quotes
05.31.04 (6:06 am) [edit]
my top priority is supposed to be studying rite now...like duh...so can u pls leave my heart??
must study! and vesak day can see ting qi and shan again...4 of us...like gd old days..but some things do change after all....
"LOVE: The irresistable desire to be irresistibly desired."
~Robert Frost~
"Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go"
~Herman Hesse~
Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking.
It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
~Bible~
I Corinthians 13:4-8
There is no difficulty that enough love will not conquer;
no disease that enough love will not heal;
no door that enough love will not open;
no gulf that enough love will not bridge;
no wall that enough love will not throw down;
no sin that enough love will not redeem...
It makes no difference how deeply seated may be the trouble;
how hopeless the outlook; how muddled the tangle; how great the mistake.
A sufficient realization of love will dissolve it all.
If only you could love enough you would be
the happiest and most powerful being in the world...
~Emmet Fox~
really like e emmet fox quote...it is easy fall in love...harder to be loved....and it is hardest to love and be loved by e same person at e same time...tt's life.
must study! and vesak day can see ting qi and shan again...4 of us...like gd old days..but some things do change after all....
"LOVE: The irresistable desire to be irresistibly desired."
~Robert Frost~
"Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go"
~Herman Hesse~
Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking.
It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
~Bible~
I Corinthians 13:4-8
There is no difficulty that enough love will not conquer;
no disease that enough love will not heal;
no door that enough love will not open;
no gulf that enough love will not bridge;
no wall that enough love will not throw down;
no sin that enough love will not redeem...
It makes no difference how deeply seated may be the trouble;
how hopeless the outlook; how muddled the tangle; how great the mistake.
A sufficient realization of love will dissolve it all.
If only you could love enough you would be
the happiest and most powerful being in the world...
~Emmet Fox~
really like e emmet fox quote...it is easy fall in love...harder to be loved....and it is hardest to love and be loved by e same person at e same time...tt's life.
proud of u~
05.30.04 (6:59 am) [edit]
so proud of ting...really my fren...u noe how pple say tt frens drift apart?? me and ting nvr talk some time le...seemingly not close...but we nvr lost e art of communicating...had a long chat with her just now...talked abt MT...
okie lahz...i'm glad ting took e first step to clarify things after i approached her abt wat MT said abt ting being unhappy over her coming for interviews...i guess tt although MT has been telling ting bad stuff abt me for like a yr ting is still unwavering in her impression of me which rox...coz ting noes tt she noes me better.....cool
and another thing...ji'en certainly made a gd move in getting me e summer momo tea vcd...it really sets me thinking abt wat i would otherwise not have tot abt...now i'm at crossrds again...sigh
and i had such a scary ghost dream last nite...afraid to zzz now.........
okie lahz...i'm glad ting took e first step to clarify things after i approached her abt wat MT said abt ting being unhappy over her coming for interviews...i guess tt although MT has been telling ting bad stuff abt me for like a yr ting is still unwavering in her impression of me which rox...coz ting noes tt she noes me better.....cool
and another thing...ji'en certainly made a gd move in getting me e summer momo tea vcd...it really sets me thinking abt wat i would otherwise not have tot abt...now i'm at crossrds again...sigh
and i had such a scary ghost dream last nite...afraid to zzz now.........
gd gd
05.29.04 (8:24 am) [edit]
better now...everything's under control...very controlled..organised...with a goal in mind...i finally noe wat i am doing...think sam's bk totally rox...i settled some issues today...firstly...religion...i feel comfy and respected....now it's time to ask myself if i can respect his...studies-wise...we have been honest and we noe where each other stand...spending time together wise...we were honest and identified jammers...and we came up with solns...i just need to make frens with his frens and him mine...sounds easy...but will take a fair bit of effort...but can try...things are looking gd...my prayer must be working...i thank u my Lord for showing me e direction...Amen.
oh no!!
05.29.04 (1:26 am) [edit]
oh no oh no oh no..........
i can't take it anyway...sickened...haiyoh...wat am i doing???
i'm on a highway...no exit signs...full speed ahead is e only option...if i crash....then......too bad...
but not bad...at least i feel more like studying nowadays
zzz...sleepy...
shall go zzz now....tired i guess
i can't take it anyway...sickened...haiyoh...wat am i doing???
i'm on a highway...no exit signs...full speed ahead is e only option...if i crash....then......too bad...
but not bad...at least i feel more like studying nowadays
zzz...sleepy...
shall go zzz now....tired i guess
dunno y
05.27.04 (6:29 am) [edit]
dunno y...but every time...at nite...i feel so sad...dunno y.....an empty kind of feeling...i begin to miss alot of things...pple...camps...events...alot alot of things...i'm someone who wishes to live in e past...but can i go back?? i can't...listening to sammi's song 'ru guo wo men bu zhai jian'- if we nvr meet again. feeling sad now...
although there may be others who love me...deeply i just regret tt they are diff from u......in e day i can forget certain things...but at nite...i can't...simply can't. Operation aborted...failed...whatever! It is only in photos tt i can love eternally...isn't tt a bit of a paradox? coz photos are inanimate....exps gone...yet they last for eternity...can't take it anymore...can anyone stop these tears from streaming down my face?? Pls!
although there may be others who love me...deeply i just regret tt they are diff from u......in e day i can forget certain things...but at nite...i can't...simply can't. Operation aborted...failed...whatever! It is only in photos tt i can love eternally...isn't tt a bit of a paradox? coz photos are inanimate....exps gone...yet they last for eternity...can't take it anymore...can anyone stop these tears from streaming down my face?? Pls!
noeing myself
05.26.04 (8:50 pm) [edit]
sometimes...we begin to lose touch with ourselves...tt's y i'm an advocator for time alone...i realised something...in life's probs...there are only 2 options...1. to solve it. 2. to let go...hanging on is just delaying e situation...i'm letting go of corn...slowly...although i'm still harping on to some pple...but i guess tt i noe how to love myself now? and tt's y i'll do just fine...no matter wat happens...i won't allow myself to be ill-treated or suffer. i just need to be careful...
i dun want to be ur fish in a fish tank...i want to be e only fish in ur fish bowl. tt's e diff...i guess it's time i realised tt love and nice to talk to is diff...some pple just got e charisma...perhaps i'm one of this pple...tt's y there are so many chem reactions in my life...but sometimes i wonder if it is all transient...if it will only last a month or two...y cling so tenaciously to it?? for e hope tt perhaps it will last?? for me at this moment...Love is e enstraining of my relationships whilst frenship is e building of these relationships...if u were me...which will u choose? e building or straining of relationships???
Well...i still choose love. For tt lil hope tt it reps...so let me go get my protection gear rite now...still not ready to make myself vulnerable to anyone...anything...time to understand my feelings better...at least now i'm proud to say tt no one noes kit as well as herself! :wink: :wink:
i dun want to be ur fish in a fish tank...i want to be e only fish in ur fish bowl. tt's e diff...i guess it's time i realised tt love and nice to talk to is diff...some pple just got e charisma...perhaps i'm one of this pple...tt's y there are so many chem reactions in my life...but sometimes i wonder if it is all transient...if it will only last a month or two...y cling so tenaciously to it?? for e hope tt perhaps it will last?? for me at this moment...Love is e enstraining of my relationships whilst frenship is e building of these relationships...if u were me...which will u choose? e building or straining of relationships???
Well...i still choose love. For tt lil hope tt it reps...so let me go get my protection gear rite now...still not ready to make myself vulnerable to anyone...anything...time to understand my feelings better...at least now i'm proud to say tt no one noes kit as well as herself! :wink: :wink:
long time no blog
05.26.04 (5:19 am) [edit]
my ie been down for e past wk or so...damn sad....cannot blog...anyway...sux...i'm singing a duet with y for tt dumb MT talenttime?? i'm gonna look stupid. and sad...choir camp clashes with chiangmai...i so so so so want to go choir camp!!!!! they need me also...sigh~~
my choir meeting today?? pris was damn sad...meiting totally cldn't click...shawn was totally authoritarian...and david was simply disappointing...dunno wat's wrong with david...maybe he's too pissed today?? he's a fun guy a guess..but nvr ever put him with shawn! LOL...disaster. and John was so ah beng today when he scolded shawn?? crazy!! at least i found shawns archilles heel...he will only understand ur stand and listen to u if u talk in a mature, slightly sad, soft voice...LOL...must be mild and mellow for him to listen lahz...guess it balances up his strong char...and david!! better buck up...hope this camp works out!
my choir meeting today?? pris was damn sad...meiting totally cldn't click...shawn was totally authoritarian...and david was simply disappointing...dunno wat's wrong with david...maybe he's too pissed today?? he's a fun guy a guess..but nvr ever put him with shawn! LOL...disaster. and John was so ah beng today when he scolded shawn?? crazy!! at least i found shawns archilles heel...he will only understand ur stand and listen to u if u talk in a mature, slightly sad, soft voice...LOL...must be mild and mellow for him to listen lahz...guess it balances up his strong char...and david!! better buck up...hope this camp works out!
My philosophy on Life
05.26.04 (3:49 am) [edit]
Life. You can either choose to solve ur probs or to let go. Some probs can be solved...some can't. The challenge lies in recognizing them. Life only has 2 options, to change or to let go. Hanging on is but delaying your decision.
wat i want.....
05.15.04 (8:33 pm) [edit]
it's amazing...i realised tt i noe wat i want now...i want to be a diplomat...coz diplomatic relations are often seen as fake.....and i want to change it...i realised tt when i told ji'en tt astro cldn't stand my even tone...diplomatic relations is a very surface thing....
i realised wat i would say at an interview too...'tell me abt urself'...e first thing u shld noe abt me is my smile!!!! it's genuine...it's real...a rare thing nowadays...tt's my plus pt...relating to pple with my smile...getting to noe pple with my smile...getting pple to want to noe me with my smile...tt's me...a smile is perhaps e most commonly used and powerful body lang...but it is often taken for granted...how often does a smile cheer u up in e day...when u are sad?? kit's smile is e best medicine...LOL...(thanks yunus for enlightening me)
e 2nd thing is tt i love self-improvement stuff...i try to revamp my pc every now and then...and then i'll get a virus...LOL...tt's prob my weakness...low virus immunity with such dynamism...LOL...yupz...
so this is my action plan!!!! i'm gonna go into publicity or sales after 'A's...coz tt's my forte...and it will come in useful in interviews and stuff...if i can boost e sales of a rice-cooker...i can promote international contracts...y not?? if i can do gd publicity 'selling a company's image'...i too can 'sell' e idea of a bilateral agreement...plus!! i've got a great grounding in econs...trade agreements will be a trend in future with ctrys like china opening up...india...china...my chi rox...great way to infiltrate...learning japanese is a thing of e past...it's time to learn tamil!! kala must teach me~~ LOL...
decided to help dan's church with publicity too...imagine tt in ur testimonial 'events org' 'publicity head' blah blah church (yet to find out e name)...great way to worship God and later use ur service to as a stepping stone to serve God further man!! tt's life...tt's my goal...and tt's my dream...and i'm gearing to go!!! But okie...first.....let me do my BKC hw... :cry:
i realised wat i would say at an interview too...'tell me abt urself'...e first thing u shld noe abt me is my smile!!!! it's genuine...it's real...a rare thing nowadays...tt's my plus pt...relating to pple with my smile...getting to noe pple with my smile...getting pple to want to noe me with my smile...tt's me...a smile is perhaps e most commonly used and powerful body lang...but it is often taken for granted...how often does a smile cheer u up in e day...when u are sad?? kit's smile is e best medicine...LOL...(thanks yunus for enlightening me)
e 2nd thing is tt i love self-improvement stuff...i try to revamp my pc every now and then...and then i'll get a virus...LOL...tt's prob my weakness...low virus immunity with such dynamism...LOL...yupz...
so this is my action plan!!!! i'm gonna go into publicity or sales after 'A's...coz tt's my forte...and it will come in useful in interviews and stuff...if i can boost e sales of a rice-cooker...i can promote international contracts...y not?? if i can do gd publicity 'selling a company's image'...i too can 'sell' e idea of a bilateral agreement...plus!! i've got a great grounding in econs...trade agreements will be a trend in future with ctrys like china opening up...india...china...my chi rox...great way to infiltrate...learning japanese is a thing of e past...it's time to learn tamil!! kala must teach me~~ LOL...
decided to help dan's church with publicity too...imagine tt in ur testimonial 'events org' 'publicity head' blah blah church (yet to find out e name)...great way to worship God and later use ur service to as a stepping stone to serve God further man!! tt's life...tt's my goal...and tt's my dream...and i'm gearing to go!!! But okie...first.....let me do my BKC hw... :cry:
argumentative me
05.14.04 (11:06 pm) [edit]
is tt e real me?? i love to argue...and i use it as a defense mechanism...when i can't take it no more...i realised today tt econs and law are hand-in-hand kinda thing sometimes...my dad said tt pple who are reckless drivers and knock pple down shld go to jail for like 14 yrs...i told him abt econs...fall in consumption...fall in national income...accelerator effect...fall in investments...fall in national income further...in e end he won't be drinking soup at hm but be on a road...with no cars........
he told me tt i made alot of sense...shld go for econs debate bah bah...but i tot to myself...wat came over me?? can Life be measured in terms of money?? so if i get knocked over by a car...shld my mom say 'wow...she's useful...contributed to N.I manz! since e driver only got a $1k fine...' e total contribution to N.I is tt 1k plus e pple who want to get cars since laws got tt tight...got COE tax revenue to govt...got increase in consumption though not much lahz got leakage to e foreign MNCs due to their FDIs...but still not bad...after all with e new car owners...they need petrol!! C increase...multiplier effect...then NI will increase then accelerator manz~~ investments will increase and cool!! i may get a pay rise...and i'll consume somemore...trade cycle manz~~ from one death' tt wld sux rite??
i argued damn well...but i cried at e end of it...too stressed?? maybe...i dreamt of corn last nite....dunno y...i woke up coz i cld not decide whether i shld be at pj bus stop or crez bus stop in my dream...since there were pj pple...pj auditorium...but crez teachers and crez discipline mistress....corn was performing...some rubbish...i was caught talking...and made to stand up and put a finger to my lips...saw corn real well...great ht...wonder y i can't stop thinking of him...maybe tt's y i need to host a 'letting go' session for my fellow pioneers...coz i want ot learn how to let go...of this burden tt is dragging me down and drowning me...tt's making me so defensive....
in e day...i can be my kit...but in e nite...i can't...i become a norm gal again....like any other gal... no longer pj kit...just a norm gal called kit...i talked to astro last nite...my own calmness and diplomatic relations shocked me...totally...who am i?? a diplomat really?? cool calm composed?? a lawyer?? feisty loud argumentative?? i presented both sides to astro in one day...think he was damn shocked...but am i e kit who leads...get pple to do things no qn asked...plan camps in half an hr...who am i?? perhaps...tt's y i like sakura...she appears so perfect...with everything blended together...is tt me?? i have all e gd pts blended together...and these gd pts can be my weaknesses too?? i'm a chameleon i guess...give me a situation...and i can give u a 'me' tt's suitable for it...shld i stop asking who am i?? coz i am myself...i am just me. but if i venture beyond this qn...will i have to ask why am i me?? i wish for wisdom...to understand wat i cannot...
he told me tt i made alot of sense...shld go for econs debate bah bah...but i tot to myself...wat came over me?? can Life be measured in terms of money?? so if i get knocked over by a car...shld my mom say 'wow...she's useful...contributed to N.I manz! since e driver only got a $1k fine...' e total contribution to N.I is tt 1k plus e pple who want to get cars since laws got tt tight...got COE tax revenue to govt...got increase in consumption though not much lahz got leakage to e foreign MNCs due to their FDIs...but still not bad...after all with e new car owners...they need petrol!! C increase...multiplier effect...then NI will increase then accelerator manz~~ investments will increase and cool!! i may get a pay rise...and i'll consume somemore...trade cycle manz~~ from one death' tt wld sux rite??
i argued damn well...but i cried at e end of it...too stressed?? maybe...i dreamt of corn last nite....dunno y...i woke up coz i cld not decide whether i shld be at pj bus stop or crez bus stop in my dream...since there were pj pple...pj auditorium...but crez teachers and crez discipline mistress....corn was performing...some rubbish...i was caught talking...and made to stand up and put a finger to my lips...saw corn real well...great ht...wonder y i can't stop thinking of him...maybe tt's y i need to host a 'letting go' session for my fellow pioneers...coz i want ot learn how to let go...of this burden tt is dragging me down and drowning me...tt's making me so defensive....
in e day...i can be my kit...but in e nite...i can't...i become a norm gal again....like any other gal... no longer pj kit...just a norm gal called kit...i talked to astro last nite...my own calmness and diplomatic relations shocked me...totally...who am i?? a diplomat really?? cool calm composed?? a lawyer?? feisty loud argumentative?? i presented both sides to astro in one day...think he was damn shocked...but am i e kit who leads...get pple to do things no qn asked...plan camps in half an hr...who am i?? perhaps...tt's y i like sakura...she appears so perfect...with everything blended together...is tt me?? i have all e gd pts blended together...and these gd pts can be my weaknesses too?? i'm a chameleon i guess...give me a situation...and i can give u a 'me' tt's suitable for it...shld i stop asking who am i?? coz i am myself...i am just me. but if i venture beyond this qn...will i have to ask why am i me?? i wish for wisdom...to understand wat i cannot...
ms jean's lesson
05.13.04 (6:50 am) [edit]
cool lesson...abt life and happiness...real depth...can tell tt ms jean has been clinging on to stuff tt she cannot let go off...in pj...somehow e teachers seem more human?? like they have probs too?? ms toh...ms jean...sigh~~
i want to help with e PCCG workshop!! coz i want to talk abt letting go...i believe tt teens nowadays can't let go...we cling on too tenaciously to things...so we are afraid tt we will fall if we let go...but rather than hang there forever...and hurt our arms and end up falling...we might as well prep ourselves for a jump~~
i want to let go...but can i??
i want to help with e PCCG workshop!! coz i want to talk abt letting go...i believe tt teens nowadays can't let go...we cling on too tenaciously to things...so we are afraid tt we will fall if we let go...but rather than hang there forever...and hurt our arms and end up falling...we might as well prep ourselves for a jump~~
i want to let go...but can i??
inspiration~~
05.11.04 (8:01 am) [edit]
dennis yeo...
e man tt took his 'A's 3 times...LOL...yet top student in FASS and honours final yr...woah....
perhaps he's rite in showing us HCJC scripts...i've always tot i'm a shark!!!! coz i'm in PJ...today i realised tt i'm a clownfish...and e pple i tot were norm fishes are suddenly planktons...LOL...no insult intended...but if i have to write down phrases used by HC J1s who have taken e Gothic course for 2 mths...something must be wrong with me...i've been doing Gothic for exactly a yr??
shocked me out of my comfort zone i would say...really kinda stupid. asked myself who i'm competing with...my A05 peeps tt i beat at every exams?? or e real sharks out there...i guess tt PJ is rite for me...PJ rox~~ God showed me e correct path...when i left crez...i din want to be stuck in some entropy where i'm always struggling to stay afloat...'O' lvls and PJ gave me e confidence in academics...PJ gave me e drive to work on CCA and do stuff tt really matter to e sch...i love PJ...but PJ gave me so much confidence tt it turned into complacency...totally kiao ka noe...pple fighting war...i sit under tree slack...
i guess tt i noe tt i can't do this forever...wat will i do in uni?? teachers dun give u notes...they're not like mr khoo...say tt u got do competition essay then redeemed le...dunnit do income essay so fast!! not like ozzie...give u all e tut anses...not like dennis...talk rot to u...wat will i do after PJ?? drown with e sharks who will laff at a clownfish like me?? i refuse to be ridiculed...i'm a Pioneer and proud of it!! i'll be e clownfish tt makes sharksfin out of e sharks...bring it on manz~~ i'll start studying...there's a time and place for everything. Now...e place is PJC...and e time is to study...
i'll do it...for myself if not for anything else...wat more...there's PJ!! i'm not a messiah...but if it's gonna be a war...i'm gonna win...and carry e flag for PJ~~ for A05~~ for myself~~
so...i'm sorry to my distractions...but u'll have to go~~~~
e man tt took his 'A's 3 times...LOL...yet top student in FASS and honours final yr...woah....
perhaps he's rite in showing us HCJC scripts...i've always tot i'm a shark!!!! coz i'm in PJ...today i realised tt i'm a clownfish...and e pple i tot were norm fishes are suddenly planktons...LOL...no insult intended...but if i have to write down phrases used by HC J1s who have taken e Gothic course for 2 mths...something must be wrong with me...i've been doing Gothic for exactly a yr??
shocked me out of my comfort zone i would say...really kinda stupid. asked myself who i'm competing with...my A05 peeps tt i beat at every exams?? or e real sharks out there...i guess tt PJ is rite for me...PJ rox~~ God showed me e correct path...when i left crez...i din want to be stuck in some entropy where i'm always struggling to stay afloat...'O' lvls and PJ gave me e confidence in academics...PJ gave me e drive to work on CCA and do stuff tt really matter to e sch...i love PJ...but PJ gave me so much confidence tt it turned into complacency...totally kiao ka noe...pple fighting war...i sit under tree slack...
i guess tt i noe tt i can't do this forever...wat will i do in uni?? teachers dun give u notes...they're not like mr khoo...say tt u got do competition essay then redeemed le...dunnit do income essay so fast!! not like ozzie...give u all e tut anses...not like dennis...talk rot to u...wat will i do after PJ?? drown with e sharks who will laff at a clownfish like me?? i refuse to be ridiculed...i'm a Pioneer and proud of it!! i'll be e clownfish tt makes sharksfin out of e sharks...bring it on manz~~ i'll start studying...there's a time and place for everything. Now...e place is PJC...and e time is to study...
i'll do it...for myself if not for anything else...wat more...there's PJ!! i'm not a messiah...but if it's gonna be a war...i'm gonna win...and carry e flag for PJ~~ for A05~~ for myself~~
so...i'm sorry to my distractions...but u'll have to go~~~~
wow~~
05.08.04 (6:05 pm) [edit]
guess wat...i'm taking an active interest in my hw...finally....i'm studying!!!! okie...doing my hw...but tt's a positive step!! but i realised something abt me...since when did i consider stuff like 'online chatting with ji'en 9++' into my schedule?? i dun want to be too nice to him...nor do i want him to be too nice to me...coz i dun have an ans for him...looking at my crystal cross necklace now...and listening to shui jing...i love crystals...
and noe wat?? my pc got a trojan horse backdoor/virus watever...this is bad...i will have to try and fix it...must study hard!! and i really shld think abt some stuff...solve e impt ones first i guess...e.g. choir (BIG SIGH)...studies...and after tt then think abt other stuff...maybe e probs i dun think abt now will go away?? quite unlikely...but there's hope...
listening to e SHE song now...'ta hai bu dong'...everytime i hear it...a few lines really strike me... it's true...corn bu dong...he nvr will noe...tt when i leave...i wanted him to hold me back coz i dun want to be e one who keeps holding him back...as if wat i have is a borrowed warmth...and he will nvr noe tt a hug from him is everything i can ever want...and it will just erase all e bad past tt we have...and everything will be all new again...
then i ask myself...can anyone get to tt lvl...e ans is i dunno...some things i just dun want to mention...in case they become a reality tt i cannot fight...maybe i'm weak...but i choose to focus on things tt i have control over........so i'm sorry to some pple in my life...but i dun like e feeling of being lost...i need a polaris...but i've yet to find one...
guardian angel~~ where are u?? i need u....coz i'm too weak to cont...i need a strength to face my probs...coz e only way to overcome ur probs is to face them and go thru them........
and noe wat?? my pc got a trojan horse backdoor/virus watever...this is bad...i will have to try and fix it...must study hard!! and i really shld think abt some stuff...solve e impt ones first i guess...e.g. choir (BIG SIGH)...studies...and after tt then think abt other stuff...maybe e probs i dun think abt now will go away?? quite unlikely...but there's hope...
listening to e SHE song now...'ta hai bu dong'...everytime i hear it...a few lines really strike me... it's true...corn bu dong...he nvr will noe...tt when i leave...i wanted him to hold me back coz i dun want to be e one who keeps holding him back...as if wat i have is a borrowed warmth...and he will nvr noe tt a hug from him is everything i can ever want...and it will just erase all e bad past tt we have...and everything will be all new again...
then i ask myself...can anyone get to tt lvl...e ans is i dunno...some things i just dun want to mention...in case they become a reality tt i cannot fight...maybe i'm weak...but i choose to focus on things tt i have control over........so i'm sorry to some pple in my life...but i dun like e feeling of being lost...i need a polaris...but i've yet to find one...
guardian angel~~ where are u?? i need u....coz i'm too weak to cont...i need a strength to face my probs...coz e only way to overcome ur probs is to face them and go thru them........
sigh~~
05.08.04 (2:01 am) [edit]
i dunno y things are like this.........
based on my handwriting...i dun even like capital letters...i'm not a leader......not someone who wants attention...my'i' is nvr 'I'.....coz i'm not e centre of e universe or even near it....so y.............
rem LTC...we were supposed to walk from e MOE site to telok blangah hill.....okie...we particularly ran there...was supposed to do it with e bags...but we were all to shag...it was to symbolise tt e road of leadership is long and hard...and it's a burden...and an uphill route............u noe wat...i would rahter have fone up tt day than go thru wat i'm going thru now....
everyone thinks 'kit will noe wat to do...she can make it one lahz...she got a lot of ideas...alot of contacts...got prob tell kit'...............but am i omnipotent?? i'm really at a lost abt e liew case...really really at a loss...but can i give up?? no way manz...coz i'm e kit tt noes everything...therefore i can't give up......i can nvr give up....coz so many pple are looking towards me...for guidance...support...leadership.....but wat if i can't give them tt?? i want to be simple sometimes.......but i'm too complicated...i must admit tt i thrive in complexity although i desire simplicity...quite a paradoxical situation really...
God gave me a brain...a gd brain...i can do crisis management...i can pre-empt pple's actions...guess their motives...a great intuition......y am i ganted all this?? coz God loves me. But dear God, i noe tt u gave me all this for a reason...tt i may be e best tt i can be...fulfill all e plans u have for me...........but dear God, you have set many trials along e way to keep me in check...my complacency, my carelessness...everything and i understand tt i cannot say i want to give up....coz u gave ur gifts to me........Dear God...therefore all i ask of you is tt u may always be there with me...i need ur presence to be strong...sometimes i may cry...sometimes i may just want someone else to do e thinking for me...but dear God, give me e strength to fulfill ur wishes although all i wish for is be let someone support me in my life...for i understand tt i live for a reason and living is not abt fulfilling of my wishes...but e whole idea of fulfilling my role in this world. Amen.
based on my handwriting...i dun even like capital letters...i'm not a leader......not someone who wants attention...my'i' is nvr 'I'.....coz i'm not e centre of e universe or even near it....so y.............
rem LTC...we were supposed to walk from e MOE site to telok blangah hill.....okie...we particularly ran there...was supposed to do it with e bags...but we were all to shag...it was to symbolise tt e road of leadership is long and hard...and it's a burden...and an uphill route............u noe wat...i would rahter have fone up tt day than go thru wat i'm going thru now....
everyone thinks 'kit will noe wat to do...she can make it one lahz...she got a lot of ideas...alot of contacts...got prob tell kit'...............but am i omnipotent?? i'm really at a lost abt e liew case...really really at a loss...but can i give up?? no way manz...coz i'm e kit tt noes everything...therefore i can't give up......i can nvr give up....coz so many pple are looking towards me...for guidance...support...leadership.....but wat if i can't give them tt?? i want to be simple sometimes.......but i'm too complicated...i must admit tt i thrive in complexity although i desire simplicity...quite a paradoxical situation really...
God gave me a brain...a gd brain...i can do crisis management...i can pre-empt pple's actions...guess their motives...a great intuition......y am i ganted all this?? coz God loves me. But dear God, i noe tt u gave me all this for a reason...tt i may be e best tt i can be...fulfill all e plans u have for me...........but dear God, you have set many trials along e way to keep me in check...my complacency, my carelessness...everything and i understand tt i cannot say i want to give up....coz u gave ur gifts to me........Dear God...therefore all i ask of you is tt u may always be there with me...i need ur presence to be strong...sometimes i may cry...sometimes i may just want someone else to do e thinking for me...but dear God, give me e strength to fulfill ur wishes although all i wish for is be let someone support me in my life...for i understand tt i live for a reason and living is not abt fulfilling of my wishes...but e whole idea of fulfilling my role in this world. Amen.
hmmm
05.02.04 (7:05 am) [edit]
interesting my blog has been viewed like 200+ times...wonder by who...so if u're looking at this now...hi!!
dear reader...i really must tell u e dream i had last nite (sounds like jane eyre talking sia)...i dreamt tt i was at e mpr3... ms ong is outside...and i was announcing to everyone tt liew is sacked and ms ong is taking over...and e interesting thing is tt corn is there......he IS there...refuse to say was...and he was on his phone..pacing ard...or smsing...but he was waiting for me..............so vivid...e scene...
after tt we went lunch with my mom and this woman who's supposedly my grandma...we stepped out of e rm...and it's tanjong pagar?? LOL...then we walked along duxton park area...and there was a hedge...e 3 of them slowly climbed over it...whilst i jumped over it........and landed in a very big pond (looked like a green swimming pool...olympic size)...and i was drowning...somehow i really looked like ccs when i was drowning...then my grandma immediately jumped in to save me...but she couldn't swim...then my mom shook her head and she and corn jumped in at e same time
corn immediately found me...and pull me out of e pool...after a while...my mom came up and said she couldn't find grandma...and corn jumped in again...but he couldn't find her too.......she was dead...and nvr found!!
then e 3 of us went back hm...really grand house...those antique kind...inside all wooden kind...and there were alot of pple...all my aunts and stuff...and i was real sad...coz i felt tt i caused her death...then my aunt came and told me tt she wanted to bring me somewhere...and i followed...when we got onto her really cool sports car...behind us was a delivery van with alot of parcels...and me and aunt drove away...and grandaunt told me my grandma's love story of how she always went to tt pond to meet her lover whom she nvr married so she'll be happy there...we reached e pond and saw a honeydew wintermelon (dong gua) strip at e edge of e pond...and somehow she told me tt tt was grandma...and i had a tot tt maybe grandma swam all e way to meet her legendary lover.
after tt we left...and we were on our way home...and aunt told me tt we often do everything we can and give everything to e one we love...but we forget abt e ones who love us and would give anything for us...and i somehow tot of e delivery van driving down some slope with trees just to reach us......and i guess tt wat my 'aunt' said in e dream must be struck a chord in me...coz when i woke up...i somehow knew who she meant...crazy dream~~ so philo...
dear reader...i really must tell u e dream i had last nite (sounds like jane eyre talking sia)...i dreamt tt i was at e mpr3... ms ong is outside...and i was announcing to everyone tt liew is sacked and ms ong is taking over...and e interesting thing is tt corn is there......he IS there...refuse to say was...and he was on his phone..pacing ard...or smsing...but he was waiting for me..............so vivid...e scene...
after tt we went lunch with my mom and this woman who's supposedly my grandma...we stepped out of e rm...and it's tanjong pagar?? LOL...then we walked along duxton park area...and there was a hedge...e 3 of them slowly climbed over it...whilst i jumped over it........and landed in a very big pond (looked like a green swimming pool...olympic size)...and i was drowning...somehow i really looked like ccs when i was drowning...then my grandma immediately jumped in to save me...but she couldn't swim...then my mom shook her head and she and corn jumped in at e same time
corn immediately found me...and pull me out of e pool...after a while...my mom came up and said she couldn't find grandma...and corn jumped in again...but he couldn't find her too.......she was dead...and nvr found!!
then e 3 of us went back hm...really grand house...those antique kind...inside all wooden kind...and there were alot of pple...all my aunts and stuff...and i was real sad...coz i felt tt i caused her death...then my aunt came and told me tt she wanted to bring me somewhere...and i followed...when we got onto her really cool sports car...behind us was a delivery van with alot of parcels...and me and aunt drove away...and grandaunt told me my grandma's love story of how she always went to tt pond to meet her lover whom she nvr married so she'll be happy there...we reached e pond and saw a honeydew wintermelon (dong gua) strip at e edge of e pond...and somehow she told me tt tt was grandma...and i had a tot tt maybe grandma swam all e way to meet her legendary lover.
after tt we left...and we were on our way home...and aunt told me tt we often do everything we can and give everything to e one we love...but we forget abt e ones who love us and would give anything for us...and i somehow tot of e delivery van driving down some slope with trees just to reach us......and i guess tt wat my 'aunt' said in e dream must be struck a chord in me...coz when i woke up...i somehow knew who she meant...crazy dream~~ so philo...