but not bad...can surf net at least...looking at articles too...
btw...terence is back to relief too..lol...so we're e young ppl though i look sec 2 and him 20+..lol..at least a new fren ard bahz...taking quite long to type this coz i scared ppl walk past and read ah...in fact...speak of e devil terence just went past..we have e same phone...lol
so sianz...i think i have less than 10 frens in e staff...and less in e main staffrm...but no choice! anyway...grace will be so envious of ter...lol...i found an interesting article though 'a dream for s'pore' lol...quite idealistic i must say...okie...enough talking...email me when u ppl are free coz i no msn but so sianz
me. just me.
01.09.05 (7:51 pm) [edit]
i hate him. he sux....but tt's coz i love him. i expect soooo much tt i'm demanding. i hate i when i say i miss him and he doesn't miss me. i hate it when i stare right at him next to him and he pays me no attention. therefore i hate him. but i hate it more when i love him so much. maybe it's time to let go but i can't. he's my motivation to go back to teach. i did it..coz he told me to. damnit. but i did. it's silly i noe to love so deeply...so deeply tt he has almost removed corn completely from my heart. so deeply i'm sure i can love him forever no matter wat disagreements arise. i'm willing to give and give and give and nvr take if t's wat's needed to keep a r/s going for this aries scorpio combi.
i wld give anything for him. yet in e face of my giving.as i rush to his place...as i stay overnite at my coz's for e possibility of seeing him hough i need to rush up at 9 am e next day...i did it all..for wat i noe is hopeless yet i cannot totally give up hope. i can keep awake doing nothing till he msg me tt he can't make it after midnight...will i ever love anyone else by e same extent again i dunno....but i dun want to give up...coz tt's letting myself down....
so........i'll jiayou!! even if all i meet is disappointment....tt's better than total hopelessness and giving up. coz at least perhaps there will be new memories to be collected.
i wld give anything for him. yet in e face of my giving.as i rush to his place...as i stay overnite at my coz's for e possibility of seeing him hough i need to rush up at 9 am e next day...i did it all..for wat i noe is hopeless yet i cannot totally give up hope. i can keep awake doing nothing till he msg me tt he can't make it after midnight...will i ever love anyone else by e same extent again i dunno....but i dun want to give up...coz tt's letting myself down....
so........i'll jiayou!! even if all i meet is disappointment....tt's better than total hopelessness and giving up. coz at least perhaps there will be new memories to be collected.