kit's realm

dear blog..
i realised something today. it doesn't matter how much u love someone. in e end...ironically it doesn't...when someone loves u..tt matters more...then seriously..sometimes it doesn't make a diff (except maybe a slight dent in my heart and a slight boost of my ego). Fine. back to e topic...well...i realised tt today coz i decided last nite tt u seem to tell ur god-sis more things than me...liddat......shld i be ur sis instead?? betwn having u and helping u......i choose to help u. maybe some of u will think i'm crazy but i doubt i stand much of a chance anyway. i tot u din like me. at all. and was feeling abit down today...but okie lahz...in e end...we talked some cock abt peer support. then we makan for peer support talk somemore cock and then u gave me tt transparency thing which was kinda nice though u did for like 10 other pple..but well..top 20?? i hope. dream. wish. anyway..i will treasure it. real stupid to keep it but it will remind me of u..coz u are e only person in this universe who calls me kit one. so okie lorz...will rem u by it. and i like e way u offer to take my notes hm though u din have to and u had no bag to shove it into. i love. ur helpfulness.

to those who think tt my life only consist of him. u're wrong. today teachers day a bit sianz diaoz most parts...i tot e isabella woman was quite pro though..can sing and dance...tt's e nice part of e show lahz...yunus sand damn well too...this time..dee din need to tell me tt she's melting. i tried. so hard to harden my heart. but okie lahz..i admit i melted. but then again..tt's a completely diff matter..just looking at e gals in my class...i really feel tt i cannot and will not like him. serious. just imagine them gushing at him screaming..running there to take photos. like. i guess i felt extra. i guess tt i really do have a part in his life. and i guess tt i really still do want tt part. but i guess tt my fishtank theory still applies. i will not be a fish in ur fishtank. i rather be his fren. a gd fren. i guess tt we are super gd frens now?? coz he tell me alot abt his private life tt prob hajngang won't find out in this life but i wish. i had e same r/s with da. even if i can't be with him..let me be his listening ear. tt's all i ask for and tt's all i'm denied of.

hmmmmmmm..talking in circles..realised tt i'm back to e same person. let's talk abt sis! well...today sis punched me lahz..coz i called her ms jean. LOL...crazy sis..but glad tt she likes my notebk...wonder y all my r/s all undergrd one. very funny. all e way from corn to y da jae..all undergrd..not tt i live a split life. but just. weird. dun really like it..when i seem to have so many secrets. when in e end...i dunno y i bother and have to hide things lahz. anyway...i realised tt i'm talking abt a sub pt of da. anyway!! most imptly...sis must take care. sis quite cock pain one lahz...as bad or worse than me...but really. life is short. love it. cherish it and most imptly...live it.

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i try to be all so perfect for u..but i guess.......things won't work. i am so excited abt every lil thing...but in e end..it's a roller coaster ride..i guess u really dun love me in tt way...today...i said tt my bfs din even notice my new specs..u replied 'boyfren?' i tot u cared. then i said 'best frens. did u even notice tt i have new specs?' and u replied 'yes. =p' i tot u cared enuf. only to reply 'then u can be my bf instead LOL' and met with a 'best friend.' rep.......i guess.....not then. if u did like me...u wld have rep 'yup ;)' or at least a 'yup' instead of spelling things out as if it's some fucking stupid contract tt u may have to pawn ur life away with. by stating e terms so certainly. so surely. perhaps thing s betwn us wld be better if i din noe abt ur parentage. perhaps things will be better if i din like u so much. i dun care who u are hiding behind u..e split u. i can accept it. i can accept anything abt u if u will just show me coz i can't reject any part of u coz i will be rejecting u. i noe i won't. this is so fucking stupid lahz..u just made my mood swing with one sms. and everyone noes i only use e F word when i'm feeling real oFF. well.......if all we can be are best frens. i accept it. i will find it within myself to treat every thing we talk abt as if it's some fricking contract as well when i ask u to yang me for a day as a joke and u tell me tt u will only do tt for ur wife. and when i ask u if u will help me u will say tt i must spell things out first and when i tell u tt u can be my bf u will spell out best fren. well.......i have to find it within myself to accept tt. bizman in u. i will have to accept tt. tt is ur upbringing.

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u dumbo still on my mind...and sigh..maybe i'm just so neither here nor there tt i feel so cock now...shld really sit down..and i came online at like 1.20..u tell me u go out le..now 1.41 we still talking..LOL..crazy..i think i will go out b4 u..anyway~~ seriously............die..i still thinking abt Y and his probs...hmmm..this is called counselling side effects...sigh sigh sigh..but at least later happier can tell kai and shan stupid stories tt seem so sweet o_oV

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today. highlight of e day must highlight more. da is retarded..today we replayed e bowling alley lean on me scene..take np rite..then he came next to me..put his face so near mine...then make some stupid pose like going to kiss me..lips so e near lahz..then i dunno wat to do so i just blush and smile at e cam..then we posed liddat for....2 secs..5 secs..10 secs *huh??* 20 secs *y so slow suddenly de*..30 secs huh..something wrong izzit..almost 60 secs of wondering later..an insightful person finally shed light on e matter 'OI!!!!!!! DAVVID!! press e thing lahz!!' in e end..he din press e commands thing..so he did. then we posed again...same position...2 sec...5 secs *hello??*...15 secs *diaoz* 20 secs 'DAVVVIDDDDTOH!! rubbish lahz!!!!! press e thing!!!! got somemore screens!!!' then we pose again........2 secs...5 secs..10 secs 'SORRY!! i forgot press again!!' then finally we took another pic...then we took a few more in tt position..lalala..but coz i am so dan xiao...for e first timE!! dan xiao..more like dan siao (but siao)..in e end we din get tt particular pic..sigh~~

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nearly end of wk..hope tmr's report on work will be more optimistic..plan to cheong tonite though will be dead tired tmr.. well..went back crez tday..saw corn..at first da say he mood swing..coz of byby they all lahz...then after tt when i saw him..he seemed okie wat..LOL..anyway..yes..i did my regular routine..saw corn..told him to faster get married coz my sch teachers tt are engaged all got probs..then told him tt he nvr tells me his probs very not fren..then he said it's too personal..so okie lorz..guess we not tt close after all then. then i told him later she run away how?? he say dun care. wat kinda rubbish is tt..anyway..after tt..kinda not very dim summy coz real exp lahz..but deeso dimsummy so we went..then end up pay $25 for e buffet..crazy manz..cannot go out with these unitypple..will spend alot of money..and will go hm damn late..i met them at like 10+..i left early for hm at 8 lahz..left coz they were planning dinner and my dad will screw me if i dun come back for dinner coz he bought food.anyway..e choir standard in crez really dropped...saddening..and they dun even look happy when they sing..but oh well..jiayou..dun feel tt strongly for crez choir really..maybe just certain pple in it...but yupz...feel more for pjchoir...LOL..anyway~~ e dimsum tasted nice and i nearly died eating. in e end..nvr help stro with econs as planned as well. but was gd lahz..hang out with e uty pple..then after a while..da's fren joined us..named des..anyway..before he came..we took neoprints..i yet to get my set..but anyway..e neoprints were fun..keep taking de..then e first few shots dun really have me coz i not very proactive in these kinda things..then after tt i picked up a guess..after a while..somehow..after a few changes in positions da came over and stood next to me..LOL..then so crazy stuck his face to mine or on mine..end up he kept saying tt he's smelling my hair or kissing my hair..who ask him stupid. then after tt machine we change machine rite..i just kneel down to take lorz then he came and kneel next to me..LOL..then stick his face so close..then make some stupid want kiss my face action liddat..and then he like to stick out his tongue somemore..LOL...nearly hit me with his tongue lahz..wah liew..so long e tongue..then change place and dee came over..then we look so sweet in tt neoprint..like sisters..but jae still my fav sis!! LOL..and tt des is frenly manz..he cannot rem names..so i told me to rem me by my sis..kitten..and after tt he really rem my name lahz..so lame..LOL..anyway...after tt we basically walk ard lorz..and deefunny..she made such a big deal out of clarifying to me tt she and da not together..and tt although they like each other alotalot..it's e sibling kind..funny lahz..but okie lorz..then we walk ard and ard e shopping centres lorz wanting to buy bottles and pencil cases..in e end..amongst us..we bought shades a green tee neoprints exp food diff kinds of drinks..tried on tons of clothes..esp da..since he can afford we help him find nice clothes at topman. then he go change..and i can't believe he said tt 'he look nice in e shirt coz he shuai in e first place mahz!' suddenly got ego..not bad..i love tt..better than he always sadly say he ugly. i like tt. honesty. coz i noe tt he noes tt he's not ugly deep inside he just wants to say tt he's ugly and think tt he's ugly. so yah. then dee looked real nice in this red thing.. dee is so e look hot kind..i'm so e look sweet kind..LOL..anyway~ great day..but my legs were so breaking i was walking bare-footed at topshop XP anyway..anyway!! spend so much today..realised tt my bank acct left 130..this calls for drastic measures..told my dad to give me a monthly allowance..then i can save more money this way..(i hope)

okie!! must study. shit lahz..my this wk to-do list got 25 things..i did 4 lahz. total sux. i will die if i go on like this. and anyway..very impt. buy something for jae..wheeeee..this can splurge..i will splurge for impt pple of my life..and hmmmmm..although Y will nvr read this..i'm really sorry to hear abt ur sis..but i noe tt u love her all e same.. and tt's wat matters and she will find consolation in ur love so u must fight on for her. and da...who also won't read this..hopefully not. if u are reading this i will kill u. well..i can't imagine wat he went thru..seeing how he gets his allowance by cheque transfers to his bank acct and i noe tt it's diff to live a life when ur dad gives u cheques and brings u shopping at G2000 and e last time u all went out together was 3 yrs ago..but everyone has a diff life to live..a sec 2 boy lives with his mom f-ing other guys in his 1-rm flat whilst he still loves his dad who abandoned them. his mom will just tell him to go downstairs lahz..someone else i noe lives with a handicap sis and parents who loved e sis so much they treat him like a gal and dun let him go out with frens...another person i noe loves someone so much and are engaged yet may have to break up coz he's been straying....wat u are facing is nothing. at sec 3..i learnt how to pursue wat i love and believe in. and then...i grew somemore and learnt tt sometimes we have to let go of wat we love to see it blossom and grow. now..everytime i see u..i feel tt u are getting more and more you wei dao..esp this yr..and i noe deep in my heart tt it's coz i let u go. i noe tt u prob still can't let me go yet which explains y u plan to get engaged e yr i turn 21..prob e last chance u plan to give urself. but well..things can change and they have. i've learnt tt e best i can give u is not to give u anything. and to draw a fullstop to this thing tt u keep putting '...' to. i loved u. and perhaps i still do. but time to put tt fullstop and move on...u have ur fiance..i HOPE to have tt certain someone. time to let e dust settle betwn us.....

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wat to do....u are soooo on my mind yest and today..today esp. saw u 6 times..yah i counted =X..then got talk cock also..perhaps tt's enuf for me..gave u wake up call too..tt's gd.....wakes myself up by waking u up..LOL..surprised u picked up my pick up call..told u to just off mahz..LOL..and can really sense tt we closer now?? today damn funny too..at canteen i was picking up sharon's cup and some drink spilled on me...at e same time..he nearly threw a plate into e bin and stopped himself in time..e sauce fell on him too..LOL!! same time noe..he was just a lil bit away from me..damn crazy..i realise tt everytime i see u or ur bag..i totally get high..LOL..like so happy..smiling and skipping towards it..damn lame..dunno wat i doing. like some crazy idiot bimbo..but wat to do..LOL...
yest happy too lahz...coz damn funny lahz..sell tiles alone..end up with y..comfy. secure. nice feeling. but guess tt made me abit confused..msged him from like 4 till 10?? damn crazy sms conversation..and i guess tt i kinda phrased things weirdly..guess i'm really selfish?? but anyway..felt nice i guess..and i studied abit with ahem too..so yah...
today. i found 10 reasons to go to sch..tt rox. tt's unusual and i hope tt continues..sat going back crez...rox..see corn lorz..LOL..maybe by some telepathic instinct..ahem may instinctively be erm or at least act erm closer to me?? i dunno..it's a chance for me to push corn towards marriage and i hope to grab it..but i dun want to ask anyone to pretend to be my bf or anything..tt's dumb and i guess tt corn will be able to tell..so yupz.

life rox. at least mine. i hope shaz eyes get better though. today she's like nearly blind.......drew ugly flowers..but fren lahz..must support..LOL..let her draw my notes...at least she went NUH and now on medication..tt's gd. okie..sg idol episode over le..quite okie lahz e pple..just tt they not much packaging..dun really have idol looks..but yupz..can do lahz..and e ah beng really look like ah beng..but he can sing~ so oh well~~ and yes. i love u. wat to do.........i dun care if u're dumb le lahz..u can just be my byronic hero...okie! time to study..geog test tmr!

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was studying. then went makan. and relac a while..i not like superpowersam can study all e geog in a day..LOL..okie...let me relax my mind and noe wat it's thinking of today..i did this for a whole econs lect tt day lahz..let's start.

dennis.talk.strategy.war.morning.tot munching race.waiting.clap.no show.meeting.1+1.sianz.suffian.saidhi.funny.long time no see.kimberly.seems nice.top arts student abit cock.long econs remedial but fun.liked it.rubin shaz dead at e end.mcq26.i rox.happy.essay 17.madness.studied essay 10 mins.love myself.came hm.plate tects.pc on.no him.sianz.missing him.funny.oh shit.chorusation.tiles.waiting.limkai damnit.dan always online.sianz somemore.something has clicked in me.studying auto-mode.studying only priority.and him.prayed.talked to God.give me his sadness his probs.watever his probs his hist.let me atone for it.sincerity.hope.my hope tt i will suffer.for him.tears.dl alot of music.found nice songs.mostly eng.brokenwings.abrokenwing.send to u.must rem.unans prayers.nice song.sometimes prayers are heard but God noes tt is not for us.dear God.i can handle his pain better than him.give me.read dee's blog.half of it in canton.she seems sad.wat can i do for her?.i am her fren.God.Let me help.life.everyone goes thru it diff.u have a gd life.me too.at least.not like jean;s ex-student.dadwalkedout.onermflat.mumbringsdiffguyhm. asksonf-off.horriblelife.are u really suffering?.ask urself tt.must study.study to escape?.iamnotarefugee.i will not escape from myself.hangon.i can pull thru.topartsstudent.MUST.i need strength.courage.support.and u.

random tots spewing from my mind. anyway..to make things more coherent. i'm inspired by dennis's talk. found a fren in ms jean......i still love my frens. studies going smoothly..like some BKE highway..life shld rox. u are my only misgiving. my only prob. only pain. but if i am to choose one thing to hold on to. it's still u. isn't this abit silly?? this is getting depressing. my notes are calling. let me absorb all ur misery first. all ur probs and help u live a new life. at least.....i am more sad now?? perhaps my prayer worked.

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i find myself outside shut doors...e shells of e oyster closes on me..shou zhen de...nice song...i guess tt it's time i give up trying to force tt shell open..talked to dee today..she mentioned something tt i kinda found myself agreeing to..if he wants space..give him his space...keep trying to break thru also no use..once in a while he may tell u things..so i guess i have to accumulate e once in a whiles?? i guess i guess. went ice cream with dee and dan today..e dan tt i scolded lahz..LOL..really quiet..hope he doesn't dun like me..but he really super quiet..those abit cool and cold kind bahz..not very click..but okie lahz..we abit funny..like dun make frens liddat then dee talk so much crap..then took 75 hm...seems a reversal of things... i just to take 75 to crez but nvr took it back...today...i took e other direction. things do change..i tot of u again..i wonder y recently keep thinking of u...maybe coz u have always been a pillar of strength to me and everytime i need strength i draw it from u bahz. after tt went hm...dunno wat came over me..i apologized to vid for invading into his space. i guess tt really must talk more abt it tonite..sometimes..u just can't bulldoze into someone's world.
and i sooooo love li jia wei's eyes...tt determination and fire..if i had tt..i wld succeed in everything i do manz...i noe tt i do feel very strongly abt some stuff and when i do..i have e same spirit in my eyes..i really love those eyes..and i support her!! a bit disappointing today..but nvm..still got bronze..
i'm looking at e ring i bought now.. this star spiral thingie thing..i rem buying it as a promise to not give up on my studies nor u. well.....yi tui wei jin..yi shou wei gong..tt's sunzi pinfa..i think lahz..LOL..not very sure also. but i guess it makes sense to look after myself so tt i can look after u and to retreat when i am pushing u too hard. *shakes head* so much probs...i'm just too not simple sometimes.....

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i realised today tt all my GP essays somehow talk abt communication..communication is not e act of talking... not even e act of listening..it is e act of understanding. are we communicating?? i was talking to D just now..he told me he hai hao lahz..and told me he walked hm from sch..in e rain..tt is not hai hao to me..just not. tt's hen bu hao..tt is not communicating..communicating is when i talk to ting..she tells me she's doing okie..i ask if she's stressed she says yes and i ask if it's studies and she says yes and i can make her feel alot better after talking...communication is not when i ask u if u are okie and u say hai hao lahz..and i ask u if u are cutting urself and u say no and then act so bloodly miserable....communicating is not when u tell me tt u won't tell me..not when u ask me to guess and not when u shut me out of ur world....not when i stand outside ur world..and u are inside..and when it's raining in ur world and u are making it rain in mine..if u wld just open e door...e rain can stop in both worlds...but u won't...u think a thunderstorm will hit me and i will run away when u open e damn door. it won't...i won't run away..simply coz no matter how bad things are...both ways also die..might as well stay.
how can i not understand anyone?? i'm like e most f-up mind-reader or something..i understand pple..and yes i do..i am sure i do. it's just u...i'm talking to cw..he's telling me abt how u must trust me and how i must u/s u before u will tell me stuff..tell me how i can u/s u if u tell me tt only 40% of u is shown?? tell me how lahz...but as an optimist...e cup is 40% full to me. i'm so crazy. i can't stand myself sometimes..so bloody crazy. notice my rather relatively vulgar entry today..dun ask me y. just liddat. i dunno wat's wrong with me..feel so bloody funny today i din go sch sell tiles..din go sch study. tt's dumb and weird..i noe i shld be studying now instead of typing this bloody blog talking abt u. but wat can i do.
and i feel so bloody f-up..i dunno wat i'm doing. somehow things just elude me..i dunno how my brain works. can i say tt i dun like ji'en?? i can't. somehow things just keep changing and i just dunno wat happens then *poof* a new glass panel appears betwn us..this is damn stupid. i also dunno wat i'm doing. i just dunno. this is ridiculous. how can i be so dumb...wat happened to e time when i tot tt i loved him?? then poof wat happened?? and now wat?? i dun even noe. i dun understand!! i guess i shld just study..coz at least i understand wat i'm studying..except BKC..i realise tt i fail all of eddie's papers lahz...other teachers give me 15+ at least de lorz......even gothic before eddie took over and i got ungraded. something wrong..tt i dun understand either. give me time to think manz..until after my 'A's..at tt time..i will try to ans to pple and most imptly to myself. and funny..dee is online and talking to g but not me?? this is damn damn weird..time i find out wat's wrong with her..she's been not talking much to me and she's been sianzing vid..this is damn damn funny. i dunno lahz..let me try till after my 'A's...i cannot stand waiting and doing nothing..i am e kind who must be proactive......but cw warned me...if i try too hard to pry open e shells of an oyster..it cld close on my fingers (of coz i put in e analogy..i'm e analogy-queen)...so yupz....jiayou jiayou jiayou....

a strange silence and void fills me.
today..summer mo mo tea moved me. and gave tt void a fresh flowery scent for a brief moment.
yest. a drizzle started in my heart when i realised tt u are still my motivation.
today. e drizzle continued as i realised tt i can stop loving u but i can't forget u.
now. e drizzle picked up with a wind as i realise tt i can rem ur face and voice telling me tt u love e rain and wind too.
even more now. i decided tt i must keep u out of my heart and i realise tt i hope to be able to intro someone to u.

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u think i'm dumb. stop it with all ur self-mutilation things can not?? and dun deny them.....i noe u can't just stop but work from e probs themselves can?? can't u at least try?? is tt too much?? even gh is worried abt u...if u are not gonna try..u are not gonna noe......
and yupz...i got new specs..LOL..part of new look package...dunno lahz..some say i look more style..some say i look more chi..some say i look more intelligent..but i will still look like me......
and sigh sigh..wat can i do for u?? nothing. u not even online now..scarli think i too kpo and block me..today i real bad mood when i saw u...maybe coz i felt so far from u tt i can nvr reach u bahz...anyway...when u saw my sad face..u really smile till damn 'look at me smile and smile lehz!!' even more heart-breaking..soooooo i diverted my energy to essay writing..wrote 4.5 pgs..think may be a bit out of pt..LOL..really talk cock in e essay..just trying to immerse myself in a world w/o u i guess..and kept writing..as if tt is my way to stay afloat in e sea..but i was really nvr gd at threading water...so pls..dun let me drown..then after sch saw u again..e way u whispered 'kitwan' so loudly quite funny too...so yah lorz.......
anyway!! i studied today k..with sam and nad...okie lahz..i admit tt nothing went in..LOL..but i helped them with some gothic and econs...LOL..tt's not too bad....then end up talking to kelvin..cute wor..think he had some crush on sam first 3 mths or something..damn funny..i sit there and tease them coz this gal came and talk abt some funny bet she had with kelvin abt him getting to noe sam blah blah..damn funny...so yah lorz..nvr really study..but okie lahz..got to noe another person who lives nears me better...and sam moving next month..rox!! but U!! better take care of urself

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i hate this man. u just refuse to let me into ur world. yest put in ur nick tt u aren't gd enuf for a gal...i dunno wat's e meaning of tt..but yah..so okie lorz....yest u asked me how cna i be sure tt i can accept u....i wished to say tt i won't reject u coz i dun want to live w/o u...but i simply din.....but it really is true...how can we say tt we cannot live with wat fate and God has in store for us?? tt's quoting helen burns from JE...anyway...today u seem so cold. so sianz. so unwilling to talk to me...and u spoke to me in such an icy tone when u said tt i dun have to guess wat ur tile meant..i think i noe...11th april to 6th november izzit?? 11 4 and 6 11...at least i guess so. ur sweetest mem...but will i verify it?? my ans is no...u will tell me when u feel like telling me i guess...and i promised tt i won't give up..i am ur belay sys..how can i just walk off liddat?? and ji'en u dumb..if u are reading this.....pls go take ur tys and study?? and yupz......tt day i bought a ring..got star one..some spiral thing....this is a commitment i made to myself. a commitment to try my best in all tt i do..studies wise and getting into ur world wise..i lied yest...i said tt i have confidence tt i can make it into ur world. but i dun.....i wish u cld give me tt confidence..but u have zero confidence in urself opening e door. wat more can i say?? jiayou bahz

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wah sei....yest so happy siaz.....really studied and did my work..and hmmmm tt peer support thing keep running up and down..i like tt feeling...tt i'm needed..wanted..waited for...e feeling of importance.......

i like looking at vid's posters....so nice!!! and not to forget.....A05's!! LOL.....i like e way eddie seemed okie all of a sudden...tt somehow me and vid end up in e same place to do e same thing. i like e way des so funny..scared of hts then must hold e ladder for him..it have a wide base lahz..unless u dance on it.....it's stable. i like e way vid like waiting to die liddat....climb all e way up and kneel there. i like e way he says tt he will help me stick e arrow up but he's not tall enuf! (for once) coz he din have e ladder...i like e way i demo-ed to rubin and ming and vid tt actually everyone can see e whole poster unless they jump off e ramp and acted as if i was going to jump off..i like eddie's horrified look at tt (bet he din think i'm e kind of gal tt jumps off ramps).....i like e way i was helping ina and emu and ended up working with vid coz i was nice enuf not to throw things 3 floors down. i like e way eddie said tt i'm neat which is so not true..LOL..and e way eddie said tt gals can paste scrotch tape and guys can't....i like e way e transparent wrapper thing wasn't long enuf and they all said heck but me and vid wanted too much to protect e poster and starting making our own lil rect to put over tt part whilst we blocked e way of e rest and a taped vid's finger to e grd..LOL...i like soooooo many things..i like e way ji'en came and help and e way dom just stood there and commented abt stuff..i like e way all of us are so enthu abt e proj...i like e way i studied in sch till 8 and when i finished my essay and went up to pass it up...i saw leong who told me bye and well done...i like e way i walked out of sch and heard my name..turned ard and saw those choir peep...i simply love life.

today......i love e way i reached sch early and talked to faisal...great talking to those pple...just ask abt choir..abt whether he needs help with econs..e feeling of me truly being there....then i love e feeling of rubin's blurness..she tot we start at 7.30.....i love grace's ways too...e way she just walked in though eddie had a '...' look on his face...i love e way des sing until so *glass shatters* *kit shudders* *can black-out manz* LOL...then i love e way i just HAD to msg D congrats and he better come peer support then i tell him y i congrats him..LOL...i love e way he did come though he said he wont and shouted at me to tell him wat's e surprise..(like since when did i say surprise??) then i love e way i msged him tt i found someone who sings worse than him and he said 'thanks lo'..LOL..i love e way rubin tot tt i kept msging D though he was damn near me and shut my phone......turned out i was msging ms lim lahz!! and it was an impt and long msg...and it was gone!!!! LOL...and i love e way rubin kept apologizing..LOL...then i love e way we stood there at e back of e ramp thinking it really is quite lame but heck it lahz...i love e way rubin asked me who i msging and i lamely pointed my phone's antennae to D and sent e msg..LOL..then.....i love e way kwek so funny and mr tay so funny...with e tiles...and e way tt NO ONE clapped for them except us...funny sia......and i forgot!! i love e way tt suddenly i talk to vid and he said 'SAAAAAAAA!!!!' LOL!!!!! i stopped in my tracked and screamed damn loud 'ohmygod!! wat did u just say?? A05 lang!!!!!!' LOL...then i love e way rubin came and asked wat happened..then ming.....then we stared at vid 'did u just say SAAAAAAAA??' and he was so surprised perhaps by e fact tt he said it too..damn crazy.......but wat i dun love is e fact tt e class abit slack and blames jean for e lack of substance in GP lessons...i mean......wat can she do?? she is going thru alot too and she still tries so hard for us lahz...like hello?? accord her and me more respect...give respect to whoever is i/c.......but i still love my class......SAAAAAA!! and most of all......i love u....

ps. side note: i love e way ji'en so dumb!!!! forgot my locker number and nvr touched his maths TYS for like months and nvr asked me wat's my locker number.....mite! u okie anot?!! LOL

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i so so so love myself today. fully utilised my time!!!! rox on man kit!! hope this trend conts......life is beautiful...even if it means w/o u.....coz i lived with a sense of purpose today. and yah lahz fine.....u were there....but wat truly made me happy was tt i am gd manz!!!!!

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i realised. tt perhaps.......it really is impossible. i made myself believe tt it's poss tt anything is poss..but some things just aren't and i have to accept it. if i say tt i can accept everything abt u..i am lying. coz i am someone who believes in control over our lives. if wat u are doing is wrong...y shld u accept it?? change it! i read e mina and ji won story....very nice..but sad..reminds me of u...someone who has such a complicated life..taking things out on his rm..himself..e knife thing..e gangs thing....e disguise thing....no one can ever understand u. i accept tt.

watched e zhang wu ji show.....damn nice!! i wish tt i lived at tt time..wish tt i'm someone who noes wu gong...then i can fly ard gracefully wielding a sword...i will prob be e heroine tt gets into a misunderstanding and fights e guy....then he will win me with his sword at my throat..and we will realise tt e real bad guy is getting away and give chase.....and then he will be angry with me along e way to look for e bad guy....then i will keep apologizing and later intend to give up and walk away then after walking some dist..i will realise tt e bad guy was waiting to ambush him and run there and get stabbed by e hero's sword...then after tt he will help to heal me....then love..LOL...gd imagination rite?? wish tt i lived tt fairy tale in my past life sometime.....but then again.......i wonder if it happened.

i wish i cld go and study now.....but i can't. my mind is too full of things. i guess i can only study in sch..coz i can switch into e role of a scholar there. new look coming up. specs..tie hair.....quistis kinda look i hope if i can look as chio which is highly imposs..LOL...i'm ready to give up on u. coz our conversations changed. i can feel it. more detached..more cold..not tt there's less LOLs..just more detached. i can feel it.....i think u and ji'en inversely related izzit..suddenly me and him conversations back to norm......this is damn damn weird..and no! it's not my fault. i am exactly e same can......it's e pple who are weird..on my lap now is gothic readings. unopened. unexplored. this is all uncalled for. let me live my life where i can just learn my wu gong at any pace i want....travel ard fighting for wat i believe is right. dying for wat i believe is right. i dun want to be who i am now.......

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random tot of e day: e one who loves u will be e one who will help u seek e one u love and go for e one u love...but when u do find e one.....perhaps u will realise tt all u have found is sadness for two and frustation for e third. i believe u when u say it's imposs. i noe u have ur reasons for saying tt.....it may be real..or it may be ur indirect way of making me to give up guessing u. i always guess wrong anyway! so shld i stop here?? quit here?? and start thinking of my plan B??

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i really really feel like just giving up. wat can i give u?? ur ans is nothing. u constantly tell me tt it's imposs for u to actually love anyone coz no one can accept u...my ans is still e same. u nvr tried.....my dearest da shao ye ahz....u made me feel tt this is imposs....

除此之外


词：阿怪 曲：陈达伟

Say goodnight晚安 谢谢你陪我一整个� ��晚
Close your eyes,be quiet 我明白你有自己的� ��安 很多来不及我不曾� ��见
我只遇见你的现在 不管你接受或离开 I hope to stay for a while
除此之外 要你明白 你的笑我真是喜欢� �� 于是我一次又一次� ��待
邱实都还算愉快 除此之外 非常遗憾 你的心我还是打不� �� And if you need somebody
我确定我会在 不会走开
So Goodbye晚安 舍不得看你觉得不� ��在
It’s alright,I’m fine看起来 这故事会写不完
很多差一点你没有� ��现 你只认识我的现在 不管你留下或走开
I’m gonna stay for a while
除此之外 我要你明白 你的笑我真是喜欢� �� 于是我一次又一次� ��待 其实都还算愉快
除此之外非常遗憾 你的心我还是打不� �� And if you need somebody 我确定我会在
除此之外 我还在等待 你的心将为我敞开 But if you need snomebody 你知道我会在不会� ��开

heard it on radio just now..dedicate it to u bahz...nothing i can do. nothing else. nothing more. i feel this strange sadness bcoz things are so messed up. i feel this strange sadness when i see u. coz i noe tt i prob will nvr succeed. and when i see ji'en..i feel an even worse heartbreak. so strong tt i have to close my eyes to force it away. i really dunno wat i am doing. tt's e conclusion. and i just dreamt of shaz....she was dying....very awfully..in e dream i kept crying and crying and crying and there was someone there with me...someone faceless and nameless. but he's there supporting me in e dream though sometimes he disappears for a while..dun ask me y. then in e dream.....it's like a mrt train kinda thing..2 rows of pple..quite far apart..no hand rails and stuff lahz...and there's a stage rite at e front....sharon was there on e stage...actually 4 sharons...it's like this hp battery thing..very slow death. once she is a quad nearer to her death.....suddenly a lot of sharons (7-8) will appear all on diff platforms (e.g. cups) then they will all die diffly....then poof they all disappear and 3 sharons left..tt kind of thing......so scary u noe...i kept crying in e dream. nothing i cld do except watch her die like tt...then after a while..no one sat at our row..coz this woman wanted me to move my things..and i was kinda fierce..like of coz! ur fren dying ask u move things.....liddat lahz...then when there were only 2 sharons left......i woke up and had a dilemna as to whether to cont e dream..then i guess tt i din want to.....after tt i msged sharon and she said tt she's sick..kinda worrying......
anyway.....dreams mean figurative deaths..not real deaths.....rite?? i told her tt and i was trying to make myself sound sure..but i still scared. but e way i intepretted this dream is diff..death means loss...and having to come to terms with it. i guess tt sharon means a love i have coz she's a loved one.....then it just means me losing u...well tt's norm..someone will be there with me on and off as i slowly lose u.......well......tt's norm too....dun worry lahz shaz..LOL....and i dunno wat to do still..maybe shld dream somemore?? LOL

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u said tt u took from last yr nov to now to delete away everything tt belonged to this gal......i took.....from 2002 oct till 2004 july to delete half of e things lahz...u act out e melodrama of ur life in which u are e victim of circumstances..of ur family, of ur personality of which u seek no change, of all e unfortunate things tt have happened to u....i guess tt i'm feeling really off now........guess i dunno wat to do either.....guess i can't attribute it to e moon.....guess i shall just have to sit here..and comfort myself coz i dunno wo can and who will.

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sigh.....i'm seriously getting a new look..LOL..i dunno wat this means as well..weird...but yah..liddat lahz.....feeling weird today..weird feeling.....went for econs seminar just now....then went orchard after tt..shaz's bf dun look like sydney anymore..LOL..damn funny..looks can change..but he damn racist..dunno whether to laff or cry at his jokes..he's e kind of person who will fight e terrorists manz..and get e feeling tt after me and rubin leave he will talk bad abt us..LOL..he got tt kinda look..
but nvm~~ not my bf anyway~~ feeling so weird today..i had some really nice lime soda just now..tasted like those hooch-kind..anyway...no alcohol content lahz..but i drink soda till feel drunk..damn funny..no alcohol inside lorz..it shows tt something must be wrong with me today...i guess it all started with e joke tt ain't funny yah?? i feel abit like giving it up...i dunno y...maybe it just seems all too imposs to me..maybe i mood swing..maybe i pms..i dunno lahz.....how?? tell me wat to do......tell me. really is feel a bit cock bahz.....something wrong with me..but wat?!!

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stupid idiot. bluff me yest.. okie not really bluff..it's e same old 'i din say yes wat...just tt i nvr say no either..LOL' trick..idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot...really must whack u. e sun peeks from behind e clouds...actually kinda noe he bluffing lahz..just tt cannot be sure mahz...it's better to think e worst and get a pleasant surprise than think e best and get an awful shock..tt's wat i've learnt

anyway~~ i talked to F today abt choir stuff..quite an enriching conversation of intellectual value..but i guess i not very comfy and chummy with him yet..pls!! i talked with an accent and sounded like i counselling him..but yah..LOL..it was still quite a gd conversation..trash things out..talk cock a bit..just tt i got quite distracted during parts of e conversation..rubin so lame......walk ard us and past us sooo many times to remind me tt i'm supposed to go makan with her..LOL..and rubin fault again..was trying to contact vid to pass her poster thingie thing thing to him...and sianz.....msjean still not in sch yet....i wonder if she's okie...has not been replying my smses...tt's quite unusual..coz msjean usu replies or even msg me talk cock.....shld ask abt how she's doing..but i seriously doubt tt i can help her much..but tt's e least i can do..she's always helping me to help others..LOL...and she's real concerned abt me too...time to cross tt boundary and be a fren i suppose.....

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okie..fine. i got my ans. w/o asking. still no plan B. can i mask myself well enuf?? maybe i will just have to wait to bash thru e forest.....maybe maybe maybe..so many maybes......maybe i shld just give my tired heart a rest.

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i'm surprised u bothered to explain..i'm surprised u bothered to say sorry...surprising day..i dunno whether to be happy...coz i dun want u to feel like it's an obligation..u dun NEED to explain to me...i dun want u to run away one day thinking tt e burden is too heavy. just be urself.. i promised to understand and accept u and i will..u told me tt u choose not to noe abt gan qing shang de shi..and i guess tt u choose to avoid e deeper end coz u feel like u cannot deal with it..so yupz. respect tt too..let me understand u first.

i'm just. smiling bcoz i want to smile.
such underlying sadness..sigh~~ wat can i do for u.....i also dunno.....i dunno wat i can do for u..wo zhen de bu zhi dao~~ i duno lahz..i love it when i get smses from u...provided they not mood swing ones lahz..LOL...but i guess......i also dunno wat i guess..just jiayou bahz kit..no plan B wor

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listening to e song over e radio now..by zhao chuang always liked it but nvr dl-ed it..now audio card spoilt lahz..wat dl also no use....but nice song..ai yue sheng yue si zhi zuo yue si tian zhen...LOL..nice line..wo dui qing shen si hai quan dou yong lei lai guan gai......so nice!! love tt song....

okie..dun think too much. tt song is just nice lahz..LOL..to ji'en who may be reading this..i'm sorry k?? i'm always sorry to u....sometimes i dunno wat to say also..and no...i dun think we have to kick e habit ahz...u will always be e fren who always just makes me want to smile..can we do tt?? anyway..as u have said...after NS then see...rite?? i kinda believe in those past life present life stuff..wonder wat i did in my past life manz..this life turn out liddat..LOL...but yupz..must always try my best.....

rubin asked me just now..wat's my plan B.....well....i dun have one..typical kit behaviour..just whack..if cannot make it.....then dunno?? like last time i wanted go TJC...then perlims cannot make it.....when filling up e form online then i just whack one sch......nvr even think before tt..LOL..impulsive behaviour..but hey..pioneer sounds better than jurong..with 17 pts wat cld i have chosen?? but i believe tt i am much loved by God therefore he blessed my choice......so yupz!! miracles?? where are u when i need u.....

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i want to be e best. e best tt i can be.. e best is yet to be.
must study le!!!! forging my future.. with studying and u..when i looked into e mirror...i saw e future me. someone biz-like..stern looking but can smile and lighten someone's day...a me tt fights battles at work and can let my hair down at hm with a cosy light and a white sofa..yea manz..tt's e future me...but i feel a sense of vulnerability coz after all e future is uncertain......wat if i dun see u there?? nor e sofa nor e house??
but i must try.....try to be e best..char..results...everything..i dunno if it really is poss.....but if no one tells me it's imposs..i will cont to believe it poss...if everyone tells me it's imposs..i must not be swayed..may God grant me this strength....to noe wat i want and work really hard for it...been a long time since i did tt....not since corn..not since sec 4.......which shows how impt this all is to me........ rox on~~

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happy now..sg idol rox..NDP rox..i rox..D rox...gracie rox..dick lee rox...wheeee!!!!!
okie...not bad...i talked to D..he's okie...so everyone..stop worrying...he says tt he will nvr have a gf coz he can't find anyone who can accept him inside...i guess he's crazy...and he doesn't even try to let pple noe abt him..but guess wat..i shalt try..aries nvr back away from challenges..i noe wat i want. let me understand u..let me into ur world.....i hate tt door tt is shut in my face..i can do this manz!!
and damn funny...law's fren who is their ex classmate..as in b b D law ex classmate thinks i'm cute..LOL..this is a weird world..comic relief..somemore he's a photographer and i'm so not photogenic...always tot photographers had better taste..but nvm~~
and NDP was great...e back part at least..this is home truly!! then me and gracie were talking abt e songs thing...and woah..we love our choir so much..LOL..and matt coming back for concert at e end of e yr..rox on.....wheeeee!!!!!! this rox rox rox...
sg idol has nice jokes..like 'u sing like a bird......a crow' and 'ur enthu is contagious..and so is a deadly disease' rox on dick lee..such a funny dick..and got real weird pple who turn circles on e spot as they sing?? wah liew...funny!! rox on....sonnenschien..my life rox currently

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i am waiting. for. u. to call. to come online. to watever. to at least let me know. tt u are okie. i am willing to wait. but are u willing to care? rubin and dee all say tt u pay me great respect and u trust me alot. is tt really true?? maybe i really do noe alot abt u from u..but it's not enuf. for. me. i want. more. to. be. more.

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tell me wat u need...and i will give it to u...i'm a fairy tale cynic now..all my fairy tales flop...i wonder who i can talk to...read some horo thing just now just for fun...it will end up in me pushing boundaries and frustation in u..is tt y?? do i dare to believe tt it is y?? perhaps......i do.....and perhaps......i dun...perhaps..it's like fireworks...short and brilliant...but so short-lived..time i do something.....it's a matter of wat.

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i feel so suxy now...i wish i cld talk to someone..no one is online and for e first time in my life..i can't really express myself..and sux...i just rem something to prove tt D is damn drunk..yest i asked him 'u okie not??' our faces were kind of close...then he took his glass of water..stuck it betwn us and said cheers... tt is damn .......... but wat can i say?? still no one online..i smsed D ask if he's okie and tt i want to talk to him..i smsed rubin abt how i am not e only one who can get drunk on anything if i choose to and i smsed ms jean to ask her abt 'a fren' who is actually D lahz..just hope she will not guess..i plan to tell her it's a fren who's in in pj in case she wants to counsel him..LOL...wat can i do for u..just tell me and i will do it...

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yest went badly overall...okie...i was supposed to meet qi then elope with her..then before i reached city hall..dee called me le..she said she was damn insecure abt e thing and scared she will feel extra..so okie lorz..me and qi stick with her until everyone comes somemore qi want see D so okie lorz...so......we waited..until everyone was there..D's family pple lahz..then D was damn late and we were damn lame?? i have no idea y he called me of all e pple..pple he has known for so long but does it matter?? so after tt we all turned our backs outwards and faced e wall and i told qi to spot him..then he cldn't find us and called again..then i passed my phone to qi and he saw me then..LOL..so he came over lorz...he was with 2 gals then lahz..chio wor...but they left..then we walked to e fireworks place lorz...we took forever to walk thru e bridge thingie...crazy lorz..so crowded..pple mt pple sea...okie..and qi was behind me..law in front...then qi got lost and tt irritating woman behind me keeps bumping her hips into my butt...somemore so close lahz everyone and law in front of me..abit obscene...so i was trying very hard to resist tt irritating woman's hips..LOL...but i survived tt w/o mishap...okie...got to e place..dee damn cute..butt crack! LOL then okie lorz...we take qi's bag to cover her butt..there was no reception so we cldn't contact F..no idea y he wants to join us when he got his frens too..and D was so direct..we all had no reception..he was talking on e phone a moment ago so i asked him to call F then he shouted 'NO!!' so loud back...wah liew..not like i deaf rite?? okie lorz...so we din see F..e fireworks were spectacular..worth e 2.5 hrs wait manz..D took a video of it..must ask him send me sia...okie.....then we went makan at fish and co...i knew my dad will prob screw me lahz...coz i knew tt we used makan till damn late and tt it will be damn exp and i promised him to be hm by 10?? but heck it...we waited outside fish and co lorz..by then D abit off liaoz...he was like squating on e floor...then after tt got place to sit in e queue lahz...then i let them sit lorz...then D said i could sit on his lap..LOL..crazy...after tt move somemore then qi sat too..then i last person standing so qi and D made a space for me in betwn them...LOL..squeezy as usu...then most of us ate fish and chips..dee and D shared e seafood platter for 2 thing.. then i kept drinking water....coz kanna influence by D lahz..he next to me and kept drinking water..until he really like drunk..i tot only i have tt ability...but i have been rite....if u want to get drunk..can get drunk on anything..mark tt mr neo rubin..LOL..dun believe me...anyway...F came lorz..then we already say table for 10..got one extra person...so i pulled a chair for D lahz..so end up next to me again...then we did our usu lame thing lahz...he took my phone and like his liddat..LOL...then he put e phones side by side and was saying tt his is a giant and i'm a ___ then i completed it for him and said dwarf..like us lorz...LOL..but yah...he drunk so much water...and then..dee went draw money...and sms me tt when e food comes force D to eat first..so i showed D e sms lorz..then he replied like 'YOU. wait' dunno wat tt means also..think he drunk by then liaoz..LOL..anyway...maybe it was a combi of water and seafood..he's damn allegric to it lahz! and he ate like how many mussels and prawns?? damn lahz...he just wants to kill himself or something..then okie lorz..i dun see y i shld be so concerned *drinks water*...tt's how we ended up both drunk. me abit..him alot.. then law's stupid fren kept taking photos in our direction...maybe he has nvr seen 2 pple drunk on water before...and D was being stupid doing and saying stupid things lahz..keep asking dee and me go pub with him coz his other fren wear until quite not 18-ish cannot go...then okie lorz...we sianz down there...who want go with him..he will prob end up buying all e drinks in e pub and killing himself with it. if i went..prob wld smash a bottle on his head...during e meal...i kept having this urge to pour my water on his head...he just wants to drown his sorrows watever they are lahz..and he won't tell me wat they are either. after tt he did some really stupid things too...like i was looking at qi's ring...then he took it and said like 'kit wan loves ____' nvr completed it..LOL..tt was damn lame...i wish he cld complete it...but can't...then he act cute lahz..like e at in shrek tt kind and stare into my eyes and keep saying 'go lahz' then i dunno he saying go where also..LOL...i guess he either means pub or his house on tues...prob pub...then i just ignore him lahz...LOL...dunno wat he saying also..dun talk to drunkards. then he keep saying he go de bao drinks instead..if u want to kill urself then just fuck off. and i was commenting tt fish and co makes me think of ms ang and pizza hut mr lee..then he asked me who is mr lee so sharply...wah liew...crazy...wonder his instinct made of wat one...then after tt he did tt stupid tapping on e other shoulder thing..then i turned and look at qi then he started laffing so loudly and saying tt he win astro...wth...i think e whole restaurant must think us mad
okie.....then we paid e bill...$16 each..i was thinking how my dad will kill me coz i've been spending alot lately...then tt dee took my phone and passed it to D who passed it to qi lahz..bypassing me..wah liew..then okie lorz...i kept askng D for it coz everyone said he looked guilty then he started being stupid like 'if i took it..i buy this ice cream shop for u' then i told him tt he cld afford it then he said 'if i took it..i buy suntec for u' then i wanted to say tt tt he can't afford..LOL...but tt wasn't e time for sense of humour with him (and i just realised tt he did take it..just tt he passed it on after taking it!! so i shall ask for my suntect soon) i felt so bad..coz i left qi with e unity pple to go hm...then me and deewere rushing for e last bus..then we missed a 75..but dunno if it's e last bus...so we stood there and waited..then dee and me were talking abt D..then she commented tt if she din noe tt D is neutral and dun like anyone..she wld think tt he's jealous of law coz he kept asking dee to take photos with law..sit with law etc..and tt D gave his contacts to law...blah blah...and i told her tt i heard von asking law if he likes dee lahz..i mean this is wat u get when u dun keep ur own secrets in wat u presume will be a safe place..and dee got quite troubled..after tt she got onto 77..i got sick of waiting and decided to get a cab..but all jagged yellow lines...so i walked across tt bridge again..sheares bridge if i'm not wrong...walked damn fast...didn't help tt i was like a bit tearing..then it's like midnite then le..LOL..nvr been out so late alone before...so yah...i realised one thing abt me then.....i will not wait. i must take positive action...tt's just me.. e positive action me...so yah....i walked quite a long way...fought for a cab with abt 10 pple..got in and got hm at 12++ my dad was like saying tt tues i dunnit go out le...sigh~~ let's hope for e best..but seriously..perhaps i dun want to go also..y do i want to go and see someone who will cont acting okie when his expression says otherwise?? i think a talk is in order soon. a talk with D..with von with dee with F and perhaps with law..in e meantime........i am just tired..i din zzz till 5 am last nite and woke up at 8+ today...ask me y...y y?? coz i was thinking abt a certain someone drowning himself in alcohol and worrying.. this is simply ridiculous..positive steps are in need. but....will they still end up positive??

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met shan just now for a drink..going out tonite for fireworks..hope i run into those sweeties..LOL..yupz..prob won't be online tonite so this iss my day's blog.

a strange fate, combination of man-made and natural factors have binded us together in this intricate bond tt will forever serve as a bridge for us. yupz~

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i dun like e way u always seem so sad
i dun like e way u want e world in a order tt u comprehend
i dun like e way u seem to think so lil of wat u have
i dun like e way u seem to lead such a diff life from me
i dun like e way i can't understand u
i dun like e way our conversations seems so full of gaps tt i try to fill
i dun like e way u seem so perfect
i dun like e way u think u sux
i dun like e way i try so hard to prove tt i u/s u when i dun
i dun like e way u hide things from me
i dun like e way u are such an enigma
i dun like e way u lock me out of ur world
i dun like e way u seem to contradict urself
i dun like e way u are so complexed
i dun like e way u are so like me

but all in all......although i can find all these reasons to not like u...e strongest one is perhaps tt i dun like e way i like u.

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okie...dee's confused..i noe exactly wat i want..LOL..this is a crazy world. my dad doesn't trust me like damnit..irritating piece of shit..i love my dad..and i guess he loves me too..so y does he not trust me?? tt's dumb..okie..i'm dumb too..dee's offline le..can tell she's quite ermz..troubled..but not much i can do for her too i guess..it's a roller coaster ride for her..vertigo mahz..but i guess..tt pple ain't as complicated as we think..their minds have a standard operating procedure..principles and stuff..just take some time to find out wat matters to them and yupz...e inability to understand is due to e lack in effort to understand..u may need for time for some..but it's a matter of how much time u're willing to invest.. i found my future..my dreams..my everything and i am going to devote my time to them.........and..lastly..pjchoir still rox my world..LOL..lala

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pc back in working order again..my brain worked better w/o my pc..LTC is over..thank god..i miss those pple.. life seems so diff suddenly..work..choir..all piled on me..with all these emotional baggages too..sux in a way..but i noe tt i can handle it manz..first..i asked myself wat i want..and i have my ans..i am a greedy person with many wishes. i want all of them.be it choir..academics..private life..i want it all.
choir performance rox today..we were great and everyone's impressed..me included..this choir..this music..these pple..have e ability to move me beyond my wildest imagination..to tears...wept from joy..from a certain magic tt they wield on me. dee is rite..we can't let go and we noe le..john has his huixin..dee has her ahem...and me.....oh well..still paranoid abt e whole concept of an open blog..insecurity i guess..but had a great day today..
went out with choir after performance..skipped peer leading..LOL..rebecca skipped and joined us too..we went sakura restaurant at BPP..yah...then me dee and GH went first lorz..then e rest came..then we had like 12 pple at e table..D came and then sat with me..LOL...then one side dee other side D..damn crazy meal..talk cock lahz..then dee and GH had some 'footsy' thing going on..actually nothing lahz..LOL..just some lame joke thing..after tt we stone lorz...then went bowling..then D bought sweets for everyone lahz..those mini toons one pack one...then realised tt both of us keep eating cola and nothing else..LOL..then i commented tt cola is gd! and both like cola is gd!! then tt b b said something abt us tt's abit hmmm...but dun rem le..LOL..anyway..bowling was funny..we saw 2 A06 pple..4 A01 pple and some band pple..somemore rite..includes joel and tt ex top student gal..damn funny..we all like slacking together..then okie lahz...joel suxed!! LOL..but dun laff at pple..i nvr even bowl..just slack ard..but wah liew D was gd manz...strike kind lorz..score 120++ kind..then he was bitching abt e band pple anyhow whack e ball..LOL..J was even more funny..first time playing..but not bad..S not bad too one..then he and D had some stupid competition..guys really are competitive..then both play until so distracted..all D tot abt was winning..in e end he so distracted with winning tt he lost. tt's my insight of e day..thanks for dee for helping with its generation..LOL..yah then damn funny lahz..D just pass his phones sweets camera everything to me to look after..think i really his secretary just coz i gave him a wake up call today wor..then okie lorz..nvm..LOL..then we had some lame 'poker' joke when we poke each other??!! and it was so squeezy on e chairs..then i was betwn dee and F and D oppo me.. then nvr really hang out with K and R bt nvm lahz...then after tt..dee went see Gr off and D moved to next to me?? LOL..abit funny..but nvm lahz..then he crazy lorz..so obsessed with strikes..then i keep telling him it's okiie if he dun strike?? LOL..even if in e end hit all e pins he also not shuang..crazy. but after tt dunno wat happen lahz..suddenly lean on me..heavy lahz..in e end got domino effect..i hit F and so on..then b b scold him 'like here not squeezy enuf!' LOL..then end up F lean back..and D lean..then i got squashed..then i was screaming tt e vps trying to murder me and e band pple who were one lane away were staring..LOL..damn crazy lahz...anyway....it was great laffing..GH e most cute..totally unpredictable..he can strike of can land gutter..depends on whether he awake not..LOL!!
then after bowling..we stone somemore then went swensons..topless 5 ice-cream..3 scoops..$1.35 rox!! LOL..after eating i saw stephen so wave..so guilty..only 5 pple went peer support today..LOL!!! then okie lahz..we stone ard somemore at e place..D fell asleep..coz i think he too sianz..he want and sit with RKJ..then sit like away from them in some corner of e table liddat..damn crazy..then fell asleep..my table on e other hand was talking so much rubbish so loudly..crazy lahz...then okie..after tt we stoned at e corridor and D fell asleep at e corridor again..LTC tt tiring mehz??? and he kept insisting tt he's ugly..actually still abt e same to me..dun see a diff..but S e best..completely no diff..then after D fell asleep..e rest of us planned a tues beach outing..wheee...then after tt dee so nice..she went buy cup corn for D coz he like so tired..then after tt e 4 of us left took turns to touch his super hard spiky hair...then after tt..he woke up..coz he say dee and me touch hair dun pull one..then someone pull his hair..(i bet those animals at zoos think tt way too..nop..not trainer!!) LOL...okie...then cup corn plan flopped...coz D went buy himself..i was trying to stop him..then RKJ who appeared said we seem to be having a lot of fun and excitement talking by ourselves coz we somehow ended up apart from e grp..okie..he was alone..i was along betwn him and e grp then he asked me over to talk cock lahz..fine..LOL..okie....so cup corn plan failed..then end up..we went buy contacts too..so all 6 of us can wear coloured contacts on thurs..LOL!! crazy lahz..but quite cheap $7.50 only...wheee....shaz must feel damn cheated now...yah....then liddat lorz...after tt so crazy..D like want spend money mood then he dug up a pile of notes from his pocket..as much as e amt of work i owe...so yupz...then he go draw somemore money..then he end up with sooo much money?? go baleno buy shirt..siao bo..then nvm...he try sooo many in e end we tell him none look nice..LOL..then after tt we left BPP le coz they all got proj later mahz..then D and b b were talking abt watching e village..their typical sec sch outing..so close rite?? nvm..i going kbox soon (i hope)...then D say 'aries so quiet..must be inside saying 'quick quick!! invite me!!' LOL..so lame...but have to come hm lahz...my dad called to screw me up le..coz my cousin repairing pc today..wonder if they do get to watch it in e end..coz like b b not keen..F keen but not his sec sch..D got proj till quite late...crazy pple..but great day!!!!!!
in conclusion to this long blog. in e nutshell 'i love choir and everything abt it esp my juniors!! esp those lovely com pple and not forgetting b b who used to dislike me!!' okie..end of story..if u got to here..wah liew..u either damn kpo..or ur life too sianz..LOL!!!!!!!

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1. got out of depression. talked to ms leong..okie..i shouted a bit at her..teared...and she understood finally tt i dun want to be dictated ard manz...so we reached a compromise..choir once a wk...yea manz~ i made a diff

2. talked to veed today..crazy guy..go ltc also bring phone...wah liew..want die...but he's quite concerned abt choir. tt's gd.

3. feel more motivated now..maybe coz i will do anything to keep my privillege of choir once a wk. rox on~! i will work hard..get top arts student..and come back to pj to teach...so tt i can help choir with syf..admin help..rox on~~~

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