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the sem has concluded!
thinking back...wasn't too bad a sem.
picked a really weird mod which was hist of sci, buang-ed it! moved on! LOL!
took a really cool mod both coz of e content and e ppl i'm doing with. and that's nation-building
did my usual k ahz mod which is zj's mod with my usual grp members. it just felt that my previous sem nvr ended! LOL!!!
then i did e mod which i nvr can rem that i'm doing since i went for like 3 lects or sth and tt's film art~
then i did e coolest mod in my life since i had no need to study/do research for my proj. and tt's changing ls during which i just opened e archives of my mind! LOL!!
and lastly, i did a not too bad sci mod with rubz but we're not too gd at it really but oh well...can only hope that it doesn't kill us.
that concludes my sem. 6 mods. killed them off. effortless sem really. coz e things that i noe..i really do know them. things tt i dun know, no amt of mugging would have helped me. so....in conclusion my efforts would go down the drain anyway!! so no pt.
but thanks to everyone who has studied with me/got me to teach them stuff this sem. coz at least i got to review my work! =D.
i sense a very busy yr coming up given e rumour that half of my hons class has purchased e set text. somehow i feel like i've got alot of proving to do in hons year.
w/o cca next yr...it seems as if i'm expected to do better? give more to acad?
bcoz e dept nominated me for e summer prog...it seems like i'm expected to be of a certain calibre?
bcoz ppl have been asking me to teach them stuff from e modules...it seems like i'm expected to be knowledgable enuf?
and lastly...bcoz zj thinks i'm good...and half the world seems to know...it seems like i have to prove that he's not being biased or simply a victim of bad judgement.
as such!! i have decided to try my best for hons yr! =D
of coz i'll try harder if i do well this sem lahz. coz there is e possibility of a first still. if i do badly this sem....will i still work harder?
practicality. LOL!!! i dunno!!!!!!! since that would give me a headache. it is best to not spend my time thinking abt it but to spend e time hoping i do well then! LOL!!
anyway....guess wat! since exams are over...it's time for......more nonsensical dramas!!!! wooohoooo~!
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i can't get myself to study anymore. gosh-ed. at least...well...since i have papers mon, tues, wed...my only time left for studying really is mon afternoon and nite and tues nite! so it's not like i'm missing out on alot of mugging time.
too complacent this sem. think my results will give me a slap on my face. but well..i can't wait for it to be over!!! i have like 30 bookmarks of dramas that i want to watch. >_<. been stopping myself coz as it is...i can't quite rem e films tt i'm doing for my module already!!!! if i watch more nonsense...i may just end up rem-ing nth for e exam. so wed's e turning pt manz!
i've made a decision.
there must be a reason by guys whom i dun like can fall so hard for me while guys i like can't be too bothered abt me! since i can't figure out exactly what's e prob...i shall from now on..trick myself into disliking whoever i like. i believe it just might work!!! tt's all i have to say.
okie manz...time to start studying changing ls now...when e paper is 10 hrs away. LOL! complacency.
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a few things to say...first and e most depressing of coz...
1. exams
feel like i could have done much better for all of e 3 mods so far. but i dun feel like complaining abt it since e world and blogosphere is filled with complaints already. always feel abit paisei when i complain abt exams coz..
1. u nvr noe...perhaps u tot u buang but u didn't. why waste someone's time comforting u when in e end u nvr buang
2. everyone's complaining abt it and it reminds ppl of their own buanged papers. wounds that are better left untouched.
so..okie....next pt!
2. thanks to frens who have been going out with me, studying with me during this period...drumroll once more to esp best fren, then qi, val, rubz, grace. was esp fun going out after e HY paper with val and grace, eating marche, white dog cafe talking nonsense e.g. qian nian lao yao flamingo. And of coz i had fun studying today with val, rubz, best fren. who said tt my worm looked like a sperm. -_-. i wanted to draw bookworms as a gd luck thing for everyone mahz! and i finally derived the innuendo behind e number 69 myself!!!! after deep thought over two days! and thanks ahz best fren, val and rubz for saying tt my cute guy ain't cute. =(. lucky not that shou with best fren's gf yet...either that or she really does think tt he's cute. LOL!
3. the last part of pt 2 made me realize tt i tend to like guys who are a lil beng. but i realized tt my taste has changed. i used to like smart bengs (like u all noe who lahz). now i like guys who are only slightly beng but extremely quirky. like how he stands up to study as if he's selling stuff at a pasar malam/bazaar =D. somehow it's really funny. but i like the fact that he's not smart. like...average in most senses of e word. be it intelligence, language skills, results, looks, humour. nothing particularly outstanding at all except e fact tt he does really weird things sometimes. somehow his averageness seems very comfortable. places me at ease. perhaps i'm too complicated a person sometimes? so i do think of living my life with someone very simple? like my parents are example are REALLY simple. LOL. all my mom thinks abt is putting food on e table. my dad doesn't question the newspaper really. when it says sth like 'some diploma holders who have done their part time degrees have even become HODs!' he exclaims to me that e ministry is really open -_-. like hello! have EVEN become HODs. like k ahz!!! open?! LOL. anyway my dad just thinks abt reading e news and believing it 100%, putting beer on his table, toto and 4d in his pocket and fixing e food for the family. really simple too.
so that brings me to my last pt.
4. funny but as i begin to appreciate his simplicity, i somehow think it's easier to live with my dad? although he still occasionally do e cockiest things like stealing money from my wallet/ang baos. -_-. and throwing my notes ard...he does it with a very simple mind mahz. at least his wants are very clearly defined and he tries to realize them in rather silly ways tt i can easily counter. just as i can see beyond that guy's averageness and see e totally funny side of him....i begin to become a lil blind to my dad's pissing-off actions and to see e things which he does for e family...which is actually just cooking but food's totally impt for a person's mood and well-being. after all it could be alot worse...like he could scheme to make me willingly quit sch by painting a bright prospect of e working world for me since young making me think that i MYSELF want to quit sch when it's actually a scheming parent who has purposefully socialize me as such. hence, he could be alot worse. lucky my dad's simple yah? LOL!
in conclusion...some ppl are very very complicated i guess...suddenly it scares me. usually i scare myself. LOL! (like how i tot of how to get kids to start work early on their 'own free will') LOL!!! scary. *shivers*
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been awhile since i've blogged! LOL...
friends
been cool!! managed to meet up with the click for an outing involving carls' junior and some studying at the Hans outlet at e national lib and rounded off my day visiting grace dear's mom at hospital. a really exciting day since it's rare that all 5 of us gals are free. PLUS rubz brought along bananas!!! for extra nutrition. PLUS we all got our watches! =D PLUS me and grace's bro made fun of grace tgt! and lastly...coz i got lost in SGH thinking that there's a short-cut home which brought me to a super secluded, dark, eerie, empty, devoid of life part of SGH. totally freaky. LOL. Even the air was super cold, place seemed like it hadn't seen a living soul for 10 yrs! so obviously i turned around and walked back! LOL!!!!
besides the click...really glad that i've been able to study with qi and best fren and at times, botak-uncle and mommy. the studying really opened my eyes to many things...none of which are academic-related! LOL!!! like i cannot imagine how best fren can possess the same ktv system as kbox at his own home!! he updates his songs biannually and it's $400 per time, and e hardware is a one-off payment of 4k. i would love that one day too..which i have no better place to throw my money into. LOL!! and best fren has a gigantic car which i think is cool coz gigantic cars kinda mean that if u crash into a joker-small car...u're still pretty safe. LOL. and worst of all!!! uncle botak drives a jaguar. like....k ahz!!! but of coz...regardless of a KIA, a jaguar or a toy car...3 of us still have great fun discussing our modules. of coz i had great fun talking crap with them too..like best fren has rather mature and unique insights into relationships which sometimes scare me and qi. and of coz mommy has insights that are EVEN more unique...like how he compares himself to an NBA player specializing in rebounds and ball-snatching (i.e. relationships with attached gals). often me and qi ponder the ethics or possible lack of behind his actions yet we're not sure if all's fair in love and war.
Studies
Not really in e mood as u can tell tt my study sessions turn into teaching sessions/talk cock sessions. so for e mods that i'm doing w/o best fren...i pretty much haven't touched them yet though my first paper is sat!!!! *argh*
Also, my dad seems to be still quite anti me studying and he nicely took my notes from my table and scattered them all over the floor! and told me that i can only use the table after 7pm everyday. -_-. so i obviously spent e next 3 days with 2 days in sch and 1 day in e bedroom. in order to spite him...i turned e aircon on in a last-ditch effort to drive up e electricity bill. totally lame i noe but it was in hope that the prospect of a higher electricity bill will open up my access to the table once again. but of coz i failed and ended my day w/o any success but with a running nose. but well! there's always sch i guess. no choice! but besides e discussions with best fren and botak-uncle....i've only averaged studying 2 slides a day. YES! 2 ppt slides. not even 2 pgs. -_-!!
but of coz...some gd news! very honoured that e dept had decided to nominate me for some asia-pac rim universities summer programme thing in china!! airfare, accommodation, special dinners, visa paid for. tt's kinda like my ticket to somewhere besides sg! prob is that though e dept nominated me, each dept gets to nominate one person and only one person gets to go from arts. and in e whole of nus...2 ppl get to go. which means that competition's quite stiff. in fact, e pressure is on since shirly keeps giving me advice on how to improve my write-up. so e 500 words writeup is kinda a nvr-ending process of revisions. which isn't helping my efforts to buckle down and study. but of coz!!! i would rather go to china! =D not that it's a wonderful place but it's novel, dynamic and i believe...prestigious. and e best part is that my dad is sooo sick of looking at me at home trying to study/use my laptop (which he equates to studying since he calls it my sch laptop)...he says tt he'll be glad for me to go to china! then he won't have to look at my face. LOL!!! sometimes e world conspires to give me opportunities! really hope i can get it esp coz it's right after eth camp. so i too won't have to stick my butt to my home chair in order to not waste money going out...and my recluse will last 1 mth!!!! plus e itinerary of e china summer prog tells me that food over there is 0.6USD..which is like SGD$1!!! hoping to get...then i'll ask MO3 for extra allowance too!! =D.
Entertainment
Very board category....
1. contemplating getting a credit card...e NUS kind. so tt i can live thru my july w/o dying until e cash comes in in aug. and since i start NI3 in like june!!! tt means that i am effectively able to survive financially if i get a credit card. but only toying with e idea...
2. been watching a new drama serial on basketball, love, the biz world and determination! =D
3. i complained against 2 singtel personnel who wished to enter my home claiming that there's a prob with my phone line but refused to tell me what the problem was and buzzed off, never to return. like hello!! what if i thought that my phone would explode. After my complaint and investigation, they were in fact trying to sell me some products upon entry. glad that i turned them away but best fren said tt i was silly since i shld have told e customer relations officer that i demand compensation. which of coz didn't make my day coz my silliness meant that i prob missed out on a month's waiver of my home phone bill!!!!
4. also as entertainment...i decided to sms a guy whom i think is cute and borrow his jacket coz i really forgot mine and he happened to be at home and planning to come to sch. cute in a hmmm...only i think he's cute way!! LOL...i think i hear groans esp from shaz who must have rem-ed me and my previous infatuation hawaiian shirt hoc. oops! LOL. i promise this one is cuter k? anyway...i dun exactly like him....just think that he's a very interesting person...in terms of how he goes abt his life and how he speaks. obviously, he gamely lent me one. but he must be colour-blind! coz he gave me a choice..blue or brown. so i chose brown...but he has have meant the trimmings? coz e blue jacket was 10% blue and 90% white whilst the brown was 10% brown and 90% beige. LOL!!!!!!!! (now u noe y i think he's cute...okie i hear more groans) but still..i was glad to have a jacket to keep me warm! =D
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i finally finally finished my last assignment for this sem!!!!!!!!!! after much procrastinating and much meditating... wrote just over 1.4 words. =D. feel like such a burden is lifted from my shoulders esp since i don't intend to study for for exams since my tutees are having their exams too and i intend to give them more tuition since it's gd for them, they have e money, i need e money. LOL! can still rem last sem when i gave tuition every single day leading up to zj's paper. wonder if i still have that same composure this sem.
my tuition yest was quite wonderful. e new kid...this sec 3 boy lives in a condo near orchard (which is wonderful for me coz it's on e way to cck..so if we meetup at lot 1...sat's cool!). and we have tuition in this room that's not very big....only abt twice e size of e ex gs-rm...but one of its walls is covered with an oil painting!!! kinda hard to describe it...imagine urself sitting on a chair at some ancient, majestic building and looking out into sea. tt's kinda e scene! e railings are painted in too..and in e middle of e sea..there's some cultural buildings that look quite middle-eastern. quite a surreal feeling manz...to sit at tuition, waiting for the kid to do his work and looking at e painting. =D. e funniest thing though is that the room is so non-functional. as typical of rich ppl with alot of rooms i guess. i told him to on e lights....and well...as we all know..oil paintings are typically protected from strong light. so his light was like some weak orangy thing that made me laugh. i wanted to say 'u call that a light?!' but cldn't ahz...coz dunno him well enuf...i wanted to ask him 'ay...art gallery izzit?!' but didn't either. wait till the 5th or 6th lesson manz. anyway he's a really shy boy, not confident with the language at all. quite shuai. has a nice maid who got me tea and biscuits..LOL! and he lives with 2 other kids...no adults at home. looking fwd to more tuition! e tea's really nice...i think it's lipton though. but i like sweet hot tea~
anyway...e pj filming turned out to be damn lame! and atas. they only got e scholars back -_-. mama din tell me if not i might not have gone. not sure if it's a right decision...i mean after all, our scholars aren't too atas in e first place!!!! LOL. so e titles beneath our faces are gonna be damn lame. tons of SAF ppl though...i believe there's 2 mo3tas. and tt seems to pretty much define e grp. -_-. LOL!!! i cabbed there and realized tt i wasted my $11.40 coz i cld have been later and they won't be too bothered since e cameraman had planned to finish at 12 but when i reached at 1230...he still have a few more ppl to film! anyway e lamest thing was that after much thought...he only needed me to say e occupation itself. no need for any elaboration. so i just said 'policy-maker' coz i decided that it's super lame to say teacher when u're already bonded. -_-. LOL!!!!! like it's a dream that you don't have to strive for what. LOL. anyway...i had to say it like 10 times in front of e camera still. reminds me of how uni ppl are made to jump into the air for 10 times for a 5 secs shot. LOL! anyway e funniest thing is that e occupations tt the supposedly atas grp picked aren't atas. e.g. fire-fighter, navy, teacher. -_-. LOL!!!! in retrospect, i shld have said something like 'get into the guiness bk of world records' since there's no need to specify what record and how i intend to do it! LOL!! or i cld dream of being the first woman to travel to some star in the milky way. -_-. why didn't i think of it earlier?!
anyway something funny happened today. my dad met up with shan's dad and as usual they had their bout of comparing/bitching abt their kids. i have no idea why people like to compare their kids with other kids/other ppl with themselves so much. i mean everyone goes thru different things in life. just coz u hold certain values doesn't make you all high and mighty. some ppl just think that they know more than others/are more mature than others or in my dad's case...bring up their kids better than others. then my dad nicely managed to make shan's dad pissed off with her simply coz i've been paying for my own stuff but shan's graduated but getting money from her parents. well, it wasn't her fault at all that her parents are willing to give her e money/not force her to make her own mahz. and my dad nicely made my fren's dad pissed off with my fren. -_-. parents~ LOL!
anyway i pissed my dad off today too. coz i got paid for tuition and i went to buy milk from ntuc in order to break my $100 note which i can't exactly break at sch. then my dad said tt i cld have passed e note to him and he'll break it for me. then i reminded him of e times he took my money w/o telling me only to have me find out later on. and he got pissed. but he got over it damn quickly and reminded me of shan's dad's dismay at her. -_-. patted himself on e back and decided tt he did a gd job i guess. sometimes i dun understand my dad. he stays at home e whole day, eats homecooked food bought with my mom's money. doesn't buy anything except beer and cigarettes and my cousin gives him $200 a month mahz. and my mom gives him an unknown amt too. perhaps he takes my money for fun. -_-. LOL! just like how i insist on eating my meals at home most of e tme. it's e 'zhuan dao' feeling i guess...e feeling that u managed to exploit a loophole in the system.
i realized that me and my sec sch best frens lead such different lives...each one of us. shan, me, ting, qi....all so diff! =D. anyway...as i always say..my dreams are contingent on the dreams of my frens! congrats shan on graduating and i hope you find an internship soon!! then u can finally get a job after that! =D. and congrats qi for passing driving!!! i can't wait to hitch a ride!!! wheeee~~ i love it when my frens aim to learn driving! LOL!
it's over!! my sem's over! at least the compulsory part's over. i.e. e assignments. i love this part of e sem coz studying's optional! LOL!!! and there's no cca! (okie lahz...i still have cca like everyday coz i've got to do some duty thing...but not shiong at least!) YEA!!
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i usually use my blog to help me think thru stuff...and i usually arrive at a clearer picture at the end of blogging and this really is a necessary post for me.
i got asked to go back to my jc to film a corporate video...e theme is 'i have a dream' (like how cheesy)...but oh well..that also means that i have to talk abt my dreams. so i gave it much thought and came up with a conclusion. actually quite glad for this opportunity coz it forces me to sit down and give the matter much thought.
i realized these past few days that what i REALLY want to do is to have a positive impact on the lives of others. of coz teaching does fulfil that. but as much as i like helping youths, talking to them, guiding them....i think that there are other groups out there that need my help such as the needy especially. So my dream is that as i go about my busy life...i can continue to remember my passion for volunteering and continue to work with such groups. Besides making a direct impact on society...i also hope to one day go into policy-making as it is also my dream to be able to devise policies that can help the more neglected segments of society improve their lives and feel a greater sense of self-worth.
yepz! that's e crux of it....not too long so that people don't fall asleep watching my segment of e corporate video of coz. i'm supposed to bring props if it can aid me...but well...i can't think of any props. i'm supposed to wear clothes that reflect my dream..but since i'm not intending to be an astronaut (and borrow a fish bowl to put over my head)..it's gonna be boring if i wear long-sleeve and black pants. LOL!! i cld dress damn lok kok and claim that i emphatize with the more disadvantaged sectors of society but that's stereotypical since ppl are disadvantaged coz they're emotionally needy too and i won't want to go into a sob story of my humble beginnings. -_-. so k ahz! i shall wear my jeans and a blouse. i could be elitist and sit in front of my straits times interview which has been converted into a plague at e concourse. or i could drama-mama and pretend to teach at a classroom then request for a fade-out and appear once more in casual clothes saying i want to be a volunteer then fade and wear a blazer or sth for policy-making but that's too lame! maybe i can do a typical SMU-ish thing and do some jumping on e sch field then sit on e grass with loose strands of hair flying in e breeze. LOL!!!!
*excited*
plus!!! i got an email today asking for help for an overnight trek!! so cool!! it's for youths who are still under GP which means that they have commited a petty crime and are undergoing probation/counselling. looking fwd to it.
lastly...have to say that i am still feeling quite sianz abt my parents who are still persistent in having me grad right after my bachelor. simply coz they want me to start giving them money. they've been not replacing all the damaged things in e house lahz and stressing that i should. super gosh. but in reaction to this adversity!! i have taken up more tuition!! HAR! i believe in myself. that i can do my hons and earn say at least $500 a mth so that i can pass them $200-$300 a mth and still replace things ard e house. hmph.
but suddenly my 3 pending grad trips all seeeeem so far away. maybe i'll have to do a grad trip to msia. -_-. maybe my dream can be that i want to go on a grad trip or even better..that my parents will be less assured that i can cope with the financial burdens that they throw upon me. thinking back as i spoke to rubz yest....yah...quite unthinkable that they would stop supporting their 16yr old kid who's still sch-ing. like callously not give her a single cent for sch and expect that she can settle the problem herself. but i like how i turned out i guess..have to credit my parents for their intended/unintended not-too-bad upbringing. maybe i should do e same to my kids in future!!!!!! muahahahhaha.
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life's funny...esp when things come full circle.
i fell sick yest...coz i was so affected by a msn convo i had 2 days ago.
Y msn-ed me....and he wanted to ask me out for coffee one of these days so i graciously agreed of coz...no harm drinking some coffee i guess. then he wanted to send me a song. so i accepted and listened to it. he really has a god-given voice/talent for singing. somehow e song moved me a lil to open myself to him a lil...so i opened tt door that i shut long ago when i rejected him. i guess that in a way...it was open before tt but i had to shut it since he asked a yes/no qn then. and it was a ridiculous yes/no qn at that. he asked if i would one day marry him. i had to say no coz i wld nvr convert into any religion just coz of marriage...somemore it's islam! (okie....religion-ist. but i dun like a restrictive lifestyle). so i closed it long ago.
i guess i felt safe opening e door a very lil bit....thinking that well...no harm since he's attached now mahz. i was wrong. LOL! anyway i asked for him to send me his rendition of 'when u say nothing at all'...which in a way was a special song for me during that period coz before his confession...most ppl who knew us plus both of us kinda both knew that there was sth but we nvr said anything. for alot of reasons of coz. then he offered to sing it for me in real life. which stunned me. and i slammed tt door that i opened slightly shut! LOL. then i said no...but cldn't think of an excuse. and i can't confess the potency of his music and how it melts ppl. in fact...i rem like 80% of e gals in my class having crushes on him. -_-. and how dee used to go mad whenever he performs. so i invented some crap reason like how a recorded version is better since i can play back whenever i feel like it. (i guess that i also have e option of deleting it...not playing it. anyway i prefer my memory of him to stay a memory i guess).
anyway....he started sending me more songs. then i decided tt it's abit too weird. so i attempted to remind him tt he's attached by asking if his gf recorded e his competition song for him (he won btw.). then he said no...and that they broke up. GOSH!!! i almost died tt moment. i admit that i was slightly happy...but of coz i din almost die from happiness. i almost died from confusion, shock and i suddenly felt very lost. coz it was as if we were walking tgt till one day...we had to go onto two diff paths. then i got attached and he expressed his regret then he got attached and i expressed my congratulations though i felt a tinge of sadness coz his music ceased to be abt me. then i split and then he split. and suddenly he seems to be trying to come back onto my path. and it seems so natural to slip back into that ambiguous relationship that would lead nowhere coz i dun like the end pt. so i resisted as i did back then. and all e things he said at our final clearing things up conversation seems like yesterday. how he was so sure that i would say yes. how i asked if he nvr once considered the opposition, the problems and he admitted that he nvr considered it.
then he asked again to meet me and to sing to me.
once again i have e choice... i could let him down or i could let everyone else down esp my family who wld nvr approve...and my frens who wld have probs going out with us since we eat e most non-halal food. and let myself down by restricting my lifestyle.
in e end...i noe that i wld let him down again. coz e other option isn't even a valid option for me.
currently listening to a repertoire of the songs he sent me...i dun like being in this ambiguous space...and he sure knows how to push me in. but i can't change my ans still.
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woah...tired!
know that several of my frens are going thru rough patches with all sorta issues. none are less significant than e other of coz. everyone jiayou!!!
really tired too coz finally yest i concluded my last meeting during the term for eth. wanted to go buy e vitamin c pills for e oc to eat then go home to sleep! but as val has aptly described it! i found vitamin F! by running into her and matt!! and what was even funnier was that as we were walking towards e bus interchange...matt pointed out that he drove toward and e car was right at tt carpark. -_-! LOL. so obviously we took his car. matt took abit of persuading but after all!!! e route to vivo can just be e bus 10 route mahz! and we happily drove over with e car tuned to english classics and matt being very nice! offered to changed it to a chi channel. LOL!!! thanks matt but k ahz. i understand eng. no choice. LOL!
we had long john silvers for lunch...which i love..and i got myself a meal + clam chowder in e hopes of growing fatter. and val and matt decided not to help me with the food though i was full coz that would defeat the initial purpose! so i stuffed e food down and was totally satisfied. afterwhich we obviously loitered ard quite abit and we saw e cutest kindergarten kids!! with some workbk on 'Malls'. LOL! k ahz..then i jokingly said tt we can teach them retail geog! but totally cute and quite a few grps of them as well!
then of coz i got e vitamin Cs...but e bottle has 180 tablets (chewable)...and i think e OC ate like 30. which means i have 150 more to settle. which means tt i'll be a healthy gal!! wooohoooooo!! can't believe that i was thoughtful enuf to think of getting them vitamins so that they'll be healthy for exams and they were really quite gan dong-ed. LOL! i'm amazed by my occasional thoughtfulness...too bad it's so occasional! LOL!! *slave-driver in e making*
yepz...and wj is soooo predictable that i knew tt he would celebrate my bday for me. so i msned him e night before e meeting saying tt i dun want to have a celebration during e meeting coz we din celebrate for e rest so it won't be fair! then wj din reply for 5mins...so i msned him e next line 'wj...dunno what to say/do also must reply sth de' LOL!!! so he just said some random thing. next day...after e meeting. indeed there was cake! but wj did tone it down to one slice! and having it after e meeting. =). thanks thanks! and i was surprised once more!! what a surprising yr! =D. surprised coz T tried to stall for time by bringing me to CBLC at 10pm. -_-. obviously it was closed le. so he panicked a lil i guess and asked me to wait for him outside e clubrm while he went in to take sth. well! if i had stood outside waiting i wld have guessed it coz...why can't i wait inside rite? but it so happens that i needed e toilet...coz i was my own decoy. and after tt when i was done...T was outside and said tt he needed to go in to take sth (like again?! but i believed it). so i opened e door and woah!!! darkness + candle + cake + song. gan dong-ed!!
now for e best part....i got 2 things from e party. 1 card + 1 gift
card: supposedly from everyone in comservclub. but has like 20+ ppl lahz...just tt they're not from any SP in particular and damn weird...they got someone whom i've only spoken to once in my life to write e card coz T happened to see e talk to her during tt one time when i did and he was e one who did up e card. and somehow i expected him to cough up a card. just knew tt he would cough up a card with eth ppl writing msgs just didn't expect it to be on a bigger scale.
gift: necklace earring set! (again)...getting things in doubles like e bags and now e necklace-earrings set. but i realized tt my doubles are total opposites. like ting qi shan got me a formal folder looking bag tt i can bring to work. T bought a go-out-ish taiwanish looking white/silverish bag. my dears+rubz got me a more funky, pink-girly necklace-earrings set but wj, gh, sista, kris and pc got me a adult-ish diamond-ish necklace-earring set. then i kept laughing upon opening up e gift coz.......it reminds me of a mothers' day gift!! esp coz wj who's like a small boy (smaller than me in build) gave it to me. and it's seriously mothers' day looking! LOL. plus e fact tt wj and gh went to choose it tgt. like 2 sons buying sth for their mom. but oh well..it's rather branded i think plus it comes with lifetime warranty so i guess tt i can still wear it w/o looking like a poser when i'm 60 yrs old! =D. gan dong-ed at e attempt by these 2 single guys trying to buy some jewellery. bet they felt weird just standing in e shop. LOL! kudos to their bravery.
so it was a very gan dong-ing day! though of coz i got home like close to midnite and had to start studying for my test tt took place today!
obviously i only studied up to half of lect 3 (there are 10 in total) by 2+am...partly coz i was talking to a truckload of ppl who aren't too happy abt life. but no worries! =D i love talking to u truckloads of ppl!!! then i woke up at 630 today to go to sch to oversee e med checkup thing. after giving e instructions..i meant to study...but for e first time in my life!!! i fell asleep at e clubrm. oops...2nd time. first time was during eth last yr when i slept at 2am and woke up at 5.30am everyday for 5 days. no naps! so i guess tt i'm damn drained.
oh well!!!
anyway my test was so buanged!! i cld only do half e qns. what of coz is already an accomplishment for me since i studied like 3 lects. which is less than half. gosh. however, i finished a 1 hr test in 5mins...contemplated walking out. guy oppo me finished in 10mins...made some weird sound to try to get my attention. think he wanted to copy manz. but i ignored him. -_-. then he walked off. like 10mins into e paper! then i tried to see how ppl were doing. so i glanced ard....even like 45mins into e test...i see alot of flipping and lil writing and completely empty scripts. -_-. but since i'm facing a whiteboard....i decided tt i shld stop screwing up my grades and think abt how i shall proceed from now till e exams. but my mind drew a blank. great way to spend 55mins of ur life. finally i gave up like 5mins before e end of e paper partly coz i saw tt my fren was done with her paper and she gave me e 'u wanna go?' look. so i stood up..turned ard...and realized tt e room which started with 120 ppl had like 10 ppl left!!!!!!!! LOL! like wth. i wonder if e bell-curve will save me.
...
this blog is based on my experiences of having been in love just twice in my life. LOL! cld be totally inaccurate. i dunno manz. poor sample size. and by no means does this apply to other ppl. thinking that this will apply to u will prob fall flat coz i'm just super weird and crazy. LOL
1.
Qn (usu by qi/ting): who is ______?
me (in love): he's....ay....(choice of negative adjectives: e.g. arrogant, inhuman, ugly, cannot stand it)
me (just a fren): he's....ay....(choice of gd adjectives: e.g. smart, nice, very nice, kind, helpful
analysis: i guess that when i'm in love i believe that the singularity of the emotion is enuf to overcome all the negatives thus making the person deserving of whatever i wish to shower on that person but when i'm not in love...i tend to cite a long list of attributes/promote e person even....as if that will convince myself why i shld in fact feel sth for that person (which of coz doesn't work)
2.
very clear sign....
me (in love): will want to see that person everyday. not fan at all. and i really do e stupidest things like hang out where that person may appear often involving e most fallible excuses
me (just a fren): i get irritated when someone calls me 3 days in a row or tries to meet me 3 days in a row. and i'll avoid the person
3.
me (in love): will do anything to let that person 'owe' me sth or for me to 'owe' that person something
me (just a fren): will make sure that i don't owe him anything
analysis: my mom used to tell me as a child that she doesn't like to 'qian' ppl stuff esp ren qing. coz it's very hard to repay it. i guess that the concept stuck. and it's like if i can't repay the person or if that person can't repay me. we're linked tgt like that forever.
that's it for now..just very random thoughts on my part.
and T is really very smart. he picked up on pt 2 and 3 w/o me telling him anything. so in fact...he did contribute to the formulation of my tots. and he kicked up a fuss last nite on both pts esp pt 3 when i refused to let him pay for my dinner and he said tt i can always buy him dinner back but i refused to accept e arrangement coz i may forget. and he concluded with his usual conclusion that i am too smart for myself. i do not disagree. to be honest...i'm damn sianz of e no-feelings-for-anyone state. but i can't get out of it simply coz i want to mahz. e last i tried making it a matter of choice..i failed ahz. so no choice. opening my eyes very big and looking ard. but still....no choice!
...
a few things...(as usual..LOL!)
1. my bday!!
had a great birdday! LOL. coz firstly got to meet up with family outside sch for e first time in say 9 mths (since after eth). and really really very gan dong that family made time for me esp laogong who kept falling asleep at dinner since he's been sleeping like 3hrs/day for forever. and er-zi who took time off his extremely busy cca schedule and his okie-ly busy sch schedule (since he had a test e next day and it's in e midst of his internal drive period). and really must thank T for getting everyone tgt. really very you xin and i appreciate it but still...no choice!
and must thank all e ppl who wished me happy bday esp rubz and grace dear who gave me such elaborate greetings fill with bday wishes. =) and thanks to val dear for putting me onto her gchat nick. =).
very surprised tt some ppl actually rem my bday and wished me happy bday. topping this list = siew mai who's my pri sch fren. LOL!! it's amazing how many inside jokes we have...coz she smsed me 'hi egg! happy bday!' LOL!! yepz...i'm known as egg in pri sch...like he bao dan (abbrev form=egg). really very gan dong that she has rem my bday since i was 7. tt's like 15yrs of bdays tt had passed. LOL! and surprised tt some ppl whom i nvr ever speak to e.g. cp rem my bday. and he wished me twice somemore. sms + frenster. LOL!! and of coz e feeling is very xin fu when i went to e clubrm on my bday and from afar...ppl outside e rm started shouting happy bday and when i walked in everyone chimed happy bday too. =D. such a strong feeling tt ppl care. =).
and sth funny abt my bday. before my bday...i had 0 sch bags (coz e strap to mine broke). so...
(1) i bought one for myself
(2) i bought another one for myself just in case e 1st one buang
(3) i ordered one online coz it's nice + big enuf for me to bring it to eth
(4) ting, qi, shan got me one
(5) family/T (i dunno if it's shared but i was told tt T went and got it himself) got me one.
so now...i have 5 bags!!!!!!!!!!!!
but well...one can nvr have too much of sincere wishes and greetings and gifts. LOL!
after a very happy 22nd bird-day....e next day is as usual as well!
2. his birdday!
after like....7 yrs...i still rem his bird-day. LOL!! how to forget manz..it's just one day after my own bird-day mahz. well...i improved. i used to rem his bird-day before remembering my own bird-day. but....yest i only rem-ed at 12pm. which to me is an achievement. LOL. so i immed smsed him happy bday of coz. and we had a decent conversation revolving ard e fact tt i haven't graduated, he's still back at crez and he's waiting for me to join them and how i do not wish to teach in a gd sch and how he hasn't seen me for forever and we shld meet up soon and summing it off...i promised to buy him dinner with my first paycheck. nice, decent, adult-ish convo. actually it's funny how sometimes i feel like my life is themed. e theme for e last wk=corn. well...i contributed to e theme by suddenly remembering a song that he sang back then and looking it up. and more amazingly...i ran into his best fren aka. carrot last tues. at clementi central! like woah...running into someone in sg is damn rare. it's e first time i've seen carrot since corn's wedding. and 2nd time since i grad. then i was like stunned and all i cld think of was 'carrot!'. couldn't even rem his real name so tt i cld say hi. LOL!
anyway...as usual...1st apr is a depressing day for me. and after wishing corn happy bday. i actually boarded e wrong bus. -_-. ended up at e wrong part of sch. sat thru a lect during which i learnt nth coz i was feeling too stoned. had to meet qi for dinner to take my mind off things. felt like tearing e whole day for no definite reasons. finally i got myself to cry watching a not-sad-at-all chn 8 serial. LOL!! and went to sleep at midnite coz really too stoned. and i cldn't get to sleep coz i had tt sea-sick feeling tt stuck to me sometimes when i think of corn. it's quite illogical coz it started when i was at pulau ubin and watching him on a ship departing from e island following which i got seasick and had to go into e sick bay of OBS. which didn't make sense coz though i was on e island...i was on land. LOL!!! it makes even less sense now since i didn't even look at e sea. -_-. LOL! but it's a feeling tt stuck. then i realized tt i acquired so many lil habits from corn's time. things tt stuck both gd and bad.
but i really do owe him a meal...i think i owe him 1million meals. coz w/o him....i cldn't possibly have become what i am today.
and i guess that my themed wk made me realize many things abt what i felt then...what i feel now and e vast differences. which i will summarize in my next blog. LOL!
...
i said sth insightful tonight! LOL! when qi who's helping me with gen bio asked me abt my answer to the first qn...i said:
i think ahz qi...u know..it's like u walk onto Mars somehow then u see stuff....u dun exactly noe e name of e stuff u see....
so i just named tt 'stuff' sth from e textbk that appears to be of the correct colour lahz! LOL!! i kinda feel like that during gen bio lects/labs...it's like walking onto Mars...some guy (TA/lecturer) shows me random slides/microscopic stuff then i'm like 'woah'. but those stuff are so foreign..like they're from Mars. LOL!!!!! but i kinda like e 'woah' feeling enuf to not complain i guess.
so today..i'm back on my own geogie planet. doing my proj. LOL!! not as enjoyable as i thought. dunno y do until abit headachish. maybe coz i've been so stuck on zj kinda projects tt it feels funny writing a more social/cultural paper now. suddenly things look iffy. feeeeels funny. i think i am suffering from a lack of geog mods this sem! -_-. okie..time to get back to my report! =D
...
some days are just funnier than other days! i realized tt my days with changing LS are always uber funny.
well...e previous tut...my bag strap broke, e tutor called my name to remind me to leave e class early for my presentation and i threw my txtbk onto the floor by mistake! 'nuff said. LOL!!! well today...still funny. i went for class...minded my own biz. then e tutor called my name once more and asked me where's james. aka my best fren. LOL!! super funny coz everyone looked stunned that a tutor would address a specific student to ask abt another specific student. but!!!!! silly old me didn't bring my phone to sch today!! *gasp*. so i had no idea. so i said back 'no idea!!' then finally best fren came and he wanted to join my grp for discussion then me and e tutor said no to him at e same time. HAH! LOL! but in e end...e tutor was nice lahz and said tt okie he can join us if it makes him happy. LOL!!! tut was so fun!!! coz it was a debate kinda thing and i was full of geogie concepts. LOL! and i talked ALOT during today's tut which was amazing. it was like a dialogue betwn me and best fren. LOL!! very amusing. and i got qi to talk too!! she's usually so quiet and i think tut participation is 12%. =). i love my two best frens!! 1 fake and 1 real of coz. and of coz qi is e real one!! and!! i got to tease qi. LOL!! i kept asking her what's in e paper bag she had. coz i knew that it's my present ahz! so obvious. then she just smiles and refuses to tell me. LOL!! but i noe!!!!!!! okie...i'm crazy today! LOL!!
then after tut...after speaking ALOT....me and my 2 best frens went for lunch and i tot of many things tt qi can say to justify her wanting to do her hyp on sth rather unrelated to her comp bio course. she wants to do on hps! LOL!!! lunch was super crappy actually. LOL. and i got a stunner at 1pm! when i realized tt....e essay that i thought i finished 25hrs beforehand was short of a conclusion!!!! no conclusion!! and all my grp members didn't notice that there was no conclusion!!! LOL!! so i wrote a rushed one while james best fren decided to go to sleep. LOL!!! k ahz. my grp member went to sleep. damn funny!! but really really very happy coz i like e adrenaline rush. but now technically..i only finished my proj 3 hrs before it was due. -_-. LOL!!!
why else am i happy? i dunno also. just happy ahz. even e clouds look happy today! maybe coz i finally finished my report!!!! maybe coz i finally engaged in DISCUSSION during a tutorial. LOL!!! nonetheless, just insanely happy! =). maybe coz....my bday wish on tuesday came true!!! =D.
counting down to my bday.
and can't wait to start on writing my changing LS proj!
i love geogie! i love studying! i love myself! i love my frens!!
...
haven't blogged in awhile...coz recently realized that there's nth much to say bahz. coz suddenly i seem alot more focussed on what i want and i'm just pursuing it. dunno what caused the change also. but i'm suddenly less slack in terms of deadlines. like...i finished my report 24 hrs before it's due! tt's amazing for me at least.
kinda feel abit sianz of sch. but i ask myself if my effort is worth it and of coz it's worth it coz it's only once in ur life when u can make a difference to a piece of paper that follows u ard for life. funny coz i felt stress e other day. quite an alien feeling for me i guess. seems like there's so much to do. mountain of stuff. yet, somehow egoistic me will believe that i need to do them and not delegate them out since ppl will ask me lots of qns anyway. might as well do it myself. less trouble. at least one report is done!
now i'm looking fwd to starting my changing LS proj. somehow...feel that e topic is much more fun, much more creative...and much more thinking rather than integrating the thoughts of academics. -_-. LOL! and i'm thinking abt my test next wk too..since i have like 60 slides per lect, 10 lects and e slides kinda fall into the following pattern:
Name of Scientist (Years he lived)
Life Story
Invention no. 1
Invention no. 2
multiple that by 60 then 10. yah...now u can guess how i feel. LOL!! what an impossible mod.
finally...have to confess that e busier i am, more tied up i am...e less i think that relationships matter. more cold-blooded! LOL!! suddenly...for once....i dun care abt who likes me. i don't have feelings for anyone. and i can't be bothered to put in effort to get to know anyone!!! LOL!!!!!!!
funny that i didn't talk to T for 1 whole wk and when he msn-ed me last night asking me out on my bday. i told him 'need to do proj.' LOL!!! anyway i guess that he thinks i'm avoiding him coz after much persuasion and him asking e rest of e 'family'. i said yes. so he asked y i said such a firm no to him. -_-.
Last of all..i still can't stop thinking abt what uncle said when he counselled e youths e other day over the break-up. just sth that i dunno whether to agree with...
1. that someone isn't responsible for how he turns out. i guess that everyone must be responsible to some extent. at least i'll like to think that. maybe 5% to 10% is coz of that person? but it's also true that we are who we are..i.e. even how we react and cope with things is coz of how we're brought up. dunno!!
Then i pondered over other stuff he said.
1. if someone loves another person more than e other person loves him back...it's a problem. yah...i think it's a big problem too. but isn't that normal?
2. thinking abt youths in general. how sometimes they can be irresponsible...and how it's part of growing up bahz.
okie....enough rambling on for today i guess.
...
recently...it seems that i am confronted with many many many many questions.
1. elitism
i don't think someone who does very well in things is elitist. That person can be an elite but not elitist. and i cannot stand it when ppl are elitist. funny that i am confronted with such issues recently. what sparked if off was of coz e roundtable on leadership...today as i was speaking to my mom abt edu issues...i suddenly got a pretty agitated thinking tt through uni results...students are selected for various opportunities like internships, mentorships and the like. just bcoz a student is in dean's list doesn't mean that he has e skills to serve a company well. but it seems that being in e dean's list when u're in yr 2 or sth means tt u are set to be headhunted. then i wondered abt reports of undergrads finding it hard to get jobs. perhaps ppl dun realize tt there are yr 2s, yr 1s who are already headhunted into the positions tt ppl study so hard, interview so hard for. just rather disturbed. then i felt relieved that i am not in either e headhunted nor the trying so hard to land a job just coz my results nvr exceeded a certain mark grp. but...i realized tt i'm in e scholar grp which isn't exactly any less elitist. -_-. but i guess tt if i'm not in e scholar grp..i'm not in e uni sys simply coz my parents won't want to fund me. soooo..no choice!!! everyone is stuck in this sys. not that it's better to be outside it. coz even if u're outside e uni sys. you're still stuck in the societal sys. disturbed.
then today i was disturbed further...coz i went out with this youth, called J. we were happily walking along e pavement and singing 'shuo ai ni' (dun ask me y i was singing in public!). but anyway...2 gals approached us to do a survey. no offence to christians...i think most are fine...but tt 2 gals aren't. at least one of them wasn't. LOL!! the convo went sth like this:
*me and J filling up forms*
*J asking me what 'comments', 'impression' etc meant*
*i translated them into chi for her*
anyone with eyes can tell tt J is super young..in fact...she looks pri 4 though she's in sec 2.
gal: wah...why you so zai? (referring to my ability to translate eng to chi
me: coz i'm old
gal: how are the two of you related?
*me busy translating stuff*
gal: are you sisters?
me: no
gal: cousins?
me: no
gal: i noe!!! you kidnapped her
me: yah (already a lil pissed coz i was obviously trying very hard to ensure tt J can finish her survey whilst she and her fren didn't bother to explain e terms to J)
gal: really?!
*silence*
when all seemed well...
gal: why u so zai?!
me: coz i am old lahz!!! (increasingly angry. coz being able to translate 'propaganda' into chi isn't exactly zai)
gal: then why she what also dunno?
me: *incensed* coz she's YOUNG!!!
gal: why she so lousy??
me (greatly angered by the word 'lousy') gives a -_- face. coz she's young lahz!!!
gal: how old is she?
J: sec 2
gal: But i also sec 2 lehz!!!!!!!! why you dunno the words?! *totally stunned face*
i was damn pissed. but J was there so i held my tongue. wanted to ask if she only lives in her express stream world. i mean..even if u do...you still have to be sensitive to the fact tt not all living beings noe what 'comment' means. -_-.
anyway after tt...there was silence. awkward silence. then at e end...she insisted on us writing our contact numbers so tt she can tell us abt future church events. -_-. obviously we didn't. and i just told her curtly 'just email us.' and we walked off. insensitive idiot. how wld she like it if someone her age told her tt she's lousy? -_-.
perhaps singaporeans are less understanding of differences these days. maybe we shld follow e concept of eugenics and store e genes of nobel prize winners to make sure that everyone wld at least now e meaning of the word 'comments' by e age 14...or better still...'propaganda'.
okie lahz...very agitated! LOL!!!!! but i had a very interesting day though it was really draining esp mentally as i tried to understand what goes thru e mind of J...esp when she has 2 bfs (one in msia and 1 in sg). and she wants to break with e sg one but is doing it thru a guy whom she's rumoured to be ai mei with and they're going to act as a couple then e guy will tell her bf tt she wants to break. LOL!!! logic's quite baffling. i understand tt e guy may wanted to help her coz he likes her. but she's more than willing to accept e help. really interesting. and she doesn't mind if both guys get their gangs together and start a fight. i certainly need a few days to digest this!! before i make time to go down for e prog on tues to observe e ongoings and defuse e bombs if necessary. life is nvr boring when u work with youths!!! LOL!! too bad i can't put tt into my very empty clem publicity blog!!!
and i spoke so much abt e first issue that i give up talking abt e others for tonite at least! LOL!!!
...
thinking thinking...abt many many things first of all...i thought above all about how i'm like as a person..it's strange tt i learn sth new about myself everyday.
yest...i learnt tt i can be so schizo. can argue both sides to the same issue but i dunno y after i randomly decide on one side...i can still argue so seriously for it. tt's totally weird since i can easily argue for the other side as well!! and whichever side i argue for...i dun care....i just want to win e argument. gosh!! luckily i dun argue with myself. if not i can just make myself cry by being intimidating to myself. LOL!!!! makes me wonder if really my principles and beliefs are that strong...since i can easily argue against them and still win. perhaps i acquired this (i would call it a flaw) from my training in arts bahz.
e other thing was tt i was on e bus today....and i was sitting behind this auntie who was talking to herself or perhaps God. but anyway she was speaking to no physical being about her life. and i heard some snippets of it and felt really sad after tt....she was saying that she wld like to have a job...any job will do. and she said sth about her children resenting her and her husband having an affair and having brought the woman home. and she got off at e nus interchange...looking really lost. i wanted to go ask her where she wanted to go to but she got onto e bus again and e driver drove e bus over to e counter. somehow....looking at her...i felt overwhelmed with sadness coz it's so much easier to reach out to someone who's physically lacking than someone who's emotionally lacking and as much as i wished to help her...i have no idea how to approach her. if i see someone hungry, i can buy that person lunch. there are projects for them...in fact most special projs in comserv give these ppl things. then for reg volunteering, we work with children, elderly, youths, id, terminally ill..but there are ppl out there who don't fall neatly into these categories who really need a listening ear but have no idea where to go to. just felt so sad watching her. so much so tt i went to tutorial abit depressed.
but e funniest and cockiest thing happened!!! as i placed my bag on e table...e strap of my bag broke. -_-. how many ppl have a broken bag in sch. -_-. but instead of making me sad....i kept laughing coz it's soooo cock! and i had to hide my bag in e tut rm cupboard to collect later during e gs event. lucky it's a geog tut!!!! and there's an event after tt. then i carried random stuff ard from arts to sci and back again. and so malu! coz i was paisei to leave tut early and e tutor called me by my shortened name and not my full name and asked in front of e whole class 'dun u need to leave early? u want to leave now??' LOL!!!! so malu!!!!!!!!! then everyone noes tt my bag strap broke. and they know my name too! -_-. then i had to drop my txtbk due to my armful of things. LOL!!!!!!!!!!
i cannot stand. tooooo funny! LOL! cracked me up.
then i had a wonderful presentation which left my grp members in awe. i dunno how i managed to speak like tt either. i just stood in front of e lect grp which had lil ppl since most ppl ponned and talk lorz. and i can't believe tt e ppl responded to my presentation e.g. put up hands and stuff when i asked qns like whether they read e daily horoscope. LOL!!!! so funny. but fun...felt like a teacher! >_<!
and lect with zj was fun coz hf fell asleep and finally stopped interrupting e tut. and he made a super lame joke tt zj kept thinking was an impt pt. e qn was 'why do we study cities' then hf said 'coz we dun study e ctryside.' LOL!!!! then zj tot it must have been a highly enlightening pt and kept trying to tease sth out. LOL!!!!!
then finally i followed val dear to her grp meeting which left me totally speechless...val din tell me tt her grp had like 6 or 7 ppl or sth. anyway i went ard getting/zapping/borrowing bks and all. and finally C who's totally nice helped me bring my bag over to e gs room and i put my bag into an environmental bag...which is this green thing tt tells us to save our Earth. and i carried tt ard inviting stares...but i realized tt i'm damn weird...i din mind e attention! LOL!!!!!! sth wrong with me.
argh...i cannot stand my day!! too funny!!!!
...
today...i went for e leadership roundtable thing...which got me thinking. got me to stop proceeding on with my life and take stock.
think i've done not too shabby so far. LOL. after all...i winded up in uni with a scholarship. which means tt i'm set for some leadership track at least. then i started thinking what kinda leader i want to be in future. i realized tt i want to try different different things...take on many many challenges. i want to have a different day at work everyday. =). and i realize tt i dun want minor differences...i want big differences.
then i thought abt hunger. of coz we all want things...but wat we want is perhaps less impt than how much we want it. i can want to be e president of e world...but if i dun want it enuf to do sth abt it...it'll nvr come to be mahz. thought thru alot of stuff...hopefully my life henceforth will be better planned since i noe wat i want...and i noe tt i want it quite badly since it's hard to stay in a job otherwise...LOL!! i'm going to have to position myself such tt i seem capable enuf to be placed in endless challenging environments bahz! jiayou!!
and...i loveeeeeee geog. LOL!! i just finished editing a fren's proj. it feel so wonderful writing geog. so wonderful tt i added concepts and went thru some old readings for his proj. LOL!! oops. over-enthu...but...i love geog. love it so much tt it's 3+am now and i'm still awake doing someone else's proj..LOL!! and i'm really awake and exciting at spreading my love and knowledge of geog.
...
sick once more. sianz....i must be really weak or i must really overwork my body.
on the bright side...no fever...=D only cough. which is why i cannot understand why tt stupid doc gave me anti-biotics...=(. which i can't really take. coz after u get it into its powder form...it's inedible coz of the strong stench. i shall summarize my days in a few paras.
ice-lemon tea gone wrong
okie...what i did...or rather what my dad suggested doing was to do what we did e other time...dissolve e antibiotics in all kinda stuff...but this time..no porridge coz it denatures e thing...so he pounded it up and added it in ice lemon tea!!! which tasted soper horrible this time roung coz there's a lot more powder. =(. so i gave up on e course of antibiotics and poured away e mixture. welllll....i decided after an agonizing five minutes tt i have two options: A. finish this horrible thing in an hr coz i need to drink one mouth and eat a sour plum and rest then drink another in case i puke. B. give up. to opt for A....i only attain success if i can do that a total of 8 times. since i need to complete e course. looking at my abilities in medicine taking or lack thereof. i opted for B and poured away the mixture and threw away the antibiotics. LOL!! i noe my own limitations manz. makes me realized tt sometimes...we have to make bad choices coz we don't have the ability to effect the good choices.
second ice lemon tea gone wrong was when i went shopping for clementi stuff with T. and he pointed out that there's some 'strepsils cough' thing...which is like strepsils but particularly effective for cough so i bought it to try...it tastes like herbal ice-lemon tea with a strong ginger aftertaste. horrible at first...but it's horrible in a non-detestable way...i grew to not mind and then to like it. gosh. i normally dislike ginger. but oh well! but poor T almost died eating one of it. oh well. one man's meat (mine!!) another man's medicine (his)..LOL!!
Quiet days
since i've lost my voice...my days are really quiet. though tons of ppl call me to discuss eth stuff i can't really talk. LOL!! very much to their amusement esp wj who wld ask me everyday if i'm better coz it's too quiet w/o me...feels funny. -_-. nice lil boy. and i'm so sick le...but i'm still on stubborn on stuff. kinda playing e proj like a chess game. and funny tt i ended up challenging erzi. and obviously he lost though i'm sick and almost voiceless. in fact i held a pretty decent convo with him with minimal coughing. anger when fanned works well in the short term. and i held a convo w/o coughing at all with dean's office yest. authority works well on coughs too. anyway i have at least 5 reasons for fighting erzi. it wasn't e thing tt i wanted changed...but the fight that was e msg. LOL!!
then today...dearest wb asked if i can change e camp dates. i really wanted to help wor...no msg behind not helping. but really no alternative wks and i cannot shift by a day or two coz tt screws up the weekday, weekend thing. something she shld noe as VP bahz. oh well.
i'm full of germs and disgruntlements and full of sleep too!!!! been sleeping like 15hrs a day and doing nth else besides dvds. -_-.
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lalalalala...
so much to do and so lil time. first time i'm sooo pressed for time. realized tt i have so much acad work to do and even more cca work to do. do and do and do...until sianz le! LOL! therefore!!! i bought vcds/dvds....ermz...5 sets somemore! anyway i still have e vouchers and they're still really cheap. so yah. i just finished watching gong zhu xiao mei after 3 days. =D. okie...tt's e only expensive serial i got....cost me $32.90. oops!! abit heartache...but no choice! coz i was too impetous. i was at e zhen zhu fang outlet and asked e casher to help me call e chinatown pt outlet asking if they still have stock for it since zzf outlet ran out of e serial. then e cashier told them tt e customer is going down to take it. then damn paisei if i dun take it after seeing e heartachish price.
anyway...tt was part of my Vday! e other part was meeting rubz, grace, shaz at vivo. which was fun with e photo taking...but rather tiring coz it's after lect and we have heavy bags. and i realized tt i lost weight!!!!!!! like how totally freaky. and i'm now....39.5kg!!!! like how can tt be possible? i was 39 in pri sch. =(. like pri 6. how can i, soon to be 22 yrs old...be e weight of my 12 yr old self. =(. damn traumatised, disturbed and sad. then my mom said tt i better be careful...coz ppl with diabetes lose weight!! choy ahz!!! but really very scared and sad. coz i rem being 43 e last i checked which was prob few mths back. but rubz tried e scale tt i used too....she said tt her weight's correct plus she checks it everyday lahz. -_-. maybe my bones lack calcium?? and i'll be heavier if i drink more milk?? =(.
not a very gd vday after alll...though it led to me buying more dramas to watch...those are wonderful as usual. =). hence my distraction from studying for my test which is due to be on thurs!!! with me having commserv meetings/events mon to wed. gosh. means i'll be home at like 11pm for 3 days...how to go for test?! but i will jiayou!!! coz they're all things tt i want to do! =D
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What Lye Kit Wan Means |
 You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow. You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily. Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is. You are a free spirit, and you resent anyone who tries to fence you in. You are unpredictable, adventurous, and always a little surprising. You may miss out by not settling down, but you're too busy having fun to care. You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together. You are a seeker of knowledge, and you have learned many things in your life. You are also a keeper of knowledge - meaning you don't spill secrets or spread gossip. People sometimes think you're snobby or aloof, but you're just too deep in thought to pay attention to them. You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing. You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long. You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start. You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life. You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home. You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble. You are very charming... dangerously so. You have the potential to break a lot of hearts. You know how what you want, how to get it, and that you will get it. You have the power to rule the world. Let's hope you're a benevolent dictator! You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality. You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people. You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts. You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals. |
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when i saw him again...i felt the world swirling ard me. i was so shocked tt i was rooted there, mind went blank for i dun even noe how many seconds. i guess tt it's not really very possible for someone else to have tt impact on me.
with a tinge of guilt, i admit tt i cld see no one except him then. i lost sight of e T who had been asking me out everyday for e past i dunno how long though he was right next to me. as we sat there...i started to wonder 3 things....
1. did i not see T coz he's on e other table or did i not see T coz i really cld only see ritch.
2. why does sw noe so much abt me?! LOL!!!
3. why do i think tt perhaps sw noes more than ritch abt me. when sw is practically a stranger.
but of coz at e top of my mind is still no. 1. i started thinking and thinking and thinking. and T started to try not to ask me abt my thoughts on lunch. until finally he gave up at e end of e day. after ALOT of thinking....i decided tt i love e memories, the experiences tt i shared with ritch. doesn't matter what it amounts to for both of us or if we think of them differently. but i dun love e ritch of e future coz things are different, the experience is different and i dun have e confidence tt we will pick up where we left off. even if we do, i dunno how he will interpret what goes on from then now. when u love memories....they shldn't decide how u live ur future coz u'll just be disappointed when things dun live up to beautified memories.
that settled, i consider my relations to T. i wonder if i'm young or simply romantic. but our ideas of love differ so greatly tt love for him is like plain water but for me...love is everything in e world thrown together. i enjoy hanging out with him in a way, enjoy the madness tt we sometimes have, enjoy the depth of convo, enjoy the understanding we share. i like e fact tt he tells me things tt his best fren doesn't know. but i guess tt deep down, i dunno if i'll compomise my ideal archetype of a prince sweeping me off my feet.
i still dun think i can manage tt. too young. too ambitious. too romantic. too much of an idealist.
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finished watching e huangzhenyi show on chn U...but still a pity tt i missed a rather crucial episode of it...but anyway...i feel like buying e dvd/vcd of it...coz it's really quite inspirational...it's really abt noeing what you want, having a most idealized vision of how things shld be and going all the way with courage and not ever looking back.
quite a prevalent theme in my life these days...coz for e comserv workshop on sat....they invited a speaker from one of our external projects which is a youth leadership kinda thing...actually i've always wanted to join as a 'life coach' but have always felt that i dun have e time....after eth...i'll finally really be retired from organzing big projs....maybe then i'll have time for being a life coach and to join more volunteering stuff...thru e politics so far...really i find that what binds me to e club is the volunteering itself. been wanting to go down for e elderly prog but kept having things tt pop up on sats...and been wanting to go to bish home...totally miss e ID there but it's freaking early and i lack e stamina after my usual exhausting five wkdays. can't wait for the next acad yr! =D
but i digressed...LOL!! e ext proj guy made us think abt what we want to do with our lives in future...our dream job. which set me thinking....i usually reply 'ay..i'm on scholarship' at that qn...then i realized tt tt's a really lame reason for citing a job. then e speaker started describing the route to an ideal...with tripping stones along e way. i guess that for me....a tripping stone was my finances. so i stopped and re-thought abt what is my dream job really. and i came up with 2 answers that are not mutually exclusive at all.
1. i want to continue volunteering and helping both the less fortunate financially, physically by visiting them and spending time with them and by planning stuff for them.
2. i want to try as many occupations as i can.
i guess that a teacher is many occupations in one...but i also want to try others...so after much thought...i decided to revise no. 2...now it is...
2. to dabble in as many fields as possible
difference being that i dun have to be an engineer (which i can nvr become...i think tt e buildings tt i plan will just collapse) but i can be on a team of engineers in some project to create some monument to commemorate sth. so i can learn abt what they do...=D.
yea....i think e civil service is right for me. ;)
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haven't blogged in 10 yrs....coz i've been suffering the blunt of politics day in day out. from both comserv and gs. yah lorz...gs retire le still got politics...oh well. but i'm glad that as of this very special day...i've settled both...okie lahz...settled gs 2 days back. i guess that i was abit disappointed with Y given her extremely futile attempt at trying to install change by putting words into my mouth and citing me...ruling by fear is e worst kinda leadership...plus i doubt tt many ppl will fear me mahz...i also retire le..LOL!
then i finally came to terms with alot of probs in comserv today....partly coz i nvr quite liked e beneficiary of e latest project nor did i like e ambitious planning with events that are pretty irrelevant to the objectives of e proj...and i din like how everything was decided not by e proj directors but by e ex pres. but i stopped in my tracks today...coz after all e politics, the bitching and everything....as i saw e comm ppl looking so crestfallen, saw laogong looking distressed and saw nu-er sobbing....i realized one thing...that it's easy to see the politics...but it's harder to see that no matter how screwed things are...the ppl involved are having a very real experience rather than a discursive one. it's easy for e ppl in e comm, for ppl outside to comm to discuss how screwed the thing is...but it's hard for the ppl themselves to live out the experience.
i've decided to stop talking abt it...(though ppl call me everynite to discuss wat we can possibly do) but to actually do everything i can to help the project. so everyone reading this!!! join e event k? just contact me! e avg amt of $ raised per 2 hrs at each booth so far is $62.50...divide that by 3 volunteers...tt's like $20...and illegal things were done to raise tt amt. but no more...coz they got caught...but no matter! i shall aim to raise $100 minimum tmr for my 2 hrs!! jiayou!!!!!!!!!!!! tt means convincing 25 ppl an hr to donate and abt 1 person every 2 mins....errrrrrr...not very possible BUT! maybe i'll meet someone who gives me $50...like e ppl tt i saw also at engine 2 yrs back! LOL!!!
i miss e days when i was nothing else except a booth volunteer....when i would approach anyone who's near and try to convince them that $2 means nothing to them....but it makes a world of difference to someone else. i still don't truly believe that e benef this yr is the most needy...but rather than judging....i noe that at least that $2 would make a world of a difference to e comm organizing this. i will be strong. jiayou!! =)
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apprec tea is over!! do i feel more appreciated..yes. is it coz of e event per se..no..LOL!! kinda feel appreciated coz i got some pretty loud applause...which made me happy....since clementi only had me and ter mahz!! LOL. so there's no grp tt would cheer for me specifically. =). felt abit sad/bad for e ppl who din get claps...it's really very weird for them to tell us not to applaud till e end....it wld be so weird to walk to e front, get ur cert thing, take ur photo and walk back...all in silence. -_-. but well..besides tt and e very cold jokes of e emcees....e rest were pretty gd...coz i got to eat nice curry!!! and although wj and gh weren't next to me...i still got to dump e food tt i dun want on ter. i won a lucky draw prize!!! wooohooooo!! i was talking to ter when i heard my name then i was like 'lucky draw prize!!!!!' i was damn excited and had to wear my hairband and rush to e front from my very constricted space. wat's my prize?? it's damn cool lahz contains ovaltine sweets (my fav part...coz i seldom get to eat those)..some weird walking stick thingie full of lil sweets, roulette sweets, those rolls of golden foil wrapped sour thing (x10) and those animal biscuit plastic wrapped ones tt u get in pri sch (x10)...plus e tons of snack i got from value shop last sat and e biscuits tt mommy bought...wah!!! i keep eating..then my dad asked me like 3 times today y i'm still so skinny!
anyway..i'm really quite happy looking at my eth comm...coz so many ppl...take photo can fight with yish in terms of numbers...rite beni? LOL!! and my eth intro email thread..actually got 3 threads of intros..-_-....but e longest one reached 30+ emails le...think we can set e new record de!! YEA!!! also i got to take funny photos...which incl. one of erzi crying coz we gave him our own award since he's in 4 SPs every yr. and i got to take a photo with SH who asked me to take a photo with him...felt abit weird bahz...coz after all...aren't exactly frens even back then...iffy when he was single...nvr talk when he was attached...but anyway took e photo and he stoop so low just to be abt e same height as me...so i told him dunnit to so xin ku make same height lor!! i know i short...LOL. but e funniest photo is e one with shangr before he leaves for his SEP...coz he went one step further and he stooped such tt he's shorter than me..-_-. then i tried to stand as tall as i cld and everyone asked if we're comedians..LOL!! normal frenship feels so much better! =D. then e funniest one was still when me, laogong, T, kev, yc were walking out..in e middle of nowhere...T asked to take a photo with me...then i forgot wat i said but it wasn't a definite yes or no...then we beat ard e bush for damn long...then kev said 'PD take photo lehz' then we realized tt both of us are his PDs for diff events...-_-. but e funniest thing was tt i finally said okie..but we din take e photo...-_-. then on e bus...he took out his camera and took photos of me?! then i said take together lahz. and he didn't. -_-. ppl are getting weirder these days...LOL!! anyway he says tt he'll put my pic on eth yahoo grp and on his comservday yahoo grp. then i asked him put on comservday yahoo grp for wat...i not even in e comm but he just wants to put. -_-. yah...ppl are getting weirder these days. LOL!!!
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e other day...i came up with this quote: Life deals us blows so that we can learn to fight back. hope the quote encourages my frens who are struggling with some stuff in their lives. =). coz watever happens, we learn how to cope with life better and we being more adept in the game of survival...so darwin-like..LOL!!
anyway...despite my many grouses with regards to e club..i carried out my first eth meeting yest..and it went pretty well and everyone got to play this game tt everyone seemed to like...except perhaps e very confused zq...which is so funny..coz he loves games but dunno e strategies of bingo. LOL!! anyway...everyone commented tt i have a loud voice...so teacher-ish..LOL!! i guess a louder voice is useful when u're talking to a circle of 33 ppl. really hope to bring e number up to 36 soon!! 3 more positions to fill up!
anyway..although everyone tot that e meeting went very well...i left out something tt i wanted to point out. -_-. so abit sianz..i forgot to tell everyone e empty positions!!!!! quite a big mistake in my opinion...but hopefully later during e dinner i'll be able to psycho ppl to fill up e positions...then settle le!!
anyway....my relationship with stupid T is getting weirder by e day. but i shan't comment too much on it. other things to think abt e.g. my modules!!!