kit's realm

i am unable to cont making HIS present...somehow i dunno wat to write for him...somehow..i can only think of corn...somehow i tell myself i want to make e same thing for corn and corn only...i dunno lahz....i just....dunno lahz...i haven't told corn abt my grandma yet...told HIM and he told me 'kit. somethings can't change' not very comforting...i want tell corn..but something's holding me back..i dunno wat...maybe i dun want to start running in e oppo direction now and hit e same wall bahz....it's time i start living more for my family..i'll go iron clothes later......

绕着上路 走的累了 去留片刻 要如何取舍
前年捡的 美丽贝壳 心不透彻 不会懂多难得

以为只要简单的生� �� 就能平息了脉搏 却忘了在逃什么

我的爱 明明还在 转身了才明白
该把幸福 找回来 而不是各自缅怀
我会在 沿海地带 等着潮汐更改 送你回来
你走路姿态 微笑的神态 见你是曾错过的 真爱

以为只要简单的生� �� 就能平息了脉搏 却忘了在逃什么

我的爱 明明还在 转身了才明白
该把幸福 找回来 而不是各自缅怀
我会在 沿海地带 等着潮汐更改 送你回来
你走路姿态 微笑的神态 见你是曾错过的 真爱

莫非这是上天善意� ��安排 好让心更坚定 彼此更接近 真爱

我的爱 明明还在 转身了才明白
该把幸福 找回来 而不是各自缅怀
我会在沿海地带 等着潮汐更改 试着忍耐

不再怕伤害 不再怕期待 见你时那才是我真� ��

你走路姿态 微笑的神态 亲你时那才是我真� ��

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my other grandma passed away..2 in a yr...both i am unable to attend e funeral or it's preps....1 of them.......i was in chiangmai....now, i'm here and can't go away coz of 'A's...freak lahz......2 in a yr lehz....sigh......at least they live to a ripe old age bahz.....and i'm free at least 300 days of e yr lahz...why must they pick from e 65 days tt i'm not free!!!!!! actually....i'm only not free on 30 days lorz..'A's plus chiangmai and maybe when i go m'sia end of yr.....and now...i dunnit study le...i shall spend my time ironing clothes and cooking...sigh...things happen at stupid times for me.

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so many times........
you walked into my life
then u walked out.

so many times........
u made me believe
then dashed my hopes.

so many times........
u left me grinning to myself
then you let my tears flow.

so many times........
u came so near
then left.

so many times........
and this is another time,
that i allowed you to come so close,
just to hurt me again.

corn. does tt ans all e qns u all have in mind? i smsed him today seeking e support tt i knew only he could give me to pull me thru this period...i said tt i am completely sick and tired of studying...and he told me it's a tough time but i will go thru it and excel. he told me to have faith and to nvr give up...he told me tt giving up is not part of my char.....then i asked him how much he knew abt me.....we seldom talk but he nvr surprises me by how much he noes or at least how accurate his reading of me is........then i told him i tot of wat gift to give him le........(frankly....when i told my bro i'm folding stars for da and will fold somemore as a xmas gift..my bro told me to fold 999 for da...and i tot to myself...i'll only do such a uber silly thing for corn)......and corn started laffing and said it's still so early and i shld conc on my exams first and e best gift i can give him is gd results...so i said he sounds like a teacher again and tt he's been most encouraging and i'll go study rite then...then he replied laffing tt i nvr fail to brighten his day and asked me to jiayou...tt made me think...wat did i do?? all i did was grumble abt studies....so i told him tt and he replied 'a simple msg from a great student like u makes a world of a diff'......tt just wow-ed me....in a way......it set me apart i guess......and i dunno him smsing any other student anymore (not from my batch at least)...so i replied tt since he likes my smses so much..i'll sms him more but he can't complain when i get irritating and he said 'of course not. more than happy to recieve your msg'.........

tt may mean so lil to u ppl reading it....but to me it meant tt he din dismiss me as an ex student or he wldn't have said tt i brightened his day.....i dun think any teacher will say tt as a form of politeness..it's just unneccessary......it's amazing how he can make me start running in e oppo direction with just a line...amazing how he can summon such intense emotions from me...just simply amazing how after 4 yrs......i still can't claim tt i dun love him anymore.

i think i have a prob. i somehow always fall for guys who blow hot and cold on me. =X

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i found myself staring str....i haven't started making a single star for HIM yet...i realised tt i prob won't see him on e actual day..i have plans...but all seem so romantic..too romantic..now...i opened his msn window..but i didn't msg him...i stared at him display pic...this nice waxed heart shape thing tt he dripped on e table...it made me ponder who's weighing on his mind and it made me realised tt prob...i have such a neglible place in his heart he wld only call me when he needs help..hohoho..not like tt's bad...it's better than him not calling me when he needs help...but i wish tt he wld just call me for a chat now and then...drop me an sms now and then..let me noe tt i am not merely 9 numbers on his phonebk but a breathing living thing tt wishes to speak to him...

besides e HIM thing..i've been thinking abt some other stuff too...sigh..can't write here also..LOL...yah...it all made me realise how much probs everyone has..but oh well..we grow thru probs

back to HIM..well.....my only comfort is in telling myself tt he's e wrong shoe size for me and i'm quite sure abt it as well....i noe tt i can walk away from him...if i can walk away from corn..i can walk away from anyone...i have no idea y i fall for ppl who blow hot and cold on me...it's just crazy...and hmmm...tonite i miss corn again...hope to meet up with him soon..there's always xmas..tt's y i love xmas...i tell everyone i love xmas coz i always have a sleepover with ting qi shan...but e other reason is tt i will meet corn and exchange gifts..there's only one thing i will regret with corn...regret not talking him str tt i love him and asking him how he feels abt me....but i noe i will regret it more if do tt....e image tt i have of me and my future bf?? i can fit corn comfortably in.........maybe tt's y i love him so much..loved him so much...i still do..some things nvr change i guess..........

if i can only have one wish come thru this lifetime..i will still wish tt corn will get married to e person he will be happiest with....then after tt..i'll start praying it's me...i dun want to wish for him if he's going to regret one day tt he loved me...i rather he regret not having gotten attached to me............i want so much to sms corn now...but i dunno wat to talk to him abt also....sigh...i think i will make him e same prez as e one i'm making HIM for xmas......though it seems more of a bday prez..LOL..i have so many wishes for corn...

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guess i was more or less in a thinking mood yest....i heard this analogy over tv and i felt tt it really applies to many r/s i noe of......

'if u see a pair of shoes which u love but it's e wrong size for u, will you buy it?' it made me think of sam first of all....coz of everyone i noe i think she's e most certain of her size...realise tt if u were shoes of e wrong size...u end up hurting urself...and sometimes e shoes......sigh....

sister hurt herself..so poor thing..raj jinx her lahz...anyway...last nite i felt like studying GP...maybe i'll ask ms lim to help bahz...she's been really nice to be all along...talking to HIM now..realised tt really...our topics are limited......wrong size?? but i still love tt pair of shoes..LOL...but i kinda have an image of wat i want already...but i'm not going to tell anyone in case of some duplication of e image i have in mind...LOL.=) in e meantime...let me give HIM all my blessings and wishes in a bottle...=)

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let's take a break from my i'm-so-disappointed-in-HI M state and think abt where e hell i'm heading...today i told sam exactly how i felt abt 'A's...i just feel tt even if i get AAA, it's not enuf for a scholarship?? and even if i dun study...i'll still get into a uni?? so yah. wat's e pt rite?? ain't e results e same??? maybe tt's y i felt so demoralised and nvr really bothered.....but at least now i feel more motivated..coz i've decided tt studying is not for getting into uni..studying is a form of being responsible by doing wat i shld be doing at this stage of my life and answering to myself. sure...i can move on w/o e hard work.....but can i ever look at my results and feel tt sense of pride?? cannot lorz....i haven't felt a sense of pride since 'O's results lahz....if i dun study...next yr when i come back and see someone get top arts student...will i cont to tell myself tt i was always near tt position w/o studying??? i noe tt if i dun start studying now..i will. i give up my life of romanticized illusions of how gd i am.......coz frankly, a person shld be govened by inner principles rather than external circumstances and external circumstances shape me too much.

well...i'm also decided another thing...i'm always fighting for more independence...then i asked myself if i deserve it....i can't cook...i am lazy to go to e coffee shop to get food and will rather starve...yet i tell my parents tt i deserve to go to m'sia with ppl they dunno for a tour...well......maybe i shld start by going coffee shop to da bao food and not starve myself?? i actually have this dream to rent a place and move out to stay during uni...just for e knack of it....then i asked myself how long i will last...maybe i will die on e first day coz i'm lazy to go to e coffeeshop to da bao..LOL....but seriously......maybe tt's a way for me to learn independence bahz...i dunno?? but at least to me.....hostels are more of a social standing at uni than an accomodation tt i will like...to me a hostel just means e popular ppl running ard into each others' rms...gals nite outs....sleepovers....and tons of rules...i rather stay hm than pay those rents...i really do dream of renting a lil flat though...maybe can share with some frens...something near sch...maybe i can even cycle to sch!! (if i rem how to tt is)...i'm like soooo sure i'll get in...wat if i dun?????? nothing in this world is certain...maybe God will take away tt from me just to teach me a lesson i nvr learn.......so i shld prove i'm worthy of tt place........=)

anyway!! i must make money..LOL...to pay my fees...i hope to at least subsidize my parents half...i doubt i can get a scholarship...they still have to give me like books fees and stuff lahz...think so rich mehz..LOL...i want to earn my own pocket money too...if i decide to give tuition...i can perhaps teach 3 pple?? i hope to teach one person chi...keep in touch with it..LOL...anyway...i've pick something near hm...then even if i move out..i can visit on wkends.....and i'll slot 2 of them on e same wkend day.....then in betwn i can go library study!! dreams dreams dreams...and they rely upon e fact tt i make it to uni...LOL......only if i make it to uni...can i have fun trying to fund myself ahz!!! i think it'll be fun and cool to fund my own way thru uni...i'm weird so shoot me..LOL...no challenge for ur parents to send u thru uni...i always admired ppl who made it thru sch by working themselves....and i want to be like tt too!!!!!!! =)

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okie..let's start with a weird dream...can only rem 2 images from it...first one......my hair started turning blond..and e blond parts fell off..tt was scary. e other image is tt i had medication and on e label it said tt if i end up eating 20kg of e medicine..i will grow to e size of 3 davids...i was so scared in e dream coz i tot i really will grow into tt size...it was freaky. LOL....anyway......here are e analysis of e images:

-If you dream of seeing a woman with blonde hair, or if you dreamed of having blonde hair (when you don't in real life), you will be a true friend to your girlfriends.

Medicine
To dream of giving or receiving medicine is very powerful. Pay attention to this dream, which is giving you important spiritual clues for achieving peace and happiness.

Pill
To see a pill in your dream, forecasts the return of your inner harmony. It is a period of healing and an end to those negative ideas in your mind.

wanted to blog yest..but tblog was down...maybe God din want me to think too much abt e wall..sigh...but since i saved e blog....here it goes:

wait! let me start off with a nice quote from my sunday movie... 'ai yi ge ren ai tai sheng, xing hui zui. hen yi ge ren tai jiu, xing hui sui' 'dan deng dai hai shi dui tong ku de'...nice rite?? LOL and 'ni zhong you wo, wo zhong you ni'...all from

i'm feeling funny coz today...H asked me if she cld marry Y and i felt so shocked...i din noe wat to say. my first tot was does she noe something?? then i asked myself... and Y together rite?? so i said 'y not?? of coz anything's poss' then i felt guilty like i betrayed Y.......i dunno......then after tt......during geog..i smsed Y somemore..and we were having a sms conversation..think it was really obvious. there was an awkward silence betwn me n and h after lect. anyway....i think i pissed Y off too...coz i told him e H thing and he asked me to tell her tt she'll meet someone else along e way and i told him it's not my job and later she thinks i'm interested and whack me then how. then after tt....usu he type sms to me..he laffs when he types it...but this rep this time had an lol inside...but his face changed when he read my sms...and i saw it...and after tt....he walked out. walked out. then i felt so cock. i realised tt i implied tt i dun want ppl to think tt i'm interested in him. which implies somemore tt i'm not interested in him. so so so cock. since when i become so cock.

u asked me if i like him?? my ans is....wat's e pt of pursuing something tt u noe will not last. so wat if i get attached to him?? also will break wat...not like we will get married rite. tt's like imposs lahz...e odds are against us and i choose not to climb this mt. a child will say tt she loves e toy and wants it...as e child grows up she begins to understand tt even if she loves e toy..she may not want to have it. pursuing a r/s with Y will be like a race against breaking up........at e end of e race...we will face a wall and tt wall has a sign tt says religion. break-up will catch up no matter how fast we run. wat's e pt. we'll just end up facing a wall no matter how well we understand each other..how much we like each other..so wat...looking into e future, i see a wall. today....on e bus hm...i asked myself e qn of whether i liked Y..i nvr asked myself tt coz e ans won't make a diff really.....i asked myself tt qn...no ans came..but tears came. coz in e end i realised tt it will boils down to a wall so how does it matter.

at 15, i saw a wall...and i told myself.....if we work hard enuf...we can bring down e wall...i convinced myself tt we cld...if we just work hard enuf. at 16 i lost to tt wall...for a yr...i hovered outside tt wall...banging on it...looking for a trapdoor...thinking abt how i used to run noeing u were somewhere else...running in e same direction as me but with a diff route...then bang. i see a wall...e wall i knew i wld see..and reality sank in. e wall tt blocked me from my happiness.........now at 18...i knew i wld run into a wall...a even higher wall than e one i knew at 15.....i'm disheartened...this is not a race i want to run even if i run it with u........coz e only diff is tt in e end......e heartbreak will be worse losing to another wall. so to Y, all i can say is i give up coz i dun want to hurt him. i dun want my eventual gift to him to be e rejection he is so afraid of.

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happier now...talk to HIM until happy..mood really swing..he just bring out intense emotions from me...i realised tt aries and scorpios both are ruled by Mars...and both are guardians of e emotional sphere...scorpios keep e emos in...and aries let e emos out.....i realised tt i shldn't like have some mission to u/s him...let things happen naturally bahz.....i realised tt i have talked to him from 11 to 5 today.....and when i told him tt i gtg today...he said he bbl too......and he left...does tt mean something too?? tt he wants to hang ard when i'm online...usu in e nites....when i ask if he's going to zzz he will just say soon and hang ard a while more......does it mean anything i ask myself....but no ans came. so i think and think again....and e ans i got from him is tt aries and scorpio if they noe wat to do complement each other...i ask him how and he say he dunno.......tt made me think y he said tt.....so i did research...fire heats up e water and water changes into steam purifying it. fire rises e temp of water such tt water can better enjoy life....e fire can get out of hand...but it's nothing tt a lil water cannot dampen =) i found wat cw looked for......a poss for aries and scorpio...happy not????? aries are best with air signs...tt's Y......true...natural gd-togetherness...but tt doesn't mean togetherness...HE finally told me my flaw..only one...and tt is tt i try to find out abt ppl too much.......and i told him most frankly tt tt's not accurate..i dun want to find out abt ppl..ii want to find out abt him......alot of ppl tell me things abt themselves.....but e person i want to npe e most abt dun tell me things. just happens.....=p.......

richard gere took time to help runaway bride learn abt herself...and took e humiliation of her running away in stride.......she nvr knew herself...and HE confessed to me today tt he dunno himself...........maybe i can try to help him find himself....just a tot......challenging but worth a try...aries love challenges.

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i keep getting this feeling tt i'm sinking deeper and deeper into e water...can't breathe.......just sinking inch by inch....talking to HIM now..conversation not really on a happy note........everything started with us talking abt going concert and f and stuff..and i cldn't outtalk his logic in not inviting f...then to change e topic..i asked abt his ex...and he asked me i noe her mehz..well..i dun but he told me stuff before and i realised tt he stopped telling me much things....and he said tt tt's coz he doesn't see a pt in explaining things..well..tt's like not seeing a pt in making me understand things.....to me at least. then he told me tt he doesn't like when ppl noe too much abt him and i dunno too much yet.....he keeps his emotions in..and he keeps them well....to me tt's like talking to a shutted door. and he just f-ing told me tt he dunno himself. frankly i dunno wat to say......am i just being difficult?? i hate him. such strong emotions...just make me want to cry. i hate him coz i love him....does tt make sense?????i hate you.....coz i love u............does tt make sense?????? now i'm like talking to him in riddles...working one basis tt he noes tt i like him.....i told him tt i hate it tt i'm tt readable and he can read everything abt me and he said heh....then i said tt i think and think so much..yet i dunno e ans to wat i'm looking for. like damnit lahz........i guess tt i kinda made myself a promise to find out e ans by this wk...coz i made a stupid gamble lahz...i told myself when my bus was passing orchard tt when e carpark space of this place i passed jumps by 1 and i get to see it jump...i will tell HIM noe........and it did..

f lahz. i seldom scold vulgarities and frankly.....only one person can make me feel this screwed-up also....and he asked me think so much for wat.......how can dun think?? i can die talking to him. wah..i hate him manz. and wat is 'think so much for wat' supposed to mean. means tt just cont as we are?? izzit. wth...i promised to get an ans by this wk...and e ans i got is 'think so much for wat' great ans. i told him tt it's a great ans and i feel like strangling him which is bloody true if u ask me.

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wat if......u dun love me?? i torture myself with this tot...playing it and replaying it in my head.....i find evidence tt may suggest tt u dun love me...after which...i see evidence tt suggest u might love me........then i replay all these into a whirl......and got myself an irritable mood and an anxiety attack and still.......no ans.

i asked myself repeatedly......maybe i shld just ask u how u are like when u like a gal...maybe i shld just wait for von to tell me more abt ur previous relationship......maybe i can also ask d y he kept pushing u to me. how????? =X maybe i really shld ask d...ji'en's for it..LOL.....

if he doesn't like me........y did he talk more to me than d last nite...y does he lean towards me.......i dunno...and how can anyone have 3 gf before at such a young age ahz...tt's like anyhow whack..LOL..Y also has 3 ex before..and he say tt he anyhow whack one...gals say they like him then he just accept..LOL...i dun think HE is tt anyhow whack though....i dunno lahz..shld i ask d??? let fate decide then..i play one game of mahjong solitaire...if i win..i ask. chances of asking prob 1 out of 12

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dunno y i'm feeling funny..but i just am.

okie..blow by blow summary of yest...

i was slacking ard at hm...woke up too early...trying to fill up my time with trivialities coz not enuf time to play computer games...but too much time to do nothing..LOL...so while i was thinking whether i shld go change into sch uni and strove off to sch early...my phone rang. it was HIM...he asked if i'm hm so i said yah and he asked me to help him check out wat's e sistic hotline..so i did. after i did tt..i decided tt forget it...i shall go sch early and see who i noe is there...so i got changed (during e course of which i missed 2 calls but it's e same number and e 'sorry wrong number' person)..went to e living rm...and then it rang again...this time...it was HIM again...he asked wat time i'm going over to sch...and i said 'right now i'm leaving e house'...then he asked if i wld be passing by cck and i said i cld if i want...so i was supposed to go cck and get sistic tix from e booth..LOL.......so......i left my house walking + running to e mrt station...then...e phone ran again...surprised tt i cld feel e vibration..i just felt like hitting my hand against my phone and ta-dum it was vibrating..LOL..so i ansed...it was HIM again...and he said change to 17 tix....so okie......

okie...so i reached cck after smsing and talking on e phone so much with him which is totally rare...then i went sistic...and e transaction kept getting declined...guess wat! coz i got not enuf money in my acct....=X soooooooo malu...so.....at my critical malu period..ming called me and asked me abt sch......SO!! since he so suay call me rite...i asked him to lend me cash...apparently he only had 20...but better than nothing.......so i drew 50 from my 72 bucks bank acct balance and met rub who's supposed to rescue with with 5 bucks (as u can tell..i really bankrupt) LOL...so i calculated tt with my 50 withdrawal 30 bucks in wallet...ming's 20 and rubin's 5...it's 3 bucks more than enuf!! LOL......(damn sad) well..........then ming turned up with sky...i think tt 50 might be sky's or ming's parents-will-scold if gone money...so i'm SOOOOOOOO grateful...i'll buy ming lunch soon *mental note* yah! so i erm paid?? LOL...and tt STUPID HIM rite...called me ask how's things...i told him e embarrassing thing...and he laff until so evil!!!!! but kept thanking me lahz

then noeing e da-xiao-ye chars of our dear ming...we took a cab back to sch...then on e cab...i called HIM and said tt i'm reaching soon...then he said okie..then i said soon like 3 mins coz i'm in a cab...and he offered to pay for e cab fare?? then i was like abit stunned like for wat he pay..i take cab also none of his biz...then i said dunnit..nvm...i take cab none of his biz wat..LOL...then i tot tt sounded abit....not very ke ai...so i said 'okie lorz..if u really want to pay' but i tot tt sounded very greedy and like i'm just eyeing his money...so i said 'better dun want lahz' then i tot i sounded stupid and bimbotic...coz i seem like i can't make up my mind! so i'm like argh!!!!! forget it!~ i pay!!!!! so yah...LOL!!! so i paid for sky ming and rubz too...since they all came fetch me from lot 1 =D.... then we reached sch...and HE happened to be running down e stair...so i passed him e tixs..and asked wat time he going there from sch and if i can meet him...and he said yah and stuff.......

so from 1+ to 5.......i studied in sch...alone (at first was with huda lahz...until 3 then she left for PE)......alone. okie 1 person in this world can let me almost close down my bank acct...run from house to mrt station in sch uni....malu myself like tt and call e whole world urgently to borrow money...and be alone..even if it meant 3 hrs of solitude...make me eat till i feel like puking and continue eating.....hmmmmmm...and as i typed this...this one person came online..i asked if he's busy and he said not really...how can he be not busy when he's doing PW?? i think he means tt he's not REALLY busy..LOL

okie! after tt..i met HIM at e concourse..then we met e rest and made our way to cck where HE insisted on drawing money str away to return me......so he did...and then we went over to city hall lorz..had a walk there...me and shi were like sticking together like sisters..felt nice..LOL..and HE kept appearing nearby so we went there..he gave out e tix...and i tot for e 1st time in my life i won't be next to him then d wanted to change places...and i ended up next to HIM again...well....it felt weird bahz...shld be coz this tt i feel funny...coz HE said he wanted to sit at e side coz long legs...then d said tt he dunno me..we're strangers and he shldn't talk to strangers...tt's like damn lame.....and HE did something funny...he was making e scissors gesture on d......tt's like just funny lahz...then after a long while...HE stood up and said 'so u want change place not...i also stand up le' e performance was like starting lahz...e ppl were moving onto stage le then they do this kind of lame thing...then d was like not moving...then HE was like faster lahz...so they changed place......e 1st half was complete zzzz-land...half our my dear ppl were in twilight zone...then after tt i realised tt me and HIM seem to be prone to lean near each other..then he whispered to me alot of stuff...=) after tt....we so quite near..and i was damn damn sianz....so i did a more unexpected thing..i rested my head on his shoulder.....it felt nice...very nice...but then it was only for like 3secs..LOL...then we continued just being near lorz.....after first half..HE was at least more alive...everyone was more alive coz at least 2nd half more interesting...=)

after tt we walked to go makan lahz...funny y d keep pushing HIM to my direction then after HE like nvr walk tt near me...d went to my other side such tt i was betwn e 2 of them. just weird. after tt..funny but we made our way to burger king....and guess who we saw besides e dating a and sa..LOL..we saw gary tan!! my ex geog teacher..LOL...aka corn's cousin...so me and him talked abit of cock..and i asked abt corn blahz....i realised tt at bk..i was like quite close to g...dunno y...i think me and g got bk-chemistry..LOL..we love bk and turkey bacon and stuff...then me and him so happy eating together...then after tt...da and d came back after like almost 15 minutes at e counter!!!! and da was like 'dun like u.........tt's y they nvr give u burger' i was like .... then i said 'fine..i go take' then g was like standing up too......so i let him go then i sat down...then.....HE and d kept whispering stuff abt duno wat...e only audible part was when HE said 'then ur assumptions are wrong' he said it so loud...scary...then HE was like sooooooo sulky thruout e whole meal noe...then i was like looking at d like wat's wrong with him then d dun tell me then e others asked d..he said tt HE felt like puking...sigh..then HE like nvr talk to me during e whole meal???? i realised tt tt was e first time he din sit next to me.....and first time he nvr talk to me thru out a meal and i mean since i was at e side...next to G..i talk to him rite instead of HIM or d who are in their own world...anyway...G is a nice person to chat with...then i dunno lahz..not implying anything..HE may just be sick....then we left bk and HE was like happy again..bk influence??? after tt...i ran thru change alley to get to e bus stop hm.....then after tt.....i smsed HIM and ask him wat's wrong..he said gastric...so yah! cldn't zzz last nite till abt 2 am...zzzzzz..sleepy now....

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i wish to believe even if it is just an illusion.

went C today...saw those pple..LOL...lovely ppl...then yah...broke for sectionals..then i follow stro lorz...somemore he with da..lalala...then supposed to leave e rm...i was talking to ms t lahz...so i stayed behind for a while lorz...then after tt...i was going to leave..then da joined me to leave...=)...so we left..then we went e rm...only e Ts there...so we had a lil whispering talk...quite nice......in e way.....=) i like it...like so close..so intimate..=) =) yah! then after tt...i just sat there and did work...i realised tt either sects very boring or something..coz he keeps looking at me..=) =) =) after tt they left e piano coz e Ts there and went to e keyboard...then he came and stopped at my table...i dunno lahz..like nothing to say ahz...like just not me to crap during sects...then he just stood there before me...for damn long...playing with e cds on e table and we just look at each other??? then after abt 5 minutes or silence..he left for prac..LOL...if i was less caught in it...i wld have scolded him for wasting time............well...very funny lahz tt stro...so many comments abt e J1s...keep coming to tell me...then i realised tt HE glanced in my direction everytime stro came along to bitch abt things....and once...we ended up staring at each other and he stuck out his tongue...LOL...his fav lahz........
after tt went back to e rm...then wah liew...they sing abit can die..LOL....then after tt...poor cat was sick..so he came sit with me lorz...then HE stuck out his tongue at me again....=) after tt got meeting..so i went along lorz...HE came and sat next to me...=) well..as usu e stro next to me is bitching abt things...and HE was whispering all kinds of things to me too.....=) well......at e end of meeting...stro wanted to go le with J and P...so we left lorz...i dun want to keep like hanging out with HIM too...even if most of it are coincidental...like abit obvious......so i left with stro......then after tt..we waited at e bus stop for like 20 mins...no 190...tt's like super unusu.....usu 5 mins have le...then HIM and D appeared........once they appeared...190 came....fate?? i dunno.......i was 20 minutes early in leaving e sch...yet we got onto e same bus..and talked somemore cock...HIS instincts damn gd...cld even tell tt i regretted something......just by looking at my face noe.......yes...i do regret it abit...but tonite...he told me exactly y i shldn't regret it...and it made a lot of sense to me too.......comforting i guess...and i realised tt everytime i talk to him..he change display pic to a nice happy one =) =)..........and he asked if i regret giving him his post and i said no......i won't regret any decision tt i make abt him bahz.......i think he is gd enuf...and i still think so. definitely. he asked me y no..and i merely said tt he nvr made any mistakes ahz...which is true......anyway.......he promised tt he will work hard and be a better vp than me...tt's gd.........=) i told him tt it's so touching i cld hug him tmr...and he said lol...he shall prep an electric ball then.......soooooooo dot dot dot

still finished all my food......=)

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welll...still finishing all my food...but my period of gd mood has taken a dip...been quite agitated this evening...shouting my conversations with my parents...they commented tt i'm cranky tonite...well...no choice..just now cw commented tt i sounds desperate on my last blog...wat e helll lorz....tt's wat i call sincerity...better than lying rite?? dunno lahz...i really dunno...no matter wat it is...i found e one i want and love...so there. well...not much mood to talk much now also...just now wah...really felt like hanging up on him..tt's e worse comment to give a gal lahz....i dunno bahz...aries pple more blunt i guess........

sch today..i met up with ming han fi makan ice cream today (skipping eddie's lesson for ice cream)...choc fudge ice cream..yum yum *licks lips* saw da..........when i went help they all buy drinks....i walked to e stall then walked back coz no grass power for ming...then when i finished taking orders again and walked back to e stall..da was at e stall getting fruits...it made me think if he walked there seeing me there.....coz tt's wat i did yest!!!! but i missed him yest...so today..i walked faster........but still missed him...and he missed me too.......LOL..........well......after tt..i dunno alhz...kept looking at him from my table...his back is towards me coz his table quite far from me and slightly in front....then once he turned ard and glanced in my direction and i quickly looked away..wonder if he saw me..LOL........

after tt he was talking to SA then wah liew..look so irritated..i was scared he will box SA so i walked ard and ard there...and he really gave me weird looks...LOL.....then heard from SA after tt tt things ain't tt great...zzz...shld i call da and ask how's things?? if he doesn't come online..it may mean tt he doesn't want to talk abt it...if he wants to talk abt it..he'll prob come online......SO.........i guess tt i shall wait and see...... [written: 7+ pm]

now...9:05..i called da at 8.17...his maid said he's not hm...i called his hp just a few minutes ago.......i asked if he got free incoming..he said sort of and said something i din quite catch..then silence!! for like 10 secs...i was like 'hello?????? hello?????????' until i tot he hanged up or something like tt..then he said hello and tt he just got up a bus..LOL...then after tt i asked him how was e talking..he said talk alot lorz..apparently he, y and SA all talked to F at e same time...guess tt they sort out many issues...including e fact tt da's not doing enuf and shld do more =) well well...guess tt since they est a direction things shld pick up from here...=) then we talked abit more abt their conversations today...and how da looked so scary and stuff...then well...then tt's kind of like conversation ended bahz...official biz ahz...then silence.......then i said 'okie lorz...as long as things are okie...so yahz....so i'll talk to u some other time' then da said 'seeya tmr' then i said 'tmr i no sch..LOL..seeya day after' then da said tmr he half day anyway...then we started talking abt him playing cards blahz...how he pon alot of lessons..how i pon alot of lessons too..how i ran into eddie and HOD today..blahz.......then after tt...dunno bahz...i knew tt he's going to get off e bus soon ahz...he prob went westmall for dinner onlytt's like 3 or 4 stops only..so i din want him to have to so mafan get off e bus with phone and all his stuff blahz...so i said 'okie lahz! so i'll see ya day after' then i said bye.......and he said bye.......i dunno lahz...feels nice...LOL...we just both sounded 'soft' in terms of mood..not volume..i dunno....=)

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k|t .: All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher :. says:
okie! i tell u lorz~~
k|t .: All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher :. says:
hmmmmm...
k|t .: All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher :. says:
i think u are a very special person
k|t .: All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher :. says:
mysterious..i like and dislike tt
k|t .: All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher :. says:
LOL
k|t .: All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher :. says:
hmmm...i like e way u stick to ur principles
k|t .: All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher :. says:
i like e way u think deeply abt things
k|t .: All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher :. says:
funny lahz..but i seem to like e things tt i dislike abt u
k|t .: All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher :. says:
LOL!!!~
k|t .: All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher :. says:
dunno how to explain
k|t .: All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher :. says:
just weird
? ? - ? - says:
haha
? ? - ? - says:
that's gd
k|t .: All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher :. says:
yupz..liking wat u dislike abt ppl
k|t .: All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher :. says:
sounds dumb
k|t .: All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher :. says:
hmmmmm...and i tend to be drawn towards 'strong' ppl i guess
k|t .: All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher :. says:
u have strong emotions
? ? - ? - says:
strong?
k|t .: All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher :. says:
strong watever lahz..strong will, strong tots, strong emotions, strong spirituality/religion
k|t .: All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher :. says:
yah
k|t .: All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher :. says:
i like e way u play piano
k|t .: All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher :. says:
LOL
k|t .: All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher :. says:
although alot of wrong notes...but e mood is nice
k|t .: All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher :. says:
i just like e way u are lahz
k|t .: All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher :. says:
watever e flaws...i like them too
k|t .: All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher :. says:
LOL
k|t .: All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher :. says:
tt's e conclusion
k|t .: All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher :. says:
LOL
? ? - ? - says:
lol


awwwwwwwwww~~~ heez...tt was an understatement...i love everything..including e flaws...in this world today..love and acceptance becomes a superficial word...but perhaps this lil bit of e conversation will let e instinctive u noe i care.......and accept watever u feel is unaccepted...and GRRRRRRRRRR i exited e window..means i din get e save e log......GRRRR*infinity

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i love ya. really..seriously..crazily. i love ur nick yest...'shit. pimples. muahahahaha' i finished my food 2 days in a row...took determination and resolution but i did it! =) ~everything i do, i do it for u~ LOL...e faith hill brandy bryan adams song...so many ppl sang it before...lalala...anyway...i saw him 3 times in sch today =) although i only went up to say hi once...i felt happy just seeing him...=) it made me happy...hence i have been happy 3 days in a row...sometimes when i talk to him he drains me of my energy..but i'm willing for my life to be sapped away...=)

anyway..i had a weird dream last nite starting at 3 am....till 6...zzzzz...me him des-d and yijing (pri sch tt classmate) went back to my pri sch...it was a auditorium looking place..we sat on e floor..i was helping cw design suntec convention hall (LOL) then HE was scolding me...he ask like saying tt i'm a traitor..betray e ctry blah blahz...and guess wat..in e dream HE is a teacher...anyway~~ then after tt he scold and scold me...then during tt time d and yijing were talking and joking...yijing said something like 'blahblah then marry me lahz' then d joke back okie...then they went behind a curtain to get married!!!!!!!! and to think they dunno each other in real life..LOL..anyway...when they went behind da was still scolding me...then i told him to go help d get ready..so he left..then i quickly jotted down a few pts abt suntec and shoved e paper into my lit notebk...then after tt...in a short while...d and jing appeared looking great!! tux and gown..LOL..and da was sulking...then i was like wat?? then he asked me where's my suntec plan and i pretended not to hear him...he was looking quite pissed lahz...kept scolding me..LOL...after tt....we went down to this part of e sch tt resembles a pick-up, drop-off pt..looks taxistandish (it really does exist in my pri sch) then there were lots of ppl...me and da were happily asking pj and my pri sch pple to guess wat happened...then we wld happily tell them tt d married jing..LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! damn funny...then some student made announcement to take photo...everyone got ready.....then after tt..e person said only 'blah blah class blah blah yr students' damn anti-climax...LOL...after tt.............e NEW principal of my pri sch whom i imagined...announced tt we shld take more photos esp with crescentians coz we are photogenic and then can send it for a photo-competition..LOL!!!!!!! after tt...he told us abt how this ex student found a mucus-bag (yucks) then got this clip on how she found it....a bit ziplock bag filled 1/8 with mucus lahz..they she walked ard holding it...unzipping and zipping it while she and her sec sch ppl went carolling...then after tt e principal said it's very dangerous...biohazard and all and she will die...and he gave an analogy of a famous biochemist who died from cancer coz he ate a decomposing coconut...just once is enuf to kill u..LOL...after tt scene changed and i was in my pri sch staffrm with 2 unknown teahcer...teacher A had an itch and i helped him press against it...then i had an itch too and he helped me scratch it...THEN..e principal appeared and took a photo saying tt it showed a symbiotic r/s and we will definitely win...i woke up at tt pt in time...

not noeing if tt photo won..and not noeing where da went in e dream..................

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tt's quite a jump..hmmmm...tt can only mean one thing..someone tried to hack me..LOL...da's online...i certainly hope tt person is him...i wish tt he wld hack me..LOL...he's like in his quiet mood tonite..i wonder if he's busy or just being quiet..and he got quite a nice new display pic..one tt looks cheerful at least..LOL..maybe i show too much initiative in conversations but i seem to be doing 80% of e talking...sigh...scorpios *shakes head* tt's y nicer to talk to von..heez........

i realised tt i can imagine a future with him....can even imagine myself a mother..LOL...just feels great...i can imagine him weeping drunk in e nite and me hugging him quietly asking not to noe y but asking if i can just stay there to comfort him.....gentleness has nvr been my forte...not in this lifetime at least...but for him...i feel tt sense of wanting to just be there for him and with him...i just did another gentle thing...i smsed him gdnite coz i was afraid i wld disrupt wat he's doing on his com if i said nitez on msn...it's weird...but i nvr knew tt part of me existed...i chose not to crack a joke coz i was afraid tt it wld upset him and i held my tongue...i have always been afraid..coz e person who can hurt u e most is e person who is e closest to u...coz they noe where it hurts...i knew where it wld hurt him today and i held my tongue...i wanted to much to say e joke..to ask him abt tt gal...but i din...coz i knew tt it might upset him...i guess tt it's just diff......i wish tt God wld take away his money and give him e same amt of happiness...i just tt in e end..i just want him to be happy...and i just hope tt one day be it joy or sorrow we can share it together...

tt day cw asked me whether i am ready for a r.s...at tt pt in time when he asked i wanted to say yes but something held me back...uncertainty...fear?? i din noe at tt time...but now..thinking back...i realised tt if cw asked e same qn today i will ans yes, i'm ready....hmmmm...i'm ready coz i can envision a future..and i am ready coz i am ready to work for tt future...i want something simple...and i guess tt he wants something simple...something tt will involve pocket money tt is actually liquid...something tt will involve parks and picnics and walking along orchard in e evenings...something tt will involve driving down e sts at nite with wound down windows and blasting music...=) sounds nice huh...i wonder if he's willing to work towards tt future with me....'A's are coming..after tt...i guess tt i can ask him anything..tell him anything..i'm waiting to hear how he got attached to his last ex...perhaps.............tt will give me an idea of a line of action...at least tt was his most amicable break....did u noe tt von...who knew him since sec sch didn't even noe he had 3 exs?? well.........=) i noe him better then. somehow. someway. somehope. somefuture?

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love talking to von...feels great...fun talking to her too...we get things done and it's fun..great. =) anyway....quite funny..i told her a secret tt i told no one else...did u noe tt in sch...i have probs recognizing some pple...they just seem to have tons of lookalikes...like S...when i see S or S-lookalike i will stare at e person..then shout S...then stare for some reaction...then if bingo! right person i will be greeted by a hi..wrong then seeing no wave..i will run away!! LOL!!!!!!!!! LOL...then i realised something bad...wat if there is only 1 lookalike really and i keep doing tt???? *gasp* he'll prob think 'is she interested in me or something?? this is e 3rd time this wk she did tt...and wat's e meaning of her shouting tt name S??' LOL!!!!!! i think seriously..e most original looking person in sch is von and b...serious. and ng. LOL...sometimes i do mistake ppl for da too...but i'm more careful with da...i will stare and stare and stare..i guess with him i have e time to stare..since he usu dun wear specs...so rite.......i can stare for damn long before he recognizes me.......=)

in a generally gd mood since yest...tt's gd!! no sadness to bog me down for 2 days...suddenly rem wat Y said yest..told him abt e gal hug da thing and said it's damn funny...and he asked me if it's really e saddest and most disappointing..seriously..no lehz!! LOL...coz it's like he did panic and tried to get away...LOL...tt proves something too..proves tt 1. he dun like her...2. perhaps he panicked coz he din want someone in e grp to have e wrong impression?? 3. he doesn't want her to get e wrong idea..LOL...sad for wat?? =D nothing can dampen my spirits from washing e tank and listening to piano bahz -_<...lalala..so sianz online just now...thanks von for brightening up my day!! she rox manz...i MAY tell her abt da secret after a grad...see how lorz..;) hungry le....dinner soon...after tt...then study some economic geog bahz..i have comparative advantage in tt i guess..and it's like studying 2 subjs with e same set of notes..tt's great..jiayou!!>
oh yah!! i realised tt my counter jumps once ppl enter e pg whether they noe e pw and userid not..so i guess it kannas alot of tblog users...since they dunno e userid and pw..so they dun read it anyway!! YEA!!!!!! to hackers out there...since u are so gd at hacking...okie lahz! let u read =p

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well..i viewed my blog once after i updated..shld be 5115...5122 means a jump by 7...in just 5 hrs lorz..7 visitors...hohoho...i wonder who they are and where they are from really...cld be tblog users clicking e just updated column bahz....and perhaps those tt dun enter userid and pw are also counted..so technically they may not have read it?? interesting...

anyway i realised tt me and von are much closer now..tt's gd i guess..my juniors are nice and fun ppl anyway...lalala...i shall talk more to von online...but she somehow always struck me online as someone who talks to settle issues rather than a crapper..when we talk online..it's always pt 1, pt 2. conclusion..LOL...i have just made my first pt of conversation 'are u all still planning a end of yr m'sia trip' LOL!! i realised tt me and da are more of i say something..we crap abt it then nothing to say le..i think of something else..then crap somemore abt something else..LOL...i dunno..when i talk to these pple i'm like e initiaiting conversation one...

stumbled upon F's blog today..very hohoho..i typed pjchoir and only 2 blogs appeared from search..me and his..his blog is deep manz..LOL..i wish tt i can find da's blog..but i noe tt even if i find it...i will feel like reading it every single second...but he will hate me if he finds out tt i'm reading and not telling him...SO...i shall find it..read it and then inform him tt i read it...start praying tt he dun scold me..then pray somemore tt he conts writing it and doesn't mind me reading...i can't think of any other way to u/s him deeper...coz many issues he dun want to talk abt...but he may blog abt...can't keep everything to urself rite..will explode lehz...

and it's going to rain soon..i wonder if da smelt it coming...i love rain!! when it rains i want to sit at e cafe unbrella and drink coffee...i noe someone who feels e same...but i guess tt eventually..he won't be e one under e umbrella with me...but well.......i won't mind da...not one bit. =) i realised tt da's a complicated person with a simple wish. to be simple.

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i bet tt some unknown ppl are reading my blog..i shall keep track...hmph...let me warn these unknown ppl...a total of 2 ppl read my blog daily..LOL... another 5 pple noe e add and like reads once a month?? so yah...and there are no links on e blog..no one comes to this pg tt much...JE prob reads it once a day..cw at most 2...if this jumps by 5..hohoho...

i rem-ed another interesting thing by those superstituous ppl..da said tt if i leave food behind..i won't marry someone ugly..but tt person will become ugly overnite!! tt's like ....... wth..LOL..wat kind of logic is tt triple sci student trying to apply..

i realised tt da's very diff...can't quite explain it...he does things tt are very diff..he gives me a very diff feeling..and his frenship with close frens is very diff too...it's a very strong kinda thing...his emotions are strong...his passions are strong...his piano playing is strong...it all betrays a very strong sense of something..but i dunno wat it is...

i decided tt my hands were not suffering from fibreglass cuts..coz not pain ahz..it''s a term i call stone-burn..LOL..like rope-burn...lalala...dunno...anyway still better than da..he got a cut on his hand...dunno from wat...and dun understand y QB house gives fliers accompanied with 2 plasters..it's like saying..'come for a 10 minutes haircut...definitely u will need these plasters' LOL!! sure kanna cut liddat...damn funny...and i very sianz diaoz now...i feel more settled to start studying..but i also feel like waiting online to see if i get to see da..LOL...and it's hard for me to study with a pc tt's switched on...and i might miss him coz he nvr says hi to me..HENCE...forget it...i think u noe wat e conclusion will be...and yupz..i love all my juniors =)

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forgot add into e previous blog..LOL

1. da is learning how to play e piano..frankly..dun compare with cw lahz..compared to lk he also lose..LOL...he can't play a single complete song w/o any wrong notes...can't even play one system w/o wrong notes..LOL..but as i sat in tt rm...whilst e others were digging thru e cupboard and he was playing..i sat alone and listened...i saw a phy rep of how he is..he isolates his inner world and in loving him i have isolated myself...but at tt pt...i tot tt i just wanted to hear him play forever..LOL..just sit there and not move...seeing him try so hard is great lorz..and although his notes all wrong ahz..LOL..he creates e mood e music is supposed to have...

2. e gdd conflict is solved...coz g talked to d...and e other d aka da does not seem to noe much...talked to e other d (not da) today and things seem to be fine =)

3. eeky loke said hi to me today when i nvr say hi to him or even look at him..bleahz

4. shi is soooooo sweet...she smsed me calling me beloved senior...and put some ^_^" face and said hugs and thankew and stuff...awwwwww

5. frens rox...gordy smsed me today and wished me all e best for 'A's and tt he's going to repeat jc2..like quite long nvr talk to gord le....and we still rem each other as ex-angel and mortal..tt rox

6. hmmm...i seem to have something wrong with my right hand...got a part tt's itchy and like a bit red and swollen...but press not pain...i wonder if it's fiberglass cut..LOL...u think e tank got fibreglass??? zzz

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quite a happy day..okie..i find happiness in e weirdest things..i cancelled k-box..and sat at e choir booth from 10 to 3...then helped them clear up till 4+...clearing up included making multiple trips to this rm to put things there..includes carrying heavy stuff..includes running..and included clearing stones from a cracked tank (risking cuts) and then separating the stones..LOL...FUN! okie..i'm crazy...anyway..e clearing stones thing was fun lahz..i ordered them ard and gave them jobs to do...tt made me happy...okie..2 mishaps today

1. kum broke ys glass bowl...shattered into like a thousand pieces..so loud also...then they all turned and looked at me (do i look like a broom)...okie so...we cleared up and this library gal helped me...SO NICE!! so mental note to myself get kum to replace ys's bowl..somemore tt bowl was part of a set..=X...so must find something as similar as poss...poor ys..but i still love her..heez

2. jing's tank cracked...according to those crappy j1s...it's coz of a diff in pressure when they moved e tank to e grd..like LOL...diff in pressure...wat's e diff in altitude manz...but i dun take phy...so well..LOL...

3. oh yah..got 3rd one..LOL..cw kinda made a wasted trip to sch and i have to pang sei him for lunch coz help them clear up mahz..if not they will clear till 5 pm ahz...then yah..no choice! SORRY!~~

okie...things to be proud of:
1. SM, LW and huda my supposed quiet, meek juniors...i taught them how to tell ppl abt choir..and they did a great job!!!!!! WOW!! soooooooo happy coz of tt...

2. i went lunner (lunch+dinner) with da and des..LOL...i kinda happened to get onto e bus after me von and b decided not to go movie..i ran to e bus stop..and they were on their way up e bus..LOL!! so yuppiez!! da said 'u first' so i ended up next to him..lalala...then after tt...i realised tt i din take lunch..but hungry until i forgot i'm hungry..so i asked if he and des want makan...then des asked his mom he got food at hm..then i asked da if he want eat with me..with e 'da's famous pleading look' LOL..he agreed...then des also agreed (means i have mastered e look)...so we got off at plaza...proud no. 3 then happened...da ask us to guess wat he want eat...des said mos...i had a gut it was yoshi so i said tt..guess wat! correct!!! LOL...i did a whoop there..LOL...so smart..proud of myself...anyway..it was great eating with them..funny pple...put tt under interesting things

Interesting things:
1. my choir cracked a $9 tank and made $17...tt's profit $8...8 bucks profit noe! LOL...damn lame...and we spent an hr sorting out stones...we cld have each donated $1 instead..we wld still have had $8 profit..LOL!!!!!!! dunno wat they doing..but i guess they felt satisfied...and tt's wat's impt..e journey..not e destination

2. this crazy j1 gal damn funny...we were walking out of sch...then she ran to da and hugged him damn tightly..LOL!! then da was like 'wat's wrong??' then she said nothing and refused to let go?? then we all just continue walking..da too..then coz she was still hugging...he was kinda like dragging her along..LOL..imagine a tree moving with a kolar bear attached to it...then rite...he was like 'wat u want??' then she said 'i walk u out of sch?' then he was like 'bo liao ahz' then she dun care lehz!! LOL...he was like abit .. le..LOL...but funny...i wanted to tease him..but later he mood swing and get depressed..better dun

3. i have a big blister on my left heel...funny but it was pain e whole day except during stone sorting and when i walked from plaza to e bus stop which was 5 minutes away and had an overhead bridge...and not pain when i walked from bus stop to plaza..tt means one thing..not pain when i'm with da lehz!! LOL...then on my way walking hm..i limped hm..damn pain!!!

4. oh yah..e makan thing..damn funny...da asked des to finish his food for him coz he full and he dun want his wife to be ugly...then i said tt no choice...coz i always nvr finish food..one time won't make a diff..LOL...then funny but da and des looked at each other and looked horrified then started laffing..LOL...then after tt...da dun like e soup then dun want drink le...then he ask des drink...coz he dun want e wife to be swollen..LOL!!! then after tt i offered to drink it..i love soup...then des looked at me very seriously and said i must finish...if not both he and da wives will be swollen coz they both got a part in e soup..LOL!!!!! so superstitious!! then i cannot finish my food also...so since they so superstitious..i asked des to finish for me..then da offered to eat half of it..then so diaoz he cannot finish his own want help me eat mine...then after tt des said he siao..then he say des can eat all then..LOL (and i finished e soup to e last drop)....lalala...damn funny..then while i drank e soup they made stupid comments abt this wall painting thing..saying tt e thing on e roof of e house either dried salted fish or big leaves..then they started saying tt e leaves are damn big for e roof...blah blah..then e sampan like e size of e house and e fishes are as big as humans..blah blah...i nearly spit all e soup out at da...stupid lahz...LOL...but it was GD LAHZ! after tt..damn funny they walked me to e bus stop..it was a looooong way...coz i wanted to go e further bus stop coz it's more in e way for them..and aid digestion...then da and des ran up this overhead bridge..da lost..LOL...then des was laffing at me and i defended da by saying tt he was taking e lane i'm in...so he had to let des pass first or he will knock me over..LOL..tt's true wat...LOL...then they walk me to e bus stop...then we stood there looking at e reservior talk cock..then my bus came and we shouted our gd byes..(love these ppl)

5. this one is interesting..LOL...in a less romantic way..and in an unusual way..LOL...da is broke today (rare)...LOL...he damn funny...he had $4 in his bank acct..and a $1000 note...LOL...then he was like 'is e bank still open??' already 4+ le on sat...u think?? then we were all thinking how he can buy something and get like $990 change..LOL....damn funny...then coz he refuse to borrow money kind..he now has $0 in his bank acct and e $1000 note and e bank is still not open tmr...it'll be interesting to see how he survives tmr with money yet no money..LOL..his parents mad lahz...

6. there must be a conspiracy..all e j1s i noe..and all e teachers asked me e same qn today 'how's ur studying coming along??' and sometimes followed by 'how were ur prelims'...conspiracy i tell u....

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feeling better..drinking pepsi twist now wor...;) decided to go back pj tmr le...therefore..no kbox till after 'A's........sigh..can die..but no choice rite?? LOL...at least maybe i'll go jay chou concert..see how first...pepsi twist is nice....i realised tt i always said tt i like e original pepsi twist (cw too..maybe it's a aries thing)...but after drinking e new one for soooo long...and i switched back to e original...i realised tt e new one is better after all..LOL...

feeling weird now..LOL...first time JE tried to persaude me into something i dun want..and when i agreed..dunnit le..LOL...things always happen tt way for me bahz...oh yah! supposed to study now...me and Y arranged to study from 10 to 11...so yah...=) shld start now bahz...alot of things on my mind...but when it's time to let go...i just have to let go ahz...

hmmm........sky's thinking of retaining...seeing his results..it's a gd idea too ahz..i mean he's still young wat...1 yr more in sch is a learning pt too..and he doesn't lose much ahz.....it's gd ahz...i'm meeting ting and MT tmr...sigh...i think they are really going poly....means waste 2 yrs...but they still young too...choosing paths in life is difficult....wrong choices sometimes...2 yrs to undo a wrong isn't tt long either...at least got to noe new frens...=)

i wonder wat i dun heck abt..LOL..and i realised tt my ans is choir..and pj..LOL....too heck le bahz...and reallly got weird ppl in my life lehz...i talk to Y he talk abt da..i talk to JE he also talk abt da..........argh..today is e day tt i dun want to talk abt da lahz...talk to Y...then he mention tt da needs counselling...tt da sux blah blah blah...insult and insult..say i shldn't go sch tmr...then talk to JE...ask him drop by booth tmr after his bball then he say dun want...got da he paisei...then i asked he jealous of da izzit..he say no...then cont talking abt da....sigh~~ and now i have like how many photos of da in e new roll of film..coz got all e choir photos and ltc photos very sigh........but no choice..da i can heck too..not doing enuf for choir...today i watched summer momotea again...LOL...nice nice show...anyway..i realised something...i will listen to everything JE says...coz he seldom gives me instructions or tells me to do anything his way...LOL...maybe i shld try tt for choir...stop telling them wat to do...then when i do on rare occasions...they will all listen to me.......gd idea...so i shall chill off on von...cont giving comments and stuff to da...so tt when i really need something done..to von i go.

PS. jerry's out...*cheers* where's e champagne????

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wah liew...i'm angry. very angry. very pissed. with choir. wth are they doing...well u wld prob tell me to ask e com?? who can i ask! u fucking tell me ahz..shld i ask e von who noes most things but nvr passes down e msg to e members??? or e da who will go cut himself when i scold him? or shld i ask dear F who will ask me to ask von and is usu MIA??? wtf lahz...hello?????? i wonder if i did anything wrong during my period of service...did we admit e wrong members? did we choose e wrong com? wat did we do wrong???????????????????? ????????????????

sigh.......secretly read gh's blog...he said tt if des joins choir..he will quit...wat kind of trade-off is this?? gh is like one of e best male singers...how can they do this before SYF?? is it tt we admitted too many pple who can't sing???????? but no choice wat...tt's e quality we got. is it tt we got e wrong com...also not wat...i can't think of how e com can be changed to be better. =X *feel like crying* y liddat one!! i understand y da cut his hair yest le.......i understand y ms lim looked so happy to see me tt she teared and said tt i'm almost indispensible but cannot take away almost coz tt's an absolute statement and she's a GP teacher............sigh.......i FEEL like KILLING someone...but who?????? haiyoh...i dun u/s these new batch of j1s...shld i go open house tmr or kbox??????????? i feel a need to go kbox..but one shld not be selfish...but i'm leaving soon...wat i can do for this choir is limited by time...i wished once upon a time tt da can take over me..coz at tt time..i felt tt he's alot like me...but now...he's only abit like lahz! LOL...i dun think he's up to it frankly. he will do everything himself and get stressed and stuff..and he's not exactly e most fair person i noe........but he's sad to say..e guy to project an image for choir together with shawn......i dunno lahz...........i feel like banging my head against e wall now...how to study like this?? and how?? kbox or sch?? maybe it's time to don my leadership cape once again and screw these ppl

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there are some key words in my life tt breaks my inertia...
1. choir
2. help
3. kbox
4. da
5. 'i think i die already'
6. 'how to do this mcq ahz??' [heez..tt's academically-related..proud of myself]

and some keywords tt trigger off e time-to-sleep mode
1. homework
2. DRQ
3. did u watch blah blah show last nite [when i nvr lahz!]
4. what does 'blah blah' mean?? [blah blah=econs term]
5. Essay

lalala...i postponed e developing of photos since 9 am today...went to zzz at 11 am [i woke up at 9 lalalaa...and slept at 11]...then woke up at 2...makan lunch..then came online...yvonne sms me ask me if i have david's photos...but i dun..coz tt time keep failing when he send me...then was thinking y she ask me for photos...when ting told me online open house is tmr! so........i jumped out of my seat..illegal shut down my com...ran to e photo dev place and pleaded with e woman to let me collect e photos tonite...LOL!!!!!!!!!!! i wonder if got e MDIS photos they want..i dun even rem if i took MDIS photos...i think i did...coz i suddenly rem now tt i felt a sense of deja vu at MDIS when i suddenly rem thinking tt i brought so much film take so lil photos (which meant tt i took some)......AND guess wat.......i think i'm cancel kbox tmr for pj open house..hohoho...such a nice committed pioneer...=)

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i realised e meaning of my dream thru introspection...and realised my current situation.i nvr really tot abt it this way till today.....suddenly it seems to make sense.......

Classroom: doing the work needed and getting out quickly. Don't linger. If you are a student, this dream can also reflect feelings or anxieties about real life classes.
[it's time to get out of a situation tt i have been in for a long time]

Eating:you are feeling nervous or guilty about a friendship situation. [ nervous/guilty, frenship SITUATION]

Ex-boyfriend:Something failed to accept within yourself. something or someone in your current life is bringing out similar feelings to the ones you felt in the relationship with your ex. What you learned from that previous relationship may need to be applied to the present one so that you do not repeat the same mistake. [failed to accept...i do believe tt perhaps i will nvr accept it. similar feelings.......wat have i learnt from e previous one...well i learnt tt some undergrd r/s are best kept as undergrd as poss and i have learnt tt hiding under tables pretending tt i'm not involved does not help]

Locker: signifies aspects of yourself which you have kept hidden inside. hidden feelings that you should recognize in yourself. [hidden.....]

Locker Room: you need time to cool off and calm down. It also indicates that you are involved in some competition or overcoming an obstacle in your life. [calm down!! gd idea!! tt's wat i'm doing now...obstacle...if i choose to brave it..many BIG ones]

School: your reluctance to break old associations is retarding your progress. [well....old assocs wld prob include most ppl i'm grappling with.]
Teacher: To see your teacher (past or present) in a dream suggests that you are seeking some advice, guidance, or knowledge. You are heading into a new path in life and ready to learn by example or from a past experience. Consider your own personal experiences with that particular teacher. [i am ready to learn from a past exp...well.....considering e exp...hmmm]

Umbrella: Seeking shelter from emotional storm. A closed umbrella signifies readiness to pay attention to one's own emotional needs and instincts. [instincts..i have too many...LOL.....]

i dunno lahz!!!!!! SEE HOW!!!!! whoever said i'm mature must have been joking (i think i'm one of them)..LOL..i dun like running ard in circles..i dun like it...i dun like driving ard a rd...u-turn and drive down another.....some things i dun understand and may nvr u/s.....i shall have to clear this mess after my 'A's......i dun want to have to face pple who dun tell me wat they are thinking everyday and leave me guessing..and i dun want to have to take weird reactions by ppl tt i dun comprehend...and i dun want to listen to songs and tear while memories flood my mind..memories of happiness or memories of me being so evil......i dunno.....maybe i have e ans to e wish i made today......if u catch a falling leaf..u can make e wish if u keep e leaf....i wished to noe where all e ambiguous ppl stand in my life......if this is e ans......i have to say tt deep down...perhaps i knew it from e start. my prob right now is where do i go from here??????? i dunno....but i'm sure i'll get my ans soon.....

anyway!! e brownies are well-recieved =) great manz!!

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hohoho...cw guess wrong..not email =p...lalala...worse than tt...but i decided against it le...it's too stupid! but email's a gd idea come to think abt it (thanks cw for suggestion)

okie..today is my last day as an official pioneer...wah liew..e farewell ceremony damn funny...LOL..first we were entertained by prob M's worst performance ever...(no choice)...she was like cutting all her endings short...and her singing wasn't controlled...just....substandard. LOL...not tt i'm mean~~ and funny y wak likes her..LOL...then me and Y were talking abt it (he guessed it..i din tell him) then he said tt M not pretty...LOL...and said tt i pretty?? hohoho...crazy guy. okie....but i doubt wak likes her coz of looks anyway...prob coz she's e most religious muslim gal in sch...lalala...anyway~ after tt we were entertained by a horrendous classical music performance over piano..LOL..like Out Of Point. and no standard also!! LOL...then just when i tot choir's gonna be e best performance!!!!! (coz e rest suxed) there was a nice dance!! by sas and a certain ms lee tt i dunno (sci teacher)....tt was a great dance!! but ms lee like dunno wat she doing..then sas just keep lifting her up and carryng her ard...LOL!!! so not too bad lahz.....THEN!!!!! to my horror!!!!!!!!!!! choir was sooooo soft...zzz...i'm like rite at e front but cannot really hear.....zzzzzzzz!! plus i think choir too happening!! e minute they started singing auld lang syne which is supposed to be a sad song!! e j2s started cheering!! and running ard e hall!!!!!!! WTH...LOL!!!!!! then we were soooooo noisy...then when e choir stopped singing!!!!! no one knew!!!!!!!!!!! we were still running ard and cheering to an imagined song! *faints* until everyone gradually stopped as e diff classes noticed e choir stopped singing????? WTH!!!!! my poor choir!!!!!!!! wat kind of choir stand on stage pple start going crazy dancing and running and cheering and can therefore not hear e choir??????????????????? Only e most happening pjchoir...really make me ti xiao jie fei (dunno whether to cry or laff!!) so effectively rite.......e j1s nvr heard e choir perform before..e minute e choir appears on stage.....the crowd goes too wild for anything to be heard....this implies 2 things:
1. we have come a long way and we're like one of e most happening ccas in sch such tt ppl see us go wild with excitement
2. e sch therefore needs better audio equipment to accomodate our popularity (or we can't be heard)

muahahahaha...crazy day! okie!! after tt we went to class for our party!! hmmmm...at first like abit ... lahz...coz i found out things abt my class i nvr knew like there's some bitch assoc inside..like diaoz?? still puzzled over y some of my class ppl wish to be labelled as bitches and are proud of it...i mean...they're like nice and sweet pple to me ahz!! dunno~~ and i din noe tt there's controversy abt them in sch (hello?? have i been zzzing in sch?????) anyway...hmmm..abit awkward today also...coz in e hall a bit funny...me rubz shaz sam ter raj fiah went hall first...so we sat down...then Y and gang came and sat in front of us...then my class malay gals came and were so happy to see us...y?? coz Y in front of us..LOL!!!!!! so they sat with Y and H was next to him..like duh!!! LOL...tt's so guessable..then after tt...already abit awkward le...then Y still turn ard and ask me abt e brownies i made??? like so funny......like so close liddat..LOL...but H din even turn ard..so i dunno lehz...then already VERY awkward le...then rubz keep asking me take photo of da...LOL!!!!!!!! then even weirder???? and more awkward????????? coz it came to a pt when everything rubz and shaz said had to do with da...then rubz made so much noise abt wanting to use my camera to take a zoomed-in photo of da????????? soooo weird...and wat was weirder was i felt soooooo weird...coz rem i lied to Y tt i dun like da???? and i still dunno y...yah.....it's like so obvious to him now coz he was in front of me??? hmmmmm...and after e brownie conversation...he nvr turned ard again. nvr. and he left w/o saying bye too..=X.......sooooooooo weird. i dunno.

okie. i admit something. i dunno wat i'm doing..LOL...isn't tt obvious????? yupz...sometimes gals dun even noe themselves...so how can guys u/s us????? maybe i need time to start thinking thru some stuff......i din msg Y tonite...coz i won't noe wat to say if he ask...and i dun think he noes wat to say too.....so yah. i dunno wat to say. wat to do. wat to think. so yah. tt's e prob with ambiguous r/s.....and JE has been missing for few days le...zzz..........wat did i do wrong sia??? i believe by now i have listened to 'dao dai' at least 100 times.......and i realised something only today.......it made me realise wat a horrible person i have been in a way.........but oh well (i think cw is rite...i really is happy coz nothing can be made better just coz i'm sad). okie!! shld study soon!! make a time table tonite

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like no one online one......let me describe a pic i'm staring at then.........

thick eyebrows
cute eyes
nice cute nose
cute smile
chin-length dyed hair.......

guess who?!! [ask me for ans] muahahahaha...bo liaoz...things really do become habits......i miss talking to all u usu ppl...weird nite..no JE..no da...no cw...not even dan online! LOL...wanted to ask cw something stupid! but to cw: dun scold me k! i also noe i crazy...lalala...to HL: cheer up lahz!! i'm sure one day ur mom will relax on u~~ to JE: hmmm...are u angry with me over something?? to shaz: wow..din expect u to come and read this..LOL!! hi!! to cw again: i have a weird idea...and hmmm..i dun think u want to noe abt it!! LOL...jiayou for ur work...dunnit to go abroad one ahz....can have e same amt of relaxation in sg ;) msg to e keeper of dreams: i liked tt dream.....can i have it again??? ;) pls???

okie......since nothing is happening online.....i shall go zzz and pray for a nice dream abt ppl i can nvr have in real life! cheerios!!

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okie..busy day...kept myelf pretty occupied and only came online now (abt 8.15)...went sch...pon econs lect to play bingo with rubz who lost coz she had no strategy...then got tons of compliments from F who sooooo poor thing only got 70 cents for recess..so i bought him an ice-cream (won't want my top competitor to die of hunger)..LOL...then he continued to compliment me..LOL!! partly coz i got him ice cream bahz...something wrong with him today lahz...such a glib tongue...crazy guy. then rubin help him in complimenting me too?? hohoho..ego.

okie....then after e fun 'econs lect' we all ate ice cream!! then GP..sister so blur...came class half an hr early then me and sam also early...then after a while rubz came..so we talk cock in class first lorz...e whole class was late??? and iz pon...SISTER lehz...such a nice woman...but i must agree tt coz she's always late and always waits till every single one is in class...everyone just comes late lorz (chi wedding dinner concept)...

anyway~~ hmmm...tmr we having a PARTY!! LOL...quite lame...me and sam made brownies~~ as sam puts it (taste okie..but addictive..yum!!) okie....admit it's not like some super mrs fields kind...but it's gd effort =) quoting Y, A for effort..LOL!! okie...and i can't believe i did an econs DRQ while waiting for e brownie to bake!!! (faints) and taka has great sushi...according to sam..me and ming seem quite alike in our sushi habits...we love e same type of sushi and we both like using chopsticks when we eat sushi..LOL...oh well~~ study partners mahz!! Ming...got study not?!!

oh yah!! kwek soooooo nice...he wrote 'keep up e good work' or soemthing like tt on my results slip =D i love daddy!! and he addressed me as Kit. then after e fullstop...he added e Wan. LOL!!!! see.......daddy rox...LOL...okie!! wat else?? just a nice fruitful busy day lahz...after baking...i showed sam ard e area betwn her house and mine...it was going to rain lahz..so e tour wasn't quite finished...anyway!! e wind's soooooo nice!! i stood at e corridor for like almost an hr...just enjoying e wind and singing songs...woah cool!!

okie...i'm being exceptionally crazy and hyper today...cw...dun comment! LOL...i dunno lahz..conversation last nite with da is funny...still thinking abt it this morn...i realised tt everyone has a diff coping mechanism...e.g. da cuts his hair or sinks into depression...while i tend to want to think things thru myself and act okie in front of others until i am sure wat is wrong with me bahz...at least i do confront e probs...i realised tt i used e wrong word yest...it's not a 'personality defect' but a mere 'coping mechanism' so yupz!! and da really is very very diff...other guys wld call me sweet, cute, pretty-face, cheerful, crazy, smiley, strong, warm, helpful etc....he comments abt my unfavoured chars (still waiting for him to tell me wat they are).....just different. as khoo said abt J's essay...can apply to da...'not good...just different and tt makes u wake up' [quite true...i woke up!! last nite cannot zzz sia...LOL...] weird.......just weird.....different...just different in a nice way......like e way he describes hurt...hurt in a nice special way....sigh......oh well!!! dunno lahz...no one online to crap with also....i hope JE stops ignoring me!! _

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feeling happier ahz...cw told me some chim theory abt how my happiness cld just be a normal happy or it's a since i can do nothing abt it happy..LOL...dunno...dun really care also..listening to budak pantai's 'my cherie amour' now..happy song...i guess tt e songs i listen to influence my moods as well..

well...typical sianz nite..so i did some music reviews for cw...and da mentioned something abt a blog!! i bet it's filled with sadness..sigh...dunno wat to say abt him also...me and cw were talking abt scorpios tt day...a grp of ppl who think too much..somemore da labels me as tt..bleahz...i sent him 'blind painter'...all he does is keep saying it's nice..LOL..i just knew tt he wld like it...and he mentioned tt my fav word seems to be 'melancholic'...tt's true...coz lit essays cannot write sad mahz..so i keep writing melancholic lorz...i think it's a musical word...LOL...

suddenly i tot of charlene...in sec 4...once she told me tt when i'm sad i still laff and smile...when i'm sad i shld just express it and cry or something...tt's like a deficiency in my char i guess...totally diff from da...when i'm sad...i'll just carry on with life as if nothing is wrong..but da will just sit at some corner and be sad and do nothing else except feel sorry for himself...he's like my oppo which might explain y i fell for him..LOL...talking abt tt with him now...how i wld laff and smile in e presence of ppl then feel sad when i'm alone..tt's y i hate to be alone.....and i feel like da's opening up now...he's saying tt he likes to act happy and stuff coz it gives him a nice special feeling although it hurts...we're also oppos coz i act happy more than him..but he likes acting more than me...we're oppos coz i dun want to get used to things tt i dun like..like all these acting happy and having e hangover effect thing...but he just accepts things as usual and doesn't want to change them...i realised tt talking to da helps me get to noe myself more than i get to noe him...i told him tt i'm like running a race against sadness..when i'm alone..sadness catches up.........

amazing..i nvr knew so much abt myself until i talk to him..weird..it's almost like he's a mirror for me...but he is a diff..yet he reflects a inner me tt i somehow neglect...maybe i spend too much of my time running..running for success in cca stuff running to keep up with work...running towards happiness...so much so tt i allow e sadness to run behind me and nvr confronts it...when i stop to rest at nite..i see it more sharply than i would if i confront it while i walk thru life instead of run...maybe tt's y i had tt stupid slowdown campaign in class tt day...i wanted to walk slowly for one day..LOL..and i failed...LOL..coz still walk fast...habit bahz...i also dunno how to help myself....maybe da's rite...get used to it lorz...maybe everyone has a 'personality defect'...at least me and da lahz...i told him tt he's my mirror...and he said tt he's a broken mirror...and i told him tt even if he's a broken mirror, he reflects me (like how many ppl can do tt??) i told him tt tmr i'll prob go back to being crazy...and he says tt it's a gd habit...seems like a bad habit to me...i guess tt things are a matter of perception...=p...and da doesn't like ppl to read and understand him?? LOL...i wish tt ppl will just understand me and tell me things i dunno abt myself...total oppo..i think our chars need a switch rite now...

hmmm...things are weird..talking to da and cw and justin now...justin sounds like some lil boy like 5 or 6 trying to skip napfa..cw sounds like a teen..and da sounds like e most mature...LOL...weird world...oh yah..JE!! u ignoring me tonite izzit?? i knew u were playing daidee...but u told me u were watching tv and then ignored me!! sigh...okie lahz..i very not ke ai one...i won't pretend to not noe wat i noe...and da just said tt my char is not favourable to his life..LOL!! and he gtg le...next time then tell me in more details which aspects of my char are not favourable if he has them...LOL...he's just different...he's like e only guy i noe who actually wld tell me something like tt..everyone else will just say tt i'm nice or sweet or helpful or cute or something...he says tt some aspects of my char are not favourable as his in his life!! LOL!!!!!! no choice. but speaking to him does make me feel better abt myself and understand myself more........is this true communication?? we dun crap much..but our conversations are usu deep...is this TRUE communication????? but i still feel like i can't really communicate with him..and he thinks he's too readable..LOL......okie! now scenes of e way he looks like me with those puppy eyes flash into my mind...at fish&co and e canteen......fish&co still can understand coz he wanted to go clubbing and no one wld go with him so he tried to beg me with those eyes..LOL..canteen.......i dun understand...maybe he was just trying to act cute..dunno...must adopt e da approach then..'dunno. dun care' approach....=) and i guessed it..his 'rar! choir' was not a happy rar but a wth rar...=) getting to noe him more...but he doesn't want to be readable...yet he wishes for someone to understand him...weird conflicting char...like me!! no choice.

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Classroom: Your inner teacher has brought you here to spur a basic re-education of some kind. The little-known key to school is doing the work needed and getting out quickly. Don't linger. If you learn these lessons with haste, you'll soon be attracting uncanny new respect in the workplace. You may be learning an important life lesson. If you are a student, this dream can also reflect feelings or anxieties about real life classes.

Eating: If you dream about stuffing yourself or feeling sick when eating, you are feeling nervous or guilty about a friendship situation.

Erase: Using an eraser in your dream warns of an upcoming social embarrassment. Be very careful not to gossip now, because you could end up being the one whose reputation ends up damaged.

Erection Creative power. Fertility. Looking for a change.

Ex-boyfriend: Something accepted or failed to accept within yourself.Or something or someone in your current life is bringing out similar feelings to the ones you felt in the relationship with your ex. The dream may be a way of alerting you to the same or similar behavior in a current relationship. What you learned from that previous relationship may need to be applied to the present one so that you do not repeat the same mistake.

Furniture To dream of furniture somewhat better than that you actually live with is a fortunate omen for your future contentment. To see furniture in your dream, represents how you feel about yourself and your family.

Couch You are in danger of lulling yourself into a false sense of security if your dream featured a couch either occupied or empty. This dream is telling you to listen to the advice of trusted friends.

Innocent: Passion. Open for new experiences

Laughing: Signifies approaching unhappiness or disappointment in love (from another dictionary) To dream that you are laughing, is a lucky omen which predicts you will be surrounded by nice friends and have success in important areas of your life.

Locker: To see or use a locker in your dream, signifies aspects of yourself which you have kept hidden inside. Dreaming of a school locker also denotes hidden feelings that you should recognize in yourself, or knowledge you should learn.

Locker Room: To dream that you are in a locker room, suggests that you need time to cool off and calm down. It also indicates that you are involved in some competition or overcoming an obstacle in your life.

Love: Dreams of sincere love are a forecast of happiness and contentment through a healthy and intelligent adjustment to the conditions of life; but a dream of illicit love has a portent of disappointment or failure due to your own greed.

Lust: Eagerness for possession. Lacking or feeling unfulfilled in some aspect of your life.

School: A dream of being in school suggests that your reluctance to break old associations is retarding your progress; to dream of leaving school or of seeing a school from the outside predicts a sudden stroke of money luck, but don't go wild; it will be transitory.

Talking: Conversation. Communication. Seeking for a way to express something.

Teacher: To see your teacher (past or present) in a dream suggests that you are seeking some advice, guidance, or knowledge. You are heading into a new path in life and ready to learn by example or from a past experience. Consider your own personal experiences with that particular teacher.

Umbrella: Protection. Seeking shelter from emotional storm. A closed umbrella signifies readiness to pay attention to one's own emotional needs and instincts.

0 Comments

let's start with something light...on this particular SCH day...i came online and saw shaz and sam..LOL!!! we all ponned?? and it's not a conspiracy k...we just decided on our own accord w/o considering e decisions of each other to pon! LOL...crazy world...definitely depicts e value of edu...=p

i'm reading this theatre of e Absurd thingie now...i think i must be getting too gd at it..LOL...coz i feel wat e TOA aims to make its audience feel!! LOL...quoting e articles...'life seemed meaningless, directionless, and generally pretty difficult' questions wat is 'authentic living' (which is wat i'm qning..LOL) 'all-pervading angst and paralysis of action' 'life is nothing more than the revisions, decisions and commitments made' 'man is inhabiting a universe with which he is out of key' 'his place within it is w/o purpose' 'precariousness of human life and its fundamental arbitrariness' 'shocking man out an existence that has become trite, mechanical and complacent.' tt's all peeps...can't get myself to read on..LOL!! nvr an academic person really...wat am i i also dunno! no choice.

but tt pretty sums up e existential displacement i'm feeling..LOL...okie.......i had a weird dream last nite too..will blow u ppl off ur seats....it's surreal...fantastic realism..LOL (after barry's TOA..must talk some eddie's gothic...just hope i dun start spouting GOST) LOL!!!!!!!! okie...fantastic realism..coz it's at pj...but things tt will nvr happen happened...and well....just weird......okie..

The Dream:
It's supposed to happen today in sch...e date is today's date in e dream..it's like like prelude to farewell assembly...and it's held at e lockers area (my locker area at least) well...corn was performing! LOL...he was singing something then he saw me...then suddenly e scene changed to tt of a classrm...me and corn were sitting at e front corner...him then me..then an empty seat then rubz and shaz...then okie.....me and him were totally in our own world as this host kept talking...all i noe is tt she's female...then most of e dream was me and corn talking, joking, laffing...we were like soooooo happy in e dream so comfy...but i dun rem wat we said..LOL!! after tt...e setting got damn funny!! mixture betwn locker area and classrm...there were 2 rows of pple standing in front of us...but we were sitting on e classrm chair and table and e lockers there...then after tt....e host said she needed 3 ppl for a game...so she wanted to grab me.....i tried to hide my face with e newspaper...but she pulled me out..then we had this lucky draw thing...i got e smallest eraser (looks like mine cut in half...) then we were all supposed to put e eraser into our mouths!!!!!! e other 2 pple had damn big erasers (like sam's) then i had e smallest one...e whole thing went into my mouth...ARGH!!!!!! yah...it felt horrible in e dream....after tt i was declared e winner..dunno y..LOL...after tt e scene changed back to classrm...i was sitting on e table...and corn on e chair before me...then...i hate to say this...but erm...this is e first time my dream is even slightly porno...but he was going to stand up lahz...then he did it against my leg??????? tt's like abit...then i said 'erm..that is abit.......' in my dream...but he din bother...he looked like he din hear it in my dream...after tt he started walking out of e classrm...then i wanted to follow him...and rubz and shaz followed behind me...erm...in e dream i was staring to see if there's an erection..WAH LIEW!!! (must be rubz and shaz dreams corrupt me)...then after tt....erm..got lahz...then after tt...i saw ms jean!! coming out of this classrm (which is e toilets in real life...but classrm in my dream) she was wearing white top and a very light beige bottom...then she waved slightly and corn disappeared!!!! then i was a bit panicky and sad...then scene changed me shaz and rubz buying makan at this foodcourt looking place and malay food..LOL...and i ordered bee hoon yah....then after tt scene...suddenly changed again..me and rubz at tanjong pagar NTUC there...next to e NTUC got some Castillam shop...(pirated of novena's castilla) then we went in..no shopkeeper...e place looked ancient with modern furniture...then rite....i told rubz tt i wonder if it's under da....then rubz says it's under samuel!!!!!!!! but samuel only goes like once a yr...LOL...weirdo.....and something tt got injected thru-out e dream once in a while...ming kept asking me in e dream to help him buy stationery from popular...then he told me he wanted pens and an umbrella!! then he shows me alllll e umbrellas he had!!! alot lorz......got abt 8?? LOL...then i was pointing at one tt has e pop logo printed on it..and ask him if i shld buy tt...i forgot his ans...and e weirdest!! at e end of e dream...suddenly scene was me and rubz at lot 1 near e library there...then i showed her this piece of econs notes with khoo's comments...khoo wrote tt from e way i spoke to corn he saw a deep r/s and from my posture when i spoke to corn...he saw undying love..LOL!!!!! then i woke up...5.15...with a dilemna of whether to go sch...or stay hm...i wanted to tell everyone e dream...but i wanted to study at hm and blog this too! LOL......in e end...i'm sure u noe which won ;) dreamdictionary anyone??????

0 Comments

let's start with something light...on this particular SCH day...i came online and saw shaz and sam..LOL!!! we all ponned?? and it's not a conspiracy k...we just decided on our own accord w/o considering e decisions of each other to pon! LOL...crazy world...definitely depicts e value of edu...=p

i'm reading this theatre of e Absurd thingie now...i think i must be getting too gd at it..LOL...coz i feel wat e TOA aims to make its audience feel!! LOL...quoting e articles...'life seemed meaningless, directionless, and generally pretty difficult' questions wat is 'authentic living' (which is wat i'm qning..LOL) 'all-pervading angst and paralysis of action' 'life is nothing more than the revisions, decisions and commitments made' 'man is inhabiting a universe with which he is out of key' 'his place within it is w/o purpose' 'precariousness of human life and its fundamental arbitrariness' 'shocking man out an existence that has become trite, mechanical and complacent.' tt's all peeps...can't get myself to read on..LOL!! nvr an academic person really...wat am i i also dunno! no choice.

but tt pretty sums up e existential displacement i'm feeling..LOL...okie.......i had a weird dream last nite too..will blow u ppl off ur seats....it's surreal...fantastic realism..LOL (after barry's TOA..must talk some eddie's gothic...just hope i dun start spouting GOST) LOL!!!!!!!! okie...fantastic realism..coz it's at pj...but things tt will nvr happen happened...and well....just weird......okie..

The Dream:
It's supposed to happen today in sch...e date is today's date in e dream..it's like like prelude to farewell assembly...and it's held at e lockers area (my locker area at least) well...corn was performing! LOL...he was singing something then he saw me...then suddenly e scene changed to tt of a classrm...me and corn were sitting at e front corner...him then me..then an empty seat then rubz and shaz...then okie.....me and him were totally in our own world as this host kept talking...all i noe is tt she's female...then most of e dream was me and corn talking, joking, laffing...we were like soooooo happy in e dream so comfy...but i dun rem wat we said..LOL!! after tt...e setting got damn funny!! mixture betwn locker area and classrm...there were 2 rows of pple standing in front of us...but we were sitting on e classrm chair and table and e lockers there...then after tt....e host said she needed 3 ppl for a game...so she wanted to grab me.....i tried to hide my face with e newspaper...but she pulled me out..then we had this lucky draw thing...i got e smallest eraser (looks like mine cut in half...) then we were all supposed to put e eraser into our mouths!!!!!! e other 2 pple had damn big erasers (like sam's) then i had e smallest one...e whole thing went into my mouth...ARGH!!!!!! yah...it felt horrible in e dream....after tt i was declared e winner..dunno y..LOL...after tt e scene changed back to classrm...i was sitting on e table...and corn on e chair before me...then...i hate to say this...but erm...this is e first time my dream is even slightly porno...but he was going to stand up lahz...then he did it against my leg??????? tt's like abit...then i said 'erm..that is abit.......' in my dream...but he din bother...he looked like he din hear it in my dream...after tt he started walking out of e classrm...then i wanted to follow him...and rubz and shaz followed behind me...erm...in e dream i was staring to see if there's an erection..WAH LIEW!!! (must be rubz and shaz dreams corrupt me)...then after tt....erm..got lahz...then after tt...i saw ms jean!! coming out of this classrm (which is e toilets in real life...but classrm in my dream) she was wearing white top and a very light beige bottom...then she waved slightly and corn disappeared!!!! then i was a bit panicky and sad...then scene changed me shaz and rubz buying makan at this foodcourt looking place and malay food..LOL...and i ordered bee hoon yah....then after tt scene...suddenly changed again..me and rubz at tanjong pagar NTUC there...next to e NTUC got some Castillam shop...(pirated of novena's castilla) then we went in..no shopkeeper...e place looked ancient with modern furniture...then rite....i told rubz tt i wonder if it's under da....then rubz says it's under samuel!!!!!!!! but samuel only goes like once a yr...LOL...weirdo.....and something tt got injected thru-out e dream once in a while...ming kept asking me in e dream to help him buy stationery from popular...then he told me he wanted pens and an umbrella!! then he shows me alllll e umbrellas he had!!! alot lorz......got abt 8?? LOL...then i was pointing at one tt has e pop logo printed on it..and ask him if i shld buy tt...i forgot his ans...and e weirdest!! at e end of e dream...suddenly scene was me and rubz at lot 1 near e library there...then i showed her this piece of econs notes with khoo's comments...khoo wrote tt from e way i spoke to corn he saw a deep r/s and from my posture when i spoke to corn...he saw undying love..LOL!!!!! then i woke up...5.15...with a dilemna of whether to go sch...or stay hm...i wanted to tell everyone e dream...but i wanted to study at hm and blog this too! LOL......in e end...i'm sure u noe which won ;) dreamdictionary anyone??????

0 Comments

i realised wat i'm looking for.....i realised tt i'm not seeking love nor success nor fame nor wealth...i'm seeking e stillness in a storm.....
他走了带不走你的� ��堂 风干后会留下彩虹� ��光
他走了你可以把梦� ��下 总会有个地方 等待爱飞翔
LOL...just like e lines...cw said tt i SEEM quite heck care abt stuff even da...welll...i have only one thing to say...whatever happens...i will survive it so yupz.....whatever happens...it's like kinda transient...(i guess)....i just want my stillness..LOL...Y just told me tt feelings come and go.....and he doesn't u/s it....if he dun u/s himself...u think i can u/s him?? LOL...do i u/s myself?? i think i do......at least i noe where my emotions are going...i tot abt things just now...tot abt e various pple in my life...where they stand...i realised one thing...i noe where everyone stands in my life...but do u even noe where i stand in urs....maybe it's time to start thinking....

feeling abit weird now...i dun quite noe y also...i told JE i not feeling too gd...and he started listing names..LOL..starts from da then Y...then studies...i think tt tt's JE's idea of e priorities of my life bahz...i think i still dun quite noe y i feel weird..not tt enlightened yet..LOL...maybe i just feel funny coz my life seems saturated...oh yah..i was feeling better this morn...rem i wanted to go for a walk?? i did! i walked from cck mrt to pj..LOL...walking and smelling e fresh grass made me think of LTC..nice feeling.....

i guess...tt rite now......i just want to noe wat role i play in ur life...be it major or minor...i just want to noe wat role i play in this whole game of Life....i want to be e stillness in e storm.....perhaps in all of us..there is a point of stillness tt we have neglected as life starts spinning us ard...i want to find it..........

3 Comments

nice show just now..LOL...very beautiful ending...coz in e end...wuji knew wat he wanted and he has always been drifting thru life until he decided this once to live for himself and not others......i like e part when he's like so anxious...reminds me of some memories....when someone disappears...sadness is diff from wat u feel when e one u love disappears......i rem calling corn....callling and smsing like mad coz he extended his travel tt time w/o telling me....i rem calling and calling and smsing for 2 days....on e 3rd day......he actually picked up e phone..and i felt soo silly i din noe wat to say except tt i tot he got kidnapped.......e replay this yr was when da was supposed to call e ppl and he lost e list...i called and called his hp which was off...i frantically called von and F to ask wat happened to him..i called dee...i called everyone to ask......not coz i was angry tt da din call e ppl...but coz i was scared not noeing wat happened to him...not hm hp also not on...somemore it was almost 10 le....then when i finally got hold of him and started scolding him and demanding an explanation...it was coz i was angry tt he failed in calling them...but coz i was so scared just a while ago tt i din noe wat came over me....when he said tt he deserves e scolding and he sounded so sad and he cut his own hair.....i totally calmed down...coz i realised tt i was so anxious i was unreasonable........sigh.......so therefore i like e ending..LOL

and e part where there are only e 2 of them..tt's so cool.......but i dun think there's anywhere left in this world tt no one ever goes to.....and da very nice sia! i talk to him...he said 'kit. bad mood now. unless u want to kanna crap from me. shhh' okie..at least he warned me before he slaughtered me...sigh.........i wonder if he's feeling wat i'm feeling.....rite now...i just want to walk e sts alone...just walk along alone...can imagine myself walking alone near esplanade there...on e highway thing..walking...thinking.....sitting down when i want to...feeling e breeze in my hair....tt's wat i always want to do when i'm feeling off-focus or sad or watever...just want to live for myself..alone......i wonder if he feels e same way....i just want to walk w/o an aim.....do wat i want...sigh...
oh yah...i spoke to my ex-focus just now...as in corn lahz...not pj..e sch can't talk...talked abt sch and how he very sianz now..end of yr not going abroad etc.....i wanted to ask him when he's getting married but decided tt tt's e cliche qn tt we can do w/o coz e reply will most certainly be 'so u got bf yet??' and as i sit here...i wonder y da breaks off from e rest of e world everytime something happens....an inability to confide and to trust of just tt he wants to be alone to think things thru w/o any comments abt anything and he feels tt words are superfluous against his probs?? i really dunno..i'm e aries who tells all her frens all e probs and ask for advice (afterwhich she applies her own..oh well!!) rite now...online.....no one talking to me!! da's in his own world tt no one can enter......JE doing hw...sam dee qi ting huiteng kaiting MIA...cw away.....wah sianz!!......corn really is a teardrop of mine...and it is a love i wasted i guess...but it's e best way.........(c.f. alec su's ni si wo de yi di lei) sigh......okie then! i shall sit here and muse over da's condition.......

and hmmmm..i realised something....cw doesn't like it when vic comes to him only when she needs help.......i wld love it if da comes to me when he needs help...or when corn needs help.....no matter wat they need...even if i have to write 100 essays i will..even if e essay is abt whether a microchip tt is so tiny i can't see it can be replaced by any other materials. discuss and suggest...i will write 100 variations of tt essay.......sigh....i wish and wish and wish and pray everyday tt when da needs help he will come to me......but still fail 'xue lai de shi huo si fou ni hui xiang qi wo' well.....another alec su song (hobby mahz!) okie.....yah.......obviously these pple dun!! and JE finish hw le...ting also online...at least they MAY xiang qi wo~ =p

1 Comments

really nothing to do..so shall blog...in another hr got e last episode of yi tian...LOL...last chance to see alec su on tv....until e next serial which may be a yr or 2 later...LOL...hmmm...since i am soooo bored (and ahead of ming in work) *beams* i decided to write down a 5 yr plan...in 5 yrs...i will be 23...i think i prob just finished uni bahz...by 23 which also happens to be my fav number.....i will be:

hmmmmm...can't think of anything..LOL!!!!!! uncertain future...

okie......by e time i go into uni...which is easier to plan:

1. have 10k to my name...abt 5k more to go...
2. noe how to cook some simple stuff to feed myself...e.g. baked macaroni..yumyum..with lotsa cheese...heez...well..if i learn wat i like to eat..i just learn one dish...tt i can eat everyday for e rest of my life!! LOL
3. maybe i will be able to afford to move into a dorm??? subj to whether i can continue as an employed member of society after e hols (maybe i can be tt ducktours thing?? LOL..plus give tuition ahz!)
4. shld i go for nite classes during e hols (my dad thinks i'm crazy...so pia for dunno wat)...i want learn alot of things lehz..so...choose one bahz...jap?? biz admin?? spanish??
5. OH YAH!! my bk of quotes tt i plan to publish..LOL
6. i want help with e esplanade musical too! LOL
7. find out which novena job i can do...then decide if i will do it! i can earn more doing less noe......but noeing tt it's tt company makes me want to do more..LOL!!
8. give out flyers during sat/sun...duck&hippo tours!
9. SLACK!! (i dunno when..but i want to slack enuf before heading back to sch) KBOX is a must...
10. WAH LIEW!! SHUCKS...i forgot tt i want help with syf too.......IF i do e musical thingie...THEN when choir has rehearsals at VCH...nearby wor........and more flex...can go back visit!!
11. MAKE SURE tt tt david orgs bbq for e seniors farewell..LOL...and make sure tt he gets more work to do...so ppl and himself dun think tt he is doing nothing.
12. just to make it a nice number...before i go uni....must make sure tt i choose e course tt i really want and is really useful.....WHICH i stilll dunno wat it is WHICH means i must really noe wat i am going to do when i grad...wat job i want!! =X so difficult!!!!!

0 Comments

really nothing to do..so shall blog...in another hr got e last episode of yi tian...LOL...last chance to see alec su on tv....until e next serial which may be a yr or 2 later...LOL...hmmm...since i am soooo bored (and ahead of ming in work) *beams* i decided to write down a 5 yr plan...in 5 yrs...i will be 23...i think i prob just finished uni bahz...by 23 which also happens to be my fav number.....i will be:

hmmmmm...can't think of anything..LOL!!!!!! uncertain future...

okie......by e time i go into uni...which is easier to plan:

1. have 10k to my name...abt 5k more to go...
2. noe how to cook some simple stuff to feed myself...e.g. baked macaroni..yumyum..with lotsa cheese...heez...well..if i learn wat i like to eat..i just learn one dish...tt i can eat everyday for e rest of my life!! LOL
3. maybe i will be able to afford to move into a dorm??? subj to whether i can continue as an employed member of society after